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Why is my fwb being so disrespectful

Tagged as: Friends with Benefits<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 August 2023) 9 Answers - (Newest, 26 August 2023)
A female United States age , anonymous writes:

I've been seeing a FWB for sometime. We do things together. Hang out, go out in his boat, go to dinner sometimes. Lately he seems irritated by something. We went to his condo on the beach in his truck. It was really a hot day. I asked if he could PLEASE put on the air. He said "we don't need it because there was a breeze when moving". (he can afford the air), I said, "will there be air on in the condo"? He said, "now your being a Dxxk." I was so mad I asked him to take me home instead. Why so disrespectful? FYI, I haven't slept with him for sometime because I want a relationship. He does not. Your thoughts agony aunts appreciated.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2023):

Having sex with a guy you are not in a relationship is something some women do, but they usually regret it. Most of them do it in the hope that he changes his mind and decides to date them - some hope. You cannot take a turd and polish it and turn it into a diamond. A turd is a turd. A guy who only wants you for sex does not think much of you and never will.

I've had men offer me money for loveless casual sex and felt insulted, but when they want it free it's more insulting.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2023):

When you have sex with a guy who does not want to be with you in a relationship you are telling him that you have no respect for yourself. You are a nothing. Just an object to be used for sex. So of course he does not respect you.

With a lot of guys they see some women as classy and special and others as objects just for sex. The classy special ones are the ones they would date and maybe marry and have kids with. The others are just for sex. You acted like an object for him so that is how he sees you.

A wise woman does not let men use her. And it is obvious he will not change his mind and decide you are classy and special if you have let him treat you this way.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (19 August 2023):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntHe's so disrespectful because he wants out of this "partnership" but hasn't got the balls to end it. He hopes, by him being nasty, you will do the dirty work for him and walk away.

Do him and yourself a favour and walk away with your head held high. You deserve better.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (19 August 2023):

Honeypie agony aunt"FYI, I haven't slept with him for sometime because I want a relationship. He does not. "

I think you need to walk away from this guy. An FWB is NOT going to turn into a relationship because YOU want a relationship.

You two are not on the same page NOR in the same book.

Stop wasting your time on a guy who doesn't WANT you as a real partner.

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A female reader, mystiquek United States + , writes (19 August 2023):

mystiquek agony auntThis is the problem with FWB relationships. They start out as no strings attached and then invariably one person grows feelings for the other. These relationships normally don't work out and one person walks away hurt. You can't make someone care and love you and apparently your FWB partner is happy for just sex. He doesn't want more. The best thing you can do is to accept it and end things. If you want a relationship do not settle for less than that.

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy +, writes (19 August 2023):

Anonymous 123 agony auntYou want a relationship and he doesn't. Well he wins, because you can't force him! Just stop seeing him and there's no point withholding sex from him because you mean nothing to him, emotionally. He's being disrespectful because he doesn't care how you feel. You're expecting more and that disturbs his apple cart of no-strings-attached sex.

The real question is, why are you still with him when he doesn't want to be with you?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2023):

You said it yourself. He's comfortable with having a a person to have sex with, no strings attached. You like him and would like a relationship. He's just not into you. Maybe he was dsiappointed that you hadn't had sex for a while and was hoping to have sex with you in his condo. So your conversation about AC was not a conversation about AC. It was about the deal that you've had - this being an arrangement with no strings attached.

If you enjoy having sex with him and can do so without wanting more, then by all means do it. Otherwise, move on.

See, when he meets someone he'd like to have a relationship with, he'll continue having sex with you until they become exclusive and then he'll dump you.Maybe he'll ghost you, maybe he'll be nice about it and say that you desrvesomething more. Maybe he'll be right out honest and say that he met someone and fell in love.

I'd be hones with hiom instead of witholding sex an dtrying to manipoulate him. I'd tell him that I cannot controml my emotions, but that I can control how I act, blah, blah... At least that's how you'll know that you said how you felt and then move on.

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom + , writes (18 August 2023):

kenny agony auntWhy he was so disrespectful is now irrelevant, this is not important here.

You know in your heart of hearts what you need to do here. For starters you want a relationship and he does not. So my advice would be to delete/block and move on, and fine someone who you can have a relationship with.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2023):

I didn't get married till I was 29 I had many girlfriends. Most of them broke up with me. I've been groomed for that since high school. 40 years later I still fill guilty about the 3 I broke up with. Love, sex, shine my shoes they did it all, and I found someone else.

I would purposely do things so Miss Not Right would break up with me. Come late, go days without calling. I had sex with a big mouth girlfriend. Smoke a cigar.

I think he wants you to break up with him.

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