| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Ex is ruining my high school life
Q. Hey, Dearcupid. I'm really sorry about the length of this, but I desperately need some help. I broke up with my girlfriend of 26 months recently because she cheated on me THREE TIMES IN ONE NIGHT and still had the nerve to get angry at me for ...
A. 30 October 2011: Actually, there might be. In England, cyber bullying has now become something that the police usually have to get involved in. So if they are posting things over the internet about you that are lies and such, I would speak to your parents and your ... (read in full...)
Should I tell people I'm a virgin when I meet them?
Q. I'm 26 and still a virgin. I've not had many boyfriends, i'm quite shy and don't go out much - prefer saving money for holidays and concerts. Whenever i meet someone should I tell them i'm a virgin or not? Thanks...
A. 26 October 2011: I don't think you need to tell them you're a virgin until such time that you're ready for sex. Then it might be a good idea so they know that it's your first time. But you don't need to tell them until you're ready. ... (read in full...)
How could he lose feelings for me then fall in love with someone else two days later?
Q. Hi my ex dumped me over the phone last month, I found out from a friend a week later that he was in a relationship with a girl he'd been txting while we were together. I asked him about it and he said they had only been together for a week so he ...
A. 26 October 2011: You've more or less answered your own question. He'd been texting this girl while you two were together, so it's clear that any feelings he had for you went away a long time ago, and the feelings he had for her came about a long time ago. Sorry to ... (read in full...)
Am I weird for not wanting to sleep around or cheat on my boyfriend? All my friends seem to be doing it!
Q. Why are my friends doing this? am I weird to think is wrong? My friends say am boring and I should change my rules when it comes to guys. I've always been the kind of girl to only kiss a guy or have sex with a guy when we're in a relationsh...
A. 26 October 2011: Maybe you have the wrong friends. What's happened is that they've all done this, and they wish they hadn't. But they can't turn the clock back, so instead they'll try to make you do it so you're all 'even' again. I've seen this happen a few times. I ... (read in full...)
Should I meet up with my ex? She has asked for a 'catch up chat'....
Q. My ex wants to meet for coffee and a "catch up chat". Do i meet up or stay away ?....We broke up at xmas last year after a 7 month relationship. I did not see her after i found she was cheating with her best friends husband. I truly was in love wit...
A. 26 October 2011: Forget her man! This woman cheated on you with her best friend's husband. What a leech! To top if off she only let it out when she was drunk. This woman made a mess of things before, and she'll just wind you up and torture you again.
I would walk... (read in full...)
Got together with my ex on Friday, but he hasn't called since?
Q. So I've started seeing my ex-boyfriend, we broke up 6 months ago and we were also together for that length of time. We broke up due distance and a petty argument. So it was really no big deal. Basically I stayed in his house Friday night, it's...
A. 26 October 2011: I'm sorry, but you were used. Whatever he wanted, he got. As the post says below, he probably just wanted to use you to know that he had control over you.
Take your time, get over him. And never make the mistake of going back to an ex again. He's... (read in full...)
My boyfriend listens to everyone but me!
Q. Hey, I need some help to see if I'm being unfair to my bf who seems to listen to everyone except me :( We've been together 1 yr, and one of the things I like about him is his caring nature. But it feels like that side of him is available to ...
A. 26 October 2011: I think that your boyfriend has some pretty deep rooted issues when it comes to discussing and dealing with real emotions. I think he can handle situations, like his friend going to court, like a guy walking past. I don't think he can cope with ... (read in full...)
I cheated on my BF with my FWB!
Q. I have this boyfriend. We have been together for three weeks. We had sex last week and we had planned in waiting longer to do it. But what happens happens. But now he says we can't do it again. But there is this other guy who I have been sleeping ...
A. 26 October 2011: Walk away. You've cheated 3 weeks into it, and you know that you don't want to have to abstain from sex. Please walk away and don't hurt him. ... (read in full...)
We've gone ring shopping -- but he still hasn't proposed! How long is too long to wait?
Q. My boyfriend and I will have been together three years as of this coming February. We have talked about getting married and have even gone to look at rings on multiple occasions. To my knowledge, he has not gone back by himself to look again or make ...
A. 26 October 2011: Aarrrrrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
That's probably how he's feeling about this. There are a few of reasons for this:
1 - He's still doing his Masters degree, which realistically is going to take all his time for this year. To top that off,... (read in full...)
He's cheated and given me an STD! How do I confront him?
Q. Hi everyone I have just found out my boyfriend of a year has been cheating on me and now I have a std I really loved him but now he has been cheating on me I know I have to break up with him how do I bring this up to him I know he has been cheating ...
A. 24 October 2011: I'd damn well go in there and tell him straight that you knows he's cheated and that he's got a disease. Then tell him you never want to see him again and get away from him. ... (read in full...)
