| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Could he still be pining for me?
Q. I have been single for a while and have decided to set up a dating profile, while I was browsing the guys profiles I noticed an ex of mine had a profile on there, when i looked at his ideal date he had described me.. right down to hair colour and ...
A. 28 November 2011: The problem with him could be that he has a certain type - and you might just have been one of those women who fit that type. It would be a bit dangerous to assume he still likes you on the basis of what he's looking for, when that might have been ... (read in full...)
She used to text me all the time but she has stopped and is now talking to a guy on Facebook...should I be worried?
Q. I've been dating this girl for a little over a month now, and from what I thought we are both madly in love,, we used to text eachother all the time(hundreds of messages a day), but about four days ago she almost stopped texting all together and ...
A. 28 November 2011: I would say if she's outright lied to you about her phone - and she must have given that she's using it to talk to someone else - then she's probably lost interest and has moved on to this other guy.
I think this girl might not be worth your time... (read in full...)
Not attracted to the guy I'm dating....am I shallow? Will this change as I get to know him better?
Q. Hey all! I don't wanna sound shallow or anything, but I've recently been on a few dates with this guy. Nothing happened, but he is clearluy interested in me. I have a good time with him and all, but... I think he's really ugly and I don't feel any ...
A. 28 November 2011: There has to be a physical attraction for you to be able to feel anything for this man. If you're not attracted to him, then you'd better let him go so both of you can find someone else.
This can't work unless you are physically attracted to him,... (read in full...)
I don't feel the spark for my boyfriend whom I am in a long distance relationship with, and I have cheated on him three times now!
Q. Dear cupid, I need your help. I have been dating my boyfriend for 1year now. its a long distance relationship. Of late my boyfriend does call me as usual and all but lately I feel like he's kinda changed he is too busy for me, he doesn't give me ...
A. 27 November 2011: I beg of you, please end it before he finds out and you destroy him.... (read in full...)
Should I give the guy from my past another chance?
Q. it's been three months since i split with my ex bf of 1yr 3months ( he was cheating on me). since then i've been asked out by 4 guys who really want long term relationship with me but i said no.. however recenetly a guy from my past came back.....
A. 27 November 2011: I don't think this is a good idea. I think you're having some trouble picking men at the moment. You've attracted at least two that have been bad. Your ex from three months ago cheated, and this other guy from the past treated you like dirt.
I woul... (read in full...)
My abusive husband threatens to label me a bad mother if I leave him
Q. Our daughter is four. the other night I was so ashamed when my little girl tried to stop my husband hitting me. She physically tried to push him away. He is always kind to her and he waits until she is asleep before he starts to be nastier to me. I...
A. 27 November 2011: Leave immediately. And after what your daughter has witnessed, she will totally understand you being a single parent.... (read in full...)
My former friend with benefits is knocking at my door!
Q. Hi everybody my fwb and I have just recently broke it off we agreed not to see anyone alse I was fine with that as I never wanted anyoone else and so was he. now all of a sudden he has broke it off with me and accused me of seeing someone else whe...
A. 27 November 2011: I hope you turned him away.
In any event, it's pretty clear that this guy has some seriously controlling tendencies and might well be a danger yo you. What you do with your life now is up to you, not up to him. And he clearly should play no part... (read in full...)
Should I break up with him?
Q. Should i break up witih him? We met on the internet. He tried to have sex with me on the first date. we've been together for 1 and 1/2 yrs 1) He cheated on me. a) with a girl he met on the bus, he told me its because he thinks i am unfaithful...
A. 27 November 2011: YES! ... (read in full...)
My ex-boyfriend broke up with me two months ago and he's already seeing someone else
Q. My ex dumped me barely two months ago. I am still in love with him, but have just found out that he is going to ask another girl out, and that he has found someone else. It felt like my heart just got broken again. How do I move past this? ...
A. 27 November 2011: As others have said, there really isn't anything you can do other than to continue moving forward in your own time. You really need to make sure you don't continually look into his life, or check her out or look at facebook etc.
