A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have split with my boyfriend and I still love him. He says he wants me to stop contacting him. But I think he's just angry at me and deep down he loves me. Should I delete his number as I won't be able to contact him ever again if I do Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (5 July 2020):
 When you meet the right person, you will understand why it didn't work out with your ex.
Don't you want better for yourself than to be in a relationship where you disagree on so many fundamental issues? Don't make the common mistake of assuming "better the devil you know" because that will stop you moving on and realizing how untrue that is.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2020): I don't really need him anyway we have split up before and get back together. But when he comes back which he will I don't want him back. I've got thousands of messages from men if I wanted one. And he was an abusive boyfriend too
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2020): At the moment you are in the denial stage of the breakup.
You are hearing what you want to hear, seeing what you want to see, analyzing what he says and does but taking what you want out of it. You are ignoring the truth.
I’m sorry to say, but this relationship is over. It wasn’t working for a while and he has made the decision to break up with you, he is doing what he knows is best for himself.
I hate to tell you, but he is right. Your relationship was not working and will not work in the long term. He is not going to want to get back together with you, ever. He wants to move on and find love and happiness elsewhere. It doesn’t make him a bad person, he’s just human.
It doesn’t make you a bad person either to have feelings and emotions. But your happiness should not revolve around some guy.
Delete his number permenantly, avoid seeing him and start the healing process and start moving on. Keep reminding yourself that the relationship is over. Because it is.
Don’t try and win him back because it is futile. He is never going to come
Back, you are wasting your time.
Go out with friends and family (if Covid in your area permits), do things you enjoy, take up a new hobby. Go for a walk in the fresh air everyday. Make sure you are getting plenty of excercise. Eat healthily, try getting enough sleep. Go for a massage, go to a salon and get your hair or nails done. Buy yourself some new clothes. Do all this for you, NOT in a vain attempt to get him back.
Treat yourself for you, learn to love yourself again, take care of yourself.
I would suggest buying a journal. Use it write how you are feeling and what you are thinking. Use it when you are sad and when you miss him. Use it to write good things about yourself in it and things you are doing to improve your life. Write him a letter in it, letting all your emotions out (although DO NOT send the letter to him), burn it after you have written it. When you feel like you need to message him, write in your journal instead Of sending the message to him.
It will get easier and you will heal. You will find someone else eventually, but when you do please know that this person should not be your whole life. They should only enhance it.
Look after yourself and start working on your self esteem. It will get easier I promise.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (5 July 2020):
 No writing it down is a cop out.
Toss the note. Leave him be. It's not working. Holding on to his number will only prolong this. Accept reality. Which is, it's over.
You need to move on.
Don't hold yourself back from meeting someone who IS right for you.
Keeping his number is going to change the fact that it didn't work out. The reasons you broke up are the same and still valid. Would be in a week or a month.
Also, it really doesn't sound like a healthy relationship, why are you so desperate to cling to it? I mean... he STALKED you twice?!! that isn't normal or healthy!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2020): OP I have kept his number written down somewhere in drawer so I don't text as I'm hundreds of miles away for awhile so will keep it until I get back home where he lives as that's part why we split up do you agree that's a good idea
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2020): I think you should delete his number for your own well-being. The relationship for him is over and you need to allow yourself to time to deal with the hurt and loss you are no doubt feeling in order for you to move on. Hanging onto his number will just be like torturing you xxx I’m sorry your going through this but it will get better in times
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 July 2020):
yes, first BLOCK his number then delete it. That way you can't get hold of him NOR can he get hold of you.
If someone TELLS you to NOT contact them ever again, YOU need to respect that and NOT contact them.
He MIGHT "just" be mad, he might "just" have had enough - regardless, YOU need to respect his wishes for no further contact.
You two didn't work out. You know why. Don't waste LOVE on someone who wants nothing to do with you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2020): I'm so very sorry about your breakup. I know just how painful of an experience that can be. The first few weeks are very dreadful. Trust me, the pain will ease-up.
Now here's the tough-love part. You need this, as much as you need our comforting and empathy.
He will change his number or block all your calls; if you don't delete his number. He may change the number altogether. If you breakup with someone, what you feel thereafter is of little or no real importance. He isn't just angry, he wants to breakup.
You have little choice, but to leave him alone; and stop contacting him as he has requested. What's the point, if he doesn't want to hear from you? Would you rather hear his angry words?
The sooner you start the detachment-process, the better-off you'll be.
It is time to accept that it's over, initiate your healing, and move on. I know it's not easy, I've been through it. I had to go through the whole painful process of letting-go; but I got over him, and found someone much much better. It took awhile; but when it happened, I wasn't even looking. I was happy being single and independent.
Yes in-deed, you will become reacquainted with being single; and it's not really that bad.