I am buying new home and the mortgage lender advised that my name does NOT go on the mortgage!!! Why?!?
Q. Mortgage lender told my hubby to NOT put my name on the title of the home, just put it in his will. That does not sound right, is this normal advice? So once again, we are having relationship problems when I thought we had worked it all out. Wh...
A. 24 October 2011: I think your name needs to be on the deeds to that house. Sounds like the mortgage lender has given bad advice there - it's suggesting that if you two split, he'll possibly get more of the house or something.
Get your name on the deeds. ... (read in full...)
Do all girls use emotional blackmail to get things done for them?
Q. My girlfriend emotionally blackmails me that If I don’t do this or that , she will dump me. It has been happening for the last 8 months and we have been together since April 2006. She also loves me and three days back, when I came back from office, ...
A. 24 October 2011: I had just one girlfriend try emotional blackmail on me - needless to say I say goodbye to her.
Sure, there are a few who will use you to get what they want. But in contrast, millions of other women don't act this way. Your girlfriend doesn't real... (read in full...)
He's like a jack in the box..popping in and out of my life, constantly. How do I deal with this guy?
Q. I met "busy bee" a year ago, we hit it off right away and the chemistry was just wow. at first he seemed excited i was excited he was my first of everything, my first real explosive kiss, we connected!! we would link up here and there, I thought he ...
A. 24 October 2011: I agree with Honeypie. This is who this man is, and there's no real way that he'll change. You can either accept that this is all you mean to him, or you can realize that you can do better and just move on. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is focusing more in her ex's problems and I feel like she isn't paying attention to much else. What should I say about my feelings?
Q. Okay, so I've been with my girlfriend for 6 months now. She has always kept in contact with her ex. I haven't had a problem with it too much because I know she really doesn't want to be with him and he lives on the complete opposite side of the ...
A. 23 October 2011: I've got to be honest, I would feel very uncomfortable in your situation. It's not the fact that she's in contact with her ex, it's the fact that he really is causing her problems and telling her he wants her back, and that she then allows this. His ... (read in full...)
Next step after making out?
Q. me and my boyfriend have been together for almost a year and we make out alot. but what is the next step? ...
A. 23 October 2011: It's not really about us telling you what the next step is. It should more be about your and your boyfriend discussing what you think should come next between you. Some on here might say sex comes next. Others might say you should move in. Others m... (read in full...)
I dumped him by accident, now he says he's over me!
Q. I am 14, I think I love this boy at my school, me and him went out for a while, but I over thought about if going out with my best mate is a good idea, and I did dump him by accident because of that. I now want him back very much, but he is already ...
A. 22 October 2011: I'm afraid you're going to have to get over him. You can't just dump someone by 'accident'. You made a choice and it was the wrong one. He has since chosen to move on.
You've got to move on from him. There's nothing you can do to get him back. And,... (read in full...)
I had a falling out with my friend. Do I wish him a happy birthday?
Q. I've put off asking this for a very long time, wrote it all out and deleted it, as I thought it was stupid to ask. But I cant make a decision. I fell out with my male best friend a couple of months ago. For good reason, and have done my utmost to ...
A. 22 October 2011: I think to send him a card is to send him a message that you want to talk to him. And you know you don't want to talk to him, so it will then make you look like a tease, or someone who is two-faced even if you're not.
If you don't want to spea... (read in full...)
Do I have trust issues? My G/f blames me for being upset at her, due to her exchanging flirty texts with guys.
Q. i just found out that my girl friend is exchanging dirty messages and flirts on the phone with a guy she says is her friend. i asked her about it and she got all defensive n blamed me that i had trust issues,plz help....
A. 22 October 2011: So she's exchanging dirty texts with another guy then blames you and says you have trust issues?
You know, this is a really big red flag and is actually a sign of her guilt. She knows full well she's in the wrong, but she knows that you'll take it. ... (read in full...)
Should I ask her what is wrong? Is there a mis-understanding over texting?
Q. There's this girl I like. I always text/talk to her when I can, and she asks me for homework help pretty often. Today, I was going to ask her to a dance, but my friend wouldn't leave us alone, and she left before he did. I decided to call ...
A. 22 October 2011: Hmm. Seem, I'm inclined to agree with your friends. This does seem like a Drama Queen act. And if there's one thing I really cannot stand, it's the Drama Queen Act! When I was a teenager, this sort of thing happened to me a few times. It's boring ... (read in full...)
I want to be fair. Do I yell at them or talk to the school counselor on monday?
Q. Is this normal, or have they crossed the line? I write this while my tears are still as fresh as the memories itself.. Yesterday, I was told "if you keep talking back, you wont have computer priveledges tomorrow" I wasn't talking back...
