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My housemate keeps having sex in our shared spaces and I don't like it.

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 November 2017) 10 Answers - (Newest, 14 November 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 18-21, anonymous writes:

My housemate keeps having sex/foreplay with her boyfriend in our shared living spaces, like the living room etc. She tells me and laughs about it, but I actually find it so disrespectful and it makes me quite angry how she disregards my comfort because it isolates me in my own home. I've told her that I don't like it, but made it light as I do not like confrontation, yet she still does it. If our other three housemates found out, they'd go absolutely crazy as they're not as shy as me.

Am I being a prude? People have sex, that's fine, who cares - but on the sofa we all have to sit on and on the stairs where we all walk? Etc. I feel like I'm over reacting, am I over reacting? I don't know how to bring it up with her, or if I should just talk to my other housemates about it? Would it be wrong to involve them when they don't know? I'm not getting through to her though so I don't really know what else to do.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (14 November 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntOff course you are not being a prude. After reading your update I felt a little sick! Honestly she has no respect or manners for other people, neither does he! They both sound very immature. Speak to your other housemates and let them know what is happening, you are all paying bills and you all deserve to know the truth about this, as it is very unhygienic.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (13 November 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntSpeak to her one more time and, if it continues, tell your housemates and make sure they're on the same page - as in no sex in the shared spaces. If they don't like it either, then you can all say something.

It's just gross and disrespectful to leave body fluids on places other people have to use.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2017):

Thank you for the responses, I'll definitely bring it up again with her. Unfortunately her bragging is real, especially seeing as I've had the unpleasant experience of finding fresh and dried sexual fluids on our sofa throws... Now that is something I can never unsee!!

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom + , writes (12 November 2017):

Denizen agony auntThis is what you get when you live with people not of your choosing. You can leave. You can vote her out, but you probably can't stop her.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (12 November 2017):

I meant to say:

"and keep your bedroom door locked..."

"I recommend you get spray disinfectant and sanitary wipes for all tables,..."

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2017):

It's unhygienic to have sex in shared spaces, so it's worth telling your housemates, IF you *know* she's doing it and not just saying it.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (12 November 2017):

You're not being a prude. Your reaction is justified and genuinely a real concern. It's likely that students sharing quarters will just about do everything in limited space. Intimacy should be kept in the bedroom, and making-out is going to happen where it happens. That's just nature and dating.

Because she is getting a thrill out of irritating you, she is over-sharing; and much of it may be exaggerations for shock-effect. Don't play into it. You're giving her ammunition.

Unless you walk-in on her little love-sessions and have witnessed gross stuff; I suggest you take her "salty-tales" with a grain of salt. She may be yanking your crank.

If you know for certain that she is actually doing these things; you'll simply have to grow a backbone and ask her to stay away from your personal-space.

You can't tell her what to do in community-areas; but if she wants to do PA all over the house; then first address her one-on-one; and tell her how you feel about it. Abrupt interruptions also help. Like turning on a bright light, opening windows to air the place out, and asking them straight-out to "get a room!!! I'd appreciate some respect!"

You and all your roommates need to establish some reasonable house-rules. Telling them where they can make-out with a boy-friend, might be more your own personal-concern. Most roommates try to be scarce when anyone is entertaining. I'd keep personal-items under lock and key; and keep the your bedroom door locked. Provided you have your own room.

If you share everywhere, that's the hazards of too many roommates and not enough space.

If she mocks and brushes you off; then you have no choice but to take it to the rest of the group.

Don't bother the others and create drama unless you can't reason with her. It's time you grow-up and stand-up for your values.

I recommend you get spay disinfectant and sanitary wipes for all tables, counter-tops, door-knobs, and every area you can wipe-down.

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A female reader, mystiquek United States + , writes (12 November 2017):

mystiquek agony auntwow..your room mate is definitely wanting attention and not going about in the right way. I'd be grossed out myself. I've had room mates before and we were always very respectful of each other as you should be. If your room mate won't listen, tell the other room mates, get together and have some house rules that EVERYONE will follow..aka..no sex in common areas that everyone uses. And I really like youcannotbeserious's idea...if you happen to be around, walk in on them, make them feel embarrassed. Make alot of noise. I know it would be uncomfortable for you but I do think it would do the trick! And make the comment "Geez, get a freaking room!" Kidding aside..I feel sorry for you you shouldn't have to worry about something like that. Not classy of them at all if they truly are doing that.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (12 November 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntI think this is definitely a case of TMI (Too Much Information). Your silly housemate is just being immature, bragging about her sex life. Do you think she ACTUALLY has sex where she says, or is she just try bragging or even trying to wind you up?

If she really IS having sex in shares areas, then I would wait until you know it is going on then keep "accidentally" walking in on them, making some comment like "You two, get to your room" while carrying on with what you came out to do. I would even go as far as sitting on the settee next to them and switching on the tv. This will result in them either keeping their sex life to private areas or her boyfriend will develop performance anxiety of some sort if he is constantly on pins, wondering when you are going to walk in.

If all else fails, then I would have a word with the other house mates. This is your home as much as anyone else's and you should not be made to feel uncomfortable because your silly immature housemate thinks it is big to flaunt her sex life.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (12 November 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntTell her, in no uncertain terms, that the shared spaces are off-limits to all of you, when it comes to sexual activity and that she needs to respect that. If she does it again, bring it to the attention of your other housemates.

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