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When will he tell me he loves me, I don't want to say it first this time?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 January 2017) 6 Answers - (Newest, 29 January 2017)
A female United States age 30-35, *tarburst11 writes:

When can I expect my boyfriend to tell me he loves me? What are some signs that will indicate that he feels that way? (even if not saying it)

I'm well on my way to falling in love with him, but don't want to say it first this time. I have said it first many times and it didn't go well.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (29 January 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntInstead of saying those specific three words, try something more light-hearted and less intense like hugging him and saying "You're great" or "You're such fun to be with". Say it in a light-hearted way, even ending it with a little laugh to show it is not meant to be heavy or intense.

Saying those three words too soon in a relationship can be a bit overpowering for some people. It can also put pressure on them to say it back. Then, if they DON'T say it back, it makes things awkward because the person who said it may feel the other person does not feel about them the same way.

Just relax, enjoy your lovely relationship, and stop worrying about "those three words". If the relationship is right, they will come.

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A male reader, Roboaxe United States +, writes (29 January 2017):

Roboaxe agony auntIt's all about time. Despite having dated and been with multiple girls, I've only told one girl I love her and that was my first girlfriend. We had been going out for 8 months and I didn't want to say it if I didn't mean it.

Take it as a positive if he hasn't said it yet, maybe he really wants it to mean something.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2017):

be still and enjoy the moment.

i think i made the move too soon or maybe too late.

my friend came back after 26yrs.i were dating him and another at the same time.chose the other one and later married him.he deceased 2/14/2013.

i would always call his friend on certain special days but never tried to see him.i made a mistake in my grieving moments and said i did'nt think i would ever find another man like my husband.

after 29yrs i have known him, he let me know i hurt him the first time and he came toward me again.he were rejected and i never knew he loved me, always, and still do nice things for me.

i got so emotional lately and told him i love you.he said when you told me you did'nt think you could find another one i took you for my friend.are you aware i have a girlfriend.i will always be here for you and smile.i know it not over, the chemitry is great. Hold on your change is coming.

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A female reader, Ivyblue Australia +, writes (28 January 2017):

Ivyblue agony auntRelax and enjoy the wave first is my suggestion. Actions speak so much louder than words therefore, for some People, show love in many different ways without first needing to verbalise it. You dont mention how long you have been together but I'd much rather be hearing those words later on down the track when I and they can truly say that it is heartfelt and true, rather than a time obligated duty of some sort to say it. Remember you can love someone without being IN LOVE with them so I think it is foolish to rush wanting to say it or hear it without having your heart and head in check.

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A female reader, mystiquek United States + , writes (28 January 2017):

mystiquek agony auntActions speak louder than words, remember that. How does he treat you? How does he talk to you? Does he act happy to see you/talk to you? Watch how he acts around you. They say talk is cheap and people often throw around the "L" word like it is nothing so I'd advise you not to get too hung up on it at this point in the relationship. Some people are afraid to say "I love you".

I do understand where you are coming from though, its nice to hear it..but you want it to MEAN something.

Story about the "one that got away" in my life....we were in our early 20's. He was everything and I had really fallen hard for him. He warned me though that he didn't believe in love and all that fairy tale stuff so I shouldn't hope to hear the words from his lips. I KNEW how much he cared about me, so I swallowed my pride and accepted what he said. We dated for awhile and then one night just out of the blue he said I know you won't believe this..but "I love you"...it was so precious!!! I knew he truly meant it he had never said that to anyone before.

As long as the guy is treating you well..isn't that what really matters? People can say I love you then go out and cheat...so isn't it better to have someone say it when they really mean it rather than to just say it and it means nothing???

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom +, writes (28 January 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntHow long have you been together? If it's less than 3 months, I think it's being rushed.

Just because you've said it first before doesn't mean that's what made it go wrong. Be patient and just enjoy the present. Make sure you treat each other well and don't push for more unless you're already 8 months into dating or something.

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