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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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My wife will not take a bath.
Q. wife will not take a bath it has been a month now,I have said in past, time to take a bath, she says leave me alone. I am tired of it, no sex cause of this, she smells leave the room and the sink stays, what to do other then leave....
A. 12 January 2020: It could be a variety of reasons but 2 thoughts come to mind. 1. She's depressed and needs to get some help. If she is your age she could be going through menopause and that really affects some women. 2. Is she avoiding bathing to avoid you???
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend gives me the bare minimum of time.
Q. I'm struggling with knowing if I should stay in a relationship and be patient or if I need to end things. I am 28 years old who has been in 3 serious relationships over the last 10 years. I've dated several people in addition to this. The man I'...
A. 10 January 2020: Many people make the mistake of being with a partner with the hopes that the partner will change. The old "he would be so perfect IF ONLY..." The problem is that we can't change others. They can only change if they want to and let's be honest..most ... (read in full...)
My family knows of my affair and my lover has distanced herself but I don't think I can return to my sexless marriage
Q. I'm in my 40s. Been with my partner for 20 years and married for 17. We have a 15 year old daughter. My wife hasn't wanted a physical relationship with me for a long time. It's been around 10 years since we had sex. She has made comments in the ...
A. 6 January 2020: 10 years without sex is a very long time so I don't think any of us here would blame you for wanting out of the marriage. Your wife's remarks were hurtful. The two of you should have sat down then and discussed what both of you wanted/needed/were ... (read in full...)
How can I tell him his teeth need sorting?
Q. Got bk in contact with an ex , he used to have a nice set of teeth but 2 yrs on hes lost quite a few to be honest hes lost the front and half the back. I'm not stuck up or snotty but hes let himself rot ( I know about his lifestyle) not the best. ...
A. 5 January 2020: I don't know of any kind way to talk to him about his bad teeth. Trust me, he knows. I believe no matter how nicely you might try to talk to him it will more than likely hurt/embarrass him. I believe you are either going to have to accept him as is. ... (read in full...)
The affair ended when I became jealous that she had sex with her husband but I love her and want her back
Q. I have no interest in anything since my affair with a woman I cared deeply for ended. I had an affair for over a year with my cousins wife months before the affair I was attracted to this woman she made my heart race and made me imagine life in ...
A. 4 January 2020: I have been on DC for 13 years now and this is one kind of post that I really don't understand. Why on earth would you come on here and lie all your dirty little secrets out and then think that you will get advice about how to break up 2 families?
... (read in full...)
I'm in love with a boy who brought his girlfriend to my house to sleep.
Q. Dear Aunties, Happy New year. I am a 36 yr old male. I have been with this 21 year old boy. We have a huge age difference. I have wanted this boy to be my boyfriend for a while now. He has been resistant to my advances and asked me to be patient...
A. 1 January 2020: He's a tease and he gets something out of knowing that you are attracted to him and want him. You would be wise to cut him out of your life and find someone who will reciprocate your feelings. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend acts single and doesn't respect me.
Q. Hello My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 years now. I’m having issues because his social media. He brings his exes to it a lot. Particularly one that I caught him having an emotional affair. As well as a bunch of flirting. He...
A. 30 December 2019: When is enough really enough? Only you can answer this OP. The way I see it you have 3 options. 1. Continue to stay with him know what he's doing and not putting your foot down. 2. Calling him out on and giving him an ultimatum 3. Leave.
Its t... (read in full...)
My Ex Girlfriend has told me the only person who will raise our son is her.
Q. The mother of my child and my ex girlfriend got a new boyfriend. We’ve been broke up since October 28, of last year. So roughly 14 months ago. About, May of that time period, only a month or two after our son was born. We were at my senior ...
A. 29 December 2019: Two words...GROW UP. I can say this and own it because I had a baby when I was only 19. So was the father. I NEVER acted the way that you and the baby mama are acting. You abandoned both of them. Shitty....real shitty. Out selling drugs?? Come on ... (read in full...)
Why did my husband go my sister-in-law's house when he knows I dislike her?
