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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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Is it ok to share nude and erotic photos with best friend?
Q. Is it ok to share nude and erotic photos with best friend?...
A. 9 October 2020: I wouldn't say this is a smart thing to do. How much do you trust this friend? Is this someone who will keep them to themself? Or possibly hold onto the photos and use them to blackmail you or even worse? If you are exchanging the photos through the ... (read in full...)
We had an intimate encounter and now he says I took advantage of him
Q. I have this guy I have been dating. I am a 33 year old bisexual male. He is 22. I know he loves women and has several girlfriends. We live together and we are usually very close. We have kissed severally, even though he said he isnt into men and ...
A. 9 October 2020: You are putting yourself in an uncomfortable and potentially very dangerous situation. Is it really worth it? If he is saying that you took advantage of him then that is on the same line as him stating that you raped him. This is nothing to brush ... (read in full...)
How do you make adult children be nice and respect you and most importantly take responsibility for themselves
Q. so basically i left a really bad violent marriage 15 years ago (the violence was only towards me) and i’ve been trying to make it up to my 2 daughters ever since, my girls are now aged 19 and 21 and ever since walking out the door from my ex ...
A. 26 September 2020: I'll be honest, it sounds like you have let the situation get way out of control. Your guilt overran the need to be a parent and your daughter has run over you again and again. I have 2 children and my daughter was a very smart very sassy mouthed ... (read in full...)
Should we think about moving in his sisters house? She's bossy and controlling
Q. Should we think about moving in his sisters house my husbands oldest sister husband passed March of this year she is now saying she wont s to move out her house. I cannot stand her she controlling bossy and sure a pain in our marriage she sto...
A. 18 September 2020: Go with your gut instinct, OP. You sense that it would be a bad idea and it would be. Why move in with someone that you don't care for and then to have them be your landlord? You think she's controlling now? What would she be like with you living in ... (read in full...)
My married bf gave up the best sex with me to go back to a sexless marriage. How is that even possible?
Q. I'm hoping to get advice from all of you wise people because I have no idea what's going on. My married boyfriend left me. He said he's going back to his marriage because his wife found out about us. We've been together for several years. I...
A. 16 September 2020: How is it possible that you can't see that he isn't about to leave his wife his home and his lifestyle for you??
What it is going to take to wake you up so that you can see that he is MARRIED to her and in the end, he's going to chose HER not ... (read in full...)
I just found out my wife cheated on me 30 years ago and I'm a mess
Q. my wife and i have been marrid for 30yrs i just found out she told me that she was sleeping with herex for almost a year.it was ended because he died i know that if he had not passed she would have left me right now i'm a basket case even though ...
A. 7 September 2020: I can certainly understand how this news would really shake you up, OP. I truly don't understand how your wife would hold onto a secret for 30 years and then suddenly confess but that's what she has done.
So you have to ask yourself some question... (read in full...)
It's SO NOT FAIR that he gets to deduct from child support whenever he wants and says I'm taking advantage of him! I'm SO UPSET!
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm feeling quite sad and upset tonight. Seeking some advice on how to process what I am feeling and/or what to do about it. I wrote for advice a month ago (I think) about this topic, but at that time it was focused on how my daughter ...
A. 4 September 2020: OP, there is nothing that any of us can do other than give advice that we have already given. You can either be upset and complain but do nothing...OR you can try to make new arrangements with your ex and if that doesn't work then seek legal advice. ... (read in full...)
I'm wondering if I wasted 9 years of my life with him. He came out as transgender with no warning and wants us to live as a gay couple
Q. (I'm using their preferred gender pronouns here, not birth ones). I'm married (18 months) and have a 4-year-old daughter. Last week my wife admitted to me that he was transgender and had only married me for money and to have a child. He...
A. 2 September 2020: OP, this is terrible and very sad. I can only imagine your shock if you really had no idea! Get yourself a lawyer. he cannot do this and get away with it. Do not let him bully you and frighten you. I wouldn't wait and try to argue if he has his mind ... (read in full...)
I know I need to end things with my boyfriend but so much is going on now. Do I wait?
