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I have to have dinner with the girl who rejected me!

Tagged as: Crushes, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 April 2019) 9 Answers - (Newest, 11 April 2019)
A male United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hi

To keep a long story short, I have to have dinner with the girl who rejected me, her parents and a few of her other friends.

It's the first time I've seen her since she rejected me a few weeks ago. We're trying to be friends but i just feel so awkward about this. I don't want to seem down or miserable during the meal but i'm pretty sure I will feel down and miserable.

How should I handle it? i just want to get it over and forget about her, but i can't not attend this meal.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (11 April 2019):

Honeypie agony auntGood for you OP!

Glad it wasn't as horrible as you had expected and that you OBVIOUSLY made a good impression :)

Unfortunately, doing things we don't really WANT to is part of the "human experience" - how badly it turns out is usually up to us. Since you ended up taking it in strides and be a polite and pleasant person you ended up with a not so bad experience.

I'm NOT a super social person myself and I really don't enjoy "mandatory fun" (family gatherings) but I DO in most instances MAKE myself go. 1. because I think it sets an example for my kids and 2. because some of the time it actually ends up being fun. 3. because it IS part of the "social norm" of what is expected. After all those same family members show up and cheer for my kids when they perform etc. It goes both ways in some cases.

I'm proud that you went and handled it so well!

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A male reader, Billy Bathgate United States +, writes (11 April 2019):

Be polite and distant.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2019):

Original poster here

Thanks for your kind replies.

It was less awkward than i expected and i didn't feel so bad.

Strangely her parents really liked me and spoke pretty much just to me the whole time, sat either side of me and her dad wanted to take a photo of this girl with me randomly.

So now i can move on and try to feel better and hopefully her parents will make her question her decision haha

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (9 April 2019):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntYou can handle it with dignity. You can hold your head up high, pretend you are happy even though you may be screaming inside, keep a smile plastered on your face and chat to everyone like the "rejection" never took place. Remember, only YOU will know how you feel inside if you put on a good act.

Let the girl see what she is missing. Be friendly and polite. Deep breath, shoulders back, smile and go for it. You CAN do it. It's only a few hours at worst. You can collapse when you get home but you CAN put on a great act for a few hours.

Just another little bit of advice: go easy on the booze if there is any. Nothing like a drop too much to send you over the edge and make you lose it.

Good luck.

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A female reader, mystiquek United States + , writes (8 April 2019):

mystiquek agony auntPretend that you are an actor and this a role you are playing. FAKE IT darling....As Honeypie suggested, make sure you look your best and act as though everything in your world is perfectly fine and you didn't even skip a beat over her rejection. Of course you haven't had time to get over it, but for a few hours just pretend that you have. No one needs to know that you are still hurting and haven't yet healed. Smile and be charming and then go home and lick your wounds. You will heal in time.

Sorry you have to go through this but its just sadly one of those things that happen in life. Try being divorced and have to try and be civil for years to someone that you can no longer stand....people have to do it every day. Just be classy about it ok? Good luck!

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (8 April 2019):

Honeypie agony auntI love FA's suggestion :)

BUT you probably don't want to bring another date to this dinner.

My advice? ACCEPT that she turned you down. IT happens. And then ACCEPT that PART of adulting is doing social event things you really could do without.

You make SURE you are looking snappy, clean, you put on a smile and you act civil. If you are SMART you don't sit NEAR her. But if you have no choice in that matter, then POWER through it.

And AFTER the dinner, if it was really HARD for you, decide if being "friends" with this girl is something you REALLY want to do. It's OK to decide that nah, you don't need that kind of "friend" or drama in your life. And if you do, just BLOCK her and let it go.

She won't be the last girl to reject you as a dating partner, and THAT is OK. It's part of life. EVERYONE has been rejected at least once in their life. EVERYONE. At some point in time you might even meet a girl who is more interested in YOU than you are in her.

Sometimes we get knocked on our butts, all we can do is get back up.

You can do it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2019):

You handle it like a man. Rejection comes with growing-up, and it only means the person you wanted didn't want you back. You'll get over it, and it starts by facing-up to it.

Things may turnout better than expected. It would be different if there weren't so many other guests to cause some distraction. Your pride is hurt, and you feel embarrassed to be forced to face her. Then maybe this is going to help you get past the hurt feelings. Just be polite and pretend like it didn't even phase you. In time the real feeling you are over her will come. It's fresh and this dinner is coming at an inconvenient time. Just use this as an opportunity to learn how to face something difficult with power, honor, and maturity.

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (8 April 2019):

Fatherly Advice agony aunt"How should I handle it?"

Can you bring a date? Is it a plus one invitation?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2019):

If they are going to be down and miserable, and you are also going to be down and miserable if you attend the dinner, then why are you going?

You say you HAVE to go, but if it makes everyone uncomfortable then surely the lesser of two evils it just to not go.

If it is a specific occasion that calls for your attendance no matter what, then unfortunately, you are just going to have to put on a strong and brave face, be upbeat, happy, bright, funny... everything that the guests probably wont expect of you.

If you show hurt and awkwardness, you are proving them right and the evening will drag. If you prove them wrong by being Mr Social then you will be surprised at how much the evening lifts.

Yes it will take a lot of effort, however it is only a few hours of your life and you don't need to make commitments like that again.

Have a few 'banked' talking points for when conversation drops so you look to be making a good input and effort. These shouldn't be anything heavy, and should be all inclusive... try something like

So who is going abroad this year?

Has anyone had their first BBQ of the year yet?

I saw in the local news of this new restaurant "NAME" opening soon - Has anyone planned to go and try it yet?

I don't know the company or the context of the dinner so you will need to think of your own, but have 3/5 even written down in your pocket if you get nervous.

My last piece of advice would also be to not st too close to the girl in question, but also try not to sit so far away that it is obvious you're trying to avoid her. Try to stick somewhere in between and then you can't give off vibes of love or hate either way.

Think - Once the dinner is over, you never have to see any of them again if you don't want to - you'll get through it, realise it isn't that bad and look back at it one day as a little life lesson.

Good luck!

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