| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Concern over friendFriend recently had a break up about 6 weeks ago. She works at a school and went from dressing very girly/feminine like skirts and dresses everyday. She still wears dresses but now dresses in all black daily and wears literally black lipstick eyeshadow and paints her nails black. Her clothes are almost gothic and same as her jewelry which are also all black. She also changed her hair as she used to straighten it a lot but now wears it curly. She said she sees fashion as a way to express herself and that she feels sad and depressed. I am concerned for her because of the sudden change and that she is in her 30s. Is this typical behavior and should I be concerned? I would like to help but maybe it’s just a phase. I’ve never seen someone make a dramatic change
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male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (5 January 2024):
 I think we all have very different ways of dealing with things and all adopt various coping mechanisms to deal with loss and break ups or being cheated on, and this is her way.
Just maybe keep an eye on her from time to time, be a friend, and i'm sure that she will get over this in her own time and her own way.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2024): It's typical.
Hopefully she will do nothing that could endanger her livelihood.
I've seen people resigning without a clue about what they'll do next.
Or people who started punishing others for their break-ups by being unbearable, alienating friends and colleagues.
Given time, there's a good chance she will get it out of her system and move on.
Just know one thing - you are not responsible for her. Be there, waited out. But if at any point she starts taking it out on you, set firm boundaries. Let her know that you'll take zero BS.
Her style is not your problem, but if she asks for your opinion, politely refuse to comment, because she might be looking for a reason to blow up, if you tell her what you really think.
Being lonely, or left or cheated on sucks.
I have a couple of chronically single friends, who keep looking for their "kings" and truth be told, none of them acts like an adult. They have a tendency to act, dress and overall behave like kids. It doesn't matter what their obsession might be (eternal youth, artistic "projects", social status...), they need constant "support", which means saying "yes" to all of their crazy ideas.
So, if your friend is going through a phase, in time it'll run its course. If she continues to behave like that long-term, you'll have to decide where she fits in your life.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  + ♥, writes (2 January 2024):
 This happened to my daughter after her divorce. She totally changed her appearance. She cut and dyed her beautiful strawberry blonde hair black, then red and kept changing the style. She started dressing far differently than she had before. It turned out that her husband had cheated on her with a woman who looked very similar to my daughter and she wanted to just look different and be different. Eventually she went back to her old self. If your friend isn't hurting herself or anyone or isn't talking about suicide or anything..I'd leave her alone. Everyone has to work through pain hurt and disappointment in their own way and timing.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (2 January 2024):
 That seems odd at that age, but as long as it is isn’t hurting anyone (specifically thinking about her career), then I would let her do her thing!
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