| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
|
Is an abortion ever morally wrong because it transgresses the father's rights?
Q. Sometimes the mother wants an abortion and the father wants her to have the baby. Is an abortion ever morally wrong because it transgresses the father's rights? A Post in here made me think of this question. Would like to hear peoples opinions...
A. 21 December 2011: Ah, that's interesting. Maybe it was two cases, who knows. Too many grey areas in this topic!... (read in full...)
Is an abortion ever morally wrong because it transgresses the father's rights?
Q. Sometimes the mother wants an abortion and the father wants her to have the baby. Is an abortion ever morally wrong because it transgresses the father's rights? A Post in here made me think of this question. Would like to hear peoples opinions...
A. 21 December 2011: Yes, a can of worms indeed.
I'm a man, and I have to say that whilst I may not like abortion (I don't think anyone does), it's something that is necessary because of either medical or personal reasons. I also agree that ultimately, it's a woma... (read in full...)
My Gf has asked me for £50, I said No, was I wrong?
Q. Hi all, been with my gf for 3 years she has never worked (she is 19) and neither has her mum I have worked since I left school. I spend quite alot on her having to buy food lending her bus money etc etc sometimes it annoys me sometimes it doesn't. ...
A. 20 December 2011: I'd dump this one, friend. She's using you as an ATM machine. ... (read in full...)
How do I politely ask him to go to the bar instead of the cinema?
Q. This guy wants to go on a date to the cinema tomorrow but i dont want to go as it would be a very dark,intimate place and i'm worried that he'll try to make a move on me. I dont feel ready for that yet. We have only met a couple of times so far and ...
A. 20 December 2011: Best thing to do is explain to him that you'd like to spend some more time talking to him, and would prefer to go to a bar instead of the cinema so you can talk to each other. Hopefully he'll take the hint. ... (read in full...)
Should I risk losing face by telling him how I feel about him?
Q. This guy and I briefly dated over the summer. We fell really hard for each other and he told me he loved me very quickly. He had to move out of the state after a few weeks but told me he still wanted a relationship because he loved me. At first, the ...
A. 20 December 2011: I think you'd be mad to go back to this guy in any way whatsoever. Whatever he said when he apologized, he still hurt you badly and that was a huge let down on his part. That showed his true character. The apology might have meant something - maybe ... (read in full...)
Should I risk losing face by telling him how I feel about him?
Q. This guy and I briefly dated over the summer. We fell really hard for each other and he told me he loved me very quickly. He had to move out of the state after a few weeks but told me he still wanted a relationship because he loved me. At first, the ...
A. 20 December 2011: I think you'd be mad to go back to this guy in any way whatsoever. Whatever he said when he apologized, he still hurt you badly and that was a huge let down on his part. That showed his true character. The apology might have meant something - maybe ... (read in full...)
Can I believe my boyfriend when he says he is not gay?
Q. My bf looked at transvestites online in the past.I asked him openly if he was bi and he said no.I said that i don't care what he did before me, and that if he tried something i would understand him 100%.That we all have the right to have fantasies, ...
A. 20 December 2011: I don't know what he's thinking. He could have been curious, he could be gay, bi whatever. This happened a long time ago in his past.
But, whatever he's thinking is no longer the problem. I think sadly, that the damage to your relationship has been... (read in full...)
We separated due to his telling another woman he was only sticking around till he could afford a divorce, now when we were trying to reconcile he's messaging women again!
Q. My husband and I have been married for 5 months. This is going to be a long story everyone I am apologizing now. I guess to start we both changed after we got married. We moved into a camper trailer right after we got married. It is located on his ...
A. 20 December 2011: I also think you should leave him. He betrayed you once, now he's doing it again.
Please leave and do better. ... (read in full...)
Am I being controlling, or am I just being cautious and protecting my marriage from further destruction?
Q. Hello, I need some advice and opinions. My wife and I have been married for 16 years and its been a pretty tough marriage from the beginning. We have both been faithful over the years, but not real happy. I just recently realized that I've been a v...
