| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Why would people lie for someone that they don't know?
Q. yesterday i fought a girl becaues she said she didnt like me and wanted to fight me. We fought twice in 1 day soo today everybody saying i lost.But how did i lose when she was the one on the ground and i got more hits?? i dont understand...everybody ...
A. 23 September 2011: You're being bullied. That's what's happening. And I know, because it happened to me at school, which is why even now I consider school nothing but a necessary evil.
Truth is, you are pretty and smart. The problem is that other people are jeal... (read in full...)
Why don't I feel butterflies anymore?
Q. What does it mean when you used to be lovesick about a guy all the time and got butterflies too,but then you start dating and it goes away? 3 I still like him but i just don't understand why that doesn't happen anymore. ...
A. 23 September 2011: I always think that butterflies represent the initial 'lust/in love stage'. They're always a useful indication of whether there's a connection, or whether there's not. They represent the initial excitement of a new relationship, the fun of dating ... (read in full...)
New boy is changing attitude every time I see him. Flirty-friendly, then hateful!
Q. Hello Aunt and Uncle agonys! Here it is. I met a new guy friend at youth. Don't worry, we have at least 30 minutes to hang out before service starts. BTW I broke up wiht my ex-boyfriend, S, and I'm fine, besides I'm homeschooled and he's not so ...
A. 23 September 2011: I suspect it's a case of immaturity. Teenage guys aren't exactly renowned for the sensitivity and understanding. They have hormones that run all over the place, and sometimes it means their feelings are all over the place.
It could very well be t... (read in full...)
Why didn't he fight for me??
Q. Pleassee help meee I've dated this guy for about a month, i broke up with him because i had a gut feeling he wasnt over his ex so i ended it, the other day i was at a local club he was there with a couple of his friends, and she was there as well,...
A. 23 September 2011: There are two possible reasons:
1 - He wasn't over her, and you were right. He was there at the pub with her, so this is a possibility.
2 - You dumped him. Why should a man who's been dumped be the one to do the running? No confident man does tha... (read in full...)
The reality of an open relationship is not so good
Q. Hello - My husband and I have been married for 8 years. We have talked about an open relationship and I thought this was a good idea. I had sex with another man a couple of months ago. It was only one time and it truly was just sex. It was ...
A. 23 September 2011: This will destroy your marriage unless you both put a stop to this. Now.
You thought an open relationship would be good. He thought it. You then has sex with someone, and you think you're feeling guilty just because your husband hasn't had the chan... (read in full...)
Should I break up with my boyfriend for being jealous?
Q. Hi I was for a week on vacation with a girlfriend to Italy. First days my boyfriend texted me said he missed me and asked me how I was doing. When I said that I met French and Polish guys and was going out with them that night he starting asking me ...
A. 23 September 2011: He's jealous because you made him jealous. And now you're thinking of breaking up with him, even though you are the entire cause if this?
Let me put it another way - are you sure you actually want to be with this guy because you love and resp... (read in full...)
Should I break up with my boyfriend for being jealous?
Q. Hi I was for a week on vacation with a girlfriend to Italy. First days my boyfriend texted me said he missed me and asked me how I was doing. When I said that I met French and Polish guys and was going out with them that night he starting asking me ...
A. 23 September 2011: He's jealous because you made him jealous. And now you're thinking of breaking up with him, even though you are the entire cause if this?
Let me put it another way - are you sure you actually want to be with this guy because you love and resp... (read in full...)
I cheated on him, now he wants me to pay
Q. Hey! So, cheated on my bf and I know it was bad and all. So, please, please, please, no judgment. Trying to win him back. He says he loves me, but his trust is gone. Then he came over to my place tonite and tried real hard to have sex.I refused cos ...
A. 23 September 2011: OP, you established that the cheating was wrong. But, cheating doesn't mean the cheated person suddenly has the right to treat you like crap.
The essence of forgiveness is this - the wronged person takes tie to think about what they want. At some... (read in full...)
