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One night stand why didn't he call back

Tagged as: Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 April 2019) 8 Answers - (Newest, 19 April 2019)
A female Canada age 41-50, anonymous writes:

To make a long story short, I had sex with a guy from my office last week and he bailed right after. I noticed he had been staring at me over the last several weeks, but we were never introduced. At a late office party at a hotel last week (where I had a room); he was there; we were all buzzed; a mutual friend approached me and said, you see that guy across from you at the bar, you guys are a match made in heaven, you should go talk to him. It seemed like the guy was waiting alone for me at the bar. So I went over and introduced myself, he started telling me how he speaks foreign languages, and served in Special Forces, etc.. He asked me if I wanted to go to another bar to hang out, but since it was cold I suggested that we just sit in the hotel lobby. After an hour or so chatting in the lobby, I called it a night since I was tired, and he seemed sad and said he was too tired to drive 30 minutes home, so I invited him to crash on the sofa in my hotel room, which he happily agreed to. We played that game for a while, talking, until I went over to his cot and kissed him. We made out for a while in our underwear, then I said, let's not have sex, let's go to sleep, and he agreed, but started masturbating on his own. I felt bad for him so offered to have sex with him. He gave me a lot of compliments on how I got him off, and exclaimed he had no idea that was going to happen that night. The next morning he woke up and seemed pensive and distant, staring at the window, but we chatted and had sex again (which I again initiated). I told him I wanted to orgasm (I hadn't yet), could he do it again. He said probably, but he needed his phone charger first for his business. He asked me questions about my sexual preferences and my availability the following week. We agreed that he'd get his phone cable from his office and come back to the hotel room. But shortly after leaving he texted me a somewhat frantic message about work stuff and would take a raincheck. I didn't hear back from him, so two days later I texted him, how was your week? and he responded with short, sometimes one word answers, so I let it drop. As some background, he is 10 years younger than me (he's 34, I'm 44), said he struggles with PTSD; and appears to have recently split up with a young wife leaving a young child between them (less than a year ago); he is also running a successful company which he founded. Also, I look a lot younger than my age and am often complimented as 'hot'. My questions - should I not have slept with him? Was the sex so bad that he never called back? Was he even interested in dating me ever or just sex? If he wasn't interested in me why was he staring at me at work or asking me out at the bar?

View related questions: at work, orgasm, split up, text, underwear

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (19 April 2019):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntGiven your age (you are not a naive young teenager who can be excused her actions because of lack of experience), what outcome were you actually expecting?

You effectively picked up a guy in a bar, invited him back to your room and initiated sex. Now you are surprised he doesn't want to see you again. Come on, you cannot be THAT clueless. Obviously the charger excuse was just that - an excuse to get away.

It sounds like this guy has so much baggage going on that the last thing he needs is a further complication in the shape of a cougar who is expecting a relationship after he happened to have sex with her on a night away from home.

Perhaps this is a wake-up call that you need to get out and get dating men who are looking for relationships. And don't offer sex because you feel sorry for someone! That has to be the worst excuse for having sex I have ever heard.

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A female reader, mystiquek Japan + , writes (17 April 2019):

mystiquek agony auntOP, I have been on this website for a very long time, probably longer than 99% of the people on here. I have moderated thousands of posts. I don't know why you are acting like you don't know what a one night stand is? YOU made the title for your post, not me. A one night stand is EXACTLY what it says it night..and you normally never see the person again. So why are you confused? You are not 16, you are in your 40s. Girlfriend PLEASE. You know why he hasn't called. We don't need to spell it out for you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2019):

Some questions here. He works in your office. You have an office party in a hotel. You have a room in the hotel. But he doesn't. Why? Was the hotel out of town?

You don't hear from him for two days then you text him, yet you are in the same office with him every day, you could have simply asked him. Didn't it cross your mind to ask him if he is married before sleeping with him? Does he work in your office or does he run a successful company of his own?

To assure you, no the sex was not bad.if he came off then the sex was very good. Probably he is still married to his wife and still very much with her. Probably he regrets cheating on her.

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy + , writes (17 April 2019):

Anonymous 123 agony auntIt could be a lot of things. Maybe it was all too much for him, maybe be felt guilty, maybe it just didn't do anything for him, maybe he thought he could get into trouble for sleeping with someone from his place of work or maybe he just isn't into older women.

To answer your other question, no, he wasn't interested in dating you and you weren't interested in dating him either. The way the whole thing unfolded was slightly clumsy and not something to remember.

Next time don't do this with a co-worker because it's not worth the awkwardness. You don't know what the repercussions could be.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2019):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for the hard talk guys and gals :)

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (17 April 2019):

N91 agony auntCome on, be serious here. You’re 44, you’re not a young, inexperienced kid. You have dealt with men before, you know the deal.

He couldn’t even introduce himself to you, he had to get someone else to make the first move for him. That’s pretty embarrassing to begin with. You then went over and YOU ended up doing all the dirty work for him, you bought into his spiel, you invited him to your room to ‘sleep’, you came onto him, then felt bad so you had sex? Really? Who has sex because they feel bad for someone?

He dipped out because you gave him exactly what he wanted. He put in the bare minimum effort and he got what he desired, why would he stick around? You’re getting one word answers because he isn’t interested anymore. Well, unless you’re discussing sex.

You should know better at your age, if you give sex up easily that guy is likely to think you do the same for everyone you meet which to be frank is offputting. If you want something serious in future then you need to hold off on the sex. It weeds out the users.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (17 April 2019):

Honeypie agony auntIt WAS a one night stand.

He is having WAY too much on his plate to have anything to offer YOU.

PTSD and a pending divorce?

The guy is STILL married. He left because he know he shouldn't have gone back to your room and he shouldn't have had sex with you.

Especially IF he wants to save his marriage.

NOTHING in your post show EITHER of you having any interest in dating, just rutting.

If you want to DATE a guy... GET to know him first. GO on dates and once you two are mutually EXCLUSIVE, sex can enter the picture.

YOU offering sex doesn't UP the chance that he might want to date you.

Sorry, OP he just isn't interested.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2019):

I don't think he was that into you, OP. It was all you. You went over to him. You introduced yourself. You asked him to your room. You initiated sex with him that night and the next morning. Sorry, but you sound a little desperate. He might have found you attractive to look at but so? Men look. He took it because you offered it on a silver platter. You aren't special. Now save your dignity and let him be. He thinks it was a mistake.

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