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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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My wife and I fight about laundry! I mean REALLY fight about it!
Q. My wife doesn't like to do laundry. She says she doesn't like the noise (we have a small house so doing a load of laundry permeates) and apparently doesn't like any other aspect of it either. She will let her laundry pile up until she has nothing ...
A. 26 May 2020: I can't imagine fighting over laundry but I can certainly understand how upsetting it is to live with someone who never wants to do the laundry. I wouldn't like that either!
I do understand going through menopause and it does tend to make a w... (read in full...)
My married boyfriend is moving to Panama for 6 months and is leaving me behind. He wants me to wait for him. Should I?
Q. I know I won't get any sympathy here but I am looking for some advice. Mistresses have nowhere to go. My married lover (he is more like a boyfriend now) is going to Panama with his wife in September to spend 6 months out of the year there, ever...
A. 23 May 2020: OP you have already thought this through and answered your own questions. WHY would you wait for him? He thinks you will because he knows he has you wrapped around his little finger. Why don't you cut the cord and find someone that can be with you ... (read in full...)
Writing on behalf of my friend about his ex.
Q. Hi everyone, this is my first post so please bare with me. I am writing on behalf of my friend (M 22) who had a situation with his ex (F 21) recently which I am very concerned about. They have known each other for about 8 years so their history is ...
A. 22 May 2020: OP, I can see that you obviously care about your friend and want him to be happy but there really isn't much that you can do. People have to live their own lives and make their choices and then have to deal with the choices that they make. It seems ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend refuses to discuss our relationship.
Q. My girlfriend got drunk one day after an argument. She met up with a friend and they took a guy back to her place. Her friend left but the guy stayed. The next day she said nothing happened and told me they were both naked in the bed. She also told ...
A. 22 May 2020: WAAAAY too much drama. Smart of you to change the locks. Wash your hands of her and thank your lucky stars that you weren't together longer and she didn't take everything you had. She sounds like a lying crazy nutjob.... (read in full...)
Girlfriend refuses to discuss our relationship.
Q. My girlfriend got drunk one day after an argument. She met up with a friend and they took a guy back to her place. Her friend left but the guy stayed. The next day she said nothing happened and told me they were both naked in the bed. She also told ...
A. 21 May 2020: Then don't discuss your relationship. End it. ... (read in full...)
A close friend has fallen in love, and it leaves me bored!
Q. One of my closest and dearest friends has in the last year entered into a relationship. The guy, he's got with is absolutely perfect for him. And I see them being together for a good long time. His whole life now revolves around his relationship. ...
A. 20 May 2020: OP, its time for you to "get a life". I don't mean this in a sarcastic way but you need to find things to do that will fulfill you and make you happy where you won't miss your friend so much. He has obviously found happiness with someone and now you ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with the incredibly annoying and somewhat creepy flatmate that I'm stuck with during lockdown?
Q. I'm currently living away from home in the UK, sharing a flat with three others. Unfortunately, due to the coronavirus lockdown two of them have gone to live with their friends nearby a couple of months ago, so it's just me and a male flatmate whom ...
A. 19 May 2020: First of all, I feel badly for you. This isn't a great situation to have to be in and sadly atm there isn't much you can do about it except try to deal with it since much of the world is in lockdown. I've had rotten room mates before and it can be ... (read in full...)
I'm dating my best friend but I'm not attracted to him
Q. DEAR CUPID, I have never had the best of luck with picking men , I have dated the narcissist,the insecure and the controlling. My best friend of 12 yrs told me about six months that he had developed feelings for me, at first I felt like he ruined ...
A. 13 May 2020: Don't pity date him and don't have pity sex with him. If you aren't attracted to him the odds are you never will be and in a sense you are using him. Have a heart, let him go. He sounds like a super nice guy and he deserves someone who can love him. ... (read in full...)
He only wanted friendship before now it appears he wants more but his ex is pregnant
Q. My heart is really hurt and I don't know what to do. Maybe I know what to do but I don't like having to do it. Any suggestions? My qualifier (call him Ted) and I are both AA members to the same group and I have known him several years. When we f...