While applying for a job, did I do a wrong thing by sending out scanned copies of my passport to strangers in another country?
Q. Hi all, I have been applying for TEFL jobs abroad in China and have been sending out my C.V. along with a scan of my passport as some of them were asking for it. I am now very worried that this was a silly naive thing to do and am unsure of the sa...
A. 23 September 2011: I agree with the post below. I think something might be wrong that they've asked for a passport before they've even asked for an interview or something. It might be a scam or something, so it's best to contact the Citizen's Advice here:
http:... (read in full...)
How did he get Chlamydia?
Q. I have been with my partner for over 2 years, we have had a few tough weeks. he has been depressed as he has lost his job and feels a failure, which of course I tell him he is not. He has been a bit agitated for a few weeks,today he rang me and told ...
A. 22 September 2011: He cheated. That's why he suddenly got tested - there was no need for him to suddenly get tested since you've been together for 2 years.
Also, it would also tie in with his recent attitude. The loss of job, the feeling of failure, the depr... (read in full...)
I honey-trapped my own boyfriend.....he doesn't know it was me and hes broken my heart!!
Q. I am in bits right now.....really need some help. Ive been seing my long distant lover for 9 months. Hes in the army but we saw each other when we could. Latley he had become really distant from me though......his calls and texts became very rare ...
A. 22 September 2011: What's the point? You did the honey trap, right or wrong, and now you know that he's not committed.
The best thing you can do here is just end it, and say that it's not working out. Don't tell him you know, don't keep in contact. Just end it and ... (read in full...)
Am I wasting my time with this woman?
Q. I met a woman 3 months ago on a dating site. It has been a very intense relationship whereby I've not seen much of her and have been regularly dumped by text! I don't even know where she lives - she's like an MI5 agent - she reckons she's had ...
A. 21 September 2011: You need to end it with this woman and get away. She has some severe problems, and she needs to deal with them alone. This sort of person is someone you really don't need in your life, no matter what you feel for them.
Let this one go. It will save... (read in full...)
Broke off our engagement ...did I do the right thing?
Q. Just found out that my bf of four years didn't marry his ex gf because her divorce hadn't come through. He claims this is not the case and it was because they weren't the right match but turns out she was separated from her ex but still married to ...
A. 20 September 2011: I do absolutely agree that it's best for you to leave him. Please do, as quickly as possible. That's the right decision for you and him. If you can't accept a man as he is, and you can't accept his past, then he's not the one.
Beware though - ever... (read in full...)
Broke off our engagement ...did I do the right thing?
Q. Just found out that my bf of four years didn't marry his ex gf because her divorce hadn't come through. He claims this is not the case and it was because they weren't the right match but turns out she was separated from her ex but still married to ...
A. 20 September 2011: Huh? OP, you're the one who's supposed to love him. Why do you have to treat him nicer? Because you're the one who's supposed to love him unlike her! Isn't that the point of love.
Good God woman, on what planet do you live if you seriously thin... (read in full...)
Broke off our engagement ...did I do the right thing?
Q. Just found out that my bf of four years didn't marry his ex gf because her divorce hadn't come through. He claims this is not the case and it was because they weren't the right match but turns out she was separated from her ex but still married to ...
A. 20 September 2011: This is one of the biggest overreactions I've ever encountered on this site, and I've answered thousands of questions.
You've totally messed this up and completely misunderstood him and everything that has happened. He ended it with her beca... (read in full...)
I've been cheated on twice and now both my ex boyfriends want me back!
Q. i recently broke up with my long-time boyfriend of 20yrs because of the fact he was cheating on me. I then met another guy and we have been dating for 1yr now. I broke up with him within the last 2wks because i felt that there was someone else. It ...
A. 18 September 2011: You'd have to be insane to go back to either man. Neither cared about you enough not to cheat, and their apologies are probably just empty.
Why torture yourself by going back? I think you can do better, and I think you should do better. Too many... (read in full...)
