| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Dead beat boyfriend wont get a job!
Q. What should I do about my live-in boyfriend not getting a job? We have been together for nearly 3 years now. He got fired from his job in October for leaving the property, while on the clock of all things. He hasn't had a job for going on 5 ...
A. 19 March 2012: This is the sort of person I recommend moving on from. He doesn't sound like he's really depressed (which is different), but more like he is lazy to the bone.
Perhaps the time has come for you to look at whether you want to spend the rest of your... (read in full...)
Men, would you cheat on your partner if you knew you wouldn't get caught?
Q. This is a question for the men that have been married for quite some time or are in a long term relationship. Are you truely happy/satisfied with your wife sexually? I was reading an article the other day about "spicing" your relationship up....
A. 18 March 2012: I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years, and it's not even crossed my mind. I don't want to cheat, I don't need to cheat, I won't cheat.... (read in full...)
Insecurity issues -- she cheated and said he was her best ever
Q. Hello everyone Now I have a big insecurity issue to deal with and it usually end up with me feeling unwanted by my fiancé Long story short We got into a fight we broke up I tried getting back then found out that a guy that used to ONLY give h...
A. 18 March 2012: To be honest, she sounds like she's pretty vile to me. I have my pride, and there's no way that my pride would let me be with a woman like this.
You're worth more than this cheat. Go find a woman who can actually keep her pants up in front of othe... (read in full...)
I don't get the option of having children but my B/f still expects me to keep up a relationship
Q. I am in a relationship with a guy with 2 sons who live with him. I don't have children of my own. He doesn't want more children. He wants to move to put the children to a new school and he has a found a job in the area, which is 2 hours drive ...
A. 18 March 2012: I think that you two have probably gone as far as you can. He has put his children first, which is correct and proper. But he can't really expect you to move for him, and then turn off your own biological urges.
If you want children, best to move... (read in full...)
Is he just covering up his temper?
Q. Hey guys, me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year and a half. When it got to our year point stuff really started getting messed up. In the begining of our relationship he was so sweet and romantic, we basically fell head over heals really f...
A. 18 March 2012: He is EXACTLY the same as her was before. People don't change all that easily. It takes a long time, and real effort, and even then they don't really change.
Your boyfriend actually sounds like a bit of a danger to you. He knows that getting angr... (read in full...)
Should I sit next to him next time?
Q. Hi everyone I hope all of the agony aunts have been doing well :) So last week, I came across my crush after lunch. He was sitting down all by himself as usual. I wanted to sit next to him and try talking to him a little but I got nervous(natu...
A. 18 March 2012: Yes, go sit with him. He does like you enough that you can do that. And the only way to find out whether he likes you even more is to talk to him.
Good luck!... (read in full...)
Cheated, broke up, and cannot move on
Q. Exactly a year ago I posted this: I was in a wonderful relationship for over a year and we were really deep in love with one another. Then one day I went for coffee with a guy I used to love and we slept together. I told my boyfriend right after th...
A. 14 March 2012: I agree with the others. You seem to have a real problem with moving on from the past, whether it's your ex, or the ex before that who you cheated with.
I think the time has come for you to seriously sit down and look at your life as a whole. I do... (read in full...)
Why cant my husband forgive me for lying about fiancial matters? I have been a devoted wife in every other way!
Q. I lied to my husband of 7 years about bills I was paying for my adult/college daugther (her car payment and cell phone)who is 1000 miles away from home,and credit cards I had that I paid for my husband found out and now it has turned into all out ...
A. 13 March 2012: You have to start by telling him why you lied. To fix something, you have to find out what the basic problem is. And the very basic problem here is that you lied about something that was obviously so hugely important.
Why did you lie to him?... (read in full...)
Would you go back to an ex who cheated on you with your friends?
Q. This question is for the guys out there. Why would you leave someone who treated you right for an ex who has slept with all of your friends and cheated on you? Is it possible that this cheater will change?...
A. 12 March 2012: Not a chance. I'd never bother with someone like that. I'm afraid that the guy who did this just doesn't get it. What a waste.
Best to move on from him as quickly as you can. ... (read in full...)
He will not marry me until I am submissive. What should I do?
Q. After a long four hours discussion with my man yesterday, I found out the reason he is having fear in proposing to me is because he feels I am somewhat of a dictator in a relationship. He feels like I like to be the man in the relationship. And he ...
A. 12 March 2012: My girlfriend is older than me, and far, far more successful than me. We've now been together for 3 years, and not once have I ever felt threatened by her.
Your boyfriend does feel threatened, badly. He wants you to change, not for yourself, but ... (read in full...)
If cheated on will the man suddenly find the woman sexually unattractive?
