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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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How can I make up for the past?
Q. I'm in recovery from drugs (including alcohol but mostly crack) and while some of my wreckage is fixable (legal stuff, financial stuff), I don't know how to fix some of the truly unforgettable things I've done. (1) My youngest sister M.J. and ...
A. 8 March 2020: OP, congratulations for turning your life around. That couldn't have been easy but you did it. We all make mistakes in life. Its so easy to judge others but as I have gotten older I really do believe that expression "Walk a mile in my shoes". None ... (read in full...)
My family wants me to go back to my husband. I don't want to but don't think I can make it on my own
Q. Hello, ive been married for 3 years and now i live separately with my husband. My 16 month old son is with me. I live with my family now. So the reason i left him was because he stole my jewellery and money to pay his gambling debt, he lied a ...
A. 7 March 2020: OP, you have posted on DC many times. Make a stand and go forward. Stop agonizing and do something. Your parents are there for you so let them help you. You are far luckier than many women! Don't go back to your husband. Lay everything out to your ... (read in full...)
I was asked to be a Matron of Honour, but I can't really afford it.
Q. To cut a long story short, my friend got engaged 6 months ago and asked me to be her maid of honour but since then she’s asked me to go to one wedding fair (which I couldn’t go to due to my child being ill) yet her bridesmaid has been to several ...
A. 22 February 2020: Swallow your pride and tell her the truth as quickly as possibly. Mark your words carefully and say it with sincerity and humility. A true friend will understand and not be angry or hold a grudge. You can't help your circumstances! Its better to be ... (read in full...)
I'm broken from a cycle of cheating and being cheated on.
Q. My long term bf cheated on me few yrs ago so I had a revenge affair. it only brought misery and guilt to me when I found out my ‘affair partner’ is a serial womanizer. I broke up the affair 8 months ago but I’m not able to let go. Also I want to ...
A. 21 February 2020: I agree with you OP, it hurts to get cheated on. Our self esteem takes a blow and we start questioning ourselves wondering what did we did/not do that made our partner cheat. It sucks.
Unfortunately though you made some bad choices after this hap... (read in full...)
Was it a good idea to make a fake account and test my lying boyfriend?
Q. Hello agony aunts, I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years. It's been a very rough relationship because we were always on and off because of his controlling behaviour. He lied to me about his age, his family and about him not talking to ...
A. 20 February 2020: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result" Paraphrased quote from Albert Einstein. Your boyfriend is a liar, you know that already so whether or not what you did was a good idea? Does it really matter? ... (read in full...)
Am I too messed up and damaged to ever have a happy relationship?
Q. I am 26 and have lived in a toxic, emotionally abusive household my whole life. I come from a culture where you're guilted into never moving out until marriage. (I'm saving up to move out as soon as I can though). Also, if I ever go no contact with ...
A. 17 February 2020: You are very aware of what has happened to you in the past and you are working through it. You have every much a chance as anyone else to have a happy relationship! Any relationship is complicated none is perfect and they all take work. You need to ... (read in full...)
I've just discovered I am the OTHER WOMAN!
Q. I've been in a sexual relationship with a man for over almost 4 years now. I do not have feelings for him, but had always wondered why he was so distant and indifferent towards me throughout the 4 years. Long story short I just found out throug...
A. 16 February 2020: You say you don't love him so if that's the case then look at this whole situation as a bullet dodged. He's a liar and a cheater. He took time from you but not your heart right??? Think how his girlfriend is going to feel when she finally discovers ... (read in full...)
I need answers and support.
Q. My last post here I got super judged on here and went into a depression. More then I already am. So please be kind. I m a 30 year old single mom of an amazing 4 year old. My child’s father and I were together (we never’ married) for 5 years and ...
A. 14 February 2020: Sorry OP but I read your last post and I see nowhere that any aunt/uncle that responded to you was "super judgmental". You were given kind caring thoughtful answers.
How do you expect us to help you? If your parents are that abusive then get out ... (read in full...)
