| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Do we tell the parents of my son's girlfriend that we walked in on them having oral sex?
Q. My husband and I walked in on my 17 year old son performing oral sex on his girl friend who is 16. My husband and I disagree on what we should do. I think that we should call her parents and tell them what happened. My husband on the other hand said ...
A. 1 October 2011: I'm not a parent. I do know this though - the legal age of consent in Canada is 16. Therefore neither were breaking the law. On top of that, if you said something and her parents suddenly turned against your son, your son would seriously turn ... (read in full...)
Have zero interest in sex with boyfriend of 4 years...
Q. Hi. I'm 27, I've been with my boyfriend on and off, for four years. The first two years he turned me on so much, I loved sex with him. In year three we split up - totally unrelated to sex, but it had started to slow down a bit. Anyway, had a ...
A. 1 October 2011: To be honest, it just sounds like your relationship has gone as far as it can. You were seeing each other for 3 years, then broke up. Then you had fun with some other guys before getting back with your boyfriend, then broke up again, now you're back ... (read in full...)
Sharing our issues with friends??
Q. Is it okay for my boyfriend to be out with his friends drinking and discussing our personal problems with them? He says it's normal and that maybe I should start telling my friends more of our personal issues to vent or whatnot. I think it's ...
A. 30 September 2011: He should be able to talk about problems with friends. That's what friends are partially there for. They can offer advice and sympathy and a listening ear when something has gone wrong.
You can't stop him and you shouldn't stop him. That's just... (read in full...)
I can't give up what we have but I can't live in limbo either
Q. Hey , im not really sure what to do so im asking for some advice ..My ex broke up with me about a month ago due to still having feelings for his ex of 7 years ..its hard coz we wanna b together still ..The other day when we were chilling he told me ...
A. 30 September 2011: He's using you, pure and simple. It's really, really obvious he's using you as well. It's like he's bought the book of cliched male excuses and lies and started reading them to you.
He dumped you because he 'still had feelings for his ex'. Yet,... (read in full...)
My husband blames fertility issues on me being over weight! Couldn't it just as well be HIM that is the problem?
Q. Hello all, I have been with my man for 5 years, married for almost three. We havent been actively trying to have a baby but we havent not been trying either. For years I thought my husband had issues downstairs, and I found out I have fertilit...
A. 30 September 2011: You've got a lot of good information here already. I'd just like to add that if I'm not mistaken, men are MORE likely to e infertile than women. So yes, it very much could be him and it's worth exploring that possibility...if you want to stay with a ... (read in full...)
How can I tell him I want us to go to the beach alone?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months, we have been friends for years before this. The relationship is excellent and I really love him and I know he feels the same. 3 months ago P started his job and I started my placement year (he has fini...
A. 30 September 2011: Just tell him exactly what you've said here. You've have a bad week, and you just want to spend some time alone with him. Be clear. Then he has no excuse to misunderstand, and if he tries to convince you otherwise you can just decide not to go. ... (read in full...)
He's back again after he broke my heart
Q. What should I reply to this guy who last year broke my heart (he doesn't know that) he said he was single when he actually had a girlfriend and he never replied to my text at the time. He has got in touch asking about me. I want him back in my ...
A. 30 September 2011: Thing is, you can't be sure he doesn't have a girlfriend now and isn't just playing you yet again. Or maybe they split up and now he's just out to use you. I think you'd be inviting trouble if you allowed this man back into your life to be honest. ... (read in full...)
He says he is falling in love with me but that he can't leave his family. How can I let go of him and end our work affair?
Q. I need some advice. I am a teachers assistant at an elementary school. I have been working with the same man for the last three years. We are both married with 3 kids. We have formed a great friendship and seem like ideal mates for each other. W...
A. 30 September 2011: Just remember what I wrote. The moment you feel lust for this man, imagine having to deal with a heartbroken husband and some very angry/hurt/disturbed children who really won't be that forgiving. ... (read in full...)
He says he is falling in love with me but that he can't leave his family. How can I let go of him and end our work affair?
Q. I need some advice. I am a teachers assistant at an elementary school. I have been working with the same man for the last three years. We are both married with 3 kids. We have formed a great friendship and seem like ideal mates for each other. W...
A. 30 September 2011: I had a friend a few years ago in school. She was a nice girl. Then one day, she found out her mother had been cheating on her father. This naturally destroyed all confidence that she had in her mother, who had to leave the house because of the ... (read in full...)
Should just keep him out of our lives. And deny access to his child? But is it the right thing to do ?
Q. Hi i am in a situation with my baby's father apparently he's with someone else now and we just broke up last week. It hurts to know that he's with the one girl he cheated on me last weekend but i am just doing fine what i wanted to ask was i dont ...
A. 30 September 2011: If you believe that you and your children are in danger from this man, then you have to take it to court and get a court order preventing him from seeing them.
