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Will guys reject me because of my physical flaw? Would this bother a guy?

Tagged as: Dating, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 January 2017) 8 Answers - (Newest, 12 January 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

hey,

I would love people to reply , it would help me so much. thanks.

I am trying to work on my self esteem but 4 years ago I was in a bad place struggling with my identity. I rushed into getting a tattoo on my calf. Its quite large, its a vintage mirror with hearts and eye décor. stupid design, awful!. I HATE IT!

Tattoo removal is not an option atm. I luckily have mastered the art of tattoo camouflage. I would NEVER have it on show in public.

The make up is good, its even waterproof, but its not a perfect science. It does rub off sometimes, obviously avoid touching leg, and I have to re-do it each day. / or i cover with jeans without it covered underneath.

When its covered I feel happy and confident and go about my day :) .. but if I ever got a boyfriend it worries me as its something I cant hide from them and I'm scared theyl run for the hills.

My question is, would this bother a guy? I couldn't cope covering it up all the time around a boyfriend, its too much effort and they would notice. I would want to be with someone that doesn't care even if we are in bed and its not covered or rubs off. or sees it now and then when I'm getting ready.

I get so upset thinking i'll never meet anyone, they'll just think I'm weird and reject me.

Its not 'usual flaw' like an illness or scar. Obv when I'm dating I wouldn't have to mention it straight away but when things progress and start seeing each other/nights in , the thought makes me feel ill.

How would I even tell them and when?

Any advice, reassurance, or experiences? I will appreciate it forever!

View related questions: self esteem, tattoo

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (12 January 2017):

chigirl agony auntNo, it would not bother a guy. Because if he ever was to get you naked and in a position where you'd not wear the cover makeup, he'd be focusing on completely other parts of your body than your calf. Trust me. There's no sex position I can think of where the back side of the leg is the main focus for the guy. Either he will be focusing on your front, meaning lips, boobs, belly and vagina, or he'd be behind you focusing on your neck, back and butt.

Anyway, if he was to be staring at your calf, I highly doubt he'd think anything of it.

My boyfriend actually has a couple of tattoos he got when he was a teenager, and especially one of them is one he'd never do again now, as it's resembling a completely different person than he is now. He just shrugs at it and says, well, it's not something he identifies with any longer, but it was a part of his life, and even when that part is over it's in his history. But, just like you, he does cover it up. And what do I think of it? Well, he takes it with a smile, and so do I. I poke a bit of fun with him over it, but in daily life it's just not that important and I don't feel either way about it. I don't love it, I don't hate it. It's just there and it's part of him like every other scar on his body or part of his past.

A person is a whole package deal. So I am sure a boyfriend of yours wouldn't care.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2017):

I like tattoos, I have tattoos, I've dated men with tattoos that I thought were rubbish, but that wouldn't stop me from dating someone anymore than if I didn't like their shirt. Its only a tattoo! Any man who pays more attention to one tattoo on your leg rather than the rest of your body and you as a person is really small minded. Why would you want to date someone like that?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2017):

I don't think a majority of us guys think like this, but when I see a girl with a tattoos I cross her off the list as possible wife material. I'd still date a girl with tattoos and piercings, but I would never let the thought of marriage creep into my mind.

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A female reader, mystiquek United States + , writes (11 January 2017):

mystiquek agony auntI'm not a fan of tattoos but if I had met a nice man with tattoos I wouldn't have automatically decided not to date him just because of his tattoos unless they were really disturbing (like white supremacy or nazi tattoos). People do crazy things sometimes and wind up really regretting tattoos. If you're a sweet nice lady I'm sure the average guy wouldn't dismiss you just because of some ink on your skin.

My daughter was married for 13 years and got a HUGE tattoo on her lower back of her husband's name. I mean it covered her entire lower back. We tried to talk her out of it but well...she went through with it. They got divorced and trust me, it didn't stop other men from dating her and trust me..if they were intimate..the guy had to see it. She recently got remarried and her new husband's name is NOT the same as her ex's.