Why do my friends do this to guys?
Q. Why do my friends do this? i think is so wrong what they do.? Most of my friends go out dinner, shopping with guys they don't even like. They go cos they like the attention and free stuff. and talks about the guy really badly. When I ...
A. 17 September 2011: They will all come to regret their actions when all the decent guys realize what they are. Nothing like this lasts. Young men can be stupid at times and they'll ignore glaring signs that they are being used (same can happen to women too). But as ... (read in full...)
Online dating..men who say they don't want children
Q. Hi All I have a bit of a silly question..... Recently I decided to take the plunge into the scary world of online dating. I didn't know what I would find or if it would work for me (at present, it hasnt - mainly old men, people who are uneducat...
A. 17 September 2011: Just remember this - you're still young and you still have time to make the right choice in a man. The most important thing is that you don't rush into an unsuitable relationship, because that will only wind up with you getting hurt.
The right man ... (read in full...)
Online dating..men who say they don't want children
Q. Hi All I have a bit of a silly question..... Recently I decided to take the plunge into the scary world of online dating. I didn't know what I would find or if it would work for me (at present, it hasnt - mainly old men, people who are uneducat...
A. 17 September 2011: I know you wouldn't. But I'm also sure that if you want a family, this man is not for you. As you'll be aware, the body clock for a woman is totally different that the body clock of a man. He can afford to wait and change his mind much later in ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend wants her own nudes on her phone.
Q. Ok just a quick question, but first a little background. My girlfriend has in the past given me erotic pictures of her. and now she wants me to send them all to her phone. my questions is, why would she want this? ( im going to leave out the part ...
A. 17 September 2011: I agree. Dump her. It's pretty clear she's either cheating or thinking of it. ... (read in full...)
How to get over a affair as 'the other woman'
Q. I have decided to end my long-term affair. He is married and I am in a 10 year long term relationship. We have three children between us. I don't want to go into all the details (my last question described much of it) but I've decided I've had ...
A. 17 September 2011: I know financially, you might be in trouble. But I think you're living in a relationship that is going nowhere. There is help (even with our country going to the dogs), so that you won't be left homeless. It's such a bad idea for you to stay with a ... (read in full...)
Parenting Issues With the Dad. HELP?
Q. Ok... my Daughters father went threw the court system to have court ordered visitation. I never had trust him with my daughter, for many personal reasons I can not explain. Time went by and as he puts it "faught" to see our daughter. I say as he ...
A. 17 September 2011: I would say that sadly, he never really cared for his daughter. I'd say that he was trying his luck with you more than anything. All you can do for your daughter is make sure that he has access on that Monday, and comply with those court rulings. ... (read in full...)
Why can't they get over divorce and be civil to each other?
Q. My boyfriend has been divorced for 5 years and we’ve been together 18 months. He's 44. Our relationship is good. The one thing that bothers me is that he has a lot of arguments with the ex-wife, mostly about money, and what a bad father he is ...
A. 17 September 2011: I don't doubt for a second that your boyfriend is truly over her. He absolutely is, because he is able to remain neutral - you have to be truly over someone to be neutral. Your boyfriend hasn't forgotten that he has responsibility for his kids. He's ... (read in full...)
Online dating..men who say they don't want children
Q. Hi All I have a bit of a silly question..... Recently I decided to take the plunge into the scary world of online dating. I didn't know what I would find or if it would work for me (at present, it hasnt - mainly old men, people who are uneducat...
A. 17 September 2011: If a man says he doesn't want kids, don't waste time. Whether he wants them or not, he's making a clear statement. Perhaps he doesn't want kids. Perhaps he doesn't want kids with someone he meets on a site. Perhaps he does have commitment issues. ... (read in full...)
How to get over a affair as 'the other woman'
Q. I have decided to end my long-term affair. He is married and I am in a 10 year long term relationship. We have three children between us. I don't want to go into all the details (my last question described much of it) but I've decided I've had ...