If you just try to stop access, he will be able take you to court (possibly under kidn... (read in full...)
Am I being emotionally abused? He is an alcoholic and uses manipulation and guilt to control me.
Q. 22 years ago I fell in love with my high school sweetheart. After graduation we parted ways and I moved out of state. We reconnected last year on facebook and have been together ever since. He is an alcoholic and uses manipulation and guilt to cont...
A. 30 September 2011: I think your are being emotionally abused, quite severely. This man clearly has major issues beyond anything that you can help him with, and because of those issues he treats you like dirt. Any man who stands there and uses manipulation and guilt ... (read in full...)
Is Breaking Up a Mistake? Should I Tell Her the Truth? I need advice to Get Over Someone!
Q. For about three years I have had feelings for a close girl friend of mine. I have told her I was bi/ pan sexual. I have also told her about my feelings for her a couple years ago. It didnt go anywhere because she is straight. But this past summer ...
A. 30 September 2011: Actually you really did make the right decision to break up with that guy, one that I'll commend you for because there are a lot of people who'd have just used someone and throw them aside later on. You didn't do that. At the time you were together, ... (read in full...)
I kissed another man. How do I tell my husband, who has been away for work reasons. Should I tell my husband?
Q. I kissed a man at a conference a week ago... I've been married for 7 years. My sex drive is WAY higher than my husband and this has been a struggle our whole marriage. Every four to eight weeks on average... And nothing while I was pregnant. I ...
A. 30 September 2011: You will get a variety of answers, depending on how people feel about it and what cheating means to them. Some might say you've too much to lose by telling. Others will say tell because he deserves to know or whatever.
Looking at this situ... (read in full...)
Why is my bf ex being a yoyo in his life?
Q. Hi all, I have a long distance boyfriend and everything is great. There is just one thing that I have a problem with. He keeps adding his ex to facebook every time that she sends him a request, then she will get the shits with him blocks him, and ...
A. 30 September 2011: I think, sadly, that you are on a losing battle with this guy. This ex issue might be the one problem you have, but it's clearly a massive one with serious implications about how he feels about you. This is a huge red flag.
It's very clear to me t... (read in full...)
What type of men am I dealing with?
Q. Hello, I was wondering if anyone had some insight into what type of personality or type of men I am dealing with in my life. My husband has cheated on me behind my back for 5 years with other women. When confronted by me about it he verbally abus...
A. 30 September 2011: You pretty much summed this one up yourself to be honest.
Your husband is a cheat, a liar and he verbally abuses you and blames you. You appear to have taken it somewhat (you don't say you've left).
His father is also an abuser (and I'm willing ... (read in full...)
Trust issues between bf and I, don't know why he still doesn't trust me, and don't feel I have any reason to trust him.
Q. Hi, so I'm in a going on two years relationship, we live together and we are both serious. Problem is, in the beginning of our relationship, he did some stupid things and lost my trust. He lied a lot in past relationships and is trying to stop ...
A. 30 September 2011: There are so many red flags with this guy that it's just not true. He has severe trust issues that simply won't go away whilst you're with him. He's not informed the police of this hacking. All he's done is blame you over and over again.
W... (read in full...)
He never wants to get married because he is afraid a woman will take away his money.
Q. I've been married for 20 years. It was a loveless marriage and Im glad that I had the courage to end it. I've got my own house now and a part time job which I can manage to support myself. I've met this man 16 years older than me. I've been with ...
A. 29 September 2011: This guy just plain doesn't want to get married. He also is far to stingy to get married too.
If he loved you, then he could say that he was worried about his finances and he could have suggested a pre-nup so that he'd be secure. He didn't, lead... (read in full...)
He hasn't called yet and I want to see him
Q. He's 19 I'm 16. I met him 3 days ago and we made out on our first date. I don't necessary like him, but I got carried away. He called me yesterday at 8.30pm asking if I wanted to go out but I told him it was too late and I had to study. Then he said ...
A. 29 September 2011: Maybe you should try calling him. He did call you first time around and you did turn him down. He may have said that he'd call, but at the same time he might now be a bit nervous. If you want to see him, try calling him. ... (read in full...)
RJ, both justified and unjustified
Q. Has anyone here ever gotten over RJ (Retrograde Jealousy) in a relationship? Both justified RJ such as a mate having slept with your friend or enemy and unjustified RJ such as mate having just slept with other people before the relationship. ...
A. 29 September 2011: I don't know anyone who has gotten over this without some kind of professional help. Retrograde jealously is very hard to deal with and usually indicates some deep emotional problems. I know a few who have come to terms with it once they have found ... (read in full...)
Is this bullying or am I just being overly sensitive?