Q. If you made a mistake and was found out for cheating, can it make a man go from finding you very sexually attractive, into not finding you attractive any more? Can men change just like that? How do you pull them back? Any one ever been through this?...
A. 21 February 2012: Yes. Instantly. When my ex girlfriend cheated on me, instantly I was just not attracted to her, and within a few moments I'd moved her out of my life.
As for getting him back, ultimately it's up to him whether he wants you. He might be conf... (read in full...)
My girlfriend kissed one of our friends when we were on a break, I can't get over it?
Q. hi there, please give me some advice i'm so upset! long story short, we had been together nearly 2 years. me and my girlfriend broke up in november, i broke up with her because she told me to go and die and showed me no respect. we were trying t...
A. 21 February 2012: To be honest, you should just leave her well in the past. If someone told me to go die, I'd just move on with my life.
You can do better than this. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend says he will not take advice from a girl
Q. When waiting for a take away once with my ex boyfriend, I was reading a magazine with a sex positions article in it. Being flirty, as a joke I showed it to him and he put it back on the table and said angrily I'm not taking sex advice from a girl! ...
A. 18 February 2012: He probably thought he was better than he was. Perhaps you suggesting something just didn't go down to well with his manly ego.
Probably a good reason for him to be an ex really.... (read in full...)
Friend gives lame answer and then no reply, what should I do?
Q. I asked a friend to catch up for my birthday. But he said he had no money, but can't he just borrow money from his family- who he lives with? He's used this excuse before, but I mean it's my birthday tomorrow. And I'm having my wisdom tooth removed ...
A. 18 February 2012: Are you sure he's a good friend?
Whilst I don't agree that he should just be borrowing money, it does appear that he's used this excuse a few times, and if he bought a new car, that does suggest that perhaps he's just not that bothered about you.... (read in full...)
I'm so hurt my husband told me that I suck in bed!
Q. Im so hurt my husband has told me i suck in bed and he would rather masterbate to porn. he does it often and locks himself in the room for 2 plus hours but im lucky if we spend 30 mins having sex. im so hurt and dont know what to do. He doesnt think ...
A. 18 February 2012: The porn is one thing. To actually say that you're boring in bed is pretty hurtful.
It sounds like he has a major addiction to porn, and it sounds like his commitment to you is pretty low.
To be honest, if I were you, I'd sit down and think ab... (read in full...)
How do I get back my confidence after finding out my wife had an affair?
Q. I have been married for 18 year to my college love. I just learned that she had an affair with some one that she use to date before me. I have forgiven her and want to move on with our life together but I am badly hurt. My ego and self esteem is ...
A. 18 February 2012: Hmm. I would say that the first thing you really need to do is seriously sit down and think about whether you want to be with her. It's easy to say very early on that you've forgiven someone. But certainly with men, it seems that resentment takes ... (read in full...)
My ex left me for his former ex. Now he wants me back. Can I trust him?
Q. I met this guy and it didn't take long for me to fall for him. He was honestly everything I'd been searching for in a guy. He was also in the army, but that didn't bother me because I was still planning on sticking with him. Anyway, he was so...
A. 13 February 2012: You'll never be able to trust him. I'd never trust someone who dumped me then came back, and I'd certainly never trust someone who dumped me for an ex.
No matter what he says, I don't think you should go back. He did it once, he's more that wil... (read in full...)
Guys if you found out your girl was an older virgin would it be a deal-breaker?
Q. Guys, if you found out that the girl you liked was still a virgin would this make you more interested in her, or would it be a deal breaker? If she's an older virgin at that....
A. 13 February 2012: Not a deal breaker for me either. There's a lot more to a woman than her virginity. ... (read in full...)
Are we moving too fast?
Q. So me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two weeks. The other day, he said I love you. Now, this is only one of my many questions, but was it too early to say those three little words? Also, is it too soon for a first kiss? I'm 13 years ...
A. 12 February 2012: Aww. He's a young guy, and he's just starting out in the world of love, so he was bound to say it. Is it too early? Only you know that. There's a good chance that you have your feet on the ground a bit more than him, so I'd suggest that you know ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't he contact me if he loves me?
Q. my ex left 2 month ago. he said he loved me and that would never change. he has not been in contact for 5 weeks now, no phone call or text message. why does he do this if he says he loves me....
A. 9 February 2012: I'm afraid whatever you had is over. As the others have said, words are cheap, and he is an ex. He left, and I'm afraid you'll have to move on or risk getting hung up on a man who doesn't deserve it. ... (read in full...)
Based on my personality what animal could I use to best describe me for this job question?
Q. Lol. I've been asked an unusual question on an application form, and i'm not sure how to answer it. I'm applying for a job in a Pet Shop, and the question is to describe yourself as a pet, what would you would be and why!. I guess i need to think ...
