| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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How does one deal with marriage issues, where the other person thinks everything is fine?
Q. How do you deal with marriage issues when the other party thinks everything is fine, in the sense they are devoted to the children and don't really care about the husband-wife dynamic....
A. 17 January 2012: You tell the other person exactly what is wrong, in simple and clear terms, and that it needs to be fixed or that the marriage will be in danger. If the other person still doesn't listen, then perhaps the marriage is already in such a mess that you ... (read in full...)
Does the fact that I feel nothing for him now mean I never loved him?
Q. Why do I feel the way I do? Is this normal? I loved my ex boyfriend so much but he cheated, lied to me and dumped me. I was so hurt, I was crazy about him and now I've lost interest in dating and love altogether. He wanted us to s...
A. 17 January 2012: The post below has said it all. This means that you're over him. You did love him, but now you see him for what he is, and you've moved on. ... (read in full...)
An affair with married man who gets caught but still wants affair?
Q. I already know what people will say about my relationship with the married man I am seeing. I feel bad and have ended it more than 4 times now but he keeps wanting me back. Here is my story. I have known this man since we were kids and dated in high ...
A. 17 January 2012: Because he can. You let yourself be used by a man like this, and if you continue, he will continue.
Pity the wife - imagine how hurt she must be. Perhaps the best thing to do is end it before she does something really stupid and you get drag... (read in full...)
Should I warn my boyfriend about how different I look?
Q. I haven't seen my boyfriend in several months. Over that time, I've been sick and have lost a lot of weight. I have always been slender, but this is a noticeable difference from last time since my family and friends have been commenting and s...
A. 17 January 2012: If it is a noticeable difference, he might well be surprised. I can't really think of anyone I know that wouldn't be surprised if they suddenly saw that their girlfriends had lost weight. It's not so much about the 'appearance' thing - it just might ... (read in full...)
Am I in the running to get hurt big time even though he loves me?
Q. Hi I hope you can help me as I just don't know how to play this situation that I am in. My fella and I have been together 6 months, he has kids from a previous relationship. I haven't met them yet, as I thought its best to take things slow, fo...
A. 12 January 2012: Things might get a little worse, but I don't see anything here that suggests you're going to ultimately get your heart broken. There's nothing at all that she can do to stop him seeing you, and the best thing to do is keep all her texts, emails, ... (read in full...)
Should I just dump my boyfriend?
Q. Should i dump my boyfriend ?. We have been on and off for a long time and when we argue, he threatens to finish me, and sometimes actually does. He has also just asked to have two days to think about whether he wants us to be together too. Why would ...
A. 12 January 2012: I think you should. This is a short post, OP, but there's a lot in it. You've been on/off for some time (Red flag 1), he often threatens to dump you (Red Flag 2), and sometimes he does actually dump you (Red Flag 3). To top this off, he now wants ... (read in full...)
How do I get a second date?
Q. I went on a first date last week, with a guy I met online. Everything seemed to go well. Now it's almost the weekend again, but he hasnt asked me out. What should I do?...
A. 12 January 2012: You could try asking him. He might be seeing whether you're interested, so it's worth a shot. ... (read in full...)
I cheated and he just won't stop bringing it up!! Advice pls?
Q. Hi. So, I'm 18 now from the last time I posted, which I was 17... I now have a new relationship, been with this guy for 6 months. anyway it's been the hardest relationship I have been in. First of all I will state that after my ex, I ...
A. 12 January 2012: I do think that the best thing to do is end it too. I don't think from what you've said that he'll get over it, and more to the point he's now telling you that you've ruined your life, which isn't so. There's way too much negativity here, and for ... (read in full...)
Did I wreck a chance at a third date?
Q. I met this guy online and after a couple of months he flew to see me. On our first real meeting he brought a friend and all three of us had drinks. He covered my portion of the bill. The second time I met up with him over coffee, I paid although ...