Q. Would you call this bullying or just overreacting? I feel like I'm being singled out by certain people. One of the rules at work is no mobile phones unless you're on your break. I keep mine in my locker but apparently "someone" saw me with my p...
A. 28 September 2011: This is bullying, like Abella has said. Follow her advice. ... (read in full...)
Can I delete him off facebook? I don't want to know what he's up to!
Q. My ex dumped me a week and a half ago. We had a 1 year relationship. Its been very hard for me, but he is completely fine. He feels nothing about the break up and has moved on. I have to see my ex every day as we go to uni together and are in the ...
A. 28 September 2011: Yep. Delete. It's for the best. ... (read in full...)
If I leave it means moving back in with my parents and having no money with 2 young children, but I know he will never change if I stay.....what should I do?
Q. Hi, I have been with my partner for 5 years and married for 2 months, we have two children together ages 1 and 2. He is in the army so when we got married i moved in with him, 3 hours drive away from my home, i gave up my home and to be near m...
A. 28 September 2011: I also think your depression is linked heavily to your husband's poor treatment of you.
I do think it's best that you leave your husband. To drive you to depression is very, very bad and you shouldn't be around someone like that. Before you deci... (read in full...)
It's been a week now. I don't know how to proceed with her. Should I tell her '' No''? or say more?
Q. So I have this friend I have known for two years now. Several months after meeting she confessed that she liked me as "more than a friend", thought I was sexy, smart, wonderful and said she wanted to date me. I was very flattered but am not ...
A. 28 September 2011: I'd also say that the best thing you can do is forgive her, and at the same time ensure that she knows she can't do that again. ... (read in full...)
How to know if she's cheating?
Q. What signs do I need too look for to tell if my wife cheating...
A. 27 September 2011: List below says all. Why do you think she's cheating, OP? What signs have you seen?... (read in full...)
How much trouble would we be in if we have sex at a movie theatre and get caught?
Q. I am 19 and I have been with my bf Brett for 2 yrs. Our 2 yr anniversary is on wednesday and I wanted to do something special so I asked him what he would like to do. I was kinda shocked when he sadi he had 2 things he had always wanted to do the ...
A. 27 September 2011: Arrested. Named in papers. Fined heavily. Laughed at. Possible fired if you work for a reputable company. Possible expulsion from place of education. Youtube.
Basically, if you're caught, you're stuffed.... (read in full...)
I broke up with him because he's still staying with his ex!
Q. someone try and convince me that i have done the right thing. i just left a relationship, because my x boyfriend is still staying with the mother of his daughter. he claims he doesn't love her, and that she has no where to go. plus she is looki...
A. 26 September 2011: Yes, you have made the right decision. You don't even really know if they'd split up or if he was just cheating. Leave him in the past. ... (read in full...)
Is it ok for a woman to say I love you first?
Q. I have been in a relationship with a guy for a while, and we are very close. We have told each other how much we care about each other in a lot of ways, but haven'y actually said "I love you" yet. Is it ok for a woman to say I love you first, or ...
A. 26 September 2011: Perfectly fine to say it first if you mean it. Don't wait for him. Say it.... (read in full...)
is it right for coaches to deny his players the freedom to love?
Q. I am in love with my girlfriend who is in my country's national under-21 football team. She's 19, the captain of the team, and is the only out lesbian in her team. According to her, several of her team mates are closeted lesbians but they are afraid ...
A. 23 September 2011: This sounds illegal to me.... (read in full...)
2 weeks after argument b/f still hasn't contacted me!
Q. I and my boyfriend started the relationship bout 6months ago. Its been the best feeling ever. I love him so much aand he says he loves me too. He says my attitude stinkks whereas, he's is worse. Everytime he does something wrong and I react, he'll ...
A. 23 September 2011: I'm glad you do. You've done nothing wrong. At all. This is just about some guy on an ego trip. You shouldn't accept this kind of person in your life. They're not worth the hassle. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend playing mind-games?
Q. Boyfriend broke up with me friday, says we fight to much.. i was living with him in his dads house. he quit his job and plays video games all day and smokes pot all day.. he's 23 i'm 18. Since we've broke up i've been going out with friends. he's ...
A. 23 September 2011: Sometimes, you girls do pick 'em!
Please, look at who this guy is. He quit his job in a recession and doesn't work or make an attempt to work, so has no real motivation to do anything with himself career wise.
He sits around playing video games. ... (read in full...)
If a person changes for the worst because of their mate, will they see it eventually?
Q. If someone has changed because of their boy/girlfriend for the worst will they eventually see the light or not? If you think this can't last which I can't believe it can, you cannot just change that much and push everyone away who you care about th...
A. 23 September 2011:
A woman falls in love with a man. She thinks he's everything, she loves him, she wants to be with him. Man says he loves her more than anything. He'll never hurt her, always protect her. He marries her, says he'll forsake all others, that no othe... (read in full...)
