A
female
age
51-59,
*mijhun
writes:Hello.I am separated for 13 yrs now and I am in a relationship with a man who is 15 yrs older than me. He was my teenage crush, I was 16 yrs old and we kissed once. He is known in our city as a womanizer. We become closer through email (long-distance relationship) beginning this March and it moved forward to having a relationship. He is a Filipino, still single, and resides in Canada and I am in the Philippines.In the first month of our relationship, I have noticed that he is in deep trouble with his finances because of his projects like building new house for his family here in the Philippines, helping his brother's car loan, and added into this the COVID that affected us financially.He is a nice man and our relationship felt perfect. but he is just in need of money to ease his problem. I want to help him and we both agreed to get a loan from the bank. His lot as the collateral and I am the borrower since I own a business. We agreed of a 15 million projects - the construction of 4 building apartments, the bakery, and the foundation to help the less fortunate children in his hometown. The bank has agreed on our terms without any cash out for the building constructions and bakery businesses. we call it here in the Philippines "Small and Medium Enterprise" loan. the bank will grant us 6.3M for the initial stage until all 15M will be released. Now, here is the problem. He does not want his 2200sqm to be mortgaged in the bank because it is under his Mom's name. He wanted only the 300 sqm lot which is his property plus my own house and lot including my restaurant area as collateral. Bank did not approve to protect me as their client. Bank wants only his properties.I told him what the bank has offered and he did not like the results and because of this, 2 days after he suddenly stopped his communication with me. I tried to write to him but he ignores all.The relationship felt so good but he suddenly disappears after the bank made clear of the negotiations. Was he into me or just using me? I could not understand at all, it seems I am in denial and I do not get it. How can I talk to him when he ignores my message.
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crush, money, womaniser Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2020): Thank God! I am grateful others chimed-in to get a point across to you! Penetrating emotions is a difficult task; and we've all been in your shoes. Ready to make a sacrifice or leap in the name of love.
How can a man claim to be a minister of God, and have a reputation of being a womanizer? A wolf in sheep's clothing!!!
Conviction rose in my spirit and made me put all I had into my posts. Now I guess I know why!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (18 August 2020):
 Glad the scales fell of your eyes with regards to this man and that you didn't end up bankrupt and brokenhearted.
Chin up.
And take this experience as a learning experience. Don't MIX money and romance.
Hope you are doing well, and thanks for the update.
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A
female
reader, amijhun +, writes (16 August 2020):
amijhun is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Aunts and Uncles,
Thank you so much for clearing my thoughts. I just loved him so much that I was willing to do it for him but I am grateful to have you all who shed some light and above all to God who intervened in an earlier stage. I never thought that a preacher, who spoke with spiritual eloquence will do such acts. I guess I was in love with the person I thought he was and that stayed with me...and knowing the truth is heartbreaking.
WiseOwlE, HoneyPie, Mystiquek, and to all Anonymous uncle and aunts:
thank you so much for all your words of comfort, it lifted my emotions and spitit and realize that I made something right for myself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2020): I am sorry to burst your balloon but if you have only known this man for a few months and it has been very remote, no meeting, this is not a relationship! He was asking you to give him money so that you would continue with the non existent relationship, believing yourself to be safe and secure with a man who is using you for financial gain.
He probably had about 50 such " relationships " on the go at the same time. All with women he is not really interested in, for the money. It is how he earns his living. To him you are work not pleasure.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2020): You do not get out loans for other people. He is a scammer and a dreamer. Just using you for financial gain. It would be bad enough if he wanted the money for him but he would also have you giving money to his family and other people who are none of your concern and should take care of themselves.
I never understand why anyone would want a relationship with someone who is penniless. Even if they are honest and not scammers it can only lead to misery. You would be constantly going without or forking out his share of the bills.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (24 July 2020):
 I realize that you are hurt and probably not thinking clearly but OP you dodged a bullet..in more ways than one. Yes, he was using you. No he doesn't love you but he loved it when he thought he could get your money. Please listen to the wise advice of both Wiseowl and Honeypie. Be glad that your bank wouldn't allow things to go through. You would have been left holding the bag for a huge amount of money.
Take emotions out of this and think logically OP. Why do you think he got so upset and stopped contacting you?? Its because his scheme didn't work. Don't be surprised if you never hear from him again..its a bitter pill to swallow but you honestly faired far better than you could have with the exception of having a broken heart. He was USING you..make no mistake about it.
We can only advise..I hope you will listen.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 July 2020):
No, no no... DO NOT get a loan THAT big with a guy you knew 20? years ago! OR with someone who you have a romantic attachment to! IT will NOT end well.
The fact that he has stopped contact when the bank didn't want to agree to HIS terms (in way where HE could keep his mother's property safe- but not yours) in case of failure...) means that HE was NEVER into you romantically, only to USE you in some kind of scheme.