A. 11 January 2012: I don't think so at all. He'd have to have some issues if he was bothered at all by what happened. ... (read in full...)
I cheated and he just won't stop bringing it up!! Advice pls?
Q. Hi. So, I'm 18 now from the last time I posted, which I was 17... I now have a new relationship, been with this guy for 6 months. anyway it's been the hardest relationship I have been in. First of all I will state that after my ex, I ...
A. 11 January 2012: Of course he keeps bringing it up! Do you understand how much you hurt him when you cheated? You seem to think that it was all right, that it can just be swept under the carpet and that's all there is to it. I don't think you have any understanding ... (read in full...)
My ex wants to hang out with me but has a boyfriend!
Q. So my ex and I went out for 3 years and we broke up. Now a month after our break she started dating this other guy (ling distance) and after 4 months we started hanging out but I couldn't take the fact that she's dating someone else, so I stopped ...
A. 11 January 2012: I think she's keeping you around as a back-up in case things go wrong. I think you know that you're better off moving on from her, so I'd suggest telling her that you need to move on, then cut contact.
She can't have everything. You two broke up a... (read in full...)
Why do men send flowers?
Q. What does it mean when a guy sends you flowers? Does it mean he likes you or he's expressing his feelings for you indirectly?...
A. 10 January 2012: This means he likes you, and is most likely expressing his feelings obviously, not indirectly. He might be testing the water to see your reaction, so if you like him, go talk to him and see how he feels. ... (read in full...)
I've moved on , he hasnt... what should I do?
Q. Basically my boyfriend and i have been together for several years on and off. He left for New Zealand in october and i was just starting my first year at university. I'm 18 hes 22, and he has been away for 4 months and he is back in 2 months. We ...
A. 8 January 2012: Break it off with your boyfriend, go have fun. Enjoy your life. ... (read in full...)
Why does he choke me or restrain me during sex?
Q. The guy im having sex with will start to choke me or pin me down right before im going to orgasim. if i push his hand away from my neck or move away from his hold he will stop and hold back for a bit. then it starts all over again. he wont let me ...
A. 6 January 2012: To be honest, this sounded a bit creepy. Some people do get turned on by restraining and such, but when you told him to stop, he didn't. That's creepy.
Maybe this guy is controlling or something. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend rates guys and says whether she would date them or not?
Q. I'm a marine currently on deployment. I have a girlfriend back home and i just wanted an outside view on my situation so that i know im not thinking irrational or being too jealous. The thing is that ive noticed that lately my girlfriend has been...
A. 6 January 2012: I would say this is a bad sign, to be honest. It's not just the flirting, but it's also the underhand way she tries not to talk to you and such.
To be honest, as most military people will tell you (I'm not one, by the way), you need a partner that... (read in full...)
I love him. Want to be with him. But how do I stop him from getting so mad at so much I do?
Q. Dear cupid, My and my boyfriend have been togther for one year... And hes my life and i love him very much. But there has beeb such a big problem for a long time, he gets mad at almost everything i do, wearing the wrong cloths, even having lint...
A. 6 January 2012: There's no way he'll change. All he wants is to control you. And how exactly does he show his anger towards you?... (read in full...)
G/f says she hit her ex. Will she hit me?
Q. I just started to date this beautiful girl. She is everything I had ever wanted and acts just like a lady. However a couple of things are concerning me, 1. Is that her ex bfs things are still in her place, yet she says they broke up 3 months ...
A. 5 January 2012: I'm not sure she's a great bet. She sounds like she has too many issues to be honest.
Perhaps give her more time and see what happens, but if you think that she might slap you or something, or she shows that she's untrustworthy, then the best thin... (read in full...)
Thinking of moving abroad for a few months....how will this work when I have a son?
Q. Hi all, I wasn't too sure were to place this question but I like all of your advice so thought I'd ask it today. In the next few months I'm being made redundant and I've been seriously thinking about trying for a 12 month visa for america(...