Q. My boyfriend got really drunk on Friday. We were out. He drank way too much, too fast. He was a mess, I was embarrassed. One of his friends made a comment about him sobering up one day, and my boyfriend went to try and punch him, but the bloke got ...
A. 1 September 2020: OP, as a former victim of domestic abuse, I cannot urge you strongly enough to get out NOW. Your boyfriend is dealing with both alcohol and anger issues and the 2 do not go well together. He may not have hit you yet, but the odds are eventually he ... (read in full...)
Was this doctor inappropriate or am I overreacting?
Q. I am 35 years old and a mother of one. Happily married for the last 5 years. When the pandemic was just starting to take shape, we shifted into a new apartment complex, within the campus where my husband works. Our new neighbours include a young ...
A. 31 August 2020: Hands down you are overreacting. He just wanted to make sure that the medicine he was giving you would not hurt you or a baby. What if he didn't ask you were pregnant and you wound up having a miscarriage? ... (read in full...)
Do white men find women from Bangledish attractive?
Q. I'm a Bangladeshi girl and I've always been attracted to White men. But the White guys I've met online are attracted to me only until they find out my nationality. Some even straight off told me, they thought I was a Latina (like..?!!) I've no ...
A. 30 August 2020: This is a very vague question so you aren't going to find the answer that you want. You just can't group together white men and say "Hey do you find me attractive?" Not all men think alike and putting them into a category because of race isn't going ... (read in full...)
Can cousins be romantically involved with each other? If so, what is the best way to go about it, including talking to our family about it?
Q. My cousin and I grew up on the same street. Both of us are 35 years old, don't want kids and we share the same hobbies When we were teenagers, we used to sneak off to hold hands, make out and we only had sex once when we were 17 years old. When ...
A. 27 August 2020: Just a quick internet search shows that 18 states allow 1st cousin marriages. There are some states that will allow it under certain circumstances. Check where you live to see if its legal. I'm sure you realize that the two of you can live together ... (read in full...)
How was I supposed to react to this situation?
Q. We have a friend staying with us who is doing some carpentry for us (for pay), and this evening before dinner I said to the hot and dusty guy, "don't you want to take a shower before dinner?" he declined and I repeated, "are you sure? I can ask ...
A. 27 August 2020: You didn't do anything wrong, OP. You and your wife were just trying to see to his comfort. I honestly don't know why someone would work all day and be hot and dusty and not want to take a shower, but who knows? The two of you didn't realize that ... (read in full...)
Should I continue seeing him even though he lied?
Q. I went on a couple of dates with this guy, we met online. He's a bit older than me, runs a successful company and is handsome. On out dates he was very sweet, considerate and romantic. A really nice guy, who seemed almost too good to be true. For ...
A. 26 August 2020: A person that lies about their marital status and their children, ESPECIALLY their children isn't someone that you really want to waste time on getting to know better. What possible excuse can he have? If he's separated or going through a divorce I ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and terrified. I thought I wanted a baby but now I'm ready to end the pregnancy
Q. Hello. I need help. I will turn 40 in two months and I have found out I am 5 weeks pregnant. My husband and I have a wonderful relationship and we decided to try and have a baby a few months back. I should be extatic, right? Wrong. I am perrified ...
A. 23 August 2020: Op, I can certainly understand that you feel scared and overwhelmed. Its very early though so please collect yourself and talk to your husband. Talk to your doctor. Pregnancy can be scary but the more you learn and now the better it will be. Please ... (read in full...)
My teenaged daughter is pitting her father and I against each other
Q. This question is about my relationship with my 17 year old daughter. Her father and I divorced 10 years ago because he was abusive towards me and her as well. My daughter has always been sweet and cheerful and had a very close relationship with me....
A. 18 August 2020: I raised 2 children, a daughter and a son. My son gave us no troubled whatsoever but my daughter from the minute she turned 13 kept us going. Straight A's but she had a mouth on her and was definitely rebellious in all ways. I'll be honest I don't ... (read in full...)
What should I think of the way he is treating a FWB situation?
Q. I have a guy friend that I hooked up with once. He use to be a friend of my ex boyfriend. Now not so much. His oldest daughter is friends with my daughter. So we have texted a few times about that. One night about a month ago he messaged me asking ...
