A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a co-worker who is flirty at work. I told him to stop as I'm in a relationship which he mostly has. But I still see him staring at times and he makes little jokes like "if you aren't texting me you shouldn't be on your phone". I laugh it off and roll my eyes. This guy is quite attractive but 6 years younger than me. Does drugs which I strictly don't do after experimenting a lot when I was younger. We don't share the same interests or anything. I find myself sometimes thinking about him. I wouldn't act on it but I always think if I was single I would probably go for it just for fun. Is it normal to think this way when you are in a relationship ? Like a fantasy ? Me and my bf have been together for 6 years and I love him a lot and wouldn't dream of destroying our plans or hurting him. He's a very good person, very caring and we have everything in common. We have our lives planned out. So why do I catch myself thinking what it would be like to be with someone else ?
View related questions:
at work, co-worker, drugs, flirt, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, mystiquek  + ♥, writes (30 January 2021):
 We are all human and any of us can be tempted by a look a wink or a flirteous remark. My friend used to say in regards to hot looking men "I'm married..not dead". Its what you do and how far you let your thoughts go that matter. We have crushes. If you really love the one you are with then you will do the right thing in regards to them. If you aren't that in love then I guess you will end things.
Are you happy in your relationship? Why are you thinking of the guy you work with? Is it boredom? Is it innocent? Or is it something you want to lead into something else? Only you can answer this.
A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (30 November 2020):
 I guess its just a fantasy, and that's precisely where is should remain, an fantasy.
We all have thoughts that pop into our heads, your only human at the end of the day.
When thoughts of this nature do come into our mind, we all have the ability to change that thought and choose a better feeling thought, just requires a bit of self control.
Nothing good would ever come of it you acted on it. So stop thinking what it would be like to be with someone else.
Direct your thought energies in to performing your job to the best of your abilities, and you boyfriend of 6 years.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2020): Everybody likes a little attention and flattery from time to time. You simply can't compromise your loyalty and commitment to the person you've chosen to share a monogamous romantic-relationship. It's when you dwell on something tempting too long, that it starts to put ideas into your head. Ideas which usually lead to actions you'll regret!
We receive a constant influx of posts and stories about heavy-flirtations and unprovoked romantic-pursuits being received from married-people; and from those who are in supposedly happy long-term relationships. Outsiders who test their loyalties by triggering their curiosities with seductive-words and sending sexually suggestive-signals. Offering invitations to romantic-rendezvous, or a kinky-fling on the side!
It's normal to face temptation; that's the test of your loyalty and faithfulness to the one you claim you love. Part of proving and solidifying the fortitude of your faithfulness is by rejecting the advances of others. Many pass, and one too many fail! Life is full of temptations!
We're supposed to exercise impulse-control; and employ self-control in order to give our committed-relationships meaning and durability. Look what happened in the Garden of Eden! Had she just left that forbidden-fruit alone; we'd all be running around naked, carefree, and totally oblivious to pain and suffering! No work, no need of money, and we'd live forever! So here we are now! The daily-supply of temptations never stop! You feel inclined not to turn-in a lost wallet full of cash; or give-back the change for £200, when you gave the cashier only £100. Life is full of temptation!!! God Himself demands we be faithful and trusting. He proves His loyalty, but we're the ones who yield to temptation and breaks the covenant. Good thing His forgiveness is boundless, and His mercies are forever; or the entire world would be a smoldering pile of ashes! It's always on the table! You never know!
It's human to feel the urge to take unfair shortcuts, to take just a little more than your share, to get something for nothing, and to take credit for something you didn't say or do. Hey, isn't that all a part of human-nature and a testimonial to the kind of modern-society we live in? Instant-gratification and adopting a "me-myself-and-I" attitude? Better you than me! Do as I say, but not as I do!
You are fortunate to have a loyal and committed-partner for so long. Maybe just a little too long...if you've starting to get roving-eyes and flattered by some dude on your job! You're on a little ego-trip, because some younger dude is lusting for you. Like a cheap-scene he's seen in a porn video. "This older-female must have the hots for me! I'll just dial it up a few notches, and see what she'll do! Who knows? Maybe a quick roll in the sack?" He's the frat-boy in the scene, and you're the needy older and wiser professional-lady; who should take offense that he would be so presumptuous! While hiding the fact you're still flattered! You're the adult in the room!
Our vanity needs flattery and our egos need stroking. Someone comes along and fulfills these needs; and they suddenly qualify for some undue acknowledgement and recognition. Feeding into our "thirsty" needs keeps that little devil on our shoulder jumping up and down for joy. The little angel sulks, because we've muted our conscience to seek attention; even when we know it's wrong! All the while, being total hypocrites! Knowing we'd be furious, if we knew our partners or spouses would dare do exactly the same thing!
What does it mean that you're thinking about him? Mainly you're only human; but it's also a test of your character. I've learned that when you get a tweak of horniness, it subsides when you ignore it! Yes, horniness! Got a better name for it? It would only be a synonym for just that...horniness!!!
It's time to stiffen your back; and put-up that shield that says "sorry, bucko, this lady is taken!" Flattery is a fleeting-compliment that appeals to self-conceit and narcissism. A selfish indulgence.
The question is...is this meaningless-flirtation worth a gamble with an investment in a real meaningful and committed-relationship? Would the loss or compromise of trust be really worth it? There is a moment of contemplation and planning before cheating. Many just skip right to the act; and some mull it over just before doing it anyway. You're now at the moment of truth! Where will you take this, or how much do you need some dude to test how horny or cheat-capable you are? Do you like when other women flirt with your boyfriend? How would you feel if you could read his mind, and know he's thinking of some other female while he's making love to you? You'd be furious and totally destroyed!
Check yourself, girlfriend! Flirtations coming from a guy at the workplace is pretty ballsy on his part; knowing that's inappropriate, and defined as sexual-harassment. It is notably perceived as harassment; when you're receiving suggestive and persistent flirtatious-commentary, while on the job! Whether you're receptive to it, or not; it is inappropriate and unprofessional of you both!. Knowing there would be no acceptable excuse, if your mate was the one writing the post! He'd be out on his bum, and all his belongings tossed from the balcony to the street below! He could just turn it around, and claim you're the one after him! Hopefully, all of your co-workers like you; and no-one would secretly inform your boyfriend that you're flirting with a younger bloke on your job!
Behave yourself!!! You're flattered and tempted. Self-control is all it takes. Take a few ice-cold showers!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2020): You're human.You cannot control what thoughts pop into your had, but you can control how much time and energy you spend dwelling on them and whether or not you will act on them. It is as simple as that.You thinking about this guy isn't "magical" it doesn't "mean anything". It's human. Who knows what kind of thoughts pop into your partner's head.It doesn't matter, how you (both) choose, does.What is far more telling than these random thoughts is your ATTACHMENT to them. Do you feel your life lacks excitement? As long as you are AWARE of that attachment and what your life really is, it's ok, the moment you try to mix the two convincing yourself that "it's ok" or whatever you do to rationalize selfish behavior, you will create drama. So, there you go...
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (29 November 2020):
 You say:
"Me and my bf have been together for 6 years and I love him a lot and wouldn't dream of destroying our plans or hurting him."
So get your head out of your arse and let go of this pointless "crush".
Why do you think about being with someone else? Well, ONLY you can answer that. IF you can be honest with yourself.
...............................
|