A. 4 January 2012: The best advice I can give is that you speak to the American Embassy in London.
http://london.usembassy.gov/
I would say though that you will find this very, very hard. Usually to get a work visa, you have to have something lined up and tha... (read in full...)
I've liked him for two years but he is dating my friend
Q. well i have really liked this guy for more then 2 years and then i just found out like 3 mouths ago that my bestfriend likes him to, and now i dont know what to do because they are together... i have told him i liked him and he didnt want to screw ...
A. 4 January 2012: I'm sorry, but he's just not interested in you. He was being kind when he said what he did. I just don't think he fancies you I'm afraid.
Whilst it's hard, and I know it's not what you want to hear, the best thing you can do is continue to move... (read in full...)
How do you deal with people you cant trust?
Q. How should one deal with people who you can't trust? I know this one guy that keeps saying things that I later find out aren't true. He comes up with excuses that can easily be seen through, and I know it isn't correct. When confronting him he gets ...
A. 4 January 2012: I agree with the others. Best to just let him go. There's no point in having this friendship if all he'll do is lie. ... (read in full...)
Am I paranoid or is he cheating?
Q. Okay, I'm not sure if i am paranoid that my boyfriend is cheating or if he really is so i need your guys help. Okay i don't have proof that he is cheating. He don't have a phone anymore cause he says he can't afford one anymore since he has a l...
A. 4 January 2012: Jury's out on this one. There isn't enough here at all to prove that he's cheating. I admit though that having a 'friend' buy a razor is a bit weird.
Perhaps instead of worrying whether he's cheating, you should take a real look at the rela... (read in full...)
I don't want my boyfriend to think I am crazy
Q. Okay well me and boyfriend got into a bit of a fight. He said i don't have time for him and i didn't want to tell him why i don't! i go to counselling and i have to focus on school but i'm scared to tell him about the counselling because maybe he ...
A. 3 January 2012: He won't think you're crazy if you tell him. You don't necessarily have to tell him, but you'll have to say something, because he's obviously worried that your relationship is in trouble and you don't have time to tell him. If he's generally a good ... (read in full...)
Is he attracted?
Q. I have this guy friend that I've been hanging out with casually for a few months. We get along well, and seem to have fun. We text all day, pretty much every day, and while there are no direct sexual references during our conversations, they are ...
A. 30 December 2011: I think he is. But I think you need to talk to him about it to see where you stand. The signs are all blatantly there, but you'll never know for sure unless you talk to him. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's going to China, what does her insurance cover?
Q. My girlfriend's going to China to teach for a year. I've been told she gets insurance from the school but I don't know how extensive it is and I want her to be covered properly. In anyone's experience, does this usually cover most things needed ...
A. 29 December 2011: You need to speak to the insurance provider. There are far too many different type of insurance for anyone to know what she's covered for. ... (read in full...)
Are all FWB relationships like this?
Q. Hi everyone I am in a fwb arrangement with a man of 10 months we didn't arrange it it just happened anyway I was just wondering are all fwbs like this one I see him once a month maybe twice if I'm lucky lol we live very close to one another I text ...
A. 29 December 2011: I'm afraid this is what a FWB relationship is. Others have posted and have summed it up really. It's clear this isn't really for you, and you'd do better go go find a boyfriend instead. You seem totally wasted on this guy, and there are other guys ... (read in full...)
What really hurts a guy aside from breakups?
Q. This question is mainly directed to Men but feel free anyone to answer every little helps :) After a friend got dumped we went to her house to comfort her. She said she wanted to hurt her ex emotionally. I told her not to stoop to his level but my...
A. 29 December 2011: If he dumped her, nothing she does can cause him pain. The only way she could hurt him is if he cared for her - and given that he dumped her, it's unlikely he did in the end.
Perhaps instead of trying to get revenge, she should work out why she ... (read in full...)
I don't want to spend new year's eve with my boyfriend, am I wrong to do this?