What you have to d... (read in full...)
Should I move on or wait for my boyfriend?
Q. Well my bf and I decided to split cuzz im 16 and he 21. Its safer. I love him alot, I would do anything for him! We planned on gettn back together when I turn 18, we still see each other and call each other! Just like were still dating. But I dnt ...
A. 26 November 2011: Move on from him. He's going to move on anyway. ... (read in full...)
He called it off, but now contacts me. What does he want??
Q. So ive been going out with my bf for almost two months and a couple of weeks ago he broke things off with me. He said that he thinks we are better off friends, but since then he has been texting me all day and will invite me over to his house. And ...
A. 24 November 2011: Ever get the feeling that he's just out to use you until he can find someone else?
I'm afraid I do, so I'd recommend cutting contact with and moving on. A guy who treats you this badly isn't worth your time. ... (read in full...)
Should I not come first since I am his finace? He wants to see his relatives instead of me!
Q. My fiance is deployed at the moment. He got deployed in June and he leaves to go on his r and r in January. He is supposed to be coming to see me and my son for the 2 weeks, but now he is talking about going to Africa(where he is originally from) to ...
A. 24 November 2011: Exactly what do you mean by 'you should come first'? Because from what I'm reading, he wants to see you AND his relatives. He's not picking them over you at all. I'm not sure I understand where you're coming from here. It seems that he's trying to ... (read in full...)
Together 9 years, had an abortion and he didnt support me...now he moves on after a month!
Q. I am 20 years old. I got preganant in August by my boyffriend of nine years. We started dating in middle school. I have supported him through everything. Every bad or good chocie he has made, I was there. The pregnancy was unplanned and my family ...
A. 24 November 2011: Please stop trying to contact him. You mustn't go back to him now. What's happened between you is a major problem that won't be fixed. You didn't want a baby, he did. That situation was impossible to handle for you both and this was the way it was ... (read in full...)
His new girlfriend is always telling me they are getting married, so why is my ex calling me from prison telling me he misses me?
Q. Okay so my ex and I broke up about 8 months ago since then he got a new girlfriend and they have been dating for 8 months now she 17 and he's 21. Everytime I see her all she does is brag about him infront of me and try's gives me attitude and ...
A. 24 November 2011: Because he's a liar who's playing everyone. He's playing you, and you're allowing it because you're not cutting contact. If I were you, I'd stop taking his calls and move on. There's a reason he's a jailbird and a reason he's trying to cheat. It's ... (read in full...)
He acts like a complete jackass towards me but I cant let him go, help!
Q. Hello. What to do when your boyfriend of almost 3 years stops having sex with you, doesn't talk to you like that anymore, ignores your calls/texts, acts like he doesn't want you around, constantly lies about little simple things, rarely spends times ...
A. 24 November 2011: Let me really ask you a question.
Why do you really allow yourself to be treated so badly? See, I don't think you love him. I think you're desperate to be loved, and I think you're massively underconfident. I don't see anything here that sugg... (read in full...)
Bumped into a guy I used to date and he wanted me to go back to his flat, is he still interested and in what way?
Q. Ok, so yesterday, i bumped into this guy that i used to be seeing , and he wanted me to go back to his flat with him to reminisce, as he put it. I couldn't go, unfortunately, as i had already made other plans, but i'm hoping i'll bump into him again ...
A. 24 November 2011: Please, please look at this situation for what it is, and not what you're hoping it will be.
Here is a man who you used to see. After some time where you haven't seen him, what does he do? He asks you to come back to his flat to 'reminisce'. Basi... (read in full...)
My bf had a crazy fit and hurt me. Should I take him back?
Q. I have been. With my fiance for 3 years and we have had a lot of ups and Downs but here recently it has gotten. Horrible. And. As got in a bad fight. Last. Week and he called me a fucking. Whore and tried pinning me down on bed so I couldn't move. ...