A. 12 May 2020: I'd give this man a wide berth. He sounds like trouble with a capital T. He didn't want you before as anything other than a friend but now that his latest relationship has gone belly up suddenly you're good enough? Oh honey please...and then on top ... (read in full...)
I'm still grieving the death of my husband.
Q. My husband passed away 8 months ago after a two year battle with lung cancer. Since then, work has been able to distract me from my grief but I have been working from home due to COVID-19. It's harder on me being home all the time, surrounded by his ...
A. 8 May 2020: First of all OP, hugs to you. You have suffered a terrible loss and there is no way that you are going to be over it in a few short weeks! Honestly speaking it could take years before you truly come to accept what you went through. Don't be hard on ... (read in full...)
How can my ex be so cold about the ending of our relationship?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend coming up three years, but we split up three weeks ago. A few days ago he said it's not when he will miss me because he missed me already. He wouldn't outreach tell me the relationship was over but despite asking him to ...
A. 7 May 2020: Everyone deals with situations in their own way. Some people shut down, some people get really emotional, some people go out and start dating right away, others close themselves off, some people eat..I could go on and on.
How he is acting is his w... (read in full...)
It feels like a slap in the face to provide everything for this relationship and not even get the respect of an adult conversation.
Q. Hello! I have been in a relationship for over two years. My SO hasn’t worked most of our relationship. I have an apartment that he pretty much stays at unless he goes home after a fight. I am constantly stressed about bills and responsibilities ...
A. 7 May 2020: I agree with Honeypie. I don't understand why you are with him. Why are you? The little bit of effort he puts forward doesn't sound like its enough for all of his shortcomings.
Why aren't you kicking him to the curb?
You ask for advice but t... (read in full...)
I recognise the man on the dating site, and he is MARRIED!
Q. Dear Cupid. I'm on a dating site and have had a man message me saying "Hey how are you going :)" and "Your super cute, love to know more about yourself!? Feel free to ask me anything" Anyway, I Looked this guy up on facebook because I recogni...
A. 1 May 2020: I would not get involved. I'd ignore, block and move on. You don't know if he's been hacked or what. If he's seperated or going through a divorce he needs time to heal and move on and who wants to be a rebound? If he's married and playing ... (read in full...)
I give my girlfriend everything but it's not enough!
Q. Im struggling with something. After a whole day of normal communication with my gf (we are living separate during lockdown) the smallest thing can make her go into a tantrum. For example I work 6pm-2am. Therefore when I finish at 2am I will call ...
A. 29 April 2020: OP, this is sad. She has your number and all she has to do is act like shes going to throw a hissy fit and you come running. She knows this and uses it to her advantage and you allow it to keep happening. You don't say how long you've been together ... (read in full...)
I'm struggling with waiting to see what happens with this guy after lockdown ends.
Q. Before Corona virus hit I had been on a few dates with a front line doctor. We’ve known each other very loosely for a few years. I asked him if he wanted to go for a drink back in February then we had a great three dates before this hit, includ...
A. 29 April 2020: I think you have much more free time on your hands then he does plain and simple. He probably hits the ground running every day and rarely slows down until he hits the pillow at night to go to sleep. Please try to consider what he is going through, ... (read in full...)
I moved out because I didnt feel safe, landlords are asking me to come back.
Q. Hi people. I moved out of a property 2 months ago due to the owner's adult kid harassing me. He made false accusations against me and was going through something at the time. I never made a big deal of the situation but I avoided talking to him. I ...
A. 27 April 2020: Do not go back under any circumstances. I would cut all ties and block them from being able to contact you. I think going back could be a huge mistake and at the very worst you could even be putting your life at risk since the son doesn't sound like ... (read in full...)
I never told my husband that I had an abortion. I am afraid he'll divorce me if he finds out
Q. I did not tell my husband that I was pregnant and I had an abortion behind his back. I am now very scared to tell him. I think he will divorce me and I am very worried. Does anybody has advice on how I can save my marriage. It was partly a health ...