Q. Hi everyone. Hope you all had a good Xmas. I have a problem; I don’t want to spend NYE with my partner. I love him but we have almost split up recently and a lot of it is because he becomes a different person when he is drinking; he becomes jealous, ...
A. 28 December 2011: I would say to you that this is a pretty big sign that you need to think about whether this relationship is right for you. I'm not saying that you shouldn't have time to yourself, but the tone of this question just says that you're mostly ... (read in full...)
Should a FWB be persistent?
Q. Is it normal for a guy who wants fwb to be persistent ?. He says he thinks i am really good looking, but i don't think i am that attractive, to be honest. I'm also a shy person, so i don't understand why he doesn't want an fwb who is more outgoing. ...
A. 28 December 2011: A man who wants nothing but sex will always be persistent. To be honest, I think you should leave him well in the past. He's very desperate, and I think he's just out to use you. ... (read in full...)
Why would my friend behave this way?
Q. Why is my friend behaving like this? does she even like this guy?..x? There's this guy that likes my friend. But she's so horrible to him. He takes her out to fancy places, rings her a lot she says she says nasty things to him. He bought her a...
A. 26 December 2011: That final line of yours - "she says she loves the attention" - that sums her up.
She can treat him as she wants, because he likes her and she knows it. And she wants him to run around after her like some poor puppy. Sadly, he's not woken up yet.... (read in full...)
Is this relationship worth saving due to communication problems?
Q. I have known my partner for 27 years. We lost touch for a while and I had two boys in another relationship. That fizzled out and I rekindled again with this man and had my third child. I am a professional women and have always been fiercely in...
A. 26 December 2011: It isn't worth trying to save and you do know it. I suspect that you're a very independent and successful woman, and he's latched onto that thinking that he won't ever have to put any energy into what you have.
But my girlfriend is a very inde... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's lazy, unhygienic, has cockroaches on his bed,wants to get married and live in a trailer park..I'm done with him! Is it bad if I break up with him through text?
Q. Hey. I have an issue. I've been dating my bf for a year, and I want out. The problem is, he doesn't know I feel this way... Yet. I told my friends that I wanted to break up with him and when they all got drunk at a party, they told my bf's best ...
A. 26 December 2011: Yes, it is low. You can't complain about the way he acts then dump him in such a shallow way. At the very least, call him to tell him.
As the post below says, if you dump him by text, then never again can you moan about a man being inse... (read in full...)
After 9 years he still doesn't know if he wants to start a family with me
Q. Should I break up with my boyfriend of 9 years? I have been dating this man for 9 years, we have had our ups an downs, but i have never felt so lost. There are a lot traits about him I love and Hate. But my biggest issue is he won't talk about ma...
A. 26 December 2011: To be fair to him, he's still a young (I presume that he's in his 20's) man, and therefore may not want children or marriage yet. That's his right to feel that way.
However, given that you have been together for 9 years, he should at the very leas... (read in full...)
My Bf doesn't want me to wear revealing clothes in public
Q. i was on my facebook and my boyfriend and me were messaging. we just turn 1month together~! (: and well im going to see him today but i told him im going to be wearing my favorite black skinny jeans with my tight pink shirt. (have to admit the shirt ...
A. 26 December 2011: You're absolutely right - he does need to get over it. I thought when he meant revealing he meant extremely short skirts or something. But to be moaning about skinny jeans is truly controlling and excessive.
Now, getting to the very important poin... (read in full...)
I want to wear my bikini, but my Bf gets teary and upset at me doing this. Is he over-reacting?
Q. My boyfriend gets all teary and upset when I express interest in wearing a bikini. He hates the idea of someone looking at me but I'm proud of my body and sometimes I just want to show it (most of the time however I like adequate coverage...) Is ...
A. 25 December 2011: This is not normal. It's not even near normal. Your boyfriend has serious problems to be honest. I'd suggest seriously looking at whether you should be with this guy. He's either very controlling and is using emotional blackmail, or he's got huge ... (read in full...)