How Do I Get My First Date Before I Turn 30?
Q. I am a overweight, not very handsome, not particularly smart or interesting, bald, geeky, awkward male virgin. I am very introverted to say the least. I've never even kissed a girl and I've never been on a date. When I get nervous, I stutter and my ...
A. 12 February 2020: Confidence means everything and you have to believe in yourself. You definitely need to work on having an interesting personality. Be charming funny witty anything that makes you stand out. Not every man in the world is going to look like Brad Pitt ... (read in full...)
I want to separate from my wife but I can't afford to
Q. Hi Aunts! My wife and I have been together for 27 years (no kids) but things haven't been good for most of them. I am at the point where I don't necessarily want a divorce, but I want to get away from her think things through. She would proba...
A. 10 February 2020: I think this problem may be far more common than you might imagine. I believe this is why many people stay married even though they are unhappy. Can you afford to even get away for just a weekend? Just one of you go to a cheap hotel? There is no ... (read in full...)
How do I get over the lazy, lying man I dumped?
Q. I have failed to get over my ex.. We dated for 2 years.. We were amazing together... The challenge was always two things.. He was a liar and not financially dependable.. I am a working woman of 34 years with a daughter.. I can support myself.....
A. 10 February 2020: You get over him by reminding yourself of every time that he did something that you didn't like or that you had asked him not to do and he did it anyways. You remind yourself that he lied, he stole and he was lazy. He made you do all the work and it ... (read in full...)
Happy marriage but I have no sexual interest and now husband wants viagara
Q. Hi Everyone. I am in a happy settled relationship with a lovely easy going hubby. We've been together for 20 years. (A record breaker for me) I'm 65 years old and he's 62. We get along well and both share a similar sense of humour. We love our ...
A. 9 February 2020: If you don't want sex then you should either give your husband permission to seek satisfaction elsewhere or divorce him. Sorry but it isn't fair that you want a good life with him but are denying him what most people want and need. Is it possible ... (read in full...)
How do I make my husband love me more than his mother
Q. My hubby is so loving by heart he will not express it..he express his love n romance only during sex at night..he is super romantic during sex..but when it become morning he is angry and busy dont have time to care me..even during my periods....
A. 9 February 2020: Most men love and respect their mother. The love a man has for his wife isn't the same love that he has for his mom. Why don't you try making friends with the your mother in law? It would make things much easier for you and you might learn some ... (read in full...)
I asked out a girl I'm crazy about but she said she is already in another relationship.
Q. I dont know what to do here! please help, sorry ahead of time this is kind of long. I work at a book store that this girl is a customer of. ( we have a strict rule about not asking out customers, reasonable rule, i have no arguments about ...
A. 8 February 2020: Sorry OP but she thinks of you as a friend or a fan but nothing else. Its sad but it happens to all of us. She had many opportunities but you'll notice she never took you up on them because she isn't interested. She seems appreciative of you and is ... (read in full...)
Is my daughter's three way relationship doomed to fail?
Q. My daughter is in a ridiculous ‘relationship’ with a man and another girl. How can I get her to see sense and realise that it will never work in a million years? It’s been going on for about 7 months now, although up until last week I thought she ...
A. 7 February 2020: I have 2 grown children (son and daughter) and I would be upset if either of them was in a relationship like your daughter, so I get you OP. The problem is that she is an adult and she has the right to do whatever she wants with whoever she wants ... (read in full...)
Are bad body odour and dirty clothes a deal breaker?
Q. i’ve been chatting with a guy on dating site. Built up a connection, exchanged phone numbers and have now talked on the phone a few times as well as chatting online.Decided to meet up in person as we have a lot in common and definitely a ...
A. 7 February 2020: First impressions are hard to forget. What you see in someone the first time and what you feel are likely to remain for a long time. I understand someone being nervous meeting for the first time but not to the point that they start smelling that ... (read in full...)