A scheme that would ruin you financially. But not him. You bank is looking out FOR YOU. HE isn't.
I know it's tough to hear that he was looking to use you financially, but you need to be smarter in business, OP
Glad your bank used some smarts and common sense when YOU didn't.
KEEP business and romances separate. This would be VERY different if you two were married and well established BEFORE starting on a building/investment venture.
He is ALREADY in DEEP trouble financially, HOW on Earth do you think this would have panned out? He might have some good but SUPER lofty ideas for developments but he is ALREADY financially unstable. Which means he is NOT a good financial partner. And he lives abroad so guess who is left holding the bag of crap if things don't work out? YOU.
I wonder how many other women he has scammed or tried to scam.
I'm sorry, OP Think YOU have dodged two really big bullets here. Romantically and finacially.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2020): OP, I must take issue with your whole starting premise. First this man was 31, a grown man, when you were only 16 and still a child. A crush is harmless unless this man acted and turned it into a criminal act! Then you said that you got closer, by e mails. I beg to differ with you, because this man is a complete stanger, to you! You only know what he has told you OP! He must have lied about how much land he owned but the bank caught that?! Why on earth, would you want to take up with a man who has the reputation as a womaniser? And 15yrs your elder? No that man did not care about you! From the start, you were the victim of an attempted scheme, which would have made you lose your home, land, and business! He did not want to put up his Moms property, but had no qualms about flushing your whole existance, down the toilet! The man cannot pay to fix his brothers car, but he is going to develope a 15.6 million dollar, four building project??? Plus he wants to put up everything that YOU own, for collateral???
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2020): NO HE IS NOT INTO YOU, AND HE NEVER WAS!
I'm am sorry to be harsh. This is a circumstance for tough-love; because speaking to someone overcome with their emotions is very difficult. You will not listen to reason when your heart is broken, and you're frustrated or desperate. I used strong language with the hope I'll get through to you. I hope you get a lot more answers to convince you!
Uncles and aunts, please help!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2020): You are making a tremendous mistake! I mean of the most unbelievable and ungodly proportions! You are going into that kind of debt with a man living in another country?
HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND??? He won't cheat his mother, BUT HE WILL CHEAT YOU!
Chasing after a man should never drive someone into total lunacy! You are being jilted! Behaving like the typically-targeted desperate mature-woman with savings and a few assets; willing and ready to be taken by the first scam-artist who comes along! Caught-up in your fantasy from 24 years ago! He kissed you, so lets go-out and borrow millions of dollars?
You are no longer 16! Snap out of it!
I am ecstatic beyond all words that the bank denied your loan! You don't go into that kind of debt with a man who isn't even married to you!!! The bank sees what's coming, but you don't!
My dear, you are just waiting for someone to come along and rid you of every dime you have. You will be left penniless and broke, in debt up to your eyeballs! No, you will be entirely over you head and in bankruptcy! Left with nothing!
If someone loves you, they don't need your money! He's mad because he didn't get the chance to steal money from someone he thinks is a foolish woman!
Will you listen to advice, reason, or wisdom?
He won't talk to you because he wants your money...not you!
"A fool and his (her) money are soon parted!"~Tom Tusser
A loose translation of the Biblical Proverb 21:20, which says:
"20 There are riches and oil of great worth in the house of the wise, but a foolish man swallows them up."
God swiftly and divinely intervened on your very foolish mistake over chasing after a man!!! The man is a scoundrel and ready to take advantage of you!
Either get on your knees and thank God for saving you; or go ahead and give that man your money. Then spend the rest of your life still alone...while paying back the money stolen from you, and owed to the bank!
If he got his hands on that money, he would have splurged like a millionaire-playboy, and disappeared. Leaving you standing there looking like an idiot, and riddled with shame. Then on top of all this, you know his reputation.
God saved you, sweetheart! I hope and pray he never speaks to you again! I hope the good Lord opens your eyes, before you do something you will regret for the rest of your life; over a man who is playing on your emotions. You cannot possibly be so naive!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2020): I do not understand why you want to talk to him, never mind how you do it. He is clearly only using you for money, material gain and some sprinkling of fun and sex too. He was nice to you while he saw a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow - so that he could keep you sweet until he got it.
People who spend money on projects to help the needy are rich people, they do not need to borrow and they do not need to go all around the houses to get hold of the money. Why would a person with financial difficulties spend money on total strangers to help them when he needs more money for himself just for day to day living expenses? Why would he help family buy a car when he is not in a position to afford it? None of this adds up.
When he suggested all this you should have smelt a rat and ended things. Now that you have seen that this is how it is you still want to be there for him?! I hope that as you think about this more and more you will see the light.
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