Q. Let me give you a little background first before asking the question. My husband and i live in city A, his brother and his wife live in city B, and all our parents are based in city C. We wre all currently in city C with our our respective paren...
A. 29 December 2019: Sorry OP but I have to agree with the other aunts/uncles. Why do you dislike her so much? You don't give one instance where she had done anything to you and yet you dislike her and your reasons are quite petty. It sounds like something that ... (read in full...)
My wife has an anger management problem and my patience is wearing thin. What can I do to help?
Q. My wife has an anger management problem. Sometimes she is mad at me, but many times she reacts angrily in ways that are disproportionate to the situation. If she "almost" (but does not) burn dinner she will stomp her feet and pound the table. I...
A. 29 December 2019: Wow..I don't blame you for being upset. I can't think of anyone that would enjoy being around a person that angry all the time. My ex husband was like your wife to a degree but it wasn't every day but it was waaay too often and he eventually turned ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is financially dependent on me, did I make the right choice?
Q. Dear Everyone, I am writing this today because to be completely honest, I feel completely lost. I have been in a relationship for about 7 months. It started pretty slow, I didn't necessarily plan on being in a relationship so fast. We started ...
A. 27 December 2019: Yes OP you made the right decision to get him out of your life. ABSOLUTELY! Don't question yourself. You have already been making it on your own so of course you can continue to do so. He might have been there with you but he was a hindrance, not a ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend and his crazy ex .... I'm wondering if I should just leave them to it.
Q. My partner and I just got back together, and he has female friends and he slept with all of them. This one in particular that he keeps in contact with I really hate her because she was his gf before we got back together and she did some really nasty ...
A. 23 December 2019: OP, if you will step away from your situation and look at it with a logical unbiased view you will see that you are a pawn in his game and he's playing you. He's enjoying the attention from you and his ex and he will play you two against each other ... (read in full...)
The yelling and shouting between my boyfriend and I has gotten much worse!
Q. Boyfriend and I are starting to have blow up arguments. Half of the time I can't even remember how they started. He starts to yell and scream and I have started to return the yelling and screaming, at first I use to just deal with it. Then he ...
A. 22 December 2019: To quote an old song from Kenny Rogers "The Gambler"..."know when to walk away...know when to run". I would suggest you start walking away really fast or better yet...running away. This relationship is toxic, he's abusive and its not going to get ... (read in full...)
My partner doesn't seem to care.
Q. Hi I’m in a relationship now for 6 years but I feel so lonely I went out last night and kissed some bloke in front of everyone I was really drunk I get shown no affection from my boyfriend or shown any love at all we don’t have sex and he’s Been in ...
A. 22 December 2019: It isn't that he doesn't SEEM to care. The fact is he DOESN'T care. The big question really is Why do YOU care? And..what are you going to do about it? It sounds like the relationship ended 2 years ago when he stopped sleeping in the same room. Why ... (read in full...)
I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than take him back, but I feel so lonely.
Q. Hi all, Sorry to being negativity to the table but i'm feeling lonely and wasn't sure where to go to with this. Basically I recently broke up with an abusive boyfriend of many years. I've had a really busy couple of weeks in work and so h...
A. 21 December 2019: Sure I can relate but let me give some cold hard advice. No matter how lonely you are DO NOT go back to him. Been there..done that. Remind yourself of what he put you through and keep strong. You don't need him!
If you are feeling sorry for your... (read in full...)
How to deal with a best friend who buys cheap gifts?
Q. My best friend and I have always made an effort to buy each other nice, thoughtful gifts for birthdays and Christmas. The average amount we spent on each other was about 60$. In the past two years, I have noticed that she has been buying me i...
A. 17 December 2019: Why not forgo the gift giving and just go out to a nice lunch together? You really don't know her financial status do you? Perhaps she doesn't have the $$ and doesn't want to admit it or is just tired of the gift giving and isn't putting much effort ... (read in full...)