A. 16 December 2011: To be honest, you're still being too controlling. Her friends will always have influence over her - all friends do. But they have already come out and just said that you're controlling, along with your wife who says the same thing. So to then try ... (read in full...)
Just when I realize how great the guy is he says he's getting back with his ex!
Q. Hi, I'm really stupid, I met a perfect man, he is 32, funny, good career, sweet, good looking, from same background. We met 3 months ago in a club, I am 31 female And we got on great. Problem was in always felt a bit awkward in bed! He wa...
A. 16 December 2011: I actually think that you made the right decision not seeing him again, and that what worries you more is being left on the shelf, rather than losing him.
For all this guy's good points, there was a point at which you weren't connecting. You have... (read in full...)
Why wont he commit to me? I'm losing my mind!
Q. Im 34 years old and for the last 18months i have been having a casual relationship with my first love. I lost my virginity to him when i was 23 and we had regular sex for about 4 years. He is a bit of a commitment phobic. Maybe the reason for this ...
A. 15 December 2011: The problem is that you have loved him, but he has never loved you. Yes, he is your first love, and you lost your virginity to him. But you've never once been in a proper relationship with him, and he has never shown that he has feelings for you ... (read in full...)
My ex is seeing another girl, is he doing this because I did not trust him? I'm just hurt!
Q. Ok I really need help. My ex and I were together for three years. We had our ups and downs but at the end of the day we forgave each other and always told each other I love you. We'll we broke recently over something I had done. I had inva...
A. 15 December 2011: Reading between the lines on this one, I think that you may have had good reason not to trust him. I know you weren't together, but to be having sex with another girl just 2 days later suggests that he really didn't care about you, or that he knew ... (read in full...)
We were doing ok after the break up now all of a sudden its become awkward, what happened?
Q. I am so frustrated with my ex boyfriend. I broke up with him because of a long distance issue. He didn't have much to say about it at first but the way we handled the post breakup, I thought everything was going to be okay. We had regular ...
A. 15 December 2011: You have discovered the sad truth - once something like this has ended, it's very, very hard to just go back to being friends. It is almost certain that one - usually the dumped part - will struggle to remain friends.
You dumped your boyf... (read in full...)
Why did he message me to tell me this? Is there hope for us to get back together now?
Q. Me and my partner split up a week ago. I was heartbroken, yesterday he messaged me as he had heard how some guy had told a friend of his he fancied me. He messaged me to tell me about it! My partner ended the relationship, I begged him for another ...
A. 15 December 2011: No hope at all. This ex of yours has quite a few problems with his own head that are causing him to now act desperately and attempt to maintain some sort of control.
He never called you to start a relationship again, he only called to give you fals... (read in full...)
How to get out of a toxic relationship once and for all?
Q. How to get out of a toxic realtioship for good? one day is so nice and treat me well then the next day he's blame me for thing that have done. if he had a bad day at work then it my fault. i need to get out and cut all ends with him, how do i do ...
A. 15 December 2011: If you're living apart, then go for it and dump him right now, just like that.
If you're living together, then it's best to get legal advice first, then make the break for it once you know where you stand. ... (read in full...)
Gf of 5 years has no affection or feelings for me, has kept me and our relationship hidden from her family and friends and doesn't ever intend telling them!
Q. Been with gf nearly 5 years now. Last 3 years the relationship has slowly died out. We have sex onece a month now ifI'm lucky, but she only does it for me. She makes no effort to participate, all she does is lay there until ive finished then ge...
A. 15 December 2011: I would leave her well behind. ... (read in full...)
Being told you shouldn't be angry...does that work for ANYONE?
Q. i feel like everytime i have a disagreement with my boyfriend we don't so much try to work through a disagreement as much as he tries to explain it away . He says his side of whatevers going on, and basically concludes that therefore, I shouldn't be ...
A. 15 December 2011: The real question is how often does he do this?
If this was a one off, then perhaps you could let it go. If, however, he does it very often, then that's a very bad sign. No one should be telling you how you should feel about their actions and beha... (read in full...)
