A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am 61 years and /i nnnnnnnnnhave this man I met on a dating site last year it is coming up on a year we became friends on Facebook and chat and text almost daily. We have not met in person yet but he had asked about the possibility of moving in together if all goes well a few months after we meet. All sound wonderful but he was married but is a widower but he now informs me that he likes to do is only thing at time with former female classmate he is 60. He claims he craves the attention of of woman. He keeps telling me that he loves me and only be but he wants his freedom if we go out to circle around the bar flirting with other woman.and on Occasion to go out to a bar alone with another woman non sexually. To me it just doesn't seem right I was married an divorced but my husband just sat at home and drank all the time.I don't have a problem him going out with a group of people even all woman as long as everyone doesn't separate. Perhaps this is my own insecurity but I don't think it's right whether he is my boyfriend or someone else. Am I being funny should I feel comfortable letting him go out on his own with one woman. Well we aren't married I still think if he plays house with anyone he would be loyal to that person. Am I wrong? Any thoughts would be deeply appreciated. He is not Brad Pitt he is okay looking and I do deeply care about him but I am just afraid if he gets a few drinks in him that he will sleep with this woman.He already had expressed an interest in a much younger girl his son's age to go out with happily the girl turned him down.A Group of women his own age I am fine with but young or even older almost dates I am not fine with.What should I do? So who is the crazy one me moving in with him or him for being with me every night and now wanting to roam free suddenly. He already told me if I want to go out with friend whether male or female and have a good time he was fine with it just not sex with either like that would even would! I am in love with him he says he loves me but I don't feel he is in love with me!He chats with me online many times for 12 to 13 hours straight since he living a distance. Feedback please I need before July 2017
View related questions:
divorce, facebook, flirt, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2017): Every comment I have read so far is right.Do not trust this con man. One thing I should tell you about the internet is people lie. You really do not know this person. He could be married or even a woman. All you know is a story he told you. Do not for any reason ever send him money. He might give you a real good story but that is sadly how some people are. You know you can do so much better....I know you can.
A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (7 February 2017):
 First of all, I understand that you want and need companionship. Most of us do want someone to care about and that cares about us in return. You just need to be SELECTIVE in whom you chose. The man is actually being rather insulting to you expecting you to be alright with him running around with other women. Don't do it! I agree with you that the odds are he is/or will sleep with someone else. Why would you set yourself up for this?
Its hard to be lonely but its even harder to get rid of someone that is a jerk once you have moved in with them, or they move in with you. You don't love him at this point because you don't really know him (you know what he tells you) and I agree with you, I don't think he loves you.
My sister, 50, made a serious mistake like this. She had not dated in almost 14 years after a horrific divorce so we were so happy when she started dating a man, 61, that she had met at a local establishment. Within 2 months, he had moved in with her. I thought she was happy but things started happening...he never had any money, was always borrowing from her, he started telling little white lies which grew and grew and became more frequent, he wrecked her car, he had his grandson move in (who did drugs). All the while he kept telling my sister that he loved her but he was USING her. He never had money for the bills nor the groceries (turned out he liked to gamble at the casino). He'd lie and tell her that he was going to see family/friend but he was gambling...
She was in this relationship for a year before she FINALLY gave him the boot. She said she'd much rather be lonely than to be used.
DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!!!! Don't trust him and do not be so unsure of yourself that you settle. You deserve far better than what this man is proposing. Give him the boot and move on. Love yourself my dear. This man would make you extremely unhappy....
...............................
A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (7 February 2017):
This is a very hurtful situation for you to be in.Please understand this man is a user and had no feeling for you or in fact for any woman who he will meet.You will notice ALL is on his terms,do not allow this man to do this to you.Best advise i can give you is say GOODBYE TO THIS MAN.You are worth so much more then this,and value yourself as the nice person you are.LEAVE HIM ON LINE.His suggestions are an insult to you as a woman.For your own peace of mind take care of you.Kind wishes NORA B.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2017): I am not going to read any of the other answers before I post mine. I want to be unbiased.Here is my honest viewpoint and I will be blunt. You do need to hear it from somebody who is on the outside looking in, whose HEART is not fully invested, and selling them a CON JOB OF A MAN! A seasoned player is what he is. He is charming and has been around the block. Knows his game inside and out. And he ain't giving it up. Not for you and not for any woman. He has told you so!This is NOT a relationship. He CANNOT love you. You have NEVER met in person! And for him to be spewing all this long term, moving in together bullshit to you is just bullshit! He is trying to keep you reeled in. He wants you on ICE while he keeps playing his little games. Sure, he likes you. Sure, he enjoys communicating with you. That's why he keeps you reeled in. But he also likes whatever other LIFE he has going for himself, a life YOU are NOT a part of and know NOTHING about. Including the other women he is flirting around and sleeping with while you are conveniently far, far away! Let's not kid ourselves about this. THIS is the kind of a man he IS! Not a man of character or a good, decent man you would like to involve yourself with forever. He is telling you this! You need to listen! He is saying all the right things from a distance. He is selling you the man you want him to be. But the truth comes out in the little clues he is giving you by telling you he wants his freedom. A man who says this is bad news. A man who needs and relies on female attention is bad news. A man like this needs to stay single. I wonder if he was EVER married? I would not be surprised that he never was. Some men are not marriage material. This is one of them. Or maybe he was and his wife (wives) kicked him to the curb for his perpetual philandering ways.I would not settle for this. I would not want this type of a man in my life. I would always be worried he is on the PROWL. I would never feel good enough for him. And I would always feel like I am competing with other women. And if I ever drop the ball in any way; gain a pound, or another wrinkle, or get older as we all do, I will worry this shallow and selfish pig would take me to the curb and replace me with a new, younger model. He has made it clear he is attracted to younger women. You said the one he liked turned him down. Well, that is because of HER. What happens if he ever stumbles on the young girl who actually says YES to him? It's possible, you know. The charm and smooth talking he lathers on you could easily be lathered onto a younger, more impressionable young woman. It is just a matter of time and opportunity. You will be a SITTING DUCK. Is that what you want? What a horrible way to live. Does he have money?I would cut my losses. Leave him be to whatever women he wants to whore around with. He ain't relationship material.He is MUCH TOO OLD to be parading around like a horny teenager. There is nothing more unattractive than an over the hill Romeo who still thinks he's got it and keeps chasing every skirt in his path.Utterly PATHETIC.He will end up a very lonely OLD MAN.You, on the other hand, I sense are a strong and independent woman whom does not need any man to validate her or make her feel complete. This man is a loser and you can do much better.And honestly, it is better to be alone than with this kind of a creep.Wish you well.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2017): I don't think you should even consider some guy you've met online moving in with you; and then suggesting he enjoy the company of other women. What the hell is that all about?