A. 18 August 2020: He's using you OP. If you want to date, this isn't the man. He will use you as long as you continue to allow him to do so. Cut him loose and next time you get involved, make sure you know what the man's intentions are. FWB are strictly for sex. IF ... (read in full...)
Why do these people ask me questions that they won't answer if asked?
Q. I have a few people in y life who ask questions they themselves talk vaguely about. They're close and I feel uncomfortable asking them why they ask something that they themselves do not talk about. For example, a friend of mine always asks abou...
A. 16 August 2020: People treat us the way we allow them to treat us. They will act in certain ways if we let them. You have to draw the line, decide how open you want to be. Some people are bored, nosey and yes even rude when asking questions that most of them know ... (read in full...)
My husband thanked me for sex and I feel sad and hurt about it
Q. Had sex with my husband whom I've been with for 28 years, married 24 years. He as had a operation down below so needs a device to get it hard. I gave him oral sex recently and sat on him and he came without needing the device. He thanked me for the ...
A. 12 August 2020: I think you are looking at this all wrong. Why are you upset and angry? He obviously was pleased by what you did and just wanted to thank you. Did you ever stop to think that maybe he realizes things aren't the way that they used to be and perhaps ... (read in full...)
My long distance boyfriend recently stopped contacting me on Fridays
Q. Hi. I'm in a long distance relationship. I've noticed that for the past 3 Fridays my boyfriend doesn't contact me at all. He contacts me every other day of the week but nothing on Fridays. Even if it's late at night after a long day or if he was ...
A. 8 August 2020: Why not just bring it up in the conversation? Or reach out to him and see what happens? Can't you just say something like "Hey John I was just wondering why we never chat on Fridays? Is that your me time?" or something to that affect. Keep it light ... (read in full...)
Why does a wife blame a mistress for his affair, and let her husband off the hook?
Q. I would like to know WHY it is that the wife vilifies the mistress when she finds out her husband cheated on her with the mistress for years? Why does she BLOCK the mistress on social media while taking her husband back and working on the marriage? ...
A. 4 August 2020: Its easier to blame the mistress especially if the wife doesn't know her. I don't believe that most women are going to think their husband is totally innocent though. It does take two to tango after all. It comes down to what exactly the wife is ... (read in full...)
Am I asking for too much? Should I just settle down with her? How do I know she's the one?
Q. I (38 M) dated this girl (26) a few years back. I was infatuated with her at the beginning. As time progressed, our cultural and age difference began to emerge (I'm originally from Asia but lived in the west for 12 years; while she is a native ...
A. 31 July 2020: Anyone who falls in love is taking a chance. Nothing and no one is a sure thing when love is involved. You can marry the "perfect" person and 3 years later they could turn into someone you barely know. Love/marriage is always a gamble to a certain ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and my b/f went to see his sister who tested positive for covid. Is it wrong of me to feel upset?
Q. My fiancé went around his sister who has tested positive for covid. It makes me upset that he went around her te help her when she was having an anxiety attack I’ve never had one so I don’t personally know how they are but the fact that he went in ...
A. 29 July 2020: OP, I understand that you are pregnant and want your boyfriend around but as Honeypie stated, unless there are complications or you are due to give birth anytime please be understanding about your boyfriend and his concern for his sister. Perhaps it ... (read in full...)
Is it just a fling? Or is it more?
Q. I have been in a long term relationship for 9 years now - with all its ups and downs. We've bought a house together (not married, no children). I was a pretty straight edge person, until i met this other guy. Also in a 10-yr long relationship, the ...
A. 28 July 2020: I agree with everything Honeypie says. As usual, she is right on the mark. I do want to add one thing that I have learned over the years in regards to men. Men normally say what they mean and mean what they say. They don't usually play around with ... (read in full...)
When things didn't go the way he wanted with the bank he stopped contact. Was he just using me?
Q. Hello. I am separated for 13 yrs now and I am in a relationship with a man who is 15 yrs older than me. He was my teenage crush, I was 16 yrs old and we kissed once. He is known in our city as a womanizer. We become closer through email (lon...