A. 27 April 2020: I honestly am not sure how to advise in this situation. I normally feel people should be honest with each other because secrets and lies have a way of creeping into a relationship like a slow poison and over time destroying what may have once been a ... (read in full...)
Happily married yet lusting over a doctor! Help me please!
Q. I have been married for 4 and a half years and have a 3 year old daughter. There are no problems in my marriage and I thought till a few days ago that I was very happy and content with life. My husband adores me and we have a healthy sex life. I...
A. 24 April 2020: I think women get crushes on their doctors all the time. You go to your doctor and he takes care of you, makes you feel safe, and hey..if he happens to be good looking or funny....its easy enough to develop a crush.
Do keep in mind that the odds... (read in full...)
Fiance texting crush, but wanting to have a family with me. Do I let it slide?
Q. I'm not sure how to feel about this and i wondered if anyone could give me some advice. My partner had a crush on the same work colleague two times in our relationship, a couple of years apart (that i know of and he admitted to). They've neve...
A. 22 April 2020: Never allow a partner to treat you as "next best choice". Love and respect yourself enough to want MORE. You should be #1 with your partner, not "Well I can't have what I want so I'll take you.." Walk away... (read in full...)
I should be so happy that we are getting married but I'm not because he cheated on me 2 years ago and 'm worried he's still in contact with the woman
Q. Hi All- I'm in desperate need of relationship advice. I'm currently engaged to someone who I've been with for almost 10 years. We've been engaged for about 5 months. As with any relationship, things between my fiance and I haven't always been suns...
A. 22 April 2020: Don't marry a person if you have doubts and do not trust them. Its a huge mistake and one that will follow you around and haunt you. I made that mistake when I was very young. I was only 19 and accidentally got pregnant. The whole wedding was ... (read in full...)
Do I reach out to my deceased husband's brother?
Q. My husband died two years ago from cancer. He had an older brother who he stopped talking to for at least fifteen years (we were married for fifteen years and he refused to talk to him). I have no idea what happened between them two, except my ...
A. 20 April 2020: I would leave this alone. I'm not sure why after 2 years you feel the need to reach out? I agree with the other posters that it could open up a Pandora's box of problems. I would assume that the brother knows about his brother's passing and for ... (read in full...)
Are these enough warning signs that my partner isn't into me?
Q. So I have been in a relationship for almost 6 months and am wondering whether this relationship will last. I've had a lot of bad relationships, and childhood was not ideal so I doubt myself a lot and struggle with what a normal relationship should ...
A. 20 April 2020: Save yourself time and heartbreak. Walk away from this relationship. He has too many flaws that you wish he would change. He won't. You're wasting your time. Find someone more interested in you than games and who isn't such a fixer upper. ... (read in full...)
Does everyone "settle" or do they really believe they've found "the one"?
Q. Hi there, this might sound like quite a broad question but I'm interested to know people's thoughts. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 4 years and we're planning on moving in together this year. We've lived together on and off over ...
A. 19 April 2020: I think that we all give up something we may have originally wanted when we went looking for "the one". No one is perfect, we all have flaws but the bottom line is that are you with someone that you love? Do they make you happy? Are the flaws ... (read in full...)
My partner of 10 years is an alcoholic and porn addict with a bad temper, but he has his good points.. should I leave him? Title
Q. Hey guys! So I've been with my partner 10 years, it isn't all bad and I've learnt a lot through being with him. See, I grew up in a broken home, and though my mum loves me unconditionally, I was never really taught 'how to adult' or how to look ...
A. 14 April 2020: Two of the ways you describe your partner screamed out to me. Alcoholic and bad temper. Get out of the relationship. Do not assume he will change and do not assume that his good traits will outweigh the bad.
I was married to an alcoholi... (read in full...)
Why it is that some men nice and loving to the woman that they are dating, yet rude/inconsiderate to other women?
Q. Hi everyone, I'm hoping someone can offer up some answers to my question. I was wondering why it is that some men nice and loving to the woman that they are dating, yet rude/inconsiderate to other women? I first noticed this in college. There w...