A. 24 November 2011: Hell no! Don't have him back. Break up for good and never see him again. Next time your neck will be snapped. He's got problems and you can't solve them. ... (read in full...)
Why do women who cheat, cheat on someone they love,who gives them security,who they don't want to be without?
Q. Why do women who cheat,cheat on someone they love,who gives them security,who they dont want to be without? I have seen friends lose their soulmate by cheating with someone they knew would never offer a relationship,or anything more than sex. My ...
A. 24 November 2011: In light of the fact that she's now blaming the man she 'loved' and doesn't have anymore, I'm also going to say that she must have some problems that prevent her from accepting that she was responsible for this.
Why did she cheat in the first plac... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't trust me because of his ex who messed with his head! What can I do?
Q. heyy, i was wondering if you could help me out with something i love my boyfriend more then anything in the world. he's the best thing that ever happened to me..but we've hit a ditch in the road you might say. He doesnt trust me and i didnt do ...
A. 24 November 2011: You can't do anything. And you're already slipping into the common female trait which is to think that you can change/do something/act in a different way and this problem will go away.
Please listen to what I say - the only person that can chan... (read in full...)
Should I tell my girlfriend the condom split when we were having sex?
Q. I really need help :/ I had sex with a condom with my girlfriend but I think the condom split! She dosent know it yet, I want to tell her but its only a matter of time before she finds out anyway, its just I think I should mention it first so it ...
A. 24 November 2011: Yes. As soon as you can. And follow all the advice that the post below has written. ... (read in full...)
My gran has cancer and I want her to be around to see me get married and have kids....should I talk to my partner about getting married sooner?
Q. Just wondering if others can offer some advice. My gran, who i am really close to is in her 80s. I have always had this wish that she could be around to see me marry and provide her a great grandchild. WHen my grandfather passed away, it made me...
A. 24 November 2011: I'm afraid what you're suggesting is something that very few people are going to be able to agree with. This is precisely the reason that so many marriage fails nowadays. People aren't marrying because they love each other, they're marrying for ... (read in full...)
Should I give up and become a charity worker in rural Africa?
Q. I'm a virgin. 30 years old and no prospects. I'm slim good looking etc etc but its just not happened. Should I give up and become a charity worker in rural Africa? I've been given the opportunity to teach Aids awareness in East Africa for about a ...
A. 24 November 2011: Wow. This sounded pretty harsh! You don't seem to have too much confidence in yourself, which I can understand if you don't want to be a virgin. But you mustn't be harsh on yourself. And you mustn't use this opportunity to run away from life in the ... (read in full...)
What is the main cause of juvenile delinquency and drug addiction?
Q. What is the most common cause,in families of juvenile delinquency and drug addiction? My sister kids are all dropped out of school, and into drugs and crime. It's a real frightening situation from the outside. I'm talking about serious drugs......
A. 24 November 2011: There are many, many causes of children going off the rails, and you really can't pinpoint what they are unless you sit there and watch them all the time. As others have mentioned, it's most likely to be peer pressure, either at school or in the ... (read in full...)
Career vs Love - what comes first?
Q. What's more important? • a career that pays $10k more than you currently earn... With greater responsibility and pressure. Or... • being in a loving relationship, building your own home and having a future with somebody that loves you? Your wag...
A. 23 November 2011: It's not for us to say what's more important. It really is up to you. People have different ideas on what they want from life, and now is the time for you to really think about what you want from your own life.
If you want the career, then go for ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend thinks I'm checking out girls when I'm not!
Q. I need serious help with my girlfriend she constantly thinks I'm checking out girls when I'm not Even if I do I don't ogle and do it rudely She thinks that's it's a sign that I don't love her that I don't want to be with her that And her friend...
A. 23 November 2011: My friend, you're fighting a losing battle. This girl is very insecure, very jealous and isn't willing to deal with it.
This is the sort of behaviour that when I in my teens, I'd tolerate because I thought it was normal. After a few years thou... (read in full...)
