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male
age
41-50,
*ader75
writes: My wife passed away three years ago and the loss helped me get closer to her family, particularly her sister, who herself is divorced. We’ve started hanging out together socially and we seem to get on really well, with similar tastes and interests.She recently told me she’s getting back into the dating game again and met someone for a couple of dates, which ended as she didn’t click with him, but my internal reaction to this was one of jealously, which was completely unexpected.I think I’m developing feelings for her and find myself looking at photos of her and can’t stop thinking of her. Whenever she visits, I can’t wait to see her and be near her.The thing is I’m fairly certain she doesn’t feel the same way and because I was her sister’s husband, I would be off limits even though she’s no longer with us.It was also cause issues in the family too, if anything were to happen. I have a feeling this is something I’ll have to forget about and move on as I don’t want anything to be awkward. What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2023): I think you should start dating too. There are so many women in the world besides your wife's sister.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (8 May 2023):
 You know this isn't what SHE is looking for. And it wouldn't be great overall with the family, so your best bet would be to cut down the amount of time you spend with her.
The more you FOCUS on her, the harder it's going to be for you to find someone who WILL be a good fit for you.
She might BE a really lovely woman, she just isn't for you.
Look elsewhere. When and if you are ready to date again.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (8 May 2023):
 This is common in other countries but in the US, its considered pretty weird. I can't imagine marrying my sister's husband if she were to pass away, and he is exactly my type and a nice guy but it would just be too weird. If she has shown no interest in you, I'd think very long and hard about making your feelings known. With so many women in the world do you really need to pick your ex sister in law? If things go south you were be probably alienating yourself from the rest of the family. Is it worth it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2023): You have to weigh the pros and cons. You also have to make sure your feelings aren't simply loneliness and rebound-feelings from your grief and loss. Seeing similarities in personality or appearance, because they were sisters, could stir yearnings to replace someone you've lost with someone similar.
Loneliness sometimes turns to desperation, and feelings to fill a void will make you see things in a person that reminds you of what you're missing; and you'll use that person as a substitute. Not really caring for them for who they are, but for how they remind you of someone you've lost. It's pretty common people substitute with lookalikes and clones; but things change when they finally realize the replacement isn't an exact replica.
Technically, there's nothing stopping you from pursuing your romantic-interest in your deceased-wife's sister; but playing it so close to home could rile the grief-stricken resentment and sensitivities of your former in-laws; while her affection towards you may be strictly in the friend-zone.
I suggest you first try dating other women, and giving yourself more time to make sure you're not messing around with someone's heart; when your feelings may be coming from the wrong place.
You should also make sure you have more attraction than what you feel below the waist; because starting something and provoking a lot of family-drama in the process, will cause some pain and possible resentment no-one will hide. You probably won't get the immediate blessings from your former parents-in-law, or her other relatives. Besides, you're not even certain she's even attracted to you in that way. Three years may not be long enough for her, or their family.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2023): Test
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2023): Sleep with her and then re-evaluate
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