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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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How to deal with a boyfriend who always asks for money?
Q. How to deal with a boyfriend who always asks for money? We've been together 2 years now and in this time he always asks for money. His latest request is his rent for $1500.00. He is always out of work. Some excuse. I need to focus on my own ...
A. 4 July 2023: You already know what you need to do. You just don't want to cut the cord but you need to. He thinks of you as an ATM, a cash cow. He will continue to sponge off of you as long as you allow it. Just say no. Say it and mean it. He will either accept ... (read in full...)
Friend got birth control and lied
Q. My friend Lex I just found out rode her bike to what's basically an abortion clinic and got birth control. She told her parents she was with me and I almost got in trouble for lying for her when I knew nothing about it. Luckily I was at work like I ...
A. 4 July 2023: It was wrong of your friend to lie but I guess she was desperate. She confided in you and whether you agree with her morals or not, its not your secret to tell. I wouldnt tell her parents...the truth will come out eventually. I would just steer ... (read in full...)
Friend got birth control and lied
Q. My friend Lex I just found out rode her bike to what's basically an abortion clinic and got birth control. She told her parents she was with me and I almost got in trouble for lying for her when I knew nothing about it. Luckily I was at work like I ...
A. 4 July 2023: It was wrong of your friend to lie but I guess she was desperate. She confided in you and whether you agree with her morals or not, its not your secret to tell. I wouldnt tell her parents...the truth will come out eventually. I would just steer ... (read in full...)
I don't want to act jealous
Q. My FWB let his ex wife watch his cats while he was away. He has 4. I wasn't available. She stayed at his home 3 weeks while he was away, and I'm fine with that. She left pieces of clothing and incidentals in his home. She wants to pick them up she ...
A. 3 July 2023: Sorry but being a FWB isn't the same as being a girlfriend. Its basically a no strings relationship and you can both do what you want unless you have made different arrangements. Afraid he can do whatever he wants and so can you. FWB relationships ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's 10 year old daughter is coming between us
Q. Hi I am with my bf he’s frum Dublin I feel like she is trying to keep him away frum me she is only 10 I feel like I’m in the middle between me and his daughter she’s kinda annoying I just want to be with him not his kids. I don’t know what to do ...
A. 30 June 2023: Put yourself in the girl's place. She's 10 so she isn't mature and doesn't reason like an adult. She sees you as a threat. You are taking her dad's time. Surely you can see that right? Children are very protective of their parents! I remember how ... (read in full...)
Think my husband hates being a father. It's affecting our relationship
Q. I feel as though my "Don" husband hates being a father and regrets it. Our son "Johnny" is 4. We are both early 30s. Don makes snide jokes all the time about his intelligence, his abilities, etc. He doesn't really enjoy spending time with him and ...
A. 27 June 2023: I don't know if your marriage is over but its sure floundering and needs help. Your husband honestly sounds like a jerk. His behavior is definitely noticed by your son even at his young age. Family counselling? Your husband's attitude is awful and I ... (read in full...)
Should I move on or Stay with my mama boy fiance?
Q. I have been with my fiance since we were 16 years old we are now 31. we have 2 kids together and in April he proposed. As much as I love him and he really is the love of my life. I feel I have always bent over backwards for him. We had one ...
A. 25 June 2023: The best thing that the two of you would be to move out and be on your own if at all possible. That might stop alot of the problems.I would imagine its rather uncomfortable living with family especially having 2 kids.
To answer your question... (read in full...)
No one will let me move on after placing my daughter for adoption
Q. I had a baby two years ago, my senior year in High School. It was in the middle of the pandemic, so I was home schooled anyway (because of the pandemic) and my parents were really pressuring me to keep the baby. The father was in my class, but he ...
A. 23 June 2023: I am sad for you and sorry that you don't have more understanding people surrounding you. I got pregnant at 19 and was absolutely terrified. You were even younger than I was, a baby having a baby. You must have been so terribly confused and ... (read in full...)
