A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I met an Italian guy recently. We talked on-line for a few weeks. Then he was in Italy for a month. We met when he came back. I was a little suspicious as to why such a long holiday in Italy as he has no children or parents.We met for the first time when he came back. Had two dates and we really hit it off. He was all over me in public and not afraid to show his affection or attraction towards me. He was very complimentary on the way I looked and clearly enjoyed my company. He told he had previously been engaged and in a 9 year relationship that had ended. No children.Date 3 was my birthday and he took me out and cooked for me at his home. This was the night we became intimate for the first time. He was caring and affectionate.After this my work as Cabin Crew made it hard to meet and then to my surprise he was in Italy again.I tried not to bombard him with messages but he gave me the impression it was work related.Cutting a long story short, when he told me he would be back, he did not come back. He said he had problems to sort out over there. he then sent me another message and said that he had been talking to his ex-girlfriend and they have decided to give it a go again. I was devastated. Having been on my own for over 2 years and he was the first person I allowed close, I was really hurt. He said he does not want to lose my friendship and kept saying how kind and beautiful I am.I am old enough to know that re-kindling with ex's hardly ever works but I feel there is unfinished business between them and I am prepared to distance myself. However I told him I cant be friends with him as I have become attracted to him and it will not work. I will not be any one's friends with benefits. Plus the thought that he has been sleeping with another women has repulsed me.I really like this guy. He texted me back and said that he wants to meet with me when he comes back. I feel its only fair to discuss things face to face.I am interested to hear other peoples experiences of this. I have had this in the past where a boyfriend went back to his ex. A few months later they had split up again.Please advise me as to handle this meeting. I am clearly not becoming intimate with him again until he is clear he wants to be with me. Even then it will take a while as I will just have images of them together.Any advise as to how to handle the meeting please.
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engaged, ex girlfriend, friend with benefits, his ex, split up, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 October 2017):
 If he had any respect for you though he would not be trying to patch things up with his ex and yet he is. I can tell by your response that he is going to be able to talk you around to his way off thinking. Good luck, because you will need it. You love him for telling you the truth about him seeing his ex? Yet you have feelings for this guy? For most girls that news would make them run a mile.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2017): OP - Thank you all for taking the time to respond. I see you are all suggesting that I do not meet him. I can understand what you are all saying thank you. Considering he split from his ex over 3 years ago, he must of had quite a few rebound relationships.Our friendship has only been 3 months old (not enough time to make it official yet) so its all quite fresh. I feel he respected me enough to be HONEST with me and I love him for that. He could of lied and kept me on the side. There are a few things not sitting right in all this. His ex-GF lives and works in Italy and he has been living and working in London for over 3 years. He has said quite clearly he does not want to lose my friendship.Something is telling me to meet with him and hear what he has to say. I wil be strong and not encourage any form of intimacy. Its a little unfortunate as just as my feelings were started to grow towards him, he has now put distrust in my mind which may hinder any relationship between us ever developing. I feel the meeting between us will help me make my final decision as to whether to sever all contact with him.I personally feel its the ex-GF who is causing the confusion in his head. If he had any respect for her, he would not be wanting to meet with me and would sever all ties. But no, he wants to meet with me.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (14 October 2017):
 I agree with cindy.
Why do you need to meet him? You can see that his allegiances are torn and may be coming back to you as second choice because things didn't work with his ex. Is that all you value yourself? As a back up plan?
If he truly cared about you there wouldn't be anyone else who's getting his attention. I really think you'll end up hurt if you progress with this guy. What's to say he won't secretly stay in touch with his ex and stay with you until he gets another shot with her?
Personally, I wouldn't even entertain someone who's attention is split between others.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 October 2017):
 Do you really have to meet him ? What for ? Personally, I don't see the point.
He might offer you to rekindle sexually- and you said you are not going to do FWB, so this option is out. Or, he may offer you to stay friends, which, understandably, you won't / can't do atm. So... what's in it for you ?....
It might be different if he had already failed his second attempt with his ex gf, and decided to come back to you after his second break up. Maybe it would not be very wise for you to reconnect (... too many back-and-forths.... ) but let's say that you could at least consider it. But now ? He is just at the beginning if his second try with the gf, what can he possibly want from you, or have to say to you, that 's in your best interest ??
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  + ♥, writes (14 October 2017):
 Don't meet up. It will only cause you more pain. The best thing to do is to distance yourself, cut off contact, lick your wounds, and MOVE ON. I agree that you were sort of a rebound, and a back up and now that his ex is back in the picture...what could you be for him?? Think more of yourself than being sloppy seconds my dear! Let him go and find someone free to love you completely with no ex lurking in the background.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 October 2017):
 Just cut off the contact.
He wants to "talk" face to face because he wants to keep his options open, in CASE the ex-GF doesn't work out. And to have a woman to sleep with when he is in YOUR country.
You don't need to TALK about this in person. Seriously. He used you as a rebound and now he is trying with the ex-GF again... WHO for all you know... may never have BEEN an actual ex...
If I were you, I'd block, delete and remove all contact info and let him go.
Even if he does come back because it didn't work out, it's only because you were the "second" option the fall-back woman. The "ex"-GF is his first option, the one he REALLY wants to be with. OTHERWISE, he wouldn't have gone back to her like this.
Don't be someone's second choice.
And OP... Just because a guy is ALL over you in public doesn't mean he absolutely adores you. IT means he is showing other MEN that "SHE is mine" and hoping that it will make you BED him faster. Which as it turned out, worked well for him.
Let him go and try again. Maybe someone who lives permanently in your own geographical area?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (13 October 2017):
It sounds to me like you where his rebound. If he is wanting to work things out with his ex then it is clear he is not over her. Honestly I think for your own sake it would be best not to meet up with him. It sounds like he is the sort off guy that would sweet talk you around again. I understand you are hurt, but it seems from your post he never made things official with you, therefore it is clear he is keeping his options open. If you are wanting a long term relationship then stay well clear from this man as he is not wanting the same things as you.
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