A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a few months. So far everything has gone great. The problem I have is that I think her bed is super uncomfortable. Her mattress is a 3 inch thick piece of foam. Her blanket is 4 or 5 layers of thin blankets that are made of some synthetic super soft fuzzy material which feels nice for about 5 minutes but I sometimes sweat a lot when I sleep and it quickly starts to feel terrible. Her “sheets” are yet another fuzzy blanket. Her pillow cases are made of the same material. I find it very difficult to get any sleep when I stay with her overnight.Meanwhile, my bed is (in my opinion) very comfortable. I have a goose down quilt, high thread count sheets, and a hybrid memory-foam/spring mattress. I invested quite a bit of money to make me bed very comfortable and I think it was worth every penny.So far, I have not really told her about my concerns. If I stay over at her home I just spend the next day feeling tired. But this month, her flat mate is away so she wants me to try living with her for a few weeks. I’m not sure I’ll survive.What should I do? Should I tell her that her bed is too uncomfortable and only stay once or twice a week? Should I take her to a store and suggest some more comfortable bedding? I would even be happy to pay for it. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2019): In these early stages a little white lie wouldn't hurt. Honey i have a bad back and your bed just seems to aggravate it, can we sleep at my place instead?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2019): I'm wondering if some aunts and uncles missed that you have barely been together?? Its way too early to be buying her a new bed set. I agree with bringing a mattress topper and blanket for yourself not spending money on a new girlfriend especially since she will literally have to sleep on it for a long time if you break up soon. Be honest enough to bring your own stuff but dont move in so early on even temporarily. Take it slower and build a foundation. Be honest and bring your own stuff.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2019): Just tell her you find it difficult to sleep unless you have a really good mattress and that you're happy to stay over but only if she will let you buy her a new one. When you raise the discussion with her, I think the trick is to blame yourself ("I'm overly sensitive") rather than her ("you must be built like a robot to sleep on that bed"). I agree that you spend half your life asleep so having a comfortable bed is important!
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  + ♥, writes (5 May 2019):
 "Hey honey I would love to stay with you but I'm afraid your bed isn't quite as comfortable as I'd like. Why don't we go out and see if we can find something that will be comfortable for both of us? My treat."
Honeypie made excellent suggestions. Men usually are warmer than women so I can understand why all that "fuzzy and fluffy" stuff might make you too hot. Cotton is the way to go.
If you are sleeping with someone you should certainly be able to talk about what you are sleeping on!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2019): My boyfriend bought me a very comfortable new mattress; because he thought the extra firm-mattress I used to have was uncomfortable. It's one of the best on the market, and I can't complain; and neither does he anymore.
Do you catch my drift?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 May 2019):
 Buy her some new bedding.
I don't know if you have an IKEA nearby by they have some decent stuff for a good price.
I'd stick to just getting a decent mattress topper and bedding. Though I would NOT go overboard on this, financially. But you GOT to be comfortable and actually get some sleep.
And TELL her how her "fluffy stuff" makes you feel and this is why you are gifting her something more comfortable so you CAN spend more time at her place.
There will ALWAYS be conversations in a relationship that are a little awkward to break into, but if you don't talk... nothing changes. Right?
Some Synthetic Fleece is made of plastic bottles... so no wonder you sweat like a pig in her bed. It's not natural materials at all.
I'd ALWAYS go for natural materials for bedding. Doesn't have to have an insanely high thread count (though those are lovely) but cotton is something your skin can "breathe" in.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (5 May 2019):
 OP, you're so early on in your relationship. You're still strangers romantically. Just don't sleep over at hers often.Having said that, if you feel confident enough to sleep together, you should feel confident enough to tell her you want to pop a soft mattress topper on your side and use your own blanket - that YOU keep at YOUR place and bring over ONLY when you're staying the night.Do NOT start buying expensive things. She is HAPPY with her bed unless she says otherwise and YOU are very NEW. You shouldn't be considering living together yet. My goodness, you two are rushing this relationship and it's likely to backfire, regardless of her bed. Slow it down and be honest about her bed, but only so you can bring your own comfort, NOT so she feels she needs new stuff.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2019): You could bring your own or buy your own for over there and tell her you wanted to make it feel more homey there. I don't think it would be a big deal telling the truth though, it's important to be able to talk about problems if you can't say how you feel about something little how would you deal with bigger issues that can come up later on.
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