11 years with a non romantic man
Q. I have been with my SO for 11 years. We have two beautiful girls together. My problem is that he is not romantic. He doesn't put in effort into our relationship. There is never a night where he plans something, I have to plan any and everything w...
A. 22 June 2023: Most people don't like to change. We all have a certain way that we are and what we like to do and don't do. Changing means putting in effort and hard work and really trying...most people are happy enough the way that they are and thats it. ... (read in full...)
Yelled at several times for being helpful, was I in the wrong??
Q. ?I’ve had a few pretty horrible things happen to me over the past couple of weeks when I was honestly just trying to be helpful - please read and let me know if I was in the wrong in any of these situations as I will never try to help anyone a...
A. 20 June 2023: I dont think you were in the wrong. You were just trying to be a kind and thoughtful caring person. People can be so weird! I don't know exactly what it is but people are just stupid and thoughtless and rude. There isn't anything you can do about ... (read in full...)
Wife won’t have sex with me. Should I ask her permission to see someone else?
Q. I have been with my wife for 30 years and married for 25. My wife hasn’t had sex with me in 22 years and barely had sex with me even before that except for the first few years we dated. Over time her reasons have changed and I have just ...
A. 20 June 2023: Yes you are thinking the right way. If your wife can't won't provide you with intimacy then its time to talk about alternatives. If you have went 22 years without sex and never cheated then you are a saint in my book. It isn't fair to be in a such a ... (read in full...)
I want a proper lavish wedding but family is making me feel stupid for wanting to have this.
Q. I’m engaged and due to get married within the next 2 years. I’ve already been married twice before and both weddings were cheap so now I actually want a proper no expense spared wedding but my family think I’m being stupid. My first marria...
A. 17 June 2023: Its your wedding and your money do whatever you want and don't feel badly about it! Its your day and in the end YOU should be happy. I truly understand what you mean too. I have been married twice, the first time was a "shotgun" type wedding, it was ... (read in full...)
As much of the truth as I could do... I'm done with confusion
Q. Back when I was in HS, somewhere in there, I began to suspect I was a lesbian. I *think* the seed was planted in 6th grade when Look Who’s Talking came out (1991 or so?) and the main character, not wanting her Jewish parents to know she was pregnant ...
A. 11 June 2023: I wish you had a close friend of a family member that you could talk to because more than anything it seems to me that you need someone that you can talk to and confide in, someone that won't judge you, someone that you could trust. I am not a ... (read in full...)
The thought of him driniking makes me sick
Q. Cutting a long story short, I dislike alcohol a lot. As in, my dad is an alcoholic and my husband, wrote his car off drink driving and is a different person when he does consume alcohol. My husband wanted to change so he saw a therapist and cu...
A. 10 June 2023: I understand exactly how you feel. I grew up around my grandfather and he was a full blown alcoholic. The mean kind. As kids the youngest of us grandchildren were terrified of him. He never hit us but he was just mean and loud and yelled alot. I ... (read in full...)
My husband thinks I want sex just to get pregnant and he's not wanting sex now
Q. Hello all, I'm so bothered and unhappy at the moment. I hope to be fine soon. So, I am married and have a 2 year old daughter. I discussed having another baby with my husband and he said its fine. Though he doesn't seem so interested in ha...
A. 28 May 2023: Its not a good sign if he isn't acting interested in having a baby and doesn't wish to have sex. Bringing a child into the world is no easy task as you know so its very important that you and your husband feel the same way. Even though he said its ... (read in full...)
Why would my mother and her siblings choose such partners?
Q. This is something that's been bothering me and I'd to get some insight please. My mother has 3 other siblings... An older sister and two younger brothers. My mom's parents, my grandparents, were good people. I haven't seen much of them but I hear ...
A. 20 May 2023: Love is blind deaf and mute. The most intelligent people in the world can choose the worst partners! A good upbringing and all the works can't save a person if they fall in love. Love makes no sense. Look at people...you'll see all kind of matches ... (read in full...)