You've been dependent on a relationship for so long; you think you'll be consumed with loneliness. Wait and see, you'll adapt to it. You are mature enough to be real about all this. You're not a naive young-woman in her teens or 20's! It is what it is!
Whatever reason(s) parted you; use it as lessons-learned, and be sure not to repeat those past mistakes when love finds you again. Be assured, love will find you again; but it will not be him attached to it. Use the down-time for reflection, introspection, enlightenment, and growth. Catch-up on those things you've put aside to devote all of your time and energies on him. Now you have time for yourself.
Never fear loneliness, or dread your freedom. That's what makes people desperate; and forces them to settle, or choose people who are toxic and unfit for them.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2020): We were together 3years and argued about settling down, going out, family, sex everything.
He did stalk me in person twice. But in my heart miss him so much and struggling with not contacting him
...............................
A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (4 July 2020):
 OP regardless of how you feel or what you might think he feels you need to respect his wishes. If he says leave him alone then please do leave him alone. If he wants to get in contact with you, then he will. If not then you must accept that the relationship is over. Don't continue to contact him because if it isn't what he wants he could grow to really dislike you or even turn you in for being stalkerish.
I know you are hurting but you have to find a way to move on. Take it day by day step by step. If you can refrain from calling him then you don't have to delete his number. If its too tempting and you think you might continue to call or text him, it would be best to delete his number.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (4 July 2020):
If someone tells you to stop contacting them, you need to respect their wishes. "He doesn't mean it" is no excuse. You do not have a right to assume what he means or what he doesn't. You are in danger of becoming a pest (if you have not already done so). How will you feel if he takes out a restraining order against you?
There'a song which your post reminded me of: "How can I miss if you won't go away?" If you keep chasing, he will keep running. Your only chance is to walk away and hope he suddenly realizes he need to reach out to keep you. That is, of course, assuming he actually doesn't want to lose you. It is totally possible he means what he says and does not want you in his life, in which case you need to find some self respect and leave him be.
I had a boyfriend when I was in my late teens who turned just like you when I tried to finish our relationship. This was before the days of mobile phones. He used to turn up at my house and sit outside in his car when he knew I would be walking past (going home from college or work). Regardless of how many times I told him I did not want to see him or speak to him, he still refused to accept it. It got to a stage where I hated the sight of him and I would feel physically sick when I spotted his car. It took a little "chat" from my brother and a couple of his friends to finally convince him that he needed to stay away from me. Don't push your ex to that point because, let me tell you from experience, he will truly dislike you by then. You are not doing yourself any favours with your current behaviour.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2020): Listen to what he is asking you, and STOP contacting him.
He needs his space, most people do after a breakup.
It is hard, but a bit of space will be good for you too. It gives both of you time to think. Think about the relationship, what happened between you. Whether you realise this or not space after a breakup is healthy.
Use this time to work on yourself. Do things that you enjoy, see friends and family.
Without some space apart, you getting back together NOW will probably not end well. Neither of you will be thinking rationally as you will still be in
Pain from the breakup. Things won’t get resolved and you’ll end up breakup up down the line anyway. Give both of you two some time to THINK.
You chasing him when he wants to be left alone will NOT make him want to get back with you. It shows him you are needy, clingy, desperate and insecure. He will freak out because he will feel that you you NEED him in your life - that’s too much pressure for anyone to bear. None of this is attractive.
Instead it will make him feel like he made the right decision in breaking up with you. You are pushing him more away from you. Men want a secure woman he can value, not a child that is dependant on him.
By giving him space and time, you are showing him that you are mature, you respect yourself and you respect him and are listening to him.
If you had a deep and meaningful relationship, he will respect you more for allowing him time to heal. If not you are on your way to a restraining order.
If it wasn’t a deep and meaningful relationship and he doesn’t want you back, you will have given yourself time to start the healing process.
Block his number so you don’t feel tempted. Accept that you two are not together anymore and move on with your life.
Even love can’t save a broken relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2020): Delete his number. It is what he wants. You hope he will change his mind, he feels that he will not. You totally skip over why you broke up, it is amazing how many people split up with someone and then brush that bit under the carpet as if it never happened and cannot happen again. If he changes his mind he can contact you. I feel you have been pestering him to get back with you. He has ever right to want freedom and peace, nobody should be nagged into doing anything. If they are not keen to do it then let it be, don't try to convince them or force them somehow. It is not nice or fair. You may have to accept that it really is over. That's life. Reflect on why he wanted to end it and make sure it does not happen again.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (4 July 2020):
 How long was the pair of you together? What was the reasons for your relationship split?.
Without knowing anything about your situation here, it sounds like the relationship is over and he wants to move on. What happened for him to be angry at you?.
If you had a good loving relationship, and are still on good terms then i would say maybe keep his number, but refrain from contacting him like you do as he requests.
If the relationship was a toxic one, and you were always arguing then i would say delete his number and move on with your life.
...............................
|