Should I pull the plug on this marriage?
Q. should we end this marriage?I've been with my husband for six years,it's like my life is over there's nothing to look forward to,sex is alway's the same no forplay no waiting for a woman to get horney,it's stick it in get off and dont worrie if ...
A. 23 September 2011: Well, don't end the marriage yet. When you started your post, you seemed to want to end it. At the end of your post, it seemed like you wanted to make a go of it.
First thing, you can't change him. He has to change himself.
Bearing that in mind,... (read in full...)
2 weeks after argument b/f still hasn't contacted me!
Q. I and my boyfriend started the relationship bout 6months ago. Its been the best feeling ever. I love him so much aand he says he loves me too. He says my attitude stinkks whereas, he's is worse. Everytime he does something wrong and I react, he'll ...
A. 23 September 2011: When you have to beg a man to talk after he's done something wrong, you need to dump that man.
This relationship isn't based on anything other than his lust for power over you. You say he loves you. Yet in the next sentence, you go on to say that... (read in full...)
Married lover needs me but won't say he loves me
Q. Hi,I am so confused with my married lover,we have been lovers for 5yrs he is 65 and i'm 60, he knows that i love him very much but i'm not sure if he cares about me as strongly,these last few mths though he has become more emotionally envolved with ...
A. 23 September 2011: I'm a man and I can tell you something about men - when we love a woman, she knows it. We tell her, we show her. In fairness, the showing part is more important than the telling, but nevertheless, a woman will know when a man truly loves her.
I... (read in full...)
Best friend keeps stealing my girl!
Q. So Im in college and my best friend is a year older than me. In a way, he's always been my "wingman" but recently it seems he ends up taking the girl I'm aiming for. The first time it happened, I met this super hot chick at a party me and my friend ...
A. 23 September 2011: A good friendship? Far from it. He uses you to get to girls. Then he rubs your face in it and laughs at your expense.
That's not a friend. That's a backstabbing SOB who you don't need in your life. ... (read in full...)
Should I get back with my ex for FWB till he is ready to get serious again
Q. A few days after my ex fiancee and I started talking about breaking up, he starting persuing another woman. Because of this I ended it totally with him. They got very serious quickly but she broke up with him a couple of months later. My ex was ...
A. 23 September 2011: So what your ex is saying, in effect, is this:
"I've been with a lot of woman, now I'm getting nowhere. I know you, and I think you can be used, therefore I'll try my luck with you and when it suits me I'll just leave again"
He hasn't been honest o... (read in full...)
I broke up b/f of 5 years and he hasn't contacted me since then!
Q. I broke up with my bf of five years because of the lack of sex. I broke up with him on Sunday, and then I left his home, but he still hasn't contacted me. He has not asked for me back, he has not called or text or anything. Did I not mean anything ...
A. 23 September 2011: Of course he's not contacted you! You dumped him! You're the one who ended it. You broke his heart, not the other way around. He'd be mad to run around after a woman who'd dumped him and then expected him to come running.
You're the second woma... (read in full...)
18 year old with crush on 14 year old?
Q. hi guys i am 18 and i have a developing crush on a 14 year old girl and i just wanted to get peoples views on this is it weird to you or doesn't it matter to you? ...
A. 23 September 2011: I think this would matter. 28 and 24 is one thing. 18 and 14 is entirely another. If you started anything, this could lead to lawsuits and the sex offender's register.
The best thing to do is to have nothing to do with this girl. ... (read in full...)
G/f complained about my penis. Is she cheating?
Q. my girlfriend recently started complaining of my penis size. Could this be the sign she is cheating on me? ...
A. 23 September 2011: I don't think this is a sign of cheating. I do think it's a sign of immaturity, a woman who has little understanding of men and an uncaring attitude.
On the basis if just that, I'd dump her and move on.... (read in full...)
Flirting with me while all the time having a girlfriend!
Q. I can not get this man out of my head! I met this man at a fitness class, we got on great had lots of chemistry, and would always chat for hours. He always singled me out in this class and would smile all the time at me. He then asked me to go to ...
A. 23 September 2011: Never underestimate a man's ego. Sometimes it can be bigger than the man.
This guy obviously liked you, maybe fancied you and wanted your attention. He no doubt saw that you were somewhat attracted to him, so he went right ahead and built up his ... (read in full...)
Why would people lie for someone that they don't know?
Q. yesterday i fought a girl becaues she said she didnt like me and wanted to fight me. We fought twice in 1 day soo today everybody saying i lost.But how did i lose when she was the one on the ground and i got more hits?? i dont understand...everybody ...
A. 23 September 2011: You're being bullied. That's what's happening. And I know, because it happened to me at school, which is why even now I consider school nothing but a necessary evil.
Truth is, you are pretty and smart. The problem is that other people are jeal... (read in full...)
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