Let him enjoy all the women he wants, and stay right where he is. You'll have another no-count drunk sitting around the house. The creep is trolling around the internet looking for lonely mature women he can mooch on. He'll move into your house rent-free. You'll be cooking and cleaning for him; while he's out chasing skirts. That lecherous old coot!
All that long drawn-out marathon online chatting is just to get you addicted to his messages; and his keeping you company throughout the day is a way of getting you hooked on spending all your idle-time with him. So no one else can distract your attention away from him.
This gets you used to a routine of hearing from him all hours of the day until you look forward to it. He's manipulating you and making you become psychologically-dependent on hearing from him. He's taking advantage of the fact older-people are very used to time-schedules and daily routines. They rarely change them.
Leave that man right where he is!!!
Madame, don't allow men you meet over the internet to woo you into giving them money, moving into your home, or co-signing on credit. Mature women are a prime-target for these scam-artists.
The saddest part is, most of these poor women are very trusting and lonely. They innocently invite these creeps into their homes, and then don't know how to get rid of them. He may not even be in his 60's. He could be much younger. You have never met him in-person.
Don't be so naive, my dear!
I strongly advise you to block this man, and discontinue any further contact with him. How can someone love you that has never met you? You don't love him either. You're just lonely and in need of the company of someone your own age that you can relate to.
Let him go out with other women in his own town. Let him live in his own house, and support himself.
Please be careful and use your common-sense if you're going to meet men online.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2017): If he's being this honest and to the point, I'd see no reason to not trust him about his request. And it is totally reasonable that he makes this request- now, at this time, instead of after moving in together.
The real issue is whether you approve or not. He is what he is and he's told you about that, it's entirely your choice as to whether you continue or not. And don't think of yourself being right or wrong- what's acceptable to him and any other previous partners isn't necessarily acceptable to you- there's nothing wrong with both elements to that situation.
If you don't like the sound of it, don't do it, and let him go on his way to search for someone who's ok with it. Though, I reckon that would take a while!
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 February 2017):
 I totally agree with Honeypoe. What's in it for you in this ? Are you so desperate for a live -in companion ( ...and one whom probably expects you to cook, and clean for him, and generally look after him. Not necessarily, of course, but , in his age range... probably ) that you would
lower your standards, give up YOUR wants and needs, and bend over backwards just so that HE can have his narcissistic brand of fun ? So he craves " the attention of a woman ", hopefully one half his age ??. Oh poor "kid ", we can't allow that he is let to deal with these terrible cravings, right ? ... WRONG. His cravings are his problem, you do not owe him to make it yours : if all he wants is " the attention of a woman ", he would have yours- why is not enough ?
I am not saying that when a person is in a relationship they should not have friends of the opposite gender. But having friendships is one thing, and going on dates all another, and I cannot think of any good reason why you should force yourself to accept a semi-open relationship if you want a monogamous one.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 February 2017):
 He sounds really selfish and dishonest.
And there is NO way in Hades I'd move in with someone who wants to call himself my "boyfriend" I hadn't met in person, who has ALREADY let me know that he is NOT going to be faithful.
He is asking permission to cheat. He thinks if you agree to it prior you can't complain or disagree if it goes tits up later.
I think you should TRUST your gut feelings, HE DOESN'T love you. And you are in love with the guy you "think" he is or you WANT him to be even with his "flaws" and wishes to cheat.
What he is proposing is ALL about what HE wants. You can sit at home while HE goes out with OTHER women for fun. Then why date you? He waited til you were "hooked" and emotionally invested in him to propose these absurd ideas of him doing other women because he THINKS you are so desperate to be loved that you will (at least for a while) suck up his behavior.
I'm sorry, I get that he is exciting online but why should you compromise YOUR standards so HE can have what HE wants and you should just suck it up?
I'd wish him well, block him and move on. I just don't see this being a good or healthy relationship for you.
...............................
|