Widower’s dilemma
Q. My wife passed away three years ago and the loss helped me get closer to her family, particularly her sister, who herself is divorced. We’ve started hanging out together socially and we seem to get on really well, with similar tastes and ...
A. 8 May 2023: This is common in other countries but in the US, its considered pretty weird. I can't imagine marrying my sister's husband if she were to pass away, and he is exactly my type and a nice guy but it would just be too weird. If she has shown no ... (read in full...)
Advice regarding my parents punishment for my behavior
Q. I would like some advice from parents please ? i must admit my behavour over the past 2 weeks has been very poor last weekend i was grounded for general bad behavour, i ignored my parents and sneaked out of the house to go to a party, my friends and ...
A. 17 April 2023: I am a parent of 2 grown children. I a so grateful that my kids never pulled any stunts like you did. I would have been absolutely horrified! I think the punishment your parents have given you is quite fair and to honest, they let you off rather ... (read in full...)
Are we going to reconcile or divorce - your impression please?
Q. Hi, So me and my wife met in 2018 and moved in with each other. We got married in 2020 and have a daughter born in 2021. My wife and I were madly in love and would do a lot together and spend 90% of the day together. Same job, same routine, same ...
A. 26 March 2023: Life is too short to be with someone that doesn't trust you and you are always fighting. I would say to accept that the relationship isnt going to work out cut your losses and be the best parents that you can be. The child should come first they are ... (read in full...)
Friend wants her rude& spoilt daughter to attend my birthday weekend.
Q. ?If anyone can offer any advice I’d appreciate it. My friend has a 13 year old daughter who is very spoilt and has a very bad attitude towards everyone and everything. Before everyone starts ranting sticking up for her- I’ve know h...
A. 14 March 2023: You need to be firm and just give your friend the money back. She is really pushing the boundaries of the friendship to be honest. Its your birthday and I would certainly not let your friend ruin it. 13 year olds have no business being at this type ... (read in full...)
My partner has a huge drinking problem
Q. I have been together with my boyfriend for 13 years, we have a child together and we have our own home together. However for the past 2 years I’ve noticed my boyfriend’s drinking is getting out of hand, at first his drinking was only moderate, but ...
A. 10 March 2023: My ex husband was an alcoholic. He wasn't that way when I married him but after his father died, he went into a deep depression and never snapped out of it. He refused help although it was right at his fingertips. My so and I tried for years to help ... (read in full...)
My bf is very dirty. What do I do?
Q. Ive been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. After 5 months in the relationship I slowly started unraveling a kind of lie by ommission. Turns out he is a very dirty person. He doesn't wash his teeth. Takes baths once every two weeks and wears ...
A. 27 February 2023: Sometimes a person not taking care of themself can be signs of depression or even mental illness. Is this possible in his case or does he just not care? Do you think he has always been this way? I can't believe his parents would not have seen that ... (read in full...)
Husband yells at me and blames me for everything
Q. Hello M7 husband has a tendency of yelling and blaming me for everything. We've been together 30 years. It's gotten worse the last couple of years. If something in the house goes wrong it's my fault. Example the kitchen pipe got plugged and...
A. 29 January 2023: I dont take divorce lightly but there comes a time when you just aren't happy and can't take it anymore. You have to figure out whether you can put up with your husband or not long term. Would counselling help? Sometimes it will but sometimes you ... (read in full...)
Did I do anything wrong by selling the four wheeler without talking to my brother about it first?
Q. I have a brother who is married. My sister-in-law has a little brother that is 13 years old. I owned a four wheeler that I keep at my house. I told my brother that he can borrow it as long as he asked permission first and he doesn't let his ...
A. 29 January 2023: It was your to sell. You didn't need anyone's approval or permission. You had concerns about someone getting hurt (rightly so). Your requests were disregarded and that right there would upset me. You being kind and generous and were taken advantage ... (read in full...)
Do I stay away from family get together on New Year's eve because of fight with sister?
Q. I’m probably going to be told I’m selfish for complaining about this but I’ve honestly had enough. My sister who is in her mid 40’s has been in an off and on relationship with her boyfriend- in his late 40’s for the past 5 years. They ...
