A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok here it goes. I have been seeing this guy now off and on for almost 3 yrs. But he treats me so horrible. There is another women involved. I'm the one that is always there for him no matter what. But now he is in jail and the first time I bail him out. will I told him lets see how much she loves you and she can bail you out. has it happen no. I feel like she even relys on me to do everything for him. why is it he loves the ones that aren't there for him and is mean to the one who always is. He calls me names mentally and emotionally breaks me down. no one else can answer his phone calls except me. but yet I'm the horrible one. it hurt so bad. every thing he said he wasn't going to do he has. he said he never get her pregnant she is, about to have the c secton day b4 my bday that hurts really bad. I feel like I'm less of a women can I can longer have children from have cancer. I don't like to share guy in that way, it hurts bad but I love him so much. he just told me yesterday when he called me he was going to marry her and I need to be a good friend to him because he found god and needs to do the right thing. then I hang up he calls back like I'm not entile to my feelings I told him I need a break he was like for how long. this hurts horrible. he says he cares a great deal for me.. that can't be true. how can any normal person drag someone on for years and then say this over the phone like its nothing....like I should just deal with it and not get upset. I have to big of a heart and I don't know how to walk away. he says I need to learn how to be a friend.. lmao he is a real person right. I just give up. I'm so lost to why he treats me so horrible hangs up on me and everything else but yet I'm still there for him. I just drove over an hour last night to put money on his books when she lives 10 mins away.. but she never has money...
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a break, in jail, money Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 June 2018):
 You cannot buy his love. Honestly he is using you because you are allowing it. You need to nip this in the bud now and realize that you can do so much better for yourself.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (10 June 2018):
 Wow, just wow.
Where is your self respect woman? You are a doormat. Why would he stop treating you this way? You allow and accept it. He is using you for all you’re worth and you cater to his every need. Can you blame him?
What are you expecting from him? He’s obviously not a decent guy if he’s in jail, let alone the way he treats you. If you think this is all you deserve from life then you need a good, hard look in the mirror.
If you have a big heart then why aren’t you giving it to someone who deserves it? Why are you putting up with this treatment? Why would you compete for someone else’s affection? Get a grip and cut contact with this guy and find someone that treats you with respect.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (10 June 2018):
 You've shown him that you're happy to be used by him. Stop. He can't MAKE you do these things.You WANT an abusive criminal boyfriend who has another woman he's interested in more than you? Why, OP?Find a real man who pays for himself, isn't a criminal, isn't chasing after other women and treats you well.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (9 June 2018):
 OP, you are being treated this way by the man because you are allowing him to do so. Apparently the other woman doesn't let him take advantage of her and perhaps in his weird twisted way he admire that in her? You bend over backwards to help him, he knows it and takes advantage of you because you are thinking with your heart. Stop being a doormat or a marshmellow. He doesn't treat you right, doesn't love you the way that he should and you are letting him walk all over you. You deserve far better than what you are getting. You already know this hun. We aren't telling you something that you don't know. Question is: how much longer are you going to take this???
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (9 June 2018):
 Why does he treat you like this? Because YOU allow it. No other reason.
You are not helpless in this situation. He is not FORCING you do to anything. You are not held captive in any world but your own imagination. You are ALLOWING him to treat you like dirt.
He does not LOVE you. He USES you. The worst thing is you KNOW all this. I am not writing anything you are not already aware of. You MAY be in denial about it all but, deep down in your hear, you KNOW it is true.
You don't mention any other friends. Maybe he is the only "friend" you have, even though you know he is no friend in reality, otherwise he would not treat you in this way.
The only way you are going to stop hurting is if you cut contact COMPLETELY and stop ALLOWING him to treat you in this way. Block him or change your telephone numbers so he can't ring you. Move if you have to so he can't find you.
YOU DESERVE BETTER. Believe that and look for it.
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