A. 24 July 2020: I realize that you are hurt and probably not thinking clearly but OP you dodged a bullet..in more ways than one. Yes, he was using you. No he doesn't love you but he loved it when he thought he could get your money. Please listen to the wise advice ... (read in full...)
Would you forgive parents who made your life so miserable?
Q. Hello, I've been raised in a really abusive family. Both my parents are mentally and physically abusive. I have deep hatred towards both of them. Although I have a more closer relationship with my mom, yet she's abusive and manipulative as heck. We ...
A. 23 July 2020: Yes I would because carrying around bad feelings doesn't do anything good but hurt yourself. Sometimes we don't get dealt a good hand when it comes to our family. We get to choose our friends and our mate but our family we don't. Try and make the ... (read in full...)
How can I live my life the way I want and still have my parents happy about me, and not keep lying to them all the time?
Q. HI guys, I'm a 22 year old girl. I come from a conservative household, and my parents are very very protective of me. My parents grew up in a conservative house. So they don't believe in dating, no boys allowed, no girl can have guy friends... ...
A. 17 July 2020: I'm afraid there comes a point in life where you have to live for yourself. Sometimes we just can't live the way our parents want us to. I know I made choices that my parents didn't like. I wound up getting married and moving 1/2 way across the ... (read in full...)
I think we might break up. How do I cancel on boyfriend's birthday
Q. Hi all, I need advice! How should I cancel on my boyfriend. His birthday is on Friday. He is divorced and moved back in with his parents he has a son with his ex. She text him last week saying she wanted to get back with him! Since then he’s...
A. 16 July 2020: I agree with the other aunts if you feel the relationship is over then why make up excuses? Tell him the truth and be done with it. If you're ending it then just be upfront and end it. No games, no lies just truth and then walk away with a clear ... (read in full...)
Being married but having relationships with others. Has anyone done this? How does it affect your marriage?
Q. Hello, I am a 42 married woman who has started to embark on a sexual journey with my husband. We have an open marriage and tell each other everything. We recently agreed that we both wanted to fulfill our sexual bucket list. His is that he wants...
A. 15 July 2020: I agree with youcannotbeserious. I have been on this site for over 13 years and we just don't see too many posts like yours, it really isn't that kind of site. I honestly debated on whether to post it or not because I was afraid you wouldn't get the ... (read in full...)
My partner's parents live 5 minutes from us. They promised to be there for us but they never are
Q. Hey y'all. I dont know how im to put this without sounding like a hag. When i met my fiancé i had 2 kids in tow. We had one of our own a few years later. During the pregnancy his mom was pretty supportive she reassured me that she would be a ...
A. 15 July 2020: It sounds like your inlaws have their own lives and are living them. They both have demanding jobs so perhaps they are tired and when they are off they just wish to relax. There honestly isn't much you can do, I mean you can't force them to spend ... (read in full...)
How do I cope with my controlling mother always complaining?
Q. Honestly, I have no idea whether it is a good idea to be posting my issue here and ask for some advice. But here goes... I am aware that Covid has been hard on literally everyone and it has challenged people in so many ways. My heart bleeds for...
A. 15 July 2020: These are trying times for sure OP and some of us are not dealing with it all very well. I think this is what is going on with your mother. Perhaps she has always been a little controlling and wants to do things her own way but this crisis may have ... (read in full...)
My mom is acting like an out of control teenager
Q. My Mum is 46 years old but I feel like she’s gone off the rails ever since she divorced my Dad. The way she’s been behaving lately I almost feel embarrassed to call her my Mum. She was with my Dad for 31 years since she was 15 and had four daughte...
A. 10 July 2020: I could be way off but it almost sounds like your mom is going through the midlife crisis or even possibly starting menopause. Either of this events would sort of explain what is going on with her. I will also say that she may have just woke up one ... (read in full...)
Is this the golden rule for dating?
Q. I’ve always heard that one of the golden rules of first dates is to never talk about exes. But often on first dates (or during online dating app pre-date talking), I'm asked about past relationships like how long did it last? why did it end? etc. ...
