A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've posted on here a few times about a relationship I had with my colleague that went south to say the least! We currently only speak with each other about work (barely even that). I basically see him and see red! I didn't behave well after the break up as I had a lot of questions and he basically did the no contact thing... I'm a teacher so the deadline for resigning to leave by the new academic year was on Friday. I haven't been sure at all but spoke with my principal on Friday and handed in my resignation letter. It was a very long conversation with both her and my mentor and they know that the only reason I am leaving is to get away from him. They've given me an extra week (as we're on school holiday now) to decide. They're very frustrated with the situation and I know my principal - being a woman as well - just wants me to forget him and thinks he is a player (he has tried it on with literally every young female member of staff - and been knocked back consistently). They asked what they could do to get me to stay and my mentor even told me that our sister school is advertising so if I was keen and still wanted to leave then he'd ring their principal and try to get me a job there. Since then I've had both my head of department and second in department speak with me - both wanting to change my mind. We're a very young department and I know I'm a valued member of the team. There's tons of room for progression and they're genuinely a very good school which is hard to come by... my only issue is working with my ex! It's been almost a year and seeing him everyday kinda keeps it alive. He keeps making excuses to talk to me (professionally) and my HoD did express that he's super pissed at him for that (they're best friends). I genuinely don't know what to do... head says get out and have a clean break (don't consider the sister school) and just start off somewhere new - but that would mean cutting ties with my friends... Heart wants me to stay because as cliche as it sounds I do love my job and feel like at 25 I'm so lucky that I've already found my perfect role!! It's just the ex that I can't stomach.. I mean eventually one of his advances will work and he'll start dating again... knowing my luck someone that we work with! Help? Any advice greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2019): I would leave the job and move on with your life.
You will go with excellent references and teaching is a transferable skill where you will meet new colleagues and less gossip.
Most people think you should stay and you could do that of course but moving around in the teaching world is sometimes a smart move.
Its just that its such a nice feeling to make a clean break and to get away from the stagnant situation.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2019): I am a teacher too and something similar happened to me - not with an ex boyfriend but with a male colleague who I was friends with, but suddenly fell out with, because another female was stirring up trouble between us - so he chose to believe her over me. To cut a long story short he stopped speaking to me altogether but yet we had to still work in the same department so it became unbearable.
The reason I mentioned I was a teacher was because having been in the job a bit longer than you, I noticed how high the staff turnover was. Few people stay in their teaching jobs for more than 2 or 3 years at a time (due to high pressure/paperwork etc) and if they do stay they usually move onto another department (as my colleague did) or promotion after a while. - So what I'm saying is just stick things out for another term or two, because either he'll move on or you yourself will move on & forget about him soon enough - it just takes time. Don't make any rash decisions.
I fully understand the awkwardness of it all though - be patient.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  + ♥, writes (30 May 2019):
 I realize it may be hard right now to see the man, but I wouldn't leave a great job because of him. Great jobs are too hard to come by. I'd try really hard to find a way to cope with him and move on. Is he worth you running away from a place that you are loved and appreciated? I rather doubt it. As the other aunts have pointed out, when you see him just think "Man am I glad I got away from you" and slowly you'll start to feel that way and thank your lucky stars you dodged a bullet.
If at the most extreme you truly can't stay at least transfer to the sister school. Don't start completely over somewhere!
It will get easier with time. It sucks but you just have to ride it out. He's not worth your career. Good luck with everything. Just hang tight for awhile.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (30 May 2019):
 I can think of two options. First, as most of the aunts say and which should be the more logical one is that you shouldn't let the asshole bother you.
The thing is OP I don't think you're over the break-up yet because if you were then you would be indifferent to him. You are taking it way too personally while the reality of him is that that's how he is, not just with you but in all his relationships. You made the mistake of thinking that you were special for him but for players like him, no one is special.
Let him date whoever he wants and instead of feeling bad, you should pity his next victim while thanking your stars that you're out of it! Let him do what he wants, let him date who he wants... Your best revenge would be to be happy! If you leave then he would know it's because of him and imagine the satisfaction it would give him to boast! He'd go around telling the world, "you know the effect I had on that girl? Well she couldn't live without me so she quit her job! Ha!"
Why oh why do you want to make him feel so important OP? Is he really that big a deal for you that you're ready to quit your perfect job? Just take a step back and look at your reaction... He's absolutely fine and cocky while you're fuming and ready to change the course of your career... For him!
Then again, all said and done, it's your life and your decision OP. If you still feel that you can't stand the thought of seeing him then the second best option would be to transfer to the sister school. You'd be familiar with the system and they'd be familiar with you.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (30 May 2019):
 He wins. Your career is far more important than he is. Dont let him rock your professional world. It is evident from your post you are well regarded by your peers and want you to stay. Thats gold! Whats not professional is him going through female staff like a Panza division. However thats his deal, distance yourself from being concerned about how he acts and with whom. You have EARNED the respect and right to be there. Get your self some counselling for strategies on how to deal with your emotions.Stay, Stay, Stay
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (29 May 2019):
 I have to agree with Wiseowl.
Why let him occupy your mind so much? It didn’t work out, so what? You’re considering leaving your job over it? A job you call perfect? Over a greaseball? Can’t like it that much if you’re thinking about moving! Breakups happen and life goes on, we can’t go into meltdown mode and shutdown every time we get upset, strap on a pair and get over it! You’ll be kicking yourself if you leave your ‘dream job’ as when you meet your next partner you won’t give a second thought about your ex, so why ruin a dream career over it?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2019): Giving-up a good and well-established job over a broken relationship makes the other party in the breakup a winner.
He's only human. He has arms and legs. He has feelings like any other person on the planet. Yet he has managed to take control of both your personal-life and your professional-life.
What about the students? Don't they need a highly-qualified teacher; as you become all the more tenured with the school you're already in? Will you be hopping and jumping hither and thither every-time you end a bad-relationship? What if he ups and moves next-door to you?
You must have tremendous financial-resources and a big-fat bank-account at your disposal.
That's all I'm going to say.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (29 May 2019):
 I'd go for the job at the sister school.
For two reasons;
1. you get away from seeing him on a daily basis.
2. it also leave you the opportunity to come back when you have ACTUALLY moved on and can handle being around him and JUST NOT CARE, and of curse continue doing what you love.
Take this as a teaching experience (pun intended) and NOT date a coworker again.
And lastly, work on NOT giving a SINGLE F as to what he does and who he chases. At some point YOU were falling for his BS and dated him, so yes, it's likely that some other woman will as well.
He doesn't OWE you "closure" or to answer whatever questions you had regarding the break up. IT IS YOUR responsibility to work through it and move on. Honestly? THE only person who CAN give you closure is you. NEVER leave that up to another person. Don't give another person that much POWER over your life.
I suggest the sister school and not staying because I think given your age, staying will only prolong the heart ache for you. If you were older and had more experience (and this is NOT a critique of you) maybe staying and putting ALL feelings aside could also be a good option.
Starting ALL over a new place (not sister school) would mean a WHOLE new environment and policies, not something familiar. Which again is why I'd go for the sister school.
You REALLY need to let him go and STOP caring about WHOM is is going to date next. OBVIOUSLY he isn't a Keeper - and if he HITS on EVERY female with a pulse, that should tell you that you GOT lucky when it ended (even if it doesn't FEEL/FELT) that way. Good riddance to your ex.
Chin up, life goes on.
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