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My grandmother died and I've lost my job

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Question - (16 February 2017) 5 Answers - (Newest, 18 February 2017)
A female United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

I'm not one to ask for advice but I really need some. I've been under a tremendous amount of stress and I'm not sure how to cope, I feel like everything is crashing down around me.

On January 10th my grandma who I was really close to died and it devastated me. About three weeks ago I was fired from my job of 3 years over something I didn't do. To be fair I wasnt happy there for a while but I was really upset that I was fired. This also caused a lot of issues with me and my manager who I thought I had a good relationship with. She kind of treated me like dirt towards the end which I didn't appreciate. On top of this my boyfriend and I had a huge fight last night. Things haven't been going well with us and although I'm not happy and in the relationship, I care about him a lot and I don't want to lose somebody that I've known for so long.

Because I lost my job I'm not going to have enough to cover my college expenses this summer like I planned. I don't have a lot in savings and I'm scared it's going to take me a while to find a new job. I've put in a lot of applications but I've only had two interviews and I haven't heard anything back. I don't want to go through the process and the stress of starting a new job and being the new person.

Just a couple of months ago I thought I was happy everything was going good for me and now everything is going downhill one by one. I don't know what to do.

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A female reader, mystiquek United States + , writes (18 February 2017):

mystiquek agony auntI'm very sorry about your grandmother. I was very close to my grandmother too, she was more of a mother to me than my mother. We knew she was going to die of cancer (she was 87) and had time to prepare, but it still felt like a knife going through my heart when she passed. Its going to hurt honey and there isn't anything you can do about it to make the pain lessen. Time will slowly make it hurt less. In the mean time, its alright to mourn her, talk about her and think about her but think about happy times that you had with her. Thats what I do whenever I miss my grandmother or my father. I feel better to laugh than cry. Think of all the good times and know that she loved you. As long as we keep someone in our heart/mind..they are never really gone.

As for your job, well..that sucks and it was horrible timing but you can pull yourself up and get another job. Try to find something that you like, something that you will like. Its always easier to go to a job when you like it. Reach out to family, friends and job services if you can't find something and you really don't have alot of time to look. Sometimes others know of opportunities and can quite a help!

The boyfriend?? Well hopefully it was just a spat and he is someone that you can lean on right now and bolster you..not fight with you. He should understand hopefully that you are really under stress right now. I hope he's a good guy and will stand by you.

It truly does seem in life that when something bad happens, its like a domino effect and everything all starts happening at once. It's awful and so stressful but it does happen to most of us at one point or another. The thing is..you just have to hang tight and muddle through. It won't stay awful forever. Remember that when you feel down. Take of yourself sweets. Do things that make you feel better. Take a walk, listen to a favourite song, watch a movie, go see a friend/family member that you haven't seen for awhile..anything that helps lift your spirits. Also remember that living means changes...things don't stay the same and sometimes you have to muddle through bad times to get to the good times. You hang in there ok? HUGS..just be good to yourself and surround yourself with things/people that can boost your spirits.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2017):

I'm very sorry to hear about your grandmother. I know that these are only words, but I don't want anyone to hurt like you're hurting. I wish I had the answers but I hope that just the fact that I hear you out can help. You never really get over the loss of a loved one, but you can eventually move on to have joy in life. Many of us believe that there is another life after this one. In spite of all that, it's natural to miss someone and to hurt because they leave a void behind. Maybe the adversities of this life are a kind of test.

I'm sorry that you're having a difficult time, period, but I think that you're grieving and overwhelmed and that makes the job and school situation feel insurmountable. Maybe you need a break and need to regroup and take care of yourself now.

I think it would help if you had someone to talk to, perhaps a counselor.

You have little money in savings but surely you have access to something that could make you happy... just a hobby. It helps us to stay grounded, to have a passion that no one can take away from us. For me it's gardening ... it's a hobby but it's practically half my life. Gardening, and horse riding. What is right for you? You have to figure that out.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2017):

Hi

Is there something that you like doing or are interested in that you could do as a business of your own? I know I couldn't bear having to wait for someone else to decide to employ me, I'd rather get on with it myself.

I do people's feet. A Foot Health Professional. Took 15 months to train and I now earn between £200 and £250 for about six hours of work. I have more work than I can cope with. To pay for training I took cleaning jobs which are usually pretty well paid and can often be done to suit your hours.

Or Refloxology? Or Hypnotherapy? Or nutritionist? All of these command good money and you're your own boss. There are countless other business ideas that you would be in control of rather than waiting on interviews. I want to open my own shop one day.

Just food for thought. Good luck x

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (16 February 2017):

olderthandirt agony auntYep , life sucks and then you die. I was Very close to my grandparents but I always knew that odds were that I'd outlive them all.so I kind of prepared myself for that eventuality. That is not to make light of your loss. I'm suggesting you were caught off guard by her passing and thereby have a more difficult time dealing with it. The job loss is relatively easy just grab yourself by the butt and go get another one. The loss of a loved one takes a long time to get over. Best wishes.

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A female reader, NORA B Ireland + , writes (16 February 2017):

This is a very difficult time for you,and the passing of your beloved grandmother was and is difficult for you to come to terms with.However you have asked for help and that is a positive start for you.So would you consider counselling, to deal with your grandmothers passing.It would mean that you would have someone to talk out your feelings with and who would understand.Or have you anyone that you are close to,where again you you could share your feelings...on this be very gentle with yourself..give yourself time.With regards to your college expenses..are their any grants ,that you might be able to get to help you ?.Or social welfare that you might be entitled to.Would be a good ideas to keep trying for a job....do not give up.I know it is not easy,but it will be worth in the long run to continue with your college education,and you will appreciate it all the more because of the trying time you had to try and aquire it.Sorry to hear things are not happy with your boy friend.But the fact that you know him for a long time is no reason at all....to stay in an unhappy relationship.Right now you are dealing with ..OVERLOAD...as you stated everything is going downhill.But the good thing about that is..YOU can now start to go UPHILL....no no its not easy.But think about everything.get all the help you can at every level.Life is like that one takes one step forward and a couple steps backward.Think of this downhill time as a time of growing as a person.YOU have started by asking for help on this site.Continue and you will get there.Have a great future.Kind regards NORA B.

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