I'm feeling guilty because for 2 years my married LDR lover has thought I am dead
Q. I am separated with 3 children, in short, I am a single mother. My story is...I had a long-distance affair with a married man from 2006 to 2017. I met him once in Hongkong and Our relationship was wonderful but also painful. I love him a lot but ...
A. 6 February 2020: I'm going to tell you an incident from my life that happened about 35 years ago. I was 21, recently divorced with a child under the age of 2. I got involved with someone in a LDR. We seemed to have alot in common but lived about 2 hours apart. We ... (read in full...)
I've ended my 8 year relationship but cant get him to move out with his dog.
Q. Hi I’ve just ended my relationship of 8 years last week the problems was for the last 3 years he has slept i the spare room I was stupid for letting it go on that long looking back he stopped trying to have we’d with me so I’m the end I gave up ...
A. 6 February 2020: Ugh...this is always tough when 2 people are living together and then break up. It depends on some factors as to how hard it will be to get him to move out but most certainly he needs to go!
Is he on the lease? If he's not, it should be easier. ... (read in full...)
What can I talk about with a former classmate if my past is off limits?
Q. I wrote in before about whether or not to meet an old classmate who wasn't nice to me and wants to make amends. I've decided to meet him (whenever that will be) but now I don't know what to talk about. Since HS I've had a string of very controll...
A. 3 February 2020: Congratulations on turning your life around! That was not an easy task and many people would have just given up but you made it! Be proud of how far you have come. Just remember that although people have a tendency to judge, no one has the right. ... (read in full...)
My fiance is feeling insecure after a burn accident. How can I help him?
Q. My fiance has always been self-conscious about his acne. Bad days are occasional, but they do happen, and it causes him social anxiety. A few months ago, he was in an accident that burned his arm, chest, and face, and it has affected how he looks. ...
A. 1 February 2020: What a sweet and caring young woman to are. I'm sure that he realizes those wonderful qualities and realizes that other men find those qualities attractive as well. He's feeling very insecure right now and its showing. Of course its natural and he ... (read in full...)
How do I explain my poly relationship to my sister and others?
Q. I am in a poly relationship with two men and have been for nearly a year now. Everything is great although we keep it quite hush hush as we want to live our lives in peace. We all live together so we just say that one of the guys is our roommate. ...
A. 1 February 2020: I live with the attitude that its my life and if I am happy and not hurting anyone, then its really no one else's business. You don't have to tell anyone anything if you don't want to, need to or feel comfortable. IF you choose to tell people, chose ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't know what's expected in a relationship.
Q. Hi, What do I do if my boyfriend (Who is an adult.) was never been taught anything about woman/Being in a romantic relationship/ Has never had any experience in a relationship? Details: (Dating for 5 months, I'm his first relationship) My boyfrie...
A. 31 January 2020: I guess I will be saying this till I am blue in the face but it truly is true. People change because THEY want to not because someone wants them to. Your boyfriend is the way he is. You can try to change him, nudge him, encourage him but will he ... (read in full...)
My husband says he's too special for me and too special to go to counselling
Q. Hi and thank you I have been married almost 10 years. First 5 were good then it started going downhill, especially this last year. My husband can be very mean to me. Calls me stupid, idiot, dumb, b****, bast***. I think he calls me a ...
A. 30 January 2020: Is your husband too special for a divorce? I'd be out the door and moving on.... (read in full...)
My father feels I betrayed him when I was a child.
Q. My father has been mad at me for years and will hardly even speak to me. He and mom were divorced when I was 7, my brother was 9, and my sister was 4. Mom is old school about certain things. When I was 10, I had stayed out past dark playing at a ...
A. 29 January 2020: My parents fought like cats and dogs the whole time my sister and I were growing up. My mother would get angry, pack her bags and leave for days and then come back. It was very upsetting and unstable for my sister and I. My mom would come to me and ... (read in full...)
Is it possible for this to happen?
Q. My boyfriend was married at twenty years old, he is now forty. He has said he was naive, manipulated into getting married and knew he didn't love her. Is it possible people do get married when they know they don't love someone and know it wont last ...