LDR boyfriend won't come to see me for Christmas but will go see a friend whose father died
Q. I am in a long distance relationship. He lives 2 states away, about 8 hours per drive. We had a little spat a few weeks ago, and patched things up. However, because of this spat, he told me that he would not be coming home for Christmas. He said I ...
A. 17 December 2019: OP, sorry but you are acting rather childish and petty for someone your age. I agree that your boyfriend was being rather mean by not wanting to come see you. It sounds like a punishment. Who knows if he really meant it or just said it in a moment ... (read in full...)
Has anyone ever been in an emotionally abusive relationship and managed to come out the other side with minimal external support
Q. Hi Aunts I just wondered if anybody had ever been in an emotionally abusive relationship and managed to come out the other side with minimal external support. After being in a relationship for many years and constantly going back and forth ...
A. 16 December 2019: Yes I have. I have sadly been married to a physically abusive man, and the second was an alcoholic and emotionally abusive.
If you can, seek out counselling. It can help you immensely. I couldn't afford it when it was happening to me but I knew t... (read in full...)
A co worker spoke about spanking. How do I bring up the subject again so I can ask about it?
Q. Hi everyone. My question is more to satisfy my curiosity than anything. I have been interested in spanking for as long as I can remember and although I'm not open with everyone about it, I have opened up to my last two partners. In a recent ...
A. 16 December 2019: WiseOwl is oh so right with his advice. You really don't want to be talking about sexual matters at work. There's an expression "The walls have ears". You really have no idea who might overhear your conversation or parts of it and broadcast it all ... (read in full...)
Can anyone help me understand my friend's behavior?
Q. I've known her for 8 years and lately she has been behaving very strangely! I've known there is a big void between us, not alot of closeness anymore like we use to be and usually when I say I care for her opinion most about how she feels she closes ...
A. 14 December 2019: Darling you aren't confused. You are in denial. You don't want to face that she is attracted to you...attracted to women. That's all there is to this. ... (read in full...)
Do all older men think younger women are superior physically to older women .
Q. As I’ve gotten older my taste in what is attractive in men has changed and I find men my own age much more attractive than the younger men I dated in my youth . Quite a few of the men I have dated have mentioned how younger women are so good and ...
A. 13 December 2019: I don't think I will be able to follow up with the finesse that Wiseowl gave for his answer (he is brilliant in his responses) but I will do my best to give you a heartfelt answer.
First off, let's be honest OP. Almost everyone with eyes admires ... (read in full...)
Do I tell the girl he's engaged to that he sexted me whilst seeing her?
Q. Hi everyone. Last year, I graduated from college, and I seem to have had an issue with a guy I slept with one time. Basically, I came into college as a virgin, dated one guy for a bit, and then was single for the remainder of college. It was a sm...
A. 11 December 2019: I agree wholeheartedly with Anonymous123. Unless you know the girl personally and consider her a friend, I'd leave things alone and thank your lucky stars that you aren't engaged to the guy. Even if you would tell her its unlikely that she'd believe ... (read in full...)
My mistress is upset about my upcoming trip with my wife. How do I calm her down?
Q. I'm a man in his 60's, married for 25 years and I have had a mistress for 7 years. The problem is my wife and I travel frequently and always have, well before my mistress came into the picture. However it has been a constant source of fricti...
A. 9 December 2019: Ask your wife what to do. I think she'll give you the answer and your problem will immediately be solved. Its really a no brainer. Or if you want wisdom, ask your mother.
Why are you a male posing as a woman? Just a mistake? Me thinks not. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend thinks I cheat on him. Will he get over this as time goes on?
Q. My bf gets upset easily and accuses me of being with other men. I went to a friends house and he got very upset and started saying I was with another man. Idk why he gets so jealous because I made it very clear he’s the only one I am interested in . ...
A. 9 December 2019: No it won't get better and tbh it will probably get worse. He could be the type that becomes very controlling and tries to rule your whole life. This is an early red flag and if you are smart you'll end things before it gets worse... (read in full...)
Does every woman like oral sex?
Q. I was out with some male friends the other night and they all told me every woman they have slept with loved oral sex and had orgasms from it. I just admit I'm not a fan and never feel completely comfortable recieving oral. However I do like the ...
