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Shall I confront my neighbor or not?

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Question - (10 August 2023) 8 Answers - (Newest, 14 August 2023)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My neighbor, on several occasion, whilst I have been away has looked after my indoor rabbits.

I’ve never had any issues with her coming to my house and looking after them.

My bunnies have their own allocated big room downstairs which is rabbit proof and safe and they are not allowed in other parts of the house for their own safety.

I have security cameras around the house which my neighbor is aware of and knows I monitor them when I’m away.

Unfortunately I had to go away recently for a week. She came over to feed my rabbits for the week and on 3 occasions bought her niece who is 9 years old.

When checking my cameras I saw that her niece took both bunnies out of their room and let them run around my living room and kitchen.

My neighbor knows this isn’t allowed but didn’t stop her niece on those 3 occasions. She was right there with her so saw her do it.

Everything is fine, rabbits not hurt but I’m annoyed as to why she didn’t stop her niece.

Do I ask her about it or not?

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom + , writes (14 August 2023):

kenny agony auntI don't think i would mention it to be honest as will more than likely cause some bad feeling.

Next time you go away just maybe consider someone else look after them.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (13 August 2023):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntWhile I do understand you saying the rabbits should not be in other parts of the house which have not been made safe for them, I assume the neighbour and child were with them the whole time they were out of their safe space so it was highly unlikely that they would have had chance to hurt themselves or cause any damage.

You have to decide, "Is this the hill I am prepared to die on?" Could you find someone else reliable to look after your rabbits if you upset your neighbour?

As you have cameras, and the neighbour KNOWS you have cameras, she obviously didn't consider she was doing anything wrong. Perhaps she assumed the rule meant leavign the rabbits unsupervised in other areas? Perhaps you could just have a word on the subject of making sure they keep a careful eye on the rabbits while they ARE out of their safe area. That way you will, hopefully, both be happy.

FWIW, I too would be a bit worried about this turn of events but, sometimes, we have to give a little to get a little. My stance on it would be, if the rabbits and/or house are not harmed, ultimately it's not a big deal.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2023):

Tricky one because if this is the first time she’s kind of let you down like this maybe having a word with her might help?

Say something like “ thank you for looking after them, I really appreciate it. I see your niece came over too, she looked like she was having fun with them. Just one thing- I noticed she took them out of their room- if you bring her again just please make sure she doesn’t take them out as the rest of the house isn’t bunny proof & I don’t want them to get injured” or something along those lines so there’s no argument & no risk of her refusing to look after them again.

She really should have stopped her niece - especially as she knew you’d check your cameras.

If after this she does something similar then find someone else to look after them.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2023):

No point to saying anything, she will be offended and go off you. She thinks she was doing you a big favour going in there when other people would charge to do the same thing. How dare you say anything then when she was good enough to save you money? Heard it all before re cats dogs and other animals too. If she is kind enough to do it free she does it her way, regardless of what you ask for. When you want it done your way for sure you pay someone who is a professional.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (12 August 2023):

Honeypie agony auntYou might need to find someone else to look after your bunnies any time you are in need of a pet sitter.

1. She took a 9-year-old into your house. Someone who you didn't know and someone you had not asked to take care of the bunnies. While a 9-year-old can learn how to pick up and hold a bunny (or any other pet) they are not always aware of what they shouldn't do.

2. you had rules for WHERE the bunnies are allowed to roam. Your neighbor disregarded that to ENDULGE his niece. She didn't consider the safety of the bunnies (Some DO love to chew on electrical cords) at all.

3. If she has a key... get it back.

If you want her to continue to be your pet sitter, you NEED to tell her. 1. Don't bring the niece AND/OR explain why they HAVE to stay in their allocated room.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2023):

Your neighbor is doing you a favor.

I know what it means since my husband and I have a cat and no family around us to ask to take care of him. Having godo neighbos is crucial for us. We also take care of their pets too. So, it's a win-win, in our case.

Your neighbor knew that you had cameras, so she didn't lie or hide. She probably thought that there's no harm in her niece "playing with bunnies" for a little while. Some people are not food with setting boundaries with the kids and have this need for kids to like them no matter what.

With all these cameras you sound like a controlling person - this is not a judgement. This means that you are probably moe attached to the idea of rules and boundaries, etc. People like you tend to obsses over them and sometimes even neglect to see the bigger picture, even when it's about their own priorities and needs.

If you decide to say something, make sure that it is NOT personal. I wouldn't say that I've seen her on THREE occasions. I'd jusr say how grateful I am for her help and that I'm sure that she likes the animals and that I have no problem with her niece coming over and playing with them in their rooms, but that taking them out exposes the to risk such as...

She might feel offended anyhow. Because people are not rational. The only thing that matter to them is how you make them feel. If she feels valued and senses your gratitude, it may soften the blow.

Now, the question is, do you still feel ok with her taking care of your animals. Is there anybody else you could ask?

If the answer is no, then mind your step.

If it's yes, I'd still be mindful of how I treat a good neighbor.

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A female reader, mystiquek United States + , writes (11 August 2023):

mystiquek agony auntI guess it depends on how good of terms you wish to stay with your neighbor because regardless of you being right and having proof, I highly doubt that the conversation would go very well. More than likely they will try to deny it or laugh it off and will probably be annoyed that you called them out. Obviously what they did was wrong and broke your trust. I would NEVER ask them again but would I say something? probably not.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2023):

I'd bring it up - kindly , though , I mean, not confrontationally , as meekly as you can manage. After all , this neighbour was doing you a favour, and you may still need her help in future.

So tell her something like " You probably had forgotten about it,as it may happen, but I never let my bunnies out of their room, it's for their safety " or " Yeah I know that kids love bunnies , I'm glad your niece likes them too , but next time please do not let her take them out"...in short , something diplomatic enough not to ruffle a good neighbour's feathers, but also clear enough to let her know that you are always aware of what goes on in your house and you notice at once if somebody breaks your house rules

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