Should I meet some one I don't want to meet just to please my boyfriend?
Q. I dont really know how do put this but here goes. my boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and we have a pretty solid relaionship we get on so well and we always have a laugh and joke. but recently (as in the last week) I have bee...
A. 24 December 2011: Mother/girlfriend
Work colleague/girlfriend
Best female friend/girlfriend
Girlfriend/daughter
Yes, men have for years somehow always managed to wind up putting themselves between two women who like him, but somehow see each other as a threat. I... (read in full...)
Is it over for good? Or do I just give him space?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year now. Lately in the last month, it was extremely rocky. We've been getting into a lot of arguments I admit a lot of it has to do with me picking at little things. He wanted to break up in the beginning ...
A. 24 December 2011: When I read this, all I could think was that he's not really interested in commitment unless it's entirely on his terms. He seems to be expecting you to fit into this nice, neat little box and never complain, and then just take him back like ... (read in full...)
I don't want to ruin Christmas for him, but should I be worried about the two of them??
Q. i need you to help me in my relationship I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and 3 months, but now i think he is cheating on me. My boyfriend and I are in a LDR, i know about the girl he has been in contact with at the same time. she is outsi...
A. 24 December 2011: This is the problem with LDR's. It's very hard to make these work, and when one person gets it in their head that something is going on, then you're in trouble.
You clearly don't trust him at all. Not a bit. Not only that, but you're making assu... (read in full...)
Just found out he has another FWB. Should I break up or continue with the little comfort he provides?
Q. I just found out my friend with benefits, over 1.5 years now, has another fwb for a year going. It hurt and i felt used because i thought what we had was special. I am 40 and dont feel there are many options for me, and have settled for less. no...
A. 24 December 2011: Unfortunately, I think what you two had meant more to you than it did for him. A FWB partner isn't obliged to be committed to you - that's why they're a FWB and not a boyfriend.
I think you really want a relationship, and I think rather than cont... (read in full...)
Has anyone ever spent New Year's Eve alone?
Q. Hey aunts! So, I'm going through a pretty rocky phase in my life (my mom passed away last spring, I recently broke up with my 5year bf and I'm very heartbroken). Looks like I'm gonna be spending New Years Eve alone. I know it's a super loser thing ...
A. 21 December 2011: I know two people who have spent NYE alone, and though both have said it wasn't ideal, both weren't really affected by it.
Having said that, it might be worth you trying to organize something with your friends.... (read in full...)
Found out my fiance has been cheating....should I go ahead with the wedding or not?
Q. Im about to get married with my bf of 2years. Ours was a long distance relationship for a year as we are both working abroad. Communication had been constant, almost everyday we did get in touch. Never did i doubted my bf's love and sincerity ...
A. 21 December 2011: Do not marry this man. He has cheated on you and hurt you. You can do better, and you should do better. To marry this man is to start on a life of unhappiness.
Leave this guy in the past. ... (read in full...)
Is an abortion ever morally wrong because it transgresses the father's rights?
Q. Sometimes the mother wants an abortion and the father wants her to have the baby. Is an abortion ever morally wrong because it transgresses the father's rights? A Post in here made me think of this question. Would like to hear peoples opinions...
A. 21 December 2011: Ah, that's interesting. Maybe it was two cases, who knows. Too many grey areas in this topic!... (read in full...)
Is an abortion ever morally wrong because it transgresses the father's rights?
Q. Sometimes the mother wants an abortion and the father wants her to have the baby. Is an abortion ever morally wrong because it transgresses the father's rights? A Post in here made me think of this question. Would like to hear peoples opinions...
A. 21 December 2011: Yes, a can of worms indeed.
I'm a man, and I have to say that whilst I may not like abortion (I don't think anyone does), it's something that is necessary because of either medical or personal reasons. I also agree that ultimately, it's a woma... (read in full...)
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