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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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Our arguments often lead to physical altercations!
Q. ive been in this relationship for about five months now and things are definitely not the way i thought they would be. I care deeply about this man but the communication is limited. We get into arguments which some end in physical altercations. Both ...
A. 12 February 2017: Allow me to give some advice that I wish someone had given to me when I was your age. NEVER stay with a person who physically abuses you. If you are touched in any manner that is not loving and kind, GET OUT!
I married a man like the one you are ... (read in full...)
Should I keep contact with my aggressive, hardline parents?
Q. For the past 33 years, I have had a very rocky relationship with my parents, especially with my Mum. I do believe my Mum is narcissist who is unforgiving and selfish and I've only realised this in the past 3 years, since I've been with my boyfriend. ...
A. 10 February 2017: I wouldn't suggest that you cut the ties completely but I would certainly keep contact at a minimum. Maybe send cards on the holidays, a quick phone call do what is best for you and you can deal with.
I have always had a strained relation... (read in full...)
I need help to deal with new found info about wife's past. What should I do?
Q. My wife and I have been married for five years and have two kids. I have never asked anything about her past all I knew is she wasn't a virgin when we met. This past summer we were at a pool party and one of my best friend's from school was ther...
A. 9 February 2017: Almost all of us has a past. Most of us have done things that we wish we hadn't. Its life and we grow and learn from it if we are lucky. Some people are very promiscuous when they are young, some aren't. Its all about what you want to do and don't ... (read in full...)
I am 61 and living with a man who's sought my approval to go out with other women. Is this acceptable?
Q. I am 61 years and /i nnnnnnnnnhave this man I met on a dating site last year it is coming up on a year we became friends on Facebook and chat and text almost daily. We have not met in person yet but he had asked about the possibility of moving i...
A. 7 February 2017: First of all, I understand that you want and need companionship. Most of us do want someone to care about and that cares about us in return. You just need to be SELECTIVE in whom you chose. The man is actually being rather insulting to you expecting ... (read in full...)
What's happening to me? Despite his disrespectful approach, why would I start to enjoy being disrespected?
Q. I know reading my post, my age is going to be the first thing you would all look at. Can't she be wise? At her age?? I have reached a point in my life where I am so tired of being disrespected that I have started seeing it as a normal occurrenc...
A. 6 February 2017: You will be disrespected if you allow it to happen. When a man sends you that kind of a pic, I wouldn't even bother to reply, I'd delete and block him. End of story. Its rude and presumptuous. My ex husband did that to me one time, thought he was ... (read in full...)
I found out that my boyfriend cheated and he doesn't know it yet. What should I do?
Q. Hello everyone. I've never posted a question online before but I really don't know what to do in this situation so I'd very much appreciate your honest opinion and input! Quick background story. I've been with my partner for 5 years this comin...
A. 6 February 2017: I'm sorry that you are hurting and confused. When you find out your partner is cheating, its like being hit in the stomach. You get the wind knocked out of you and then you feel the pain. It appears from your post that you are handling everything ... (read in full...)
Isn't this cheating? I'm distraught and stunned that he visited at least three mens' homes to masturbate
Q. I just found out my husband of 23 years, who has not had relations with me by his own accord for 12 years, more than half of my marriage, has been registered on gay and swinger websites. I found out all this on my own and have filed for divorce....
A. 5 February 2017: Aw sweetie...I am sorry. This has to be absolutely miserable for you! My last marriage my husband didn't touch me for 2 years (alcoholic) and it was more than I could take when he wouldn't get help so I ended things. 12 years??? I can't even imagine ... (read in full...)
I like masturbating in places where I might get caught
Q. I have a problem and I know it's wrong but I can't stop doing it...please help. I masturbate a lot, which I guess is not that bad, but I like doing it in situations when I might get caught. Or I intentionally don't clean up probably as it g...
A. 30 January 2017: There are people like you that get a real rush out of this type of behavior. Please consider though that your impulsiveness is dangerous, not only to yourself but also to others. If you are ever caught, you will most certainly pay a steep fine, ... (read in full...)
When will he tell me he loves me, I don't want to say it first this time?
