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Dealing with a narcisstic man

Tagged as: Big Questions, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 July 2023) 7 Answers - (Newest, 8 July 2023)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Has anyone ever dealt with a narcissistic man in a relationship?

I am living with a guy who never says he is wrong. No matter what he does, it’s my fault, my mistake, my actions that has caused an argument or a disagreement. He’s always adding other woman on social media and is constantly on his phone. When I ask him why he’s doing this, he says he’s doing it to build his social circle up. He has no friends who messages or hangs out with and he’s now putting guilt on me, to try and stop me seeing my friends and family.

I don’t know if he’s a narcissist as I’ve never met anyone who behaves like this but my friends are telling me he has a lot of traits of this.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (8 July 2023):

Honeypie agony auntWhy are you living with this guy?

If he is just a roommate, find another place OR kick him out if the place is yours.

He sounds like a clown.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2023):

Someone like this can ruin you. Please leave. This is unhealthy

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2023):

You are allowing him to treat you like dirt, so of course he has a low opinion of you because you have a low opinion of yourself. People who have self esteem walk away from guys like this and would never live with them. They would have a job, pay their way, not be reliant on him for company, so called love or anything else. He knows you are not self supporting emotionally - which is why you ask strangers about it - so he takes advantage of all of your weaknesses and makes the most of it.

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A female reader, mystiquek United States + , writes (7 July 2023):

mystiquek agony auntThis is where you stop trying to fix things or change things and walk away. This type of person is a soul crusher. Get out now..and actually don't walk...RUN!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2023):

Leave him. That's the only way to deal with people like him.

He'll never change.

You see, he's treating you badly, because (you let him) you're here to fulfill a certain role and if you're unable or unwilling to do it, he won't need you in his life. If he finds a woman that fulfills his needs and he thinks that she's better looking, more interesting, more successful than you, he'll dump you in a sec.

Some people like him have friends and family and towards some of them they can act differently! They either want to impress them, or they need something from them, so they’re manipulating them. People like you who accept to be treated badly also do the “dirty work” for is other friends and family, who somehow benefit from him.

It could be a complex situation, but the principle is simple – he treats you the way you let him. Now, you may be thinking, “if I change, he’ll start treating me better!”.

Even if this could happen, and the chances are slim, do you want to be with a self-centered liar and manipulator.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2023):

Something that stands out from your post is your saying "I am living with a guy"

You don't refer to him as 'My boyfriend whom I live with'. What do you consider him as being?

Egocentrism is the trait that you seem to be describing as being his behaviour towards you. How about you, how would you describe your behaviour towards him?

One short post, and bearing in mind that we're only getting your side of things, on which to recommend that you *definitely* should call it off... that would not be valueing a human-to-human relationship.

How long have you two been together, and which way has the communication gone as to riding through rough patches together over that time?

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom + , writes (5 July 2023):

kenny agony auntI think its important in relationships to look out for what i call red flags, and from your post he is certainly displaying quite a few isen't he.

on top of being a narcissistic man, he is controlling your life, what you do and who you see. Also adding other women on social media and expects you top be ok with this.

From what you have said I think most women would run for the hills, and that's exactly the advice i am going to give you.

You need to step up and build up the courage and leave him, you can do better.

He is not going to all of a sudden turn into a nice guy over night, so if you don't take a stand now this will go on for ever.

Leave him and find someone who gives you the love you deserve.

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