What are your thoughts on single parents, is the child affected?
Q. okay so... i found out im pregnant, 14 weeks gone, and the dad basicly said, if i didnt get rid, hed never have anything to do with me again.. of course i didnt get rid and he wants nothing more to do with me... we argued and havent spoke at all in ...
A. 11 December 2011: I think chigirl's post is a very good one.
All I can say is that most children are affected by the parents that is present, not by the parent that isn't present. You sound like a very smart, caring girl who will make a great mother. Your child will... (read in full...)
I broke up with b/f but I want him back even though he lies and cheats
Q. Hello Agonies. I've been going through this situation with my bf for, i'll say almost 3 years. Lately he has been making up excuses to have sex with me, changing his password to his phone, not wanting to talk to me whenever i come over due to the ...
A. 11 December 2011: You cut contact for starters.
Then, when you've done that, you need to sit down and really think about yourself. No one that puts up with liars and cheats and 'my mother bought some clothes and put them in my drawer' can be a happy, confident pers... (read in full...)
Breakup after 7 years of dating, ex wanted to stay friends. I don't. Am I cold?
Q. Dear Cupid, I recently broke up with a GF of 7 yrs, we had been faithful to each others over all those years, even when we had short breaks, and when we broke up 2 weeks ago, I feel relieved and just want to get on with my life. I feel that we ...
A. 11 December 2011: Not at all. This is honestly the best and kindest thing you can do in the long term. Yes, short term she will be hurt, but if you kept in contact she might assume that you'd come back to her.
I've never kept in contact with an ex, and I think for ... (read in full...)
The guy I liked asked out my friend. Do I have the right to be angry at them?
Q. Because the guy I've been in love with for three months asked out one of my good friends (and they're together now), does that give me the right to be mad at them, and should I feel bad for wishing that they'd break up?...
A. 10 December 2011: I'm afraid you don't really have the right to be angry with them. If he fancied her, and she fancied him, they were both single at the time, then no one had the right to stop them or be angry. If you really liked him, then you should have asked him ... (read in full...)
I think I love my FWB but he doesn't care
Q. ok, so this friend and i have been doin this friends with benifits thing since the break up the first time! but hes tarted to get close with an ex of his but he said it most likly wont work. well shortly after that we got back together and it only ...
A. 8 December 2011: You need to walk away. To him, you're still just the FWB, and that's as far as it can go between you. You're absolutely right - he is a player.
Stop torturing yourself over someone who just has sex with you and nothing else, and move on before you ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend drinks all the time but I am scared to talk to him about it. What should I do?
Q. Every single day I text my boyfriend all that comes out of his mouth.. "I am high." Or... "I am drunk." And I hate it.. I want to tell him, "Don't talk to me until your sober, and if you don't stop I won't see you anymore." But I don't want to say ...
A. 8 December 2011: Oh dear. I knew it was bad when I was reading your post. But that last line shows how bad this really is:
"If he loves me enough, he will choose me over alcohol, right?"
Wrong. That's basically expecting a man to change. And he won't change. ... (read in full...)
I told him he was the one. He said he was speechless.
Q. I told him I think he's the one tonight by text and all he said was that he was genuinely speechless. What's does that mean? Does he not feel the same? How can I rell? I feel hurt for some reason. We have been together for 8 months...
A. 8 December 2011: That will have come as a shock. As the others have said. To be just 18-21 and have a girl say 'you're the one' is pretty high up with there things that make men speechless. Give him a few days to work out how he feels. ... (read in full...)
My husband left me for a younger woman. Is this Karma?
Q. How do I repent for all the hearts and minds that I toyed with and crushed? I never knew what it felt like to be crushed because I was always the one doing the crushing and not giving crap about how I left my victims broken and damaged. I left ...
A. 8 December 2011: It's not really karma. There's no such thing really. Fate doesn't suddenly decide to play its hand when it feels like it. If it did, the continent of Africa would suddenly be a happy place because it's suffered so much.
What actually happens in l... (read in full...)