Q. When can I expect my boyfriend to tell me he loves me? What are some signs that will indicate that he feels that way? (even if not saying it) I'm well on my way to falling in love with him, but don't want to say it first this time. I have sai...
A. 28 January 2017: Actions speak louder than words, remember that. How does he treat you? How does he talk to you? Does he act happy to see you/talk to you? Watch how he acts around you. They say talk is cheap and people often throw around the "L" word like it is ... (read in full...)
Has anyone else dealt with something like this? My first serious girlfriend has since come out as a lesbian.
Q. I was a little bit of a late bloomer but in college I finally met a really amazing girl who became my first serious girlfriend and by that I mean that she was all my firsts: first kiss, first love, first sexual encounter. She had been with one...
A. 26 January 2017: This happened with my first serious boyfriend. We started dating when we were both 17. I was very innocent and naive. He would sometimes tell me that men would come up to him and try to proposition him. We both just laughed about it and I never ... (read in full...)
Wife friended EX on Facebook and it has caused issues in our marriage
Q. One evening my wife was typing on her smartphone because she got a message on Facebook. It turned out, an ex-boyfriend wanted to friend her and she asked if it was OK. I asked her if he knew she was married and she said it was on her profile, so I ...
A. 25 January 2017: Your wife was honest and let you see and know what was going on the whole time. Stop digging around looking for trouble when there isn't any. You keep it up and you could very easily lose her, sir. She's been very open about it..consider yourself ... (read in full...)
26 years old and never been on a date
Q. I'm a 26 year old guy and have never dated. When I was in high school, I was pretty much an outcast and girls just laughed at me. One time a girl made me think she wanted to go to a dance with her and asked me to meet her there. She showed up with ...
A. 25 January 2017: My husband didn't go on a date or have serious relationship until he was 26. He was shy and very career oriented (he's a doctor). He's now 50 and the only 2 women he was ever involved with are his ex wife and me. I never thought anything about his ... (read in full...)
How can an older woman feel sexy when their partner obesesses over girls 20 years younger?
Q. How does an older woman ever feel good enough or sexy enough especially when her partner is obsessed with watching women twenty years younger than her. I know the usual answer is to ' realise he is with you and if he wanted that he would have that ' ...
A. 23 January 2017: A partner/mate is a person that should make you happy, make you feel good about yourself and be someone that you can trust and share good times and bad times together. If this man isn't making you happy, then why stay with him? Life is too short. We ... (read in full...)
Am I a coward with a cold heart, for the way I choose to end relationships? How should I do it?
Q. i,am a 50 year old female, been in a relationship for five months,he is really nice, romantic, but he isn't my type. I like big bald football type of guys, he is the cowboys type, good looking, he does all the things a woman wants in a man,so h...
A. 22 January 2017: Have you considered that you have abandonment issues/trust issues and might benefit from seeking out counselling? Most of us have been hurt, its the chance you take when being in a relationship but it isn't right to blame every man you date for what ... (read in full...)
My wife left me for her ex, who found her on Facebook and now wants to come back. Should I give her a second chance ?
Q. My wife was contacted by an ex on Facebook who first said he only wanted to be friends, then indicated he wanted more. She showed me his messages and told me they dated in high school and college and she broke up with him twice. The first time...
A. 22 January 2017: We can advise you but you need to search your heart and do what you feel is best for you. Use your heart but also use your brains, do not let emotions rule. Love makes people do crazy stupid things.
My first response to your post was "Why"???... (read in full...)
How should I handle this situation? I think something is going on between my mom and my husband
Q. I think there’s something going on between my mom and my husband !! I know this sounds impossible but it seems true !! And I want to get to the bottom of it but don't know how !! My mom's visiting us and it has been here for the past 2 months !...
A. 21 January 2017: Wow...your mom sounds like a real man eater. I agree with WiseOwl..sit them down and talk to both of them. Do it calmly, try not to get emotional. If they laugh at you say "I really don't find this funny or amusing and with your past record mom, I ... (read in full...)
She has decorated my bedroom space with love letters and trinkets and it's suffocating. What can I say and how should I approach this subject?