A. 31 December 2022: She sounds like my 86 year old mother and her boyfriend (same age). They constantly fight break up, then reunite making everyone else around them miserable when they are fighting. They are 86 acting about 15 and we are all just tired of it! I get ... (read in full...)
Need ideas to sexually embarrass my sister in law without being creepy.
Q. My sister just got me a mankini with bells and a rednose on the kini part. So in trying to get her back, I want some ideas to embarrass her but not come off creepy. backstory, the family has been together forever and never has been any sexually ...
A. 28 December 2022: I honestly wouldnt even know where to begin to try to embarrass her. I think I have a good sense of humor but I'm not a trickster or a prankster. If that happened to me, I would have picked the item up and said in a droll voice "What were you on the ... (read in full...)
My friend used me to look after her kids!
Q. I feel that I’ve been used recently by a friend and it’s really upset me. A few days ago I had arranged for my friend to come over to my house for a coffee (we usually meet up at 1 of our house 2 times a month). That morning she arrived ...
A. 23 December 2022: This isn't a friend. This is a user. I would guess she had it all planned out, this wasn't a coincidence. She knew you would watch her children and wouldn't leave them to go to your appointment. She took advantage of you. I'm sorry. That's ... (read in full...)
Partner invited friend over to stay while I am away
Q. It being less than month since I moved in with my boyfriend and I’m thinking I’ve done the wrong thing. Last week, he blurted out in an argument that he had invited his friend over to stay for the night whilst I’m away working. I have never met h...
A. 3 November 2022: Whew not good. Dont think living with him is a good idea. Maybe even dating him. He is not 100% sneaky but he isnt trustworthy either. Wow..wonder how he would feel if you did what he wants to do?... (read in full...)
My mom found my boyfriend and i's naughty texts
Q. Hi! I just found out my boyfriends mom went through my boyfriend and I's text (they were not very PG), she found out yesterday and she acted completely normal and even let my boyfriend come to the house but today my Dad asked me if my Mom had ta...
A. 3 November 2022: Parents were teenagers once. Its been awhile but we remember being young and the feelings and temptations. At least your parents care. Be smart and safe. One mistake can send your life into a path that you did not want or expect. ... (read in full...)
Is 30 too old to date?
Q. Hi there, this is my first time posting on here but I see people give really great advice. I am currently going through a divorce with my husband of 9 years. Nothing messy, we have just grown apart over the years and I put that down to being so...
A. 2 November 2022: You are never too old to date. My mother and mother in law both lost their husbands and started dating again when they were in their 70s. They both found suitable partners and got remarried. See? I would suggest you step back and give yourself some ... (read in full...)
The sex used to be incredible but now I have lost interest. Can I ever get it back?
Q. I had an affair with a married man. He left his wife and now we are married. We have been married for 2 years. The problem is that I feel I need to keep being a mistress to this man. It feels like if I get too real or drop the ball sexually, h...
A. 20 September 2022: Well You got the man but what did you really get? I would suggest counselling because sounds like you both have issues. Rarely do relationships that come from affairs work out. Sorry..just cold hard facts. Hopefully the two of you can rise above it ... (read in full...)
Why did my girlfriend buy sexy clothes
Q. Im dating my ex who I broke up from for one year break. Things are going great. One concern is that she has ordered sexy clothes, with mask, gloves. As if it’s a fancy dress full costume for party. I only know this because I got a notification from ...
A. 16 September 2022: Halloween? Geez..just ask rather then guess. If she acts weird well maybe you should worry or maybe she wanted to surprise you... (read in full...)
Why does my GF make me do dares to get a kiss?
Q. My GF is the greatest and I would do anything for her and I am like so lucky she likes me back the same way. She does this weird thing though on kissing. If I ask her for a kiss, she tells me I have to earn it and makes me do some kind of dare ...