A. 9 December 2019: No I'm sure all women do not like it. Its about as close and personal as you can get and I'm sure there are women that don't feel comfortable being that vulnerable and open. ... (read in full...)
She moved on, married, had children, but I never got closure.
Q. I met a girl about a year after my divorce and it was a year after her divorce also. We both fell in love and dated each other for about four years. She wanted to get married and have children. I was afraid to get married, so we basically started ...
A. 7 December 2019: Its over OP. Let it go and move on. She moved on a LONG time ago. As Wiseowl said your closure is that she married and had children and has went on with life while you are still dwelling in the past with the "coulda..woulda...shoulda's". You need to ... (read in full...)
He said he loved me, then he went to Mexico and now he barely speaks with me.
Q. My bf and I were starting to become super close . He told me he loved me and than he went to Mexico with his parents . The first few days he msg me and sent me pictures . Now he has been gone 5 days and he barely speaks to me . This morning I told ...
A. 6 December 2019: I think you are worrying too much OP. You said you were in contact and now it has tapered off. Maybe he's busy just having fun and enjoying time with his parents. When I am on vacation I may not look at my cell phone the whole day it doesn't mean ... (read in full...)
I really want a baby, is this a stage I am going through?
Q. I turn 18 in a couple months and have been with my boyfriend a little over 2 years. We are neighbors so we have slept with each other but I really want a baby. And I really want to be with him forever. Is this just a stage I am going through?...
A. 3 December 2019: OP, what you are feeling is quite common in girls your age but PLEASE think very carefully about what will happen in your life if you have a child at your tender age. It all sounds fun, exciting and gee wouldn't it be great to have a baby so cute ... (read in full...)
Is my wife exaggerating everything just to try and make me feel bad?
Q. Last week my wife injured her pinky toe after we (her being barefoot and me with shoes on) clipped each other's feet as we walked past each other. It was a freak accident. She was in a lot of pain and there was a bit of blood. At first she was ...
A. 2 December 2019: I have broken my toe and ouch it does hurt. Our toes and fingers are rather delicate and sensitive so its possible that it truly did hurt her but almost a week later??? Sounds like she might have been going a little over the top. Maybe she just ... (read in full...)
I think this girl was just using me!
Q. at work, a female joined and she seem quite friendly and we got to know each other. she wasn’t with the company for long as she was going back to college. when I messaged her to ask what course she was doing and if she might come back to work in the ...
A. 1 December 2019: You have posted about this at least once before. Why do you keep posting? Do you think you are going to get different answers? I don't see how she used you and I think you are expecting far too much and need to let it go. What does she possibly owe ... (read in full...)
I'm having sex with my ex who is married to someone else.
Q. Hello everyone, so I'm in a situation that I've never been in one before. And I don't know where to start so I'm going to try to keep it as short as possible. I have a daughter that is 8 years old. Her father and I have been split up since...
A. 1 December 2019: Deep down inside you know that this situation is not good or right. Is it really that hard to admit it to yourself and walk away? Do not let this man sweet talk you into having another baby. That is the last thing that you need! He's a liar and a ... (read in full...)
Married in haste, husband wont work or take care of family.
Q. I have been married for a little over a year. I feel like my marriage was a mistake because I my husband and I dated for two months because we married. We now have a baby together and things have just gotten worse for me. I have children from a ...
A. 30 November 2019: The "coulda" "shoulda" "wouldas" are not going to get you ANYWHERE. Reality is that you are not in a good marriage and you are wondering what to do. What is it that you really want to do? Do you love the man enough to try to work with him and ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps making comments that make me feel bad about myself.
Q. I've been dating a man for the last 3 months that has never been in a relationship before. He's 27 and has dated but never committed. We met through mutual friends and had a bit of a rough start in some areas but he was always receptive to listening ...
A. 26 November 2019: Why would you stay in a relationship with someone that makes you feel bad about yourself? Think about that logically not emotionally. Isn't it silly? Our partners/mates are supposed to add to our life, share our joys not make us unhappy and doubt ... (read in full...)