I started the relationship for all the wrong reasons and now I am not sure how to go on! help!
Q. I have been with this guy for 2 years, he's divorced 2 kids. I did not want to date divorced guys with baggage but I couldn't seem to be getting anywhere fast so I went out with him after meeting via internet dating which I started because I hadn't ...
A. 8 December 2011: You need to end this now. You're in danger of massively hurting him, massively hurting his kids and destroying yourself if you don't end it. You know full well that you don't really love him, that you don't want to have sex with him. Also, his ... (read in full...)
Jealous of my bf's female colleague... thinking of breaking up with bf! Help!
Q. i have been with my bf for 3 yrs and we love each other. i am sure he will not cheat on me, but there are other times that i felt offended or hurt unintentionally. specifically, there's this one female coworker that i am very jealous of. she hitched ...
A. 8 December 2011: Wow. This is a very unfortunate situation. I think you're so insecure and jealous that you can't actually see this for what it is - nothing. More than that, you have one of the most patient and loyal men I've ever read about on here. He's done ... (read in full...)
Is this how cheats normally behave?
Q. I have been with my girlfriend almost 5 years. She is 10 years younger than me. We go out,and without fail she chooses out a girl in the crowd and when we get home she has accused me of looking at her chosen girl all night or says we couldnt take ...
A. 6 December 2011: This can be how some cheats behave, yes. They are cheating, so to justify it or cover it up, they accuse the person they're cheating on. Not all cheats do this, but you only have to look at some posts on this site to realize that it's certainly a ... (read in full...)
Would it be better to not get married and disappoint our families?
Q. I am due to get married in three months. For the past two years I have been catching my soon to be wife in darting chat rooms. She has been clumsy and left things around,including guys phone numbers. I have never been able to get past this as she ...
A. 1 December 2011: Absolutely DO NOT get married to this woman. She doesn't really want to get married either, hence why she's doing what she is on chatrooms. You yourself has indiscretions, and you don't want to get married.
Never mind who will be disappointed. It's... (read in full...)
If he really loved me then why did he cheat?
Q. i can't even begin to figure this out, so i need to talk to someone. this guy and i were in love, and after a while he cheated. he didn't tell me until a few months after. i didn't want to talk to him, so we didn't talk for a few months. (he ...
A. 1 December 2011: You weren't wrong. You were right, he was wrong. Always remember that, and continue to move forward with your life. You'll be much better for it.... (read in full...)
Will not getting him a huge gift make him hate me?
Q. I am freaking out over my boyfriend's Christmas gift. He works and I don't (I'm looking for a job though!) and I have some ideas - a video game he's wanted for a long time but never got around to buying it, a good webcamera for his computer because ...
A. 1 December 2011: I don't think he'll hate you if he you don't get him a massive Xmas gift. And if he does, then he's clearly more about objects and money than he is love.
The fact is, you can't afford it. So do something like the card again, and choose some... (read in full...)
He's gone from callimg me "hot and sexy" to "beautiful and gorgeous," does it mean anything?
Q. Hi Guys, I realise this isn't a serious thing and it isn't a problem, I am just wondering and don't have anyone I can ask. Thanks for your responses in advance. I have been seeing a guy for a while now, he was my friend before hand and he has...
A. 1 December 2011: You've been promoted!
Not literally, of course. But what I mean is that 'hot' and 'sexy' are words that you might associate with a man who is more interested in you physically. In contrast, 'gorgeous' and 'beautiful' most likely indicates that he's... (read in full...)
If he really loved me then why did he cheat?
Q. i can't even begin to figure this out, so i need to talk to someone. this guy and i were in love, and after a while he cheated. he didn't tell me until a few months after. i didn't want to talk to him, so we didn't talk for a few months. (he ...
A. 1 December 2011: You've answered your own question with your whole post.
This man never did love you, sorry to say. All he was really interested in was control. And that's all he's been interested in since.
During your relationship, he stopped talking to you on s... (read in full...)
Why would a guy throw it all away for a random one night hook up?