I'm sure she is planning on having something done with the tattoo but I know its not cheap!

Just be who you are sweetie...if a man likes you..he'll like you and will accept you and the tattoo..if not..well then he wasn't worth your time, was he?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2017):

I'm sorry for your upset over your tattoo, all you need to say is that you are getting it removed, it doesn't change your body shape or attractiveness :-)

The best way to mention it is to drop it into a question like "what's the most embarassing thing you've done" or "what do would you change about yourself". He will respond with what he doesn't like and vice versa. Then he will know :) I'm sure a guy wouldn't be bothered about a tattoo , certain guys find them attractive! If a tattoo is as deal breaker then he is certainly not worth it!

Some reassurance though is I know what you are going through. Unfortunately for me my physical flaw is way more obvious. I have a 'unique' nose. My nose has a dimple/mutation/something wrong on the end right in the middle. I am so self concious about it. The rest of my face is very attractive but my nose completely ruins it. I try my hardest to cover it but it's still obvious and I certainly can't afford surgery. I would take a tattoo over that anyday :-(

I've had people desperate to meet me and completely ignore me the next day, I think it's because of my nose as silly as it sounds, I'd much rather have the tattoo because I could cover it up.

Good luck :-) xx and I hope everything goes well for you

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2017):

No, there are plenty of men who would appreciate your tattoo as a work of art. Many men find them sexy.

What counts most is how YOU feel about YOURSELF.

You seem to have confidence issues that stem from other places. I suspect it is more than just your tattoo that you are not confident about.

I think you are obsessing about a perceived flaw and this holds you back and this eats away at your self confidence.

I think you need to work on loving yourself and accepting yourself first. And once you are happy with who you are, you will be able to attract the right partner.

If right now you are obsessing over a tattoo, you are subconsciously sabotaging your potential for a relationship. It is like you are trying to keep yourself safe. Have you had a bad experience with a man? Have you been in an abusive relationship before?

You are placing too much pressure and negativity on yourself. Why?

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (11 January 2017):

You will always find the occasional guy for whom it may be a deal breaker - but guys like that would probably find some other excuse if you didn't have the tattoo.

Other people probably do not notice it half as much as you do. These days so many people have tattoos that it is becoming the norm, rather than the exception. YOU may find it ugly, but others may actually like it.

I suspect you are fixating on your tattoo because you have other insecurities/worries about yourself/your body/your life.

Regarding the question of when to tell a new boyfriend about it, I would say the sooner the better, BUT don't make a big deal of it. Jokingly ask him if he has ever done something he has regretted later, then tell him about the tattoo. Say you hate it and wish you hadn't done it, then leave it and move on. Fixating on it won't get rid of it and, as I have already said, I doubt others notice it anywhere near as much as you do.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (11 January 2017):

Honeypie agony auntDo I think a guy would NOT want to date you because you have a ( in YOUR eyes ...) "ugly" tattoo?

No. NOT if he likes you as a person.

Tattoos are as variated as there are people. If you REALLY hate it, start putting money aside for a tattoo removal. Have a jar where you put in spare change and occasionally some bills when you can. Or find a tattoo artist who MIGHT be able to work with what you have, and make it tolerable.

I had a coworker who was raised by a single mother whom he adored (she was really nice too) and he got a BIG tattoo of an old white and black photo of her. Personally, I thought meh don't have a tattoo of your MOM on your body... same with a tattoo of a GF/BF who ends up being an ex... AT LEAST you don't have a name in there or a photo or heck, a Twilight tattoo ( I have seen some LAME LAME ones lol

Stop beating yourself up over it. It's NOT on your forehead, a guy will date YOU for you, not whether you have a tattoo you find ugly or not.

I'd be upfront about having a tattoo you regret. It can be a good icebreaker. Honestly, if a guy doesn't want to be with you over a tattoo, he is a shallow Hal and you can do better.

Don't let it hold you back. There are PLENTY of people who regret their tattoos, you can't let THAT stop you.

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