A. 22 October 2011: If talking to someone doesn't get you anywhere, yelling won't either. Especially if it's your own mother. You seem to be suffering from quite serious emotional abuse to be honest, so I would definitely recommend speaking to your school counsellor. ... (read in full...)
So does he like me or find me attractive? Is it likely he is interested?
Q. so theres this guy i work with and i find him rather attractive, well these past few days hes complimented my hair saying its cool, complimented my watch, and complimented my boots, and today he asked if i have boyfriend.so is this guy into me??...
A. 22 October 2011: I think he is. He sure sounds like he is if nothing else. Of course, you can't be 100% sure until you talk to him about it. So my advice is that you go speak to him if you like him, and see what happens. ... (read in full...)
Sex with my younger boyfriend sucks. How much time should I give him to improve?
Q. Hello, My boyfriend and I have known each other for almost a year. He is a very lovely and caring guy. He is also tall, handsome, dark hair, and muscular (ok he's really my type). He just moved from Poland to US when we first met. Since I came fro...
A. 21 October 2011: I'm younger than my girlfriend (considerably!). She didn't bother waiting for so called 'improvements'. She made it pretty clear from the start what she liked and what worked for her. We've never had a problem.
You're the one who is more expe... (read in full...)
How do I talk to my FWB about my feelings for him?
Q. Hi everyone here is my problem me and this man are fwb, I wanted more and I told him but he didn't say anything back. he treats me quite badly, we arrange for me to stay at his and then he forgets all about it. we arrange a night out then when the ...
A. 21 October 2011: I think you're suffering badly from low self esteem if you think that this guy is worth any more of your time. You may want one thing, but it is painfully clear that he couldn't give a damn. I think the most important thing that you can do is wa... (read in full...)
Is it normal to still have sleepovers at 19?
Q. This isn't a relationship question but is it normal or ok to still have sleepovers at 19? My friend and I always stay in each others place and have a few drinks is it normal that we still have sleepovers?...
A. 21 October 2011: I have a few female friends who still have sleepovers/stay at a friend's place. They're in their twenties and such. So I think it's normal. ... (read in full...)
Is this even worth it anymore?
Q. Hi everyone and thank you for your help! My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. Started off nice as all relationships usually do. He was sweet, listened to me, complimentive, and very caring. He still has many of those traits but there...
A. 21 October 2011: One word: Run. To add to that, his behaviour is very, very controlling. He listens when he wants, is sweet when he wants etc. But it's all a mask to hide his true self. His real self is the guy who texted you when you were in emergency demand... (read in full...)
I cheated on my boyfriend with my ex! Can this be fixed, or should I walk away?
Q. i was in a really bad relationship on and off for about 6 years i moved states away to be with this guy and we eventually broke it off. i met up with an old friend that ive knows for a really long time and he was over seas for a few years and i ...
A. 21 October 2011: I just think you need to walk away and really focus on your own life to be honest. You went back to an ex and cheated on your boyfriend. Whether you like it or not, that's pretty much a sure sign that your current boyfriend isn't the one for you. ... (read in full...)
How do I let him know I'm up for a FWB relationship without sounding stupid?
Q. hi everyone. I want to get into a FWB relationship with a guy i know. Im pretty sure he'd be up for it, but how do i suggest it/let him know thats what i want without sounding really stupid? Any advice please? Thanks!...
A. 21 October 2011: I know this probably sounds stupid to you, but are you sure you understand what a FWB is? Because most of the time, it's the girl who walks away hurt. ... (read in full...)
My fiance slapped me. Should I dump him?
Q. im engaged and my weve been together for 3 Years. Yesterday we got in a argument and i told him something that pissed him off and he slapped me in the face twice. He has a bad temper but that was overboard.at the moment i told him that i was done ...
A. 20 October 2011: Dump him ASAP. ... (read in full...)
He said I could console him with sex!
Q. Hi. This guy I kind of know (we had a little 'thing' a while ago) is going through a really tough time at the moment as his mum has just passed away. I feel so sad for him and I asked if there was anything I could do, and he wants me to stay the ...
A. 20 October 2011: Don't do it. Whilst I am sorry he's lost his mother, he may have spied an opportunity to have his way with you, and that's wrong. Sleeping with him won't help anyone at all. He has to face up to what has happened, and he can't use your goodwill just ... (read in full...)
I slept with his friend after we broke up, now we're back together and he's upset about it.
Q. About 10 months ago my boyfriend and I of a year split up. It was a horrible split up and instead of dumping me he ignored me for a month until i gave up. A month later i met one of his friends on a night out and ended up going back to his and ...
A. 19 October 2011: I think the time has come for you to just accept that you and this guy aren't working and are never going to work. When you two split up, he didn't even dump you! He just ignored you for a month. Then you slept with his friend (which isn't advisabl... (read in full...)