Q. This may be a brad question, but it just doesn't make sense to me why a guy would cheat on a good girl that hes been with for a few years. I was absolutely good to him. Im as sincere as they get. Im honestly the type of girlfriend most guys are ...
A. 1 December 2011: It's not you, at all. This is him. You can be the nicest person in the world, but if you have boyfriend who is, at his core, rotten, then there's nothing you can do about it.
I was kind of in the same position a few years back. I was really good... (read in full...)
Went through his phone. Not sure what to make of findings
Q. Huge problem. I went through my boyfriend's phone almost a year ago, found nothing, but he got really pissed and I promised never to again. But I did tonight. And I'm freaking out a little because his friend (a girl) texted him saying if she didn't ...
A. 1 December 2011: You know this is over, don't you?
First of all, if you didn't receive those photos, he's a liar and maybe he's up to something.
Secondly, you don't have any trust in him and you never did. You don't have the right do go through someone's phone, w... (read in full...)
He wants to try more sexual "fun" with me in public. I prefer sexual contact to be in private. How can I explain this to him? .
Q. I'm having a huge problem with my self esteem.. My boyfriend has stated that he is sexually unhappy with me because I'm more reserved then the girls he was with before me. He has said that he wishes that we could have "fun" together in public, i.e ...
A. 1 December 2011: You don't need to explain to him that you don't like it. You just tell him. If this is something you don't like, or don't agree with, then tell him straight. If he doesn't like it, then maybe you need to ask yourself what you are to him. Because if ... (read in full...)
I had sex with a friend and now he won't talk to me
Q. About a week and a half ago I went to a good friend of mine's house, there was a party, and at the end of the night we ended up having sex. Now, I've known him for a few months now, and we were just good friends (we had cuddled a few times ...
A. 1 December 2011: To be honest, if he's acting exactly the same at work, it may well be that he used you. If it had become awkward between you, then he wouldn't be able to speak to you at work either. But he can. And, again if he was really a good friend, he'd try to ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my friend to ditch her boyfriend?
Q. My best friend always comes to me for advice on her relationship. Her boyfriend does not treat her right. He texts other girls and while they were on a "break" he slept with his ex. I hear her talk on the phone with him and she says I love you but ...
A. 1 December 2011: Your her friend, and that means you can just tell her straight 'he's treating you like crap, you deserve better, so dump him.'
If she doesn't listen to that, well, that's her problem. And, being her friend, that'll mean you have to listen to her ... (read in full...)
She's 17. Do I keep in touch? Keep talking, or let her be until she is older?
Q. So im in college which is new to me after leaving the military and there is a girl in one of my classes who i absolutely enjoy talking to and she tells me she loves hanging out as well. she parks her car near mine most of the time so that we end ...
A. 1 December 2011: I'm not sure what the legal age of consent is where you are, but if she's under it, I would move on from her. Also, if she's still in school, again, move on from her. If you were 28 and she 21, that would be totally different. But if she's still a ... (read in full...)
Am I being cold-hearted?
Q. I have been married for over ten years and have 2 kids. For the last two years I have been unhappy in the marriage. When I started thinking about divorce, I went to my wife and would tell her things that were bothering me and that i would like to ...
A. 29 November 2011: You've been anything but cold hearted. You tried for a long time to talk about this with her, and she wasn't open to it. And now she isn't happy and wants it to change - but it's too late. Worse still, she's just guilt-tripping you. There isn't any ... (read in full...)
Could he still be pining for me?
Q. I have been single for a while and have decided to set up a dating profile, while I was browsing the guys profiles I noticed an ex of mine had a profile on there, when i looked at his ideal date he had described me.. right down to hair colour and ...
A. 28 November 2011: The problem with him could be that he has a certain type - and you might just have been one of those women who fit that type. It would be a bit dangerous to assume he still likes you on the basis of what he's looking for, when that might have been ... (read in full...)
| *aringGuy's friends
These are mutual friends, so *aringGuy has
added them and they have added *aringGuy!
|
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png){kind=small}