Does anyone agree with "everything happens for a reason"
Q. I was wondering, do you believe in the phrase "everything happens for a reason". I am finding it hard to believe at the moment. I applied for my dream job (a promotion), got an interview... Everything was going well. The panel knew me, gave me...
A. 23 November 2011: I don't necessarily believe that things happen for a reason. What I do believe is that when something happens, whether good or bad, you usually find another opportunity elsewhere.
I myself lost my job a few years ago, set up my own business whic... (read in full...)
He pursued his ex but won't pursue me. Should I leave?
Q. My boyfriend and I had known each other for 4 months now. Before we were in a relationship, I was the one who texted him everyday and he will Text back. We also went out because I was giving him hints that i'll be in town on my days off( I used to ...
A. 22 November 2011: This is one of those 'you're reading too much into it' situations.
Look closely at the facts - he ran around after her and she became an ex. Little wonder he's not quite running around after you in the same way. He used that tactic before and he g... (read in full...)
Should I worry about my boyfriend's response or am I nitpicking?
Q. I have read on a few websites that the direction that someone's eyes move in tells whether or not they are telling the truth. It says when they move their eyes up and to their right it means they are constructing a response (lying) and when they ...
A. 22 November 2011: You're nitpicking. The eyes moving up and down and the use of language are not symptoms of lying on their own. There are many other subtle signals out there. On their own, these mean nothing.
You need to start looking at yourself, because you soun... (read in full...)
Has anyone got any quotes/sayings that they live by or feel inspired from?
Q. I know this is a relationship website, but I am getting a quote painted on my wall above the mirror, I want it to be something that when I wake up and look at everyday, I feel inspired by it! Something about either, life, success, our future, ...
A. 20 November 2011: I don't have a specific quote that I look up to. Instead, I have a small book of proverbs and sayings beside my bed. I open it to a random page every day, and take its advice. I figure it's as good as any other thing to lead an interesting life. ... (read in full...)
He's called it quit 4 times! How do I cope with this?
Q. How should I deal with my partner who has called it quits for more than 4 times? How should I interpret the following said by my partner:"There are times when I don't feel like talking to anyone, including you"...
A. 20 November 2011: You cut that person out of your life. That's the one and only answer to this problem. It sounds like this man has some serious emotional issues, and you need to be away from someone who so readily throws you aside.
Someone like this is only wort... (read in full...)
I like this married guy but I'm not sure that I want to be a mistress!
Q. hey, this is the first time writing to one of these agony aunt things so i'm sorry if this is long winded. long story short, a guy i'm attracted to has asked me out. he's cute, funny, intelligent.. everything i would want in a guy but never se...
A. 20 November 2011: No, you don't want to be that person. For several reasons:
1 - You will eventually be found out, and you'll look pretty dreadful for having an affair with a married man who has a young child.
2 - You'll have hugely lowered your own standard... (read in full...)
Am I right in leaving this mess of a man? Or should I stand by him?
Q. Hi. I have separated from my bf of four years, the father of our child. He has a drinking problem, and he has lied to me so much since we been together. He also was sacked from his job last week. He was getting help, but gave up twice coz he tho...
A. 20 November 2011: Leave. You can't allow this man to be around your child as he is a drunk, and you can't allow him to take control of your life. You need to leave for your sake and your child's sake, otherwise this will have terrible effects on you both. ... (read in full...)
Should I carry on having fun, or should I settle down with a nice man?
Q. I'm 28 and have recently been getting out and about hitting the clubs a lot. I've also met a few guys from internet dating sites. This is the first real time in my life that I've been going out a lot, and meeting new men regularly. I'm really ...
A. 20 November 2011: I think you're better off letting this man go so you can continue to have fun. You know that you're not really ready to settle down, so it's honestly best to continue having fun until you are ready.
Too many people settle down when they're not read... (read in full...)
I really liked him, but after kissing him my attraction and everything towards him has gone! How?
Q. Am I being silly here, I met this guy about three weeks ago and was attracted straight away, we had small talk whenever we saw each other but I didn't really think he liked me. Well last saturday I decided to just talk to him more than small talk ...