Q. I am in quite a new relationship with my girlfriend (just over 6 months) and things have been going well. Although recently she has started to decorate my bedroom with photographs, love letters and little trinkets. It is sweet, do not get me wr...
A. 21 January 2017: I think this really is a "girly" kind of thing like subconsciously marking her territory. I don't know of any guys that would do this sort of thing. Tell her politely but firmly that you appreciate her sentiments but it is your space and you would ... (read in full...)
He ignores me. Feel like I'm walking on egg shells. Is there any hope for this troubled relationship? What should I do?
Q. What should I do about this relationship?. I will just tell you what happened recently. I have been with my boyfriend just over a year. There have been a lot of times where we have argued. He has a very short fuse. I feel like I am walking on eg...
A. 16 January 2017: Do yourself a big favor and get out of this relationship now. Red flags are all around you, don't ignore them. The man has to drink to be in a good mood? That's a clear sign of an alcoholic...I was married to one (The mean kind) you don't need that. ... (read in full...)
Can two cheaters make a relationship work?
Q. I was in a serious relationship with a guy (it was long distance where we had to fly an hour to see each other). Then one day, I find out he had been texting this other girl 10 hours a day, and they were seeing each other for 3 hours a day for ...
A. 16 January 2017: If I understand correctly, its only been 1.5 months since your break up and you are obviously hurting. Its understandable of course but what you are putting yourself through is not going to help you in ANY way. You need to cut the ties and move on ... (read in full...)
I text my bf on an alias phone pretending to be an admirer. And he fell for it.
Q. After forgiving my cheating bf who got me and another woman pregnant 5 yrs ago, i forgave him and we are now back together for the past year. i put up with him going to spend time with his son at the other woman's house of which sometime he sleeps ...
A. 15 January 2017: I can't see this as anything but a no win situation. If you go along and pretend like you don't know anything, you still have the doubts that he would cheat again. If you say something to him you pretty much have to confess that you didn't trust him ... (read in full...)
Will guys reject me because of my physical flaw? Would this bother a guy?
Q. hey, I would love people to reply , it would help me so much. thanks. I am trying to work on my self esteem but 4 years ago I was in a bad place struggling with my identity. I rushed into getting a tattoo on my calf. Its quite large, its a vinta...
A. 11 January 2017: I'm not a fan of tattoos but if I had met a nice man with tattoos I wouldn't have automatically decided not to date him just because of his tattoos unless they were really disturbing (like white supremacy or nazi tattoos). People do crazy things ... (read in full...)
What do I do? How can she still want to be with someone who she is not sexually attracted to, nor IN love with?
Q. Apologies if I ramble but I have some much to get off my chest ?? My Fiancée of nearly 14 years and the mother of my 2 beautiful daughters (11 and 6) had told me she loved me but is not IN love with me several years ago. We have also not had...
A. 8 January 2017: This is going to start out harsh but seriously sir..what are you doing with this woman? Why oh why would you put yourself through this? You are young and I am sure you could find a nice lady that would love you and want to share herself and her life ... (read in full...)
Uncertain what the silence could mean
Q. I met this woman on OKCupid and we started writing to each other. I noticed that she logged in only once a week but she did respond whenever she logged in. The messages were also good. If I wrote 2 paragraphs her reply was also 2 paragraphs, if I ...
A. 7 January 2017: There are people who aren't kind enough/brave enough to come right out and say that they aren't interested so they pull the disappearing act. This is what she has done. She just didn't feel what you felt and no longer wishes to be in contact. Accept ... (read in full...)
She wants me to start wearing the pants in our relationship?!?
Q. Right, so my girlfriend told me yesterday she wants me to start wearing the pants in the relationship. I had no idea what she meant, and when I asked her she didn't really know how to explain it. Can someone here maybe explain it to me? Also, ...
A. 7 January 2017: She's telling you in a nice way to be more assertive and to "get a life". She means she doesn't want you to spend your every waking moment thinking of her or being with her but to get out and live and find hobbies/interests/friends. Its a good ... (read in full...)
I don't want to nag, but my boyfriend won't shower. Solutions? How should I respond?