A. 28 January 2020: Of course it is. Why do you question him like you don't believe him?
My husband tells me that he felt extremely pressured into marrying his 1st wife. He was in his mid 20's. They had dated for 3 years and yet he kept putting off marrying her beca... (read in full...)
Is there such a thing as "harmless flirting"?
Q. I don't have a girlfriend at the moment and I don't date older women. There is this attractive lady in her early 30s. I think she is about 7 or at most 10 years older than me. A few years ago when I first got to know her, I used to flirt wit...
A. 26 January 2020: You were walking a thin line once she became engaged. Once married, a woman should be off limits other than light flirting with both people knowing its just "talk" and definitely never being sexual. You've both crossed the line now that there is ... (read in full...)
I had an affair and my parents want me to return to my husband.
Q. Im guilty of having affair with another man while im still married. My marriage was a wrong choice from the beginning. There is so much red flags that i ignored because of my low self esteem. Im told i cant have better relationship with other man ...
A. 24 January 2020: I agree with Wiseowl. You write on DC quite often but apparently you don't ever do anything with the advice that we give you. I am not sure if you feel you can't do anything or you are afraid to do anything or you just want to write about it and ... (read in full...)
What is the ideal male body type?
Q. I have been lifting weights for ten years and had a bodybuilder type of body. Most other males envied me. I assumed women found my type of physique attractive too. So I was surprised that my girlfriend didn't quite like the way I look and wanted me ...
A. 22 January 2020: OP, you are quite young and your immaturity shows. I hope with time that you will widen your horizons. Never assume (ass/u/me) that your opinions and thoughts are shared by everyone or even a major portion of people. The odds are that they don't.
... (read in full...)
Is there a cruel free way to break up?
Q. Hello agony aunts, I've been with my bf for 1 year now, it's been a year full of ups and downs. The first few months of the relationship were great, well he's my first boyfriend, and I felt on cloud 9 with all those emotions and the love I felt, but ...
A. 22 January 2020: Sadly there isn't an easy way to break up with someone especially if they still love you and are not aware that your feelings have changed. Its going to hit them like a ton of bricks.
Be as kind as you can but be FIRM. Do not let them entertai... (read in full...)
I don't know how to be alone.
Q. I split up with my ex of 8years 7months ago but only stopped living with him 3months ago. Since splitting up I had a few casual dates that meant nothing and then met this guy I really liked him and I thought everything was going great but he just ...
A. 21 January 2020: 8 years with someone is quite a chunk of time. I highly doubt that you would be over what you feel for him in that short amount of time. Its even more so since you were living with him until 3 months ago. Seeing him every day even though you were no ... (read in full...)
What is the ideal male body type?
Q. I have been lifting weights for ten years and had a bodybuilder type of body. Most other males envied me. I assumed women found my type of physique attractive too. So I was surprised that my girlfriend didn't quite like the way I look and wanted me ...
A. 20 January 2020: All women don't think alike nor do men so there is no answer to this. What pleases one woman might repulse another. I think everyone might agree that the majority of people like to see a HEALTHY male or female. Not extremely heavy nor extremely ... (read in full...)
I'm battling to trust my boyfriend's word about strippers and lap dances.
Q. My bf and I of 5 years recently had an argument about him being at strippers and getting a dance. It was brought up again last night and his reaction took me by surprise. He had asked what was wrong I said upset still and he said after a week he ...
A. 20 January 2020: I think you've asked about this before. Why do you keep asking when you already don't trust him and don't like his actions. Just end it and find someone you can trust. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend appears to be stalking people I know.
Q. I was using my girl’s laptop to finish off some work when I ended up closing my windows and having to open them up through my history upon clicking I realized that she had been pulling up instagrams for people on my Instagram. Upon clicking the ...
A. 20 January 2020: Why don't you just ask her instead of wondering about it and asking complete strangers. We have no idea. Only she really knows. I'd say its weird behavior but then again we don't know you or her or how you interact with her... (read in full...)
