A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Thing is, I was cheated by two man before both I have child. Both men are the same age like 6 years older than me. First man, he made other woman pregnant that’s why I separated. Second man did not tell me he is married. Both man I did not get married. Because of that I got scared. Then I meet another man, far older than me, he was 28 Years older than me and yes I love him and think maybe this time I will not get hurt. We got married; he is the only husband I ever had. Had because he is now gone. He is dead from serious illness. Our marriage was a dream. No issues, we are like normal couple but fine and great couple but then "some good things never last” they said. Then I meet new man. He is now my bf. I’m originally Asian and marriage in my family is important. But this man has a trauma because his ex wife cheated on him. And now the situation. He doesn’t want marriage, he doesn't believe in it anymore due to his bad experience. But since I love him, I learned to accept that Situation that we are just partner. I accept to deal with the critizicism of family and friends because I love him. The Problem is, every time we have a fight or discussion. He always telling me, this is his house and he will shout wherever he want to. Sometimes he is telling me, ohh maybe you need an old man, an old man who can not shout anymore And he always telling me, that its not working for us and the next day he is fine nice again. It’s easy for him to get angry, loud and anger. He always complains on many things. Things that sometimes I can not handle anymore. I love him and I think He love me too. But his temper and complaining is not easy to handle his loudness and aggression really makes me crazy but I love him. But every time we have fight He always let me feel that it’s easy for him to brake up, maybe because he has nothing to worry because we are not married and he will not lose anything anymore if we got separated everything is easy now because we are not married. But what about my heart? What about my feelings. It’s hurting me this is his house and he can do what ever he wants to. Hey I have my own place too. I just move in to him because we both decided to. But how Will I deal with this behaviour. Sometimes sweet, sometimes angel, aggressive and loud. I have a nerve to take care too and it’s really hurting... I don’t need his material things; I just need a real relationship. I’m not a cheater, I never cheated on anyone. Why I can’t have just a simple, life-partner and just be nice in life...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2017): Oh god, when im reading all your comments im ending up with crying because i know you all saying the real situations. I want to leave him but my heart keep stopping me. He keep telling me that he love me and swear that he mean it. What hurts me more is i know and i can feel that he love me but know this love has a limit too. I really pray i can find my Courage to help my self to be out of this Situations. Im saving all your msg. keep reading it, trying to get some strenght from it. Thank you all...
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 November 2017):
 If you stay with this man all that you are showing to your children is that it is okay for a man to be angry and abusive at a woman, when in fact it is not okay at all. Be true to yourself, find the strength and leave him, if you stay with him you will just remain in a unhappy relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2017): Thank you to all of you. All your words really touched me. I wish im that strong enough and have a courage to leave him just like that. Yes, i love him and partly im a Kind of woman that i dont really go easily change partner. Im a one man woman so called. Its really hard. My parents, childrens and friends know about me having a new bf now after my husband death. I dont want my children find out that i will leave this man and suddenly in the next future they will find out i will have a new bf again. I dont want my children to see me on that way. Im trying to be a good sample to my children. When my bf is not angry he is actually sweet and kind. He is also friendly to my friends. The only thing i really can not handle is when he lost his temper then aggression, shouting is starting. And from that he is starting throwing hurtful words to me like, i should look for another old man, that normally he dont want a gf with two children. This is really hurting. Normally i can Leave i dont really need his any material things, i can live without any help from a man and you are all correct. Im inlove with this man and i know how soft and stupid i am that i am accepting this kind of treatment. I really wish that i can get over this and find my self a way to be strong for my self and go if he dont really adjust for me.. Thank you to all of you.. Really you are all nice and helpful...
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  + ♥, writes (4 November 2017):
 If you are unhappy, then leave. Its as simple as packing your things, saying goodbye and going back to your home. Do not let your feelings of love cloud your eyes from seeing this man for who and what he is. Love should make you happy, not unhappy. He isn't going to change and your are putting up with him. Why?? Please dont say "I love him". Its not enough of a reason to be miserable!
I was married to a man for 16 years. We were really happy once and then he lost his dad, started drinking and become a mean angry abusive alcoholic. I begged him to get help and he outright refused. I had been trying to help him for 2 years. I woke up one day and thought "This is it! I'm 40 and I am miserable." I left. I got my peace of mind back and my happiness. It wasn't easy and at times I was quite scared but I was free.
Wiseowl is right. Staying with an emotionally abusive person will drain you. You start forgetting who you are and become what they tell you that you are. WALK AWAY honey!
Life is far too short to be with someone that makes you miserable.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2017): I meant to say"
"What pulls love out of you, when he's mean and aggressive?"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2017): Love is not an excuse to allow people to control, abuse, or physically harm you. Why do people always throw love out there like it is justification for not making a sensible and necessary decision? It usually means, don't suggest I leave.
If you can't resolve the problem by talking to a man; then that man has to go. There are no magical words we can give you that makes people turn into sweet docile agreeable creatures. If you can't have a reasonable discussion to stop his yelling, control his temper, and minimize being so disagreeable; then kick is ass to the curb. If your love is so strong you can't, then shut-up and put-up. Like he wants you to.
Save your love for somebody who appreciates it, and returns it with kindness and in equal amounts.
Want pulls love out of you, when he's mean and aggressive?
Why are you accepting his love, if he has no plans to take things as far as you want them to go? If he's disagreeable and has decided to have it all his way; then tell me what exactly is in it for you?
Love on his terms sucks, if you ask me! You're giving a lot more than you get back!
My advice is to dump him and his toxic love. You're wasting your time and feelings on a bitter and willful man who wants women on his terms; while he calls all the shots. One woman hurt him, so the rest of woman-kind must pay for it.
Ladies listen up! The minute some jackass comes along and tells you he has issues about some past relationship; eject his broken and troubled ass out of your life! Run screaming the other direction! You've found yourself an assh*le! You cannot fix him. He's not a fixer-upper! He's hell looking for a home! You'd save yourselves a lot of heartache!
If you enter a relationship with drama; then drama is all that holds it together, until it breaks. It always breaks.
Love should not be used as an excuse for putting up with bullsh*t and failing to make the right decisions. All relationships have disagreements; but this isn't just disagreements. It's a stubborn aggressive man, bent on having things his way, and he's got anger-issues. A bad temper cancels love, sweetheart! In fact, it stomps and poops all over it! Knowing this and still keeping him, is just, in a word...stupid!
A man with a bad-temper abuses his power, and will break your spirit until he holds complete control over you. When he's done with you; you'll be broken and traumatized. Submissive and pitiful. Like a whipped lap-dog!
Abused-women hopelessly in-love become victims who struggle emotionally for the rest of their lives; or they spend much of it seeking treatment to undo the damage. While life is passing them by. They sadly grow older as captives to pain inflicted by bad-choices; or failing to let go when they should have. They rarely take advice to leave; they stick around until he finishes them off.
You're a smart and mature woman. You have the benefit of experience, and should know when you should let a man go.
Don't complain if you insist on keeping him until he damages you somehow.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (4 November 2017):
Do you have a good reason for living with this man? One that doesn't suggest you are there just to fulfill the expectations of others? Based on what you've written, you haven't given us one.
It is very unlikely that this man is going to change his behavior. There are lots worse things than being single...one is living with someone such as you've described. If you are going to have a suitable life partner and and "just be nice in life" you are going to have to get out of this relationship and start looking elsewhere. If you stay with this man and have a miserable remainder of your life, you'll have only yourself to blame.
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