Q. I'm 26 and I've just got into a relationship with a guy who's just turned 25. We've been seeing each other for months and we've been official for less than 3 weeks. As you can imagine I'm still in the honeymoon phase but he's straight away made him...
A. 5 January 2017: You can't change him. All the crying begging pleading nagging in the world won't make him change if he doesn't want to.
UGH...I couldn't be with someone like that. I'd just tell him that his personal hygiene habits are not attractive to you and ... (read in full...)
Should I marry a man I don't love? Is it time to settle?
Q. Should I marry a man I don't love? I have a friend who really likes me I told him that I really like his company, I think he's a nice person but there is no spark. He told me that despite the fact I don't love him he would wait for me and marry...
A. 28 December 2016: I would not recommend that you settle. Its not fair to either of you. You would in time grow to be resentful and probably him too. It could easily turn into a relationship where you would grow to hate one another. My mother admitted to my sister and ... (read in full...)
I can't walk away from my married guy but I can't handle the situation either
Q. I need help to deal with this situation without judgement please. I am having a relationship with my pastor. Well most would say affair but it is more than that to me. I'm 26 and a single Mum and he helped me so much and my wee girl. I ended up ...
A. 27 December 2016: Sorry but it isn't that you can't...its that you won't. They don't mean the same thing. You don't WANT to end things. I can tell you that things won't end well with you and this pastor. You are his little piece on the side and that's all you are, ... (read in full...)
Was it wrong to raise a glass at the graveside?
Q. I am involved in a bit if an argument. A mutual family friend passed away aged 49 from breast cancer. On her 50th birthday some of the family (not her family) and friends took some champagne and celebrated her birthday around her grave. The took ...
A. 20 December 2016: I think it was a lovely gesture and I'm sure it made the people present feel better. Everyone grieves in their own time, in their own way so what bothers one will not bother another. My father passed away 3 years ago now and I still miss him ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend bought me a chastity belt and expects me to wear it
Q. I have been with my bf for 6 months now. last week we were out, i was sitting at this table and a bloke came over and we were just chatting but my bf was like super mad and he hates me to chat to any guy. He is such a control freek that way. but i ...
A. 11 December 2016: I agree with Fatherly Advice. You know he gets jealous, you like to push him. He wants to control you. His idea is weird and you like attention and drama. The makings of a toxic relationship. You are not good for each other. I'll second the motion ... (read in full...)
What does my narcissist ex want from me?
Q. Hi all Is this part of narcissism perhaps. It's not in my nature to turn away old friends but no doubt he is a narcissist. I have recovered from my dependency on him and have a good solid life now. With a social life, with my family, my own h...
A. 8 December 2016: You shut the door on the relationship. I think rather than opening the door back up, even just a little it would be best to lock it, bolt it and then throw away the key. Why would you want to open yourself up again to someone that hurt you so ... (read in full...)
Think I love mother and daughter
Q. I'm in a relationship with a woman 18 years older than me. Lately we have been growing apart, the age difference and different interests are the main reasons. Her daughter, is 4 years younger then me. I'm 35. Her daughter and I have a great ...
A. 4 December 2016: Its understandable if you have fallen out of love with the mother then yes, you should end the relationship...but to consider dating the daughter? Uh No..and thats a BIG No! Sorry it weird, has a creepy vibe to it and it would be just frowned on by ... (read in full...)
My mother in law always sides with her son regardless of how badly he treats me
Q. I have recently had an argument with my mother in law my severely disabled son attacked me , he pulled my hair and my head back and forth several times, I now have terrible pains on my back and neck. I can cope with that but during the attack m...
A. 4 December 2016: I can only imagine the pain and stress that you are feeling right now. I'm a mother and I know how hard it would be for me to admit that perhaps my child needed to be put into a facility. With that being said though, you do need to look out for ... (read in full...)
Is it a bad idea to hook up with a single mother?
Q. Recently I broke up with my girlfriend and now I'm single. I know it's too early to hang out with other women but there is this girl she's 09/10 rating hot brunette, younger, she used to be my coworker but she got pregnant, got married and now she's ...
A. 27 November 2016: Don't waste her time! I've been a single mom and I would have been sickened if some guy I liked had the attitude that you have. Your best bet would be to find a single gal who just wants sex like you, not a mom with a child to worry about. ... (read in full...)