Room mate blackmailing me and threatening to tell parents about my life if I don't go to church with her
Q. I live in the dorms and at first I had two roommates, "Sarah" and "Patricia". Sarah was/is wonderful: she is messy/clutter but she keeps it to her area and she's gone much of the time. She's a fine arts major with an emphasis in sculpting. She basiy ...
A. 18 January 2020: Nicole may not know the right way to talk to people about church/God or she may be overzealous. Whatever the case may be, God wants us to come to him willingly not by force, trickery or being bribed. I would tell Nicole very firmly that you ... (read in full...)
I've not met this girl, but we talk and I'm smitten!
Q. I want a lot of advice so I'm not sure this question will fall into a single category. I'm a 34 year old virgin - something that I'm not proud of but I guess that's life. I've been with girls and done stuff before and even without the sex I think ...
A. 17 January 2020: I've had 2 small children and I know it isn't always easy to get away but certainly in all this time she could have found a way to meet you 30 minutes? I can't believe that there is absolutely NO ONE that could watch her children for a brief period ... (read in full...)
A man I had sex with keeps ghosting me.
Q. Hi all So I really like this man who split from wife last year and now lives on own - we have had one night which was amazing about a month ago but nothing since . I’ve decided if he isn’t contacting me then he isn’t interested so have left it...
A. 17 January 2020: He isn't someone that you should plan on having anything but one night stands with. He's only interested in you for sex when he gets horny. You are on the backburner just in case nothing else comes up.
MOVE ON... (read in full...)
My live in boyfriend is allergic to my cats.
Q. Hello and thank you for any advice and opinions. I have a beautiful family of 5. My bf 3 cats ( midnight, xena, and princess) and a dog ( max). I have had my first cat midnight for about 4 years, my cat xena for about 3 years, my cats pri...
A. 17 January 2020: Has your boyfriend ever tried getting shots? My nephew is allergic to cats but his wife loves them and he takes shots and has no problems. ... (read in full...)
I am uncomfortable with my partner going to strip clubs. Should I go myself to see what goes on?
Q. I've recently had a conversation with my partner about strippers and lapdances. I told him it made me feel uncomfortable at the thought of it and it's inappropriate if in a relationship. I'm now wondering if maybe I've exaggerated it in my head and ...
A. 16 January 2020: I'm really not too sure what you will gain by going to a strip club. Its pretty much just what you think it is and the other aunts/uncles have explained it very well. I have never been to one but my son has as part of a bachelor party and although ... (read in full...)
Hes retired but I'm not
Q. Hello, not sure anyone can help. I have been dating a man for 1 1/2 years who is retired and I still work full time. How can I stop feeling jealous and wondering what he's doing all day when im at work. I am insecure due to the fact at the ...
A. 16 January 2020: OP you just made a post where you are unhappy that your b/f didn't give you a card or a gift for Christmas. Its obvious that you are unhappy with him. WHY are you still with him? What kind of validation do you seem to need from us to tell you its ok ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend didn’t get me a Christmas gift, not even a card!
Q. Hello I have been dating a man for 1 1/2 years. We are both in our fifties. We have had our ups and down like most couples. And I have been very understanding with him and his issues, ex wife and ex girlfriend cheated on him and the passing of a ...
A. 14 January 2020: Its up to you OP to decide what is important to you. What is ok to let slide and what events are deal breakers. If you feel hurt and can't see him changing and you can't accept his behavior, then end it. Life is too short hoping someone will change ... (read in full...)
I hired a PI who tells me my wife has been cheating on me.
Q. I recently found out that my wife has been having an affair for the past two years with a single male friend of ours who we had a drunken threesome with two years ago..that threesome which i initiated wasnt so fullfilling for me, since i had ...
A. 13 January 2020: Have you ever heard the story of Pandora's box? A box filled with evil and it was to never be opened but of course someone just couldn't curb their curiosity and opened it and let all the evil out into the world. This is what you have done to your ... (read in full...)
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