A. 8 February 2012: I agree - a dog. Cats aren't loyal. Dogs are. You sound loyal. ... (read in full...)
Very troubled here as I don't think I want be with my bf anymore! What should I do?
Q. Sorry this is a bit long, but I wanted to put all the detail in. So I've been with my boyfriend for about 8 months now. When we first got together I really loved him (I had liked him way before we got together). But recently I don't feel anything ...
A. 31 January 2012: I think it sounds like the relationship has gone as far as it can. What's probably happened is that you've matured somewhat, and he's not matured enough for you.
I think the best thing you can now do is leave him, move forward with your own life... (read in full...)
My bf gets mad and stresses me out! Should I break up with him?
Q. My boyfriend and I always quarrel,he just gets angry at me. he wants to see me everyday day but he sometimes kicks me out. I always cry, he stresses me. should I carry on with him or what? ...
A. 31 January 2012: I think from what you've said here, you'd be much better off without him. He sounds a bit of a nightmare to me. ... (read in full...)
My guy doesn't like me on top!
Q. My man isn't satisfied with me ontop ... I've done all the tips from cosmopolitan and different sites. Still he seems unsatisfied ...its so bad to where when I see his unhappiness I get sick of trying and walk out the room...I feel less of a woman. ...
A. 25 January 2012: I also agree. If your relationship is seriously at risk because of a problem like this, then you need to ask yourself whether it's really suitable. Because this is a relatively minor problem, compared to the ones that you'll face as a couple later ... (read in full...)
Regaining partners trust after lying
Q. How do I regain my partners trust after lying to him for so long? I didn't cheat on him, but I did lie about what I was doing prior to moving in with him...
A. 25 January 2012: The problem with lying, is that there is nothing the 'liar' can do other than subsequently be honest and good. The forgiveness, the 'moving forward', the actual fixing comes from the other person.
All you can do now is be honest, be a good pers... (read in full...)
My friend plans on using her boyfriend as a meal ticket!
Q. This isn't about me but a friend. She's the same age as me, 20, and a sophomore education major. However she sees her boyfriend as a meal ticket and doesn't think she will work after graduation. She actually believes she will get married within the ...
A. 25 January 2012: No worries here for that guy. Lots of worries for your friend. From the way that their relationship is already going, it sounds like this guy has her where he wants and isn't suddenly going to marry or anything like that. If he was, he'd probably ... (read in full...)
If I drink energy drinks can I have sex multiple times?
Q. Hello. Me and my girlfriend are going on a trip to New York City and she been making comments like having sex all the time multiple times a day on this trip. It's only days, I'm a little nervous I won't perform okay. She is 31 and I'm 20 and a...
A. 25 January 2012: You might find that energy drinks have the opposite effect, and you'll burn up way too much energy too quickly. I'm pretty sure you'll be fine. I'm seeing an older woman (roughly the same age gas as you have), and I've never had a problem. Plus ... (read in full...)
He is wary about moving beyond a FWB with me. How do I help him see he doesn't have to be scared ?
Q. Hi everyone my fwb and me were talking last night he said he would like a relationship with me but he is scared of starting over again as he came out of a long term relationship nearly two year ago we both agreed we would be good together as we are ...
A. 22 January 2012: All you can do is sit down with him and talk with him about his fears. You need to tell him how you feel, and he needs to be open. It has to be a big talk about where he's going.
If nothing comes of a big talk, then I think you'll have to acce... (read in full...)
Is he worth waiting around for? Commitment phobic boyfriend of 4.5 years!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 1/2 years now. We have lived together for 3 1/2 years. Whenever I bring up marriage or our future he doesn't say anything. He says he will propose some day, but that's not good enough for me. He says, ...
A. 21 January 2012: I think the message he's sending is that he doesn't want to be married.
That changes your relationship, because you want to be married and you want kids. So I think that you need to really sit down and think about what you want, then as Aunty BimB... (read in full...)
My sex drive is significantly higher than my wife's
Q. Hello all, I am new to the site. My question is, I am a 36 yr old male, married with 2 small kids. The problem I am facing is that I am all ways horny, and I mean all the time. My wife helps me out with it most of the time, but other times I do...
A. 21 January 2012: Some people have a high sex drive, some don't. You do sound pretty normal to me, so I don't think there's anything wrong. All I would say is make sure your wife doesn't think she's just being used for sex, otherwise she might grow resentful. ... (read in full...)
I've stop talking to my ex. Am I worrying too much about the whole "abandoning" my ex thing for no reason?
Q. It's been a couple months since I decided to stop talking to my ex. The months after the break up that lead to this decision were full of emotional turmoil and unresolved feelings. The no contact (and anti-depressants) has helped me a great deal ...