A. 17 September 2011: Perhaps the time has come for you to seriously look at your own relationship. That 10 year one seems to be done to be honest. You say you've tried to keep busy by doing such things as remodelling your house and such. But you don't mention anything ... (read in full...)
One night stand, now I'm pregnant and uncertain of who the father is
Q. Im not sure who the father of my child is. My boyfriend and I had been having problems for quite sometime then last month I just couldn't take it anymore. I had met someone and one thing lead to another. We only had one encounter. Now I'm pregnant. ...
A. 17 September 2011: You're just going to have to have a DNA test done.... (read in full...)
Ex says he wants to keep in touch, but doesn't
Q. I have had it out with the 'ex' tonight about keeping in contact! He dumped me for not very understanble reasons! But said he didn't want to lose me completely etc..., I gave him EVERY opportunity to just end contact now, (in my text) said I...
A. 17 September 2011: My advice is to stop wasting your time on a man who dumped you for no good reason. It's very clear that what he wants is a spare, just in case other things don't work out and you're mad enough to take him back.
I have never kept in contact with... (read in full...)
Broken heart, now I'm thinking of joining the military
Q. I am currently enrolled in college. I really dislike school. I cant pay attention in class. I just broke up with the girl of my dreams and I am really sad. The whole reason why I decided to go to college was to be closer to her. Now that its over I ...
A. 17 September 2011: If your dream was to be a Navy SEAL, then perhaps you should follow that. We all have our dreams, and when we're lost sometimes those dreams can be the answer. My mother was desperate for me to go to university. But I never saw the point, so I ... (read in full...)
A girl told me a rumour about my boyfriend and now I'm lost, hurt and confused, can someone please help me out?
Q. A girl told me he told her he liked her two days into our relationship. I got super angry at him and accused him of cheating even though he kept denying it repeating "I have NO idea what you'e talking about!!" But she's a bit of a gossip so I don't ...
A. 17 September 2011: Unfortunately, you could not have handled the whole situation in a worse way in relation to that rumour. I can't be sure whether she was telling the truth or not, but for you to lose it like that just 2 days into a relationship shows that you have ... (read in full...)
My gay best friend wants me to be his pretend girlfriend so that his parents don't get to know about his sexual orientation
Q. Hi, I'm a 15 year old girl. One of my best friends is gay, and he asked me to be his pretend girlfriend so his parents don't get suspicious. They don't know he's gay and are very strict in their religion, which is anti-gay. My friend has a plan. ...
A. 17 September 2011: Tell him no. He has no right to use you. He has no right to prevent you from seeing someone else.
Also, are you sure he's actually gay and not just saying that. It's been done before. ... (read in full...)
Hubby having/had an affair???
Q. Had or having an affair? hes 31 but 2 months ago he trashed his 24 year old friend by revealing her sexual antics on radio,the number of men she slept with and who's she sleeping with while hes talking and 3 weeks ago he said hes a fan of the same...
A. 17 September 2011: There's simply not enough evidence at all that he's having an affair with her. If you think he's having an affair, you need to do a lot more groundwork. This alone isn't nearly enough. They could have just had an argument for all anyone knows. ... (read in full...)
My sexting friend has made it clear he's going to have sex with other girls until we meet up!
Q. I recently started talking to a guy i used to go to school with and we been flirting and sex-txting back and forth. He says he really likes me but however he lives quite a bit away. We have talked about meeting up again and seeing how we get on but ...
A. 16 September 2011: Seems like a bit of a creep to me. "I'll have sex with other girls until we meet" - which is subtext for "I'll have sex with girls, then you, then other girls".
You can do a lot better than someone like this. It's pretty obvious that he does... (read in full...)
Should I insist on a paternity test?
Q. I'm very angry at a friend for telling everyone her daughter is my child. This woman and her husband were close friends of my X wife and I years ago. The girl does resemble me, but I never had any kind of sex with this woman. Now half the town is ...