Older guy us making a move on me but wants to keep it quiet.
Q. I have a friend (he's 20 years older). A couple of years ago, we had a talk about our feelings. He told me that he was interested in me but couldn't be with me because he had a girlfriend. We stayed in touch (close friends but nothing more) until ...
A. 25 November 2019: Never ignore your gut feelings. If something feels wrong then it probably is. If you hear warning bells or see red flags do not assume you are wrong or being too cautious. This guy wants to play loose and free and yet keep you as a backup/romance of ... (read in full...)
My wife doesn't want to reconcile so why does she care if I'm drinking or not?
Q. My wife has moved out of our home because I drink alcohol. Since she moved, she had several times if I am drinking. She, does not want to reconcile. So, why does she keep asking if I am drinking when we talk by phone? Thank you for your answers....
A. 23 November 2019: OP go back and read our answers again. You can still love and care about someone without wanting to be married to them or live with them. Sometimes when a person is displaying disruptive behavior we cannot stand to watch and we need to leave. IF ... (read in full...)
My wife doesn't want to reconcile so why does she care if I'm drinking or not?
Q. My wife has moved out of our home because I drink alcohol. Since she moved, she had several times if I am drinking. She, does not want to reconcile. So, why does she keep asking if I am drinking when we talk by phone? Thank you for your answers....
A. 22 November 2019: OP, just because a person doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore it doesn't mean that they don't love or care! Maybe she's worried about you getting hurt or doing something that could endanger your life or even hurt others.
I was married ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to have secret savings?
Q. I have some savings that my partner doesn’t know about. It was money that I saved up over many years and that I have set aside as an emergency fund, in case one of us loses our job, or gets sick, or we break up (I’m not planning to break up, but ...
A. 20 November 2019: I may give an answer contrary to other aunts/uncles but let me explain. I have went through 2 divorces..one I wasn't prepared for..the other I was. It is scary to not have any money saved up and not know what you are going to do so yes, to me, I ... (read in full...)
I've realised my partner is a lazy lowlife scrounger who doesn't bath frequently enough.
Q. Hey everyone what do you when you realise your partner is a lazy lowlife scrounger when I first met my partner he had a job his own flat and looked after himself that was 6 years ago fast forward to now he is a selfish scruffy low life who thinks of ...
A. 17 November 2019: Why should you feel guilty when he makes you miserable? You and your daughter have a right to be happy!
I left my husband because he was an alcoholic. I had warned him and warned him to get help and he refused and would mock me and laugh at me be... (read in full...)
Should I send a text for closure, should I feel jealous my friend works with my crush?
Q. ive liked the same person for quite a while now and sometimes my feelings towards him go away then they come back again , I wish I didn't have feelings for him but you cant help it , we got along really well at first then due to the way I acted it ...
A. 14 November 2019: OP, you have to let go and move on. Your texting this guy too much is what got you in trouble. Do NOT text him anymore. He's already been weirded out by your actions. Admit defeat accept it and let things go. Its hard when you care about someone and ... (read in full...)
Should I give up on my alcoholic boyfriend?
Q. Hi. Iv been living with my boyfriend for 2 years.he is an alcoholic.he said he will never give uo drinking. Drinking is more important than me. He has met my family but doesnt want anything to actually do with them. saying they are lovely etc but ...
A. 13 November 2019: You should not give up on yourself or the pursuit for happiness but you cannot help or fix your boyfriend. He has to want to do that himself.
It is alarming that he said he will never give up drinking. Take him at his word. I say this kindness... (read in full...)
Should I fade my manipulative friend out?
Q. I have been "best friends" with a woman for over 25 years. I started to notice when the bill came at dinner, or anywhere we were, she'll begin to complain about how broke she is and I'd end up either paying the entire bill or some of her ...
A. 12 November 2019: OP, you sound like a sweet and caring person. The type of person that most people would treasure. Unfortunately your "friend" is a user and a manipulator and she takes you forgranted. There are givers and takers and she is definitely the latter. I ... (read in full...)
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