A. 17 November 2011: It wasn't about him being a bad kisser - I just think you don't fancy him. I think you thought that you had those feelings for him, but in actual fact he was just a friend. I think you'd be better off just saying that he's a great guy, but that ... (read in full...)
He keeps telling me I need to move on but comes back to me whenever he is upset! Now he is seeing my friend, should I just delete both of them out of my life?
Q. My ex and i broke up 5 months ago and he keeps telling me i have to move on, we decided to stay friends but hes always talking to me and kind of treating me like were still in a relationship, ex. (he still calls me when hes upset with anything, ...
A. 17 November 2011: You need to wake up. He doesn't have a hold over you - you are allowing yourself to be treated like a doormat and you are in denial about how he feels about you.
You are so sure that he has feelings for you. But he doesn't. At all. What has happ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for our ex's to have a power over us? Is that a sign we should be together?
Q. How much power do our ex's have over us? Is it normal for your ex to hold power over you still, and what would you constitute as positive power or negative power? (if there is such a thing). For example, would you take it as a good sign if the thou...
A. 17 November 2011: If an ex had power over me, I'd know that the relationship was massively flawed from the start. No partner should have power in any way over you. Ever. A healthy relationship is based upon mutual love, respect, trust. It's in no way based upon ... (read in full...)
My ex is cute and flirty when he writes me so why wouldn't he keep the conversation going?
Q. ok so my ex (we broke up 2 years ago) and I are friends and I recently became single and since then he was always really cute and flirty when we met or wrote. now he is at the armed forces now and since he didn`t write -not even to my birthday I ...
A. 17 November 2011: I think perhaps whatever you had with this guy is over, and you two are just too far apart and have moved on too much to be able to make something of all this. He's in the armed forces, you're elsewhere and I just think it sounds like you finally ... (read in full...)
I lied about my age to this 27 year old guy whom I've been seeing. Said I was 20, when I'm actually 18. Now what?
Q. im 18 and im seeing a 27 yr. old, i lied to him about my age and said i was 20, but were really starting to click and hes going to ask me to be his girlfriend soon because hes REALLY into me. I want to tell him before we get any more serious because ...
A. 17 November 2011: You do have to tell him. And there really is nothing you can do about his reaction. Hopefully he won't take it too badly, but there is no doubt that he'll be knocked because of this.
Please learn a really important lesson - don't lie about some... (read in full...)
He sends me messages nearly every day - flirting.But I'm confused. Do I give this player a chance or not?
Q. I've found myself in a strange situation, I worked with this guy for about 3 years, we got on really well even had a cheeky kiss at the christmas parties, he always had a reputation as a player, so it never went any where, when he left I found out ...
A. 16 November 2011: This guy is utterly vile. Stay away from him - or believe me this will ruin your reputation as a woman. ... (read in full...)
Everything went great, he took me to his house, I met his mom...but then he tried to kiss me and I freaked out! Now he's gone from calling and texting me everyday to nothing!
Q. I am a freshman in college. I met this Cuban guy in the Finacial aid office and I have been thinking of him ever since...... I had a little crush on him. Two months later I saw him again at the library, and he said I wonder why I keep running into ...
A. 16 November 2011: I'm going to be honest - I don't think you're going to be able to fix this one. Literally this couldn't have gone worse. For a week, you two texted, then you met up. You met his mother and stayed at the house well into the night (that's a pretty big ... (read in full...)
I'm confused! He's cancelled 2 dates and now doesn't respond to my texts
Q. Hi everyone sorry if this long I just really need help trying to figure this situation out I met a man 9 month ago I moved into a flat near him in fact 30 seconds away any way he asked me out I said yes he had been single 6 month after splitting up ...
A. 16 November 2011: I agree. He's not interested and has shown himself up as a rude and uncaring. You're better off moving on from him. He doesn't seem to have much respect for you at all. ... (read in full...)
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