A. 16 September 2011: To be honest, I'd also want to sue. You may actually have a case here. If I were you, I'd speak to a lawyer and see where you stand. You can't legally demand her to give a DNA test to clear this up, but you might be able to sue for something.
G... (read in full...)
I am worried about telling a man I had a boob job in case he is repulsed. How do men feel about breast implants?
Q. Hi, I am going to re-send this question as I have only had one answer and the answer that I did get only gave one - very strong - personal bias. Does anyone feel differently about this issue please? If the woman in question was otherwise a perfect ...
A. 13 September 2011: You have far, far more interesting qualities written down in your post than just your 'breasts'. If a guy actually judges you on something like this, then he's not really worth your time.
You're a woman, not a pair of breasts. ... (read in full...)
How can I make my GF want to have sex with me again?
Q. Ok so I've been together with my GF for 5 1/2 months and everything had been working until she went on vacation, but she's definitely not the type to cheat on me, she came back and was normal in every way except for sex. As soon as I touch her in an ...
A. 13 September 2011: Yep, the other advice says it all. Something happened on that holiday, and you need to find out what it is. ... (read in full...)
Torn between old and new love
Q. My husband wants me back but I have a new boyfriend, my husband was perfect, wirlwind romance, great career, funny, never argued, handsome, took my daughter on like his own then one day I discovered he has been on internet dating sites my world ...
A. 13 September 2011: I think this is a real case of you needing to look at this logically and realistically.
Your ex husband, who you thought was perfect, was nothing. He was a liar, he was a cheat, he was putting you at risk of STD's, he made a mockery of you and thos... (read in full...)
My friend was there for me, should I wait to say what I'm feeling?
Q. Hii everyone, So like i just broke up with my boyfriend because i found out that he was cheating on me and blah blah blah. i was pretty hurt about it when i found out,my friend was there to help me out. It was a guy that i've known for a couple o...
A. 13 September 2011: I agree with the post below. This guy has a girlfriend, and as such you can't really do anything because if you do, either you'll get a bad reputation or you'll get hurt later on.
I think at this time, you'd do far more good to be alone and just... (read in full...)
My so-called-friend is flirting with my crush!
Q. Ok, well, my so called "friend" stabbed me in the back a few nights ago. It all started a 2 months ago when I met this really cute boy. He works at my favorite store and he and I didn't talk much, but we like the same music... And I'm not sure abo...
A. 13 September 2011: I appreciate the fact that you feel this way. Your friend has, perhaps, acted with little regard for how you feel.
But realistically, you've done next to nothing with regard to this guy. You met him two months ago, and there really seemed to be s... (read in full...)
From start to finish in 4.5 months?
Q. I'll keep this short as possible. If a couple met and dated 4 1/2 months (long distance) then got married and had a kid within a year...what are the chances it wt wil. Work? Please help...thanks...
A. 13 September 2011: Same chance as anyone else really. ... (read in full...)
Advice needed about anemia
Q. For over five years now my doctor has been saying that I have symptoms of chronic fatigue - but I think that what is wrong is that I am anaemic. Does anyone know much about long-term anaemia? I don't think I have really bad anaemia but enough to ...
A. 9 September 2011: I would say wait until the test comes back, and then listen to what your doctor has to say. Be cautious as to how much medical advice you take over the internet! You don't want to take the wrong advice and wind up making things worse. ... (read in full...)
Should I dump my b/f because he isn't sympathetic when I'm having my period?
Q. My boyfriend isnt sympathetic when i am on my period, should i dump him ?. He calls me moody and says that he wont put up with the way i am every month when its my time of the month. I get severe cramps and it really gets me down. I know men dont ...
A. 9 September 2011: I have to say, it doesn't sound like he's really got his head around what a period is. As a woman once said to me, a period for a man would be like being kicked in the balls for a week non-stop. I imagine I'd be a bit moody and depressed too, to be ... (read in full...)
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