22 years in a loveless abusive marriage. What should I do?
Q. Have been living a loveless marriage for 22yrs, always abusing me verbally like am not pretty, not compatible, he's always the one that brings quarrel telling me to go. But the kids am afraid of quitting am also from a broken home I knew what I ...
A. 26 November 2016: 22 years is a very long time to be in a marriage where you aren't happy. Ask yourself this "Do you want to spend another 22 years in this marriage?"
You don't say if you have a job? If you do then at least you have some income which is certainl... (read in full...)
I think my neice is actually my father's child
Q. hi im 67 years old and have this niggling problem i dicovered when i walked in on my father haveing sex with my eldest sister this was when i was 14 my sister see me but dad did not and they carried on i am sure that her youngest child who is now ...
A. 26 November 2016: At this late stage in the game what good could possibly come of it if you say something? You don't know that you are right and if you are wrong or right you are going to cause a ton of hurt to at least one innocent person.
You don't know that you... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wants me to give another man oral sex.I am not happy with this!
Q. My boyfriend has been pressuring me into blowing another guy and I feel completely uncomfortable with the idea, I have told him this everytime he's asked and now he brings it up in the middle of sex or while he's dirty talking, I told him I'd ...
A. 26 November 2016: I couldn't agree with Anonymous123 any more! What should you try to get used to the idea or try to adapt?? No, its not normal for men to want to see their partner perform a sexual act on another man. Yes, there are some people that are ok with this ... (read in full...)
I've planned a very elaborate threesome with my bf and another girl, but could still do with some advice..
Q. Hi all. The live-in boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. We are very solid, trust each other completely, with little to no jealousy whatsoever, and we have a great sex life. So after about 6 months of discussion, we've finally decided to ...
A. 26 November 2016: I will start off by saying that I've been on DC almost 10 years now and these threesomes never work out too well. Its usually the woman who winds up getting jealous and hurt. At least 75% of the time a threesome leads to a breakup. Don't believe me? ... (read in full...)
What does my best friend want from me? He is married but keeps asking for a secret relationship
Q. He is married for 7 months. And he wants me to be in secret relationship with him. We are close friends since very long time and back in our college days we used to like each other not genuinely but just like crush on each other. We got so ...
A. 24 November 2016: OP, I hope you aren't so naive that you don't know what the guy wants but if you need it spelled out for you..he wants sex. He wants his wife and he wants you to be his little fling on the side, free extra sex/excitement. I hope that you are ... (read in full...)
How can I help myself? I am so confused. Our relationship has problems, but I do love him.
Q. I think my relationship is over.... I found out that my man is registered with a site called ^^^chat. I confronted him 6 months later, he swore on his mum's life and his children from previous marriage that it was not him. few months later in ...
A. 22 November 2016: I agree with WiseOwl on all points. Sweetie, you aren't confused. You're scared. You desperately try to hold onto a relationship that you know is over and you know he needs to be kicked to the curb but the thought of being alone isn't something that ... (read in full...)
The guy who meant nothing to her in her past got to live out his fantasy while I, despite being her boyfriend, don't get the same privilege. Isn't it unfair?
Q. I guess the question I have is what do I do? About 3 years ago before my girlfriend met me she had sex with a girl while a guy she occasionally hooked up with watched. They were all out at the pub and the girl was interested in her and the guys ...
A. 21 November 2016: I understand that you feel hurt/disappointed/jealous about something that your girlfriend did in the past but won't do now..BUT...if you can't handle her wishes with grace then you shouldn't be with her. She owes you nothing and she's told you that ... (read in full...)
My ex friend is giving out my number to everyone until I apologize
Q. On Halloween I had a falling out with a couple friends when I got kicked out of a frat party for not paying to get in and they ignored me for the rest of the night. For a couple days after that I was angry at them and just completely ignored their ...
A. 16 November 2016: I know it might be a pain but the first thing I'd do is change my number, block her on any social media sites and move on. She's immature, sounds a little malicious and definitely isn't someone that I'd consider a friend. ... (read in full...)
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