A. 21 January 2012: Don't go back to him. If you've cut contact, it needs to stay that way. To go back to him will just mess with his head, and from what you've said he's probably had enough of that in his past anyway.
You need to move on from him, as much as he's... (read in full...)
Do guys like it when u kiss them all over their body and tell them that u love every inch of them
Q. do guys enjoy the sensual loving touch of woman ? do they love to cuddle, snuggle with their girlfriend and hold them close?...
A. 20 January 2012: Sounds good to me!... (read in full...)
How do you live up to the reputation of a man's 1st love?
Q. i have been with my boyfriend almost half a year. its my 2nd relationship. hes had lots if im honest but only ever been in love once, with his fisrt girlfriend. and i feel like i'll never be able to match her or be as good as her. he told me himself ...
A. 19 January 2012: You don't. You dump him. He's already made it clear that you're second best, so why settle for that when you can find better elsewhere? If someone said this to me, I'd just dump them. It sounds like this guy's living in a fantasy land or something. ... (read in full...)
I found out she cheated, should I stay or go?
Q. I have been with that girl for over a year now, but I feel like she has a little problems with the word commitment. She has two kids for two different fathers, and the second one when she had it, she was not even divorced. I have found out she has ...
A. 19 January 2012: The hills are a better bet on this one. ... (read in full...)
Every time I visit my boyfriend and then go home, he says I don't love him, I abandoned him!
Q. Every time I visit my boyfriend, and then go home, he says I don't love him, I abandoned him, and starts acting like a jerk, being critical, not calling, or answering the phone for weeks on end, etc. So much drama. And somehow we get back to talking ...
A. 19 January 2012: To be honest, I'd dump this guy. He sounds like he has some 'issues' that need to be seriously dealt with. He sounds far too needy and controlling, and a man who does love you doesn't blame you when you have to go back home.
I think you're bett... (read in full...)
We didn't actually have full blown sex, but could I be pregnant?
Q. Ok, this may sound weird, I've never had sex before, but I am planning on with my boyfriend in a few months. Anyway yesterday me and my boyfriend tried putting his member in down there just to see if it would work/fit, he took it out after 5 seconds ...
A. 19 January 2012: There's a very, very small chance that you might be if he had any pre-cum and any was left in there (and since he was turned on, there is that possibility). It might be worth you getting the morning-after pill just in case. ... (read in full...)
Is he into me or what?
Q. I have fancied this guy at university for a year now and although we haven't talked much through the year, we went on a dinner date a couple of days ago. We got a bit drunk after dinner and I went back to his and we kissed and cuddled all nigh...
A. 18 January 2012: Yes, he fancies you! Go tell him you like him!... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says the mark on his neck is a bruise. I say it's a love bite.
Q. Thanks in advance for your answers! Last night I noticed what looks like a lovebite on my boyfriends neck. When I mentioned it he said it must be a 'bruise'. Since when do love bites look like bruises? When I tried to bring it up again he got angry, ...
A. 18 January 2012: Yes, it does sound like he cheated. His anger at you bringing it up isn't the sign of an innocent man. Though I also have to say I like Ampersand's suggestion. ... (read in full...)
I'm distraught. She's pregnant with the baby we have longed for. But she's not sure who the father is. Do I stay to father a child who may not be mine?
Q. Any advice would be great because my head is fried, I'm not sure I even want to be with her now. Hi not sure where to start so will start from beginning, me and my fiancée have been together for 4 years. 19 months ago we had a little girl who was ...
A. 17 January 2012: Get a DNA test done. But whether you're the father or not, it's honestly best not to stay with her. This is pretty much the worst position that a woman can put a man in, and I would never trust a woman like this again. She lied to you so much it's ... (read in full...)
If he went for counseling I'm sure we could get back on track. But as he won't go, do I go no contact?
Q. can we survive this.... Trying to keep this brief,in 2008 i started dating a man i had known then for 15yrs,we had 3 very happy years together then in Jan 2011 he moved into my home....he tried to take over,change everythig i had done in the 9 yr...
A. 17 January 2012: The problem is, he needs the help. Not you. And he won't get the help he needs. Therefore, you're not able to be with him.
So in answer to your question, yes, no contact is best. Don't have anything to do with him. Ever. ... (read in full...)
How does one deal with marriage issues, where the other person thinks everything is fine?
Q. How do you deal with marriage issues when the other party thinks everything is fine, in the sense they are devoted to the children and don't really care about the husband-wife dynamic....
A. 17 January 2012: You tell the other person exactly what is wrong, in simple and clear terms, and that it needs to be fixed or that the marriage will be in danger. If the other person still doesn't listen, then perhaps the marriage is already in such a mess that you ... (read in full...)
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