A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I’m dating this girl who’s previous relationship for one year was with a 46 year old (she’s 25). We are getting along great, should I be concerned that they still speak? He recently came to her town and booked hotel for 6 days. She declined the offer but he somehow convinced her to go dinner. She said she felt bad he came all this way although she told him she is no longer interested. Now…she called me that night to tell me. Because she was honest I was completely ok. I’ve never asked again since that day. My question is…could I be naive ? She rejected staying at his and told me she went home after dinner with him. Which is true but she hasn’t blocked him and still jokes around with him. There was a time when she was dating him she would refuse to speak to meet me. So I’m not sure what changed? I don’t want to fall for trouble. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (12 August 2022):
 So not only did she have an affair with a married man, she still keep this man in her life?
I get that she is still young and still figuring out things. While legally a person is an "adult" at 18, most people are NOT actual adults until their mid-20s. And yes, I would include myself in this.
She chose to CHEAT with a married man. That is (at least to me) a huge mark on the CON side. Because people who participate in an affair with a married person are lacking in some areas. Morals, decency, and respect.
She is keeping in contact with him so does she feel regret about being in an affair with a married man? Possibly hurting his wife and their kids?
She does seem to just do whatever SHE wants (at the moment) and not care about the consequences or other people's feelings.
Something to consider.
Maybe she will grow up and develop some values, morals, and good life skills - but she is showing a lot of immaturities here.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2022): What are you offering our much younger woman? If you only offer her to see her and sleep with her and go out with her then of course she keep other man around, maybe others in future too. She will not be loyal and committed to a guy just because he sees her. Offer her marriage, living with and paying all the bills and taking care of her properly before you expect all this.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2022): I’m 31. We studied together so we known each other long time. The other guy does not have money. He was in fact living with his wife and had been going through troubled times. If she didn’t tell me I would of never known so she told me for a reason right? What do you guys say with this new information. I am due to go away with her for a few nights. Our first time away.
...............................
A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (11 August 2022):
 Honeypie summed up things beautifully as always. You know what the Lady allows you to know. It may be all, it may be some. I would proceed with caution. Some things seem off. Why did the guy come for 6 days? Did she really only see him once? Have dinner only? You believe what she said. Isshe telling the! truth? Maybe. You know her far better than us. Some people break up and stay friends, yeah it happens. The fact that hes old enough to be her dad and has money...yeah I wonder about that! Just coincidence? Sugar daddy? Be cautious op. You are 10 years oldet than her. Does she just like oldet men or is she looking for money?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2022): It all depends.
When I was 20 I fell in love with a 33 year old guy. He wasn't rich, far from it! He wasn't tall, handsome... but to me he was extremely attractive and smart and funny and warm. We had an affair (I would never call that a relationship) for a year, when he moved to another town. After that we stayed in touch and he would come and visit from time to time and we would see each other and sleep together (somehow it coincided with me not having a be at that moment). When I was 25 I met a guy who would be my future husband. A few months later this man came to town and I did see him and told him that that was that. I didn't see him because I felt bad. I wanted to see him to properly end things. My bf knew the whole story.
I saw that man only once more - and my bf turned husband knew that - we went out for a drink in the afternoon and caught up a bit. It wasn't romantic on my part but in the end I understood that for him it meant more, seeing me after all those years.
When I say it depends... I loved that man and wanted to be with him. He had some things going on in his life and has chosen a different path. When I ended things for me it was really over and I wanted to build my life with another man whom I still adore after 20 years.
If your gf is done with her ex, she's done. You can either trust her or not.
If you're 30 and she's 25 than you may be in a more or less same place in your life. But if you are 35... you risk either being her "daddy" and having to take care of her or being someone she will possibly grow out of. Only you can tell, if you're honest, what your story is.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2022): This is what happens when you are old and she is young. She calls the shots. She can keep her options open. She gets a lot more offers and better offers than you. If you want the security of believing that you are the only one then find a woman who is plain and older than you. You won't get that off a young woman that all the men want and who gets a hundred times the offers you get. She won't be dumb enough to settle for just you and put you first just because it suits you. She looks out for herself- and it would he the same if you were the young woman , you would be doing it to the older man. You cannot have it both ways. The younger and prettier the woman the more high maintenance and the more you struggle to get what you want from her. I am sure that she could just click her fingers and get the other guy back - on her terms - so you are already half way out the back door in her eyes. She will never be without a man who treats her well at her age. So why does she need YOU at all?
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (11 August 2022):
What are you doing with this much younger lady yourself?
Seems like she has a type. Older and with money?
She keeps him around for a reason. What that reason is, I can not tell you.
You knew her when she was dating HIM but she wouldn't meet you, yet this guy she will go out to dinner with while dating you... so it IS a priority for her to KEEP him in her life. Is he some kind of sugar daddy?
Also, she SAID she didn't go home (to his hotel) but you don't actually KNOW that she didn't. You just trust her. And that is OK too. But I think a couple of things about this.
1. She wants to keep him in her life. That is certain. Why? I don't know. Could be financial could be out of pity, could be she enjoys his company but doesn't want to date him or he had too many expectations of her when they DID date.
2. You can not CONTROL who she wants to be friends with and stay in contact with. That is not your job to try and decide for her.
3. If you don't want to date someone who keeps EXES around (for whatever reason) then SHE isn't for you.
You ask if you should be concerned. I don't know.
What I do find a little concerning is that you are dating a 25 year old and you feel you have the right to tell her that she should block this ex. If she is OLD enough for you to date, she is old enough to decide if she wants to keep granpa ex as a "friend" or not. But apparently, she isn't old enough to understand what a DECENT partner would do. Or how it all might make you feel. She just thinks if she tells you enough, you will just trust her.
She sounds like a "typical" 20-something-year-old. Who wants to do whatever SHE wants to do. (not saying she would cheat but she doesn't really have much consideration for what you might think or feel about this situation.
Maybe you should date someone a bit more... mature?
...............................
|