Her mum is suffocating the life right out of this relationship!
Q. Any advice is appreciated. My girlfriend is 19 I am 22 we have been together for 3 years, her mum is 58 and been single since I met her, her mum has always bugged me since day 1 but I put a brave face on everything but I am struggling to do that ...
A. 19 October 2011: I think it's very obvious that her mother is a very lonely woman who simply can't let go because she has nothing else. Until her mother can come to terms with the fact that her daughter has you, this will not get better. She needs to be getting her ... (read in full...)
Can he really walk away with the grief I feel?
Q. I am 56 and my partner is 58, he has just finished with me after 7 years together. We haven't been getting on as he wont open up and talk to me and i have become insecure about us and unloved. We dont live together but have always talked on the ...
A. 19 October 2011: I think in a situation like this, you have to look beyond the fact that he has just left and might not be coming back. I know that's very hard, and I know you miss him. But from reading even your short post, it's clear that your relationship was in ... (read in full...)
Guys: What happens when a girl tells you she loves you?
Q. Guys? What happens to you when a girl tells you she loves you? How do you feel? and what do you do about it? ...
A. 19 October 2011: I told her right back that I loved her. We've been together for 2 and a half years since then. So I guess it was all good. ... (read in full...)
Would a guy ever admit to having cheated?
Q. Would a guy ever admit to having cheated to his girlfriend? Hopefully there are some guys out there that can answer this....
A. 19 October 2011: Some do, some don't. It depends on the guy really. ... (read in full...)
I am very upset that someone else is treating my son in this way - what should I do?
Q. Dear Cupid My son is 8 and lives with my ex-husband and his wife every second weekend. Last weekend, the wife had an argument with my son and my son lay face down on the couch. The wife told him to stay there until he had calmed down. He went t...
A. 19 October 2011: Yes, speak to your ex immediately and have a look at any custodial agreement. ... (read in full...)
I want to have complete trust in my b/f but can't help feeling scared
Q. I have dealt with serveral relationships where the trust with my significant other has been broken. I am in a relationship now that my boyfriend has done nothing to make me not trust him (we have been together just over a year now) however, when he ...
A. 19 October 2011: Realistically, I don't think you're in a good position to be in a relationship at this time. You simply have too many trust issues to make this work, and I think you need time alone to work on those before you can commit. I'm also not sure at your ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is always eyeing other women
Q. I have this boyfriend who is always eyeing woman... he has posters and wallpapers and always rubbernecks anywhere. He's mentioned "I don't need any restrictions." And I'm sitting here feeling even lower then I do because I know I don't look like ...
A. 19 October 2011: Maybe you just shouldn't be with a guy like this. It's clear that at the very least he has little respect for you - it's not like he cares for your feelings or looks at your pictures. If he needs all these posters and wallpapers, then he probably ... (read in full...)
How can I incorporate psychology into my journalism career?
Q. dear cupid, this isn't a relationship question, but i figured that it wouldn't hurt to take a chance on someone being able to provide me an answer here. anyways... my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend hurt him really badly--she cheated on him multip...
A. 18 October 2011: The only thing I can think of is writing for medical magazines, or writing for health pages in newspapers? Maybe you should try researching medical magazines and newspapers that have medical and health pages. See what you can find there. ... (read in full...)
I have left my family home and don't wish to return but my father is threatening to cut me off!
Q. My parents are really hands on type of parents who some times can be wayy to strict. My parents are very religious and they have a lot of rules when it comes to dating.I have 5 brothers and sister. We arent allowed to really date. We can group date ...
A. 18 October 2011: I would speak to a lawyer or something. First of all, your parents have a responsibility towards you, so maybe there's something in the law you can use against him. Also, check as to whether he can really shut your bank account. If it has your money ... (read in full...)
Don't want to stay, can't leave, what do you do with a marriage like this?
Q. Probably this is a very classic situation. 25 year long marriage went cold. My husband stopped looking at me, touching at me etc. There is no sex, affection, years ago. He went into silence, and passive aggressive responses. When ask why, he ...
A. 18 October 2011: Leave. My girlfriend was in a totally dead marriage. She got out a few years ago, and that's when the motivation hit her.
The reason you're not feeling the motivation right now it because it's become too convenient and too familiar to just stay... (read in full...)
How do I make my ex regret his actions?
Q. My ex dumped me out of the blue by text, after a year. He was rude and it was full of insults. I was a good girlfriend and never cheated. He turned everyone against me. How do I make him regret it? Do people like this ever do?...
A. 16 October 2011: There is no way you can make someone like that regret it. If he treated you that badly, it meant he didn't care. If he didn't care then, then he won't care what you do now. Worse, if he did turn a lot of people against you, then getting revenge ... (read in full...)
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