A
female
age
13-15,
anonymous
writes:My friend Lex I just found out rode her bike to what's basically an abortion clinic and got birth control. She told her parents she was with me and I almost got in trouble for lying for her when I knew nothing about it. Luckily I was at work like I was supposed to be. She just used my name. I know she got birth control because she told me and swore me to secrecy but I don't want to keep a secret, that's lying! I think it's nasty that she wants to get on birth control anyway because why do that? She said she's not planning to have sex but if she changes her mind she wants to be prepared. I feel like telling her parents on her. Like, we've been told to nit ever go anywhere alone with a boy at all and to wait till marriage. So what's wrong with my friend?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2023): It's nasty that Lex is on birth control because she's not taking it like a person takes blood pressure medicine or insulin. She's taking it because she's planning to have sex. I'm 13. Mt friend just turned 14. She's below the age of legal consent in our state AND we were BOTH taught to abstain so she knows better! We're not even allowed to have boy FRIENDS unless it's in a group and we're being watched because too many girls get to giggling and playing with their hair and being inappropriate. The only male friend any of our moms have are our dads and same with our dads, they don't have female friends besides our mons. Dad won't even drive the church van alone anymore because of how some females act. That's why it's nasty.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (5 July 2023):
 Nothing is "wrong" with your friend. She is just making her own way in life as best she can. Whether you share her views is irrelevant. Unless you think she is in danger (perhaps from someone older pressuring her for sex), why would you tell her parents? That is not what a friend does. However, if you feel strongly about what she has done (which you are entitled to do), perhaps this friendship has run its course and you should go your separate ways? Either way, her secret is not yours to tell others.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (4 July 2023):
 It was wrong of your friend to lie but I guess she was desperate. She confided in you and whether you agree with her morals or not, its not your secret to tell. I wouldnt tell her parents...the truth will come out eventually. I would just steer clear of the whole thing. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. Its a shame she doesn't have someone older that she can confide in, but she is trying to be smart and safe.Birth control is far more complicated than she may think, but at least she is trying. You have your values, she has hers. Perhaps you two are at a breaking point and may go seperate ways but again, I would keep her secret, Ratting on a friend never goes down well.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (4 July 2023):
It was wrong of your friend to lie but I guess she was desperate. She confided in you and whether you agree with her morals or not, its not your secret to tell. I wouldnt tell her parents...the truth will come out eventually. I would just steer clear of the whole thing. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. Its a shame she doesn't have someone older that she can confide in, but she is trying to be smart and safe.Birth control is far more complicated than she may think, but at least she is trying. You have your values, she has hers. Perhaps you two are at a breaking point and may go seperate ways but again, I would keep her secret, Ratting on a friend never goes down well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2023): Good thing that you had sworn to keep her secret , lol.Imagine if you had not ; by now the news of your friend going on birth control would be on your local daily newspaper !Why did you give your word, if you are not willing to keep a secret ?! Do you understand what does "to swear " means ?Anyway, no, don't be a snitch, don't tell her parents anything.Why ? Because it's none of your business ! Who are you, the gatekeeper of your friends ' virginity?! Who appointed you as such ? Mind your own sexual conduct, if you wish - and do not interfere with that of other people.You say you have been taught that you should wait for marriage before having sex. Good for you, and if for you this rule makes sense, by all means follow it. Your friend obviously does not believe in this rule anymore , end of story. It does not concern you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 July 2023):
 "So what's wrong with my friend?"
Nothing.
She just REALLY doesn't want to get pregnant anytime soon. Also, "abortion clinics" don't hand out birth control - family planning does. But I supposed that is beside the point.
Should you tell her parents?
I don't think so. Her parents will find out, eventually. Not your monkey nor your circus.
But if you and this friend no longer share the same values, morals, and general ideas is she still going to be a good friend to you and you to her?
Your age group is 13-15 and in most States - In general, parental permission is not needed for prescription methods of birth control. In some they do.
While I think she is trying to be responsible, getting on birth control because she MIGHT someday want to have sex seems a bit off to me. People seem to think that birth control is no big deal, but it is. Long-term it is. But again, this was HER choice.
"Like, we've been told to nit ever go anywhere alone with a boy at all and to wait till marriage."
If that is what you feel is right for you, then you stick to that. You can not control her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2023): What's wrong with your friend is that she thinks she's being smart, but she isn't. You are both below the legal age of consent in most states so sexual activity shouldn't be an option. If you're both not allowed to even be alone with a male in the first place, she's planning on more lying and sneaking around. I would absolutely tell on her, her parents shouldn't be giving her so much freedom if she's going to take advantage of bike rides to get birth control behind their backs. It's not abstinence that fails, ots the people who fail to abstain
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (3 July 2023):
 I'm a conservative adult parent. My children are now twice your age. So I'm looking at your question from a distant but familiar perspective.
I think that your friend Lex has too many people in her life trying to make her decisions for her. She probably feels a need for some control. She is looking at the very real possibilities of life, and making a decision about her health for herself.
By the way, for your information, there is nothing "nasty" about taking a pill. I take several pills and one injection every single day. Your friend chose a provider for her health need based on her need for privacy. She probably felt unsure she would get that privacy from other providers. She may have been wrong about that.
As a parent I know that I can make rules all I want, but in the end a 13-18 year old girl is smart enough to find a way around those rules. It is better for me to give my kids all of the information they want, so that when they decide on their own to make a decision like Lex did, that the make a safe and informed decision.
As a big wrap up to an answer that is already 3 times longer than your question. I'll gift you with my perspective on intimacy. Many people focus only on pregnancy and STI's when they think about starting to engage in sex. But that is only a small part of the risk. Sex is an incredibly intimate and trusting act. Most people your age do not have the emotional maturity to handle that kind of sharing. They haven't developed enough trust in their relationships to go that deep. But, Biology is pushing them, giving them actual physical cravings for sex. One simple thing you could do to help you develop the kind of trust you will eventually need is to start keeping the promises you have made.
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