A. 13 April 2020: You've been given great answers, OP. The fact is that not all people in the world are nice. They have their own agendas. The best thing you can do is accept that some people are like this and get them out of your life. As long as you are observant ... (read in full...)
I'm thinking of getting a vasectomy without telling my wife.
Q. I'm thinking of getting a vasectomy behind my wifes back. We were only together four months when she got pregnant with our eldest son. She said she was on the pill, thats fine because these things happen and I love her and was pretty delighte...
A. 10 April 2020: There shouldn't be secrets in a marriage. Secrets equal trouble. Sit your wife down and calmly tell her what you have told us on here. You are a team and need to have the same goals in mind. Its one thing to love and want children but its another ... (read in full...)
I might be the father of my cousin's baby.
Q. My second cousin and I were growing up, we always been close. We always did stuff together because we had a lot of things in common. When we were 16 years old, we did have sex with each other. That was the only time until we were 21 years old. ...
A. 9 April 2020: 14 years is a very long time to let go by. Why all of a sudden now the interest? I honestly don't think its a good idea because its very likely that you are opening Pandora's box. Is that really what you want?
Sure you can ask her but what mak... (read in full...)
This lockdown is testing our relationship
Q. I've been stuck inside on lockdown for nearly a month now with my other half and his Dad who is our live-in landlord. We're getting to each other, nit-picking, moodswings, the lot. And I know it's because of the unusual circumstances that we're in...
A. 6 April 2020: Keep in mind OP that EVERYONE is stressed. This is something that unless you are extremely old, you've never seen before. We are all scared freaked out and just barely hanging on. So basically join the crowd. We are all finding ourselves living in ... (read in full...)
Could you date a social media addict?
Q. Could you date someone who spends a lot of time on social media or is a socialite? I met a guy who is nice but he seems to have a social media addiction. He comments and likes lots of posts on his friends profiles and public pages. He seems to like ...
A. 1 April 2020: Social media causes far more problems than it is worth and most of it is people who are attention seekers..desperately wanting someone to pay attention to them. Its insecure people wanting validation for the most part. If a person just uses it as ... (read in full...)
My father moved on very quickly after my mother died and I don't like his partner
Q. Dear Cupid. So my mother passed away almost a year and a half ago, (November 2018) I’m an only child and still very hurt over it for reasons. 4 months after my mother moved out of the family home in 2016 he met a woman and she moved in quit qu...
A. 31 March 2020: I lost my father 6 years ago. I was lucky he lived to be 84. My father was my rock. I loved him dearly and I still think of him and miss him every day. My parents were married for 53 years. My mother moved in with her "first love" 3 months after my ... (read in full...)
I feel he played games and is not supportive.
Q. There was a guy that I liked on my course who is in his 40s. After getting to know him more recently, I have found he is quite anxious. Last week he messaged me as he said what is going on at the moment in the world had scared him. I replied and ...
A. 29 March 2020: Good for you OP! Thats the right attitude to have! Now you know what he's like and you can just walk away. Life is too short to be interested in someone who is only using you. There's too many nice men in the world to settle for a selfish one. ... (read in full...)
Should I answer this guy after promising my boyfriend I wouldnt have any further contact with him.
Q. I met a guy two years ago who I started to fall for, despite me being in a relationship. I confessed to my boyfriend and he was very upset. He wanted me to stop contacting the other guy, so I did. I told him that I had chosen to stick with the life ...
A. 29 March 2020: If you love and care about your boyfriend then the answer is very simple. No don't contact this man and he should be blocked so he can't contact you. Turn this situation around...if this was your boyfriend contemplating whether or not to contact a ... (read in full...)
What is everyone doing with their free time being cooped up?
Q. Hello again! I've posted several times and everyone's been very helpful and empathetic. Thank you! I hope all you aunts and uncles are safe and healthy (and your loved ones too)! I'm under the impression that at least one of the aunts here is ...
A. 27 March 2020: I am an introvert by nature. Unless people know me very well they are not aware of this because I hide it well but I am always content to stay at home and have many projects to occupy my time and energy. What people are saying is "sheltering" ... (read in full...)
