A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi. This guy I kind of know (we had a little 'thing' a while ago) is going through a really tough time at the moment as his mum has just passed away. I feel so sad for him and I asked if there was anything I could do, and he wants me to stay the night at his, i.e have sex with him basically. I want to make him feel better, but is that just trashy? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (20 October 2011):
 No, don't do it. He's being totally selfish. He wants to use you as a physical coping mechanism, basically something warm to masturbate into and cuddle. This won't help anything long term, it will barely do anything even short term (on the level of minutes). There are other ways you can be supportive than being a heated body pillow/masturbation sleeve.
A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (20 October 2011):
 its wrong and he is just using you, he is looking out for him self. he is playing on your emotions. have self respect for your self so you want feel bad later. you can be there for him , but to stay over for sex to get over his hurt is wrong.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (20 October 2011):
Don't do it. Whilst I am sorry he's lost his mother, he may have spied an opportunity to have his way with you, and that's wrong. Sleeping with him won't help anyone at all. He has to face up to what has happened, and he can't use your goodwill just to get his way.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 October 2011):
 it's scandalous..
it's also WRONG and yes scummy... it's beyond trashy
basically in my religion when you are mourning a direct relative you are not permitted to have sex for 30 days... they recognize that mourning a loved one is critical....
offer to cook for him
offer to do laundry
offer to clean or run errands
let him take care of his own biological needs.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 October 2011):
 Well, to explain it in a simple way, what he wants is to forget about his grief and he thinks sex will do that.. At least for a few minutes.
But, here is the thing. He will have to deal with it, face it.
It is like pissing your pants in winter to keep warm. It temporarily keeps you warm, but then you are stuck with wet, soon to be frozen pants.
I think using sex as a coping mechanism is very short term. And totally selfish. He doesn't care about your feelings in this JUST his own.
Up to you if you want to be used as a hole in the matress or not.
There are other ways to be supportive.
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