A. 8 July 2020: You can say something along the lines of what my now husband said to me when we were dating and I was asking about his ex wife. "Sweetie, this relationship is you and me. I wouldn't talk about you if we parted and I prefer not to talk about my ex. ... (read in full...)
I had a quick fumble with husband's friend, he wants to carry it on, I want it to stop!
Q. Hi everyone, I have done a really terrible thing and I just need some help or advice on where to go and how to deal with my emotions. I have been married for nearly 3 years now and my marriage hasn't always been the most easiest. Around 6 months ago ...
A. 7 July 2020: Too much alcohol and a moment of weakness quite a dangerous combo. You stopped things before they went too far. Forgive yourself. God forgives us when we make mistakes. Just take care to never drink that much out in public again so that your senses ... (read in full...)
I had an abortion when I was 16. Two years later I haven't really come to terms with it
Q. I had an abortion two years ago when I was 16. Even though I thought it was the right thing to do back then, I now really regret it to the point I cry myself to sleep some nights. It happened in my final year of High School when I had a fling with...
A. 6 July 2020: OP, please let me tell you that the first thing you have to do is forgive yourself. This is honestly the hardest thing that you have to do. I speak from experience. When I was in my early 20's I too had an abortion. That was almost 31 years ago and ... (read in full...)
We are broken up but I still love him. Should I delete his number?
Q. I have split with my boyfriend and I still love him. He says he wants me to stop contacting him. But I think he's just angry at me and deep down he loves me. Should I delete his number as I won't be able to contact him ever again if I do...
A. 4 July 2020: OP regardless of how you feel or what you might think he feels you need to respect his wishes. If he says leave him alone then please do leave him alone. If he wants to get in contact with you, then he will. If not then you must accept that the ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of seven months has anger issues.
Q. Hi all, hoping for some advice: I’m divorced, in my 40s, and have recently moved country. Shortly after moving, I met my now boyfriend (of 7 months) For some time now, I have not been able to make sense of my his anger issues. He is highly-edu...
A. 4 July 2020: Your boyfriend is abusive and very insecure. At his age its unlikely that he will change. Intelligent people don't need to tell others that they are intelligent. He is jealous that you make more money than him. He's trying to bring you down to make ... (read in full...)
Not sure if my parents know I'm gay
Q. I think my dad realizes I'm gay but I'm not sure. My dad is the kind of person who makes fun of everyone so I can't tell if I'm paranoid. My bedroom door locks but you have to shut it just right or it swings open if someone walks by too hard. When I ...
A. 29 June 2020: I believe that most of the time parents have suspicions. Maybe they don't say anything but they are probably thinking things..probably hoping that their child will come and talk to them. I honestly think that moms are much more sensitive and pick up ... (read in full...)
Are women past their 50s still interested in sex
Q. I have been divorced for many years. Now that the kids are grown up and have left the house, I feel like I need to have a partner and get married. I am almost a 60 year old man. I would presumably be looking for a woman close to my age. Sex is ...
A. 29 June 2020: Some women do have problems going through menopause when they are in their 40's and 50's but I can honestly say that yes there are most certainly women in their 50's and beyond that are definitely still interested in sex. I'm one of those women.
... (read in full...)
S this lockdown angst or anxiety or have I just hit the eject button?
Q. I am going a bit crazy! It's as if the normal and rational part of me has just left the premises.. Is this lockdown angst or anxiety or have I just hit the eject button? Kiddies happy and silly laughter normally makes me smile but today it's drivi...
A. 28 June 2020: You are not alone. I think even the bravest will admit that they are scared and confused. These are scary times and there is so much uncertainty. The media loves to whip up everything into a frenzy and that's enough right there to frighten anyone. ... (read in full...)
What can I do about my life and wife?
Q. Over 43 yrs of faithful marriage she requires separate bedrooms handles all financial transactions accumulate over 100,000 dollars in credit card debts that I know of and no sex for 3 years now .... what to do No names please ...
A. 31 May 2020: What is it that you want to do? It truly doesn't matter what we tell you what matters is what do YOU think you should do? 43 years is a very long time to be in a union and I can't even begin to imagine what its like to be with a person that long. ... (read in full...)
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