Would women date an ugly male virgin?
Q. I've never been on a date before, I've never had a girlfriend, and I've never kissed a girl either. I am of course a male virgin. I'm not a handsome man so I don't ask girls out on dates. They'll just say no so I feel like I shouldn't waste their ...
A. 22 March 2020: Oh OP...your post makes me sad. You are so very hard on yourself. We all have flaws and most of us are just average looking. Some people are better looking than others that is true but sweetie what you lack more than anything is confidence and faith ... (read in full...)
A former friend has cancer, should I reach out to her?
Q. Hello, I've just found out an old friend has terminal cancer at 41years old, however we haven't spoken in over 10 years. We didn't fall out but i just decided at the time that due to feeling like her and her boyfriend (now husband) regula...
A. 18 March 2020: It is never wrong to reach out to someone and offer compassion. In a situation like this I think most of the time the 2 parties would consider the past water under the bridge. If you are uncomfortable calling, why not send a heart felt card? You can ... (read in full...)
Letting someone know in the simplest way that we can't keep in touch.
Q. I ran into an old friend from childhood. We reminisced and he some of the other people from our group of friends. He told me how he reconnected with many of them and talks with them through phone calls in text. I found out a few of my friends have ...
A. 14 March 2020: This isn't really something that you want to dance around with so I concur with WiseOwl and Nora B that the best way is to be honest. I wouldn't contact him but if and when he contacts you, be polite as you can but just state it how it is "It was ... (read in full...)
I'm a married woman crushing on an old friend
Q. Hi I am married with a child but recently added an old online friend on social media and we have been chatting .. exchhnGed numbers and all..we flirt a lil but I decided that I won’t speak with this guy after we meet.. it’s been about 10years since ...
A. 13 March 2020: This is really not a very wise action to take. You must realize that one action leads to another action and the next thing you know you're having an affair. How would you feel if your husband was having thoughts like you are having? If you love your ... (read in full...)
I'm a married teacher with a crush on student's father. Why is he avoiding me?
Q. Hi I am married but have a harmless crush on one of my students father Recently . Previously I didn’t notice him but now I do and I feel like he is avoiding seeing me as I’m also new to the class.. however he doesn’t behave that way to other female ...
A. 11 March 2020: I second Code Warrior's thoughts. You should be concentrating on being a teacher not the student's father. You are MARRIED. Did you ever think that maybe the father is too?? Geez. ... (read in full...)
How can I make up for the past?
Q. I'm in recovery from drugs (including alcohol but mostly crack) and while some of my wreckage is fixable (legal stuff, financial stuff), I don't know how to fix some of the truly unforgettable things I've done. (1) My youngest sister M.J. and ...
A. 8 March 2020: OP, congratulations for turning your life around. That couldn't have been easy but you did it. We all make mistakes in life. Its so easy to judge others but as I have gotten older I really do believe that expression "Walk a mile in my shoes". None ... (read in full...)
My family wants me to go back to my husband. I don't want to but don't think I can make it on my own
Q. Hello, ive been married for 3 years and now i live separately with my husband. My 16 month old son is with me. I live with my family now. So the reason i left him was because he stole my jewellery and money to pay his gambling debt, he lied a ...
A. 7 March 2020: OP, you have posted on DC many times. Make a stand and go forward. Stop agonizing and do something. Your parents are there for you so let them help you. You are far luckier than many women! Don't go back to your husband. Lay everything out to your ... (read in full...)
I was asked to be a Matron of Honour, but I can't really afford it.
Q. To cut a long story short, my friend got engaged 6 months ago and asked me to be her maid of honour but since then she’s asked me to go to one wedding fair (which I couldn’t go to due to my child being ill) yet her bridesmaid has been to several ...
A. 22 February 2020: Swallow your pride and tell her the truth as quickly as possibly. Mark your words carefully and say it with sincerity and humility. A true friend will understand and not be angry or hold a grudge. You can't help your circumstances! Its better to be ... (read in full...)
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