A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I left an emotionally abusive relationship. I thought we were head over heels in love but it was just false. He lead me on and tried to use me financially and to help him with his kids. I fell for it for about 2 months. Tried to work things out but he just got so mean and I realized what he really was. I’m so hurt and embarrassed I fell for it. Several women have come forward to say how he did the same and worse. I just can’t snap out of the sadness. I thought I had something real for once and it ends up being a complete lie. He contacts mutual friends to say I’m crazy. They don’t believe him but it hurts he doesn’t get out of my life. I even went to the police! I’m tired of this bringing me down. Normally I’m fine to jump back in the dating pool and move on but this is the first time I’m wvtuelly afraid to date. I was only with him 6 months but I feel so used and sad.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 August 2018):
 Well done for leaving the relationship. Some women (and men) never find the strength to do that so you should be super proud of yourself, that is a major achievement on its own and shows that you are a strong person! Please don't be embarrassed. He is a user and abusive, usually it is very hard early on to see the signs and warnings because they are good actors. You have done nothing wrong all you done was want to be loved. None of this is your fault, he is the bad guy here. It didn't just happen to you, it happened to several other women so that alone should tell you that he is good at tricking women. It does not make you stupid, it makes you a victim. Off course you are going to feel sad. You wanted things to work out and you wanted to be loved. He on the other hand is a bad egg and deep down you should be happy that you had a lucky escape. Give yourself time to heal. It is okay to be sad and confind in friends and family. Mutual friends know what he is like, so all he is doing is making himself look like an even bigger fool by lying. You hold your head up high and laugh at how pathetic he is. It is okay to feel afraid, you have been through a traumatic experience you need to give yourself time to recover from that. Don't worry about dating for now just concentrate on yourself and healing yourself. If you find nothing is working them maybe speak to a counsellor about the trauma you have experienced. You need to remember that not all men are the same and unfortunately for you he targetted you. It might have only been six months but it is okay to be sad. You just need time and people who love you to get you through this hard time.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2018): The wolf in sheep's clothes showed his true colours and you saw it fairly early on and had the common sense and guts to walk away. Sadly you was one of many because this is how he plays.
Pick yourself a day (very soon) and make it the day you resolve to move on and thank your lucky stars you had a lucky escape. You now have more knowledge of what not to go for in the future, take it slowly, know your boundaries and stick to them and forgive yourself by being fooled by this man.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (13 August 2018):
 OP, don't be so hard on yourself. Many a woman has been bamboozled by a sweet talking man. It happens all the time sadly. As the other lovely aunts have said the most important part is that got out without extensive damage. You seen him for what he is and walked away. Smart lady! Some women put up with this kind of man for years, possibly all of their lives. Now that is sad.
Accept that your affection wasn't returned the way it should have been. Stop beating yourself up. You gave your time and love to the wrong person. You've learned from it. Chin up sweetie..we've all had our share of frogs that don't turn into princes. Some day hopefully you won't hurt and he'll just be some terrible dating story that you can tell.
Ask your friends to block him. When no one responds he'll get tired and move on.
*HUGS* to you. Its going to be ok. Give yourself time to heal and regroup. There are nice men out there I promise. Don't give up.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 August 2018):
 OP, you made a mistake. It happens.
The guy in question is good at his con-game. That is why SEVERAL other women have fallen for his bullshit too.
He KNOWS how to fake being a great guy - though not for long. He can't sustain it because it's fake.
No one just walks away from such a situation and brush it off. That would be foolish. So don't feel bad that you are wary of dating again.
But, two points...
1. you CAN'T hold a whole sex (men) responsible for ONE man's actions. Just because you met ONE such asshat doesn't mean they might ALL be like him. that isn't fair to all the DECENT and GOOD men out there.
2.Take some time being single. Figure out IF you did miss or ignore any red flag with this guy. MAKE that abomination of a relationship a LEARNING experience. Hindsight is often 20/20 - I'm sure you have heard that expression. That means you can now look back and dissect what went wrong and LEARN what to avoid in the future.
Stop beating yourself up. You were open to love and picked the WRONG man. THAT does happen! Like YCNBS said, YOU shouldn't BE embarrassed. Once you SAW what was going on you didn't pull the "BUT I love him" and stayed with him all the while whinging about how he is using you... NO, you stood up for yourself and ended it.
You went to the Police when you felt that was the right move as well, where as MANY other women would not have.
YOU did good!
I know that you worry about any future guy and that you can't tell a crook from a decent one. And that CAN be hard. Which is why I'd say take some time look back and learn. And WHEN you feel ready to move on to greener pastures, TAKE your time getting to know someone. KNOW your own boundaries and limits. And STICK to them.
Chin up.
Life is too short to give some piece of crap that much power over your life!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (13 August 2018):
 First of all, a big "well done" for getting out so fast. Many people put up with being used and abused for years because abusers are usually quite clever in knowing which buttons to press to keep them locked into the relationship. If this man makes a habit of doing this, which is how it sounds, then he will be well practised at fooling women into thinking he is "real". It was unlucky that he found you but down to your own strength of character and good judgement that you got out of the relationship when you realized what was going on. We get so many posts on this site saying "he uses/abuses me, tell me what I should do" that it makes a refreshing change to get one from someone who has been strong enough to KNOW what was needed and do it. Respect to you.
As far as contacting your friends is concerned, if they block him and refuse to respond to the venom he is spewing about you, he will eventually get bored and move on to his next victim. He is furious because he thought he "had" you but you were too astute to be fooled for long. He probably manages to get more out of women than he did out of you, hence his anger and frustration and lashing out. When he contacts your friends (who should all be blocking him as well), understand where this anger is coming from. He "invested" in you but did not get much back for his "investment". Pat yourself on the back and realize you were too clever for this one.
Don't be embarrassed for falling for him. If you chose to stay with him once you had realized what he was really like, THAT would be reason to be embarrassed. Falling for a well-practised liar and user can happen to the best of us.
Give yourself a break from dating until you are ready again. Your experience with this man will make you more wary of future suitors but also more clued up on what to look for. You have been unlucky but you have survived. Stay strong.
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