A. 2 September 2022: You are very young Op and are just starting to venture out into the dating world. Your girlfriend may or may not realize what shes doing but basically she is controlling you. You are not her puppet or court jester, solely there for her ... (read in full...)
Husband cheats again
Q. Ok so i really need help and advice i dont know what to do i have been married for over 15yrs and i have 4 kids but the thing is i just found out last week that my husband just cheated on me for the third time in 8 yrs and i dont know what to do he ...
A. 23 August 2022: If you dont want to leave the options are couple therapy, spiritual guidance, forgiveness. Its hard to forgive a cheater and your husband is a serial cheater. When will Enough be enough? Go to the doctor get tested. Protect yourself. Love can indeed ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's ex is 46 years old and they keep in touch
Q. I’m dating this girl who’s previous relationship for one year was with a 46 year old (she’s 25). We are getting along great, should I be concerned that they still speak? He recently came to her town and booked hotel for 6 days. She declined the...
A. 11 August 2022: Honeypie summed up things beautifully as always. You know what the Lady allows you to know. It may be all, it may be some. I would proceed with caution. Some things seem off. Why did the guy come for 6 days? Did she really only see him once? Have ... (read in full...)
Has anyone here ever survived a relationship with a narcissist?
Q. Has anyone here ever survived a relationship with a narcissist? Strong words I know but my now ex really was, I left him and fled with my kid 2 days ago. I just feel numb, I feel like i'v just come back from war and having flash backs of the whol...
A. 10 August 2022: Yes I was married to one, divorced him years ago and I am still standing, strong and confident. My ex husband was a charmer, a liar, a cheater. He was both emotionally and physically abusive. He went from one relationship to another, never ending ... (read in full...)
Should I stay a member of the nippy nap club?
Q. I am a college freshman and I moved into my dormitory early to attend a special program related to my major before regular classes start. My dorm is a building with both girls and guys even on the same floor (but not the same rooms). At this point ...
A. 10 August 2022: Wow...sounds very weird and they are using you as a source of entertainment. To each his own but letting yourself be used and possibly mocked and made fun of seems prettu desperate. ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong that I ask him to prove he's broke
Q. I married someone from another country 3 years ago. Unfortunately, they won't even allow him to come to my country on a visiting visa. So, I go visit him in his country. I have offered to move to his country, but he feels I'm not safe there p...
A. 5 August 2022: Sorry Op but you are being used. The best thing you can do is end things. Your marriage has no chance of lasting under the circumstances unless you just keep the blinders on and go merrily along. Dont give him money! Why is it all up to you to ... (read in full...)
I know he likes me back and there's sexual attraction but then why did he say that he's not looking for a girlfriend right now?
Q. Hi! So there's this guy I like and I know he likes me back. We can both feel the sexual attraction between us. We've been talking and texting for about 3 weeks now and we've got really close. He's not someone who texts a lot but since we've beco...
A. 31 July 2022: Most men dont dance around with words and play games trying to make you guess what they mean. They say what they mean and mean what they say. He has come right out and said he doesnt want a girlfriend. Believe him. I think he was trying to be ... (read in full...)
Do I quit flirting with the guy at work?
Q. So there’s this guy that I work with and I have an incurable crush on him! the problem is that I don’t know if I should keep sending flirting signs or just give it a rest. I don’t know if he’s just oblivious and clueless or if he is simply just not ...
A. 30 July 2022: You go to work to work and get paid. Not to flirt and get dates. You are young but an adult and need to act accordingly. Trust me, even shy men will make a move if they really like someone. Its very possible the guy isnt interested and is ... (read in full...)
Will he toy with me?
Q. There’s this boy I like, let’s call him M. I met him through social media a year ago, and even if we live 400 km apart, I’ve managed to see him in person twice. We have talked a lot and have also sent nudes to each other. Then there is this ot...
A. 27 July 2022: Steer clear of him unless you just want some fun because he is a player and doesnt care about anything but having fun. He will use you and throw you aside like yesterdays trash if you allow him to do so. He wont treat you any differently than he did ... (read in full...)
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