| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Why am I always in the wrong? And is my marriage over?
Q. Me and my wife are fighting again when it should all be rosy and happy and its getting to the point where ive had enough of trying my best to make her happy, she is never happy no matter what i do, she always something to complain about or be ...
A. 10 May 2012: Hmm. Tough one. I'd say that you need to issue an ultimatum at this stage. You seem to have put up with a lot, and it does come across that she is demanding. I'm sure there's a lot more you're telling us.
What actually makes this clearer is that... (read in full...)
We had sex, and do these signs mean anything?
Q. Hi, so im 18. I liked this guy which is also my friend... He used to be a womenizer but he changed,he kissed,but he said once he is more for a combination. My friends think he probaly likes me. So anyway we had sex. He slept before with this...
A. 2 May 2012: He hasn't changed at all. He's still the same, and all he's doing is making a mockery of you. And instead of seeing this, all you can do is call the other girl a slut.
Wake up. Stop calling the other girl a slut and actually look at what this guy ... (read in full...)
He slept with other girls 2 days after we decided to have a break
Q. Me and my ex had dated for nearly two years. The first year of the relationship was amazing. The second half didn't go well. His life was not full of fun and crazy things anymore. We lived together and he said he didn't had enough freedom to do ...
A. 2 May 2012: Oh dear. You know deep down that this won't work, don't you?
There are so many things wrong here, so many red flags that you need to look at.
Here's a guy who right from the start was more interested in having fun and doing crazy things than he ... (read in full...)
Should I wing it for my first time?
Q. I am a 21 kiss less virgin (For an idea on my looks, I am a Mixed Martial Artist (so, fit), 65kg, 5,11. And my face is average if not better). I have met this girl online (she is 25) and she is really into me, but I haven't said I have never even ...
A. 1 May 2012: The question isn't so much whether you want to wing it, but whether you really want to lose it this way to a girl you met on the internet. Don't forget, if you've hidden something, she might have hidden something too.
For what it's worth, you'... (read in full...)
How should I interpret our relationship?
Q. Hi everyone I was just wondering what you people think of this I met a man 14 months ago we have slept together ever since we have agreed not to sleep with anyone else me or him which we are both happy with we see each other a couple of times ...
A. 1 May 2012: It does seem to me that all he's really bothered in is the sex and little else. I think though that the best thing to do is to speak to him and see how he really feels about you. Either he'll ultimately care, or he'll try to stall you and you'll ... (read in full...)
He told his ex he loves her then denied it with me!
Q. I just saw emails that my boyfriend sent his ex 2 weeks ago, that say how he misses and loves her. There was mention that he had a girlfriend but yet he stated he love her......why? Also he lied to Me by telling me he never bought her an engageme...
A. 26 April 2012: I think you've found him out - and he knows it. My advice is to walk away from him. You've seen the emails, you know what he thinks. Everything that he said after you found those emails is a lie.
Walk away from him before you get even more hurt... (read in full...)
He cheated and had a baby with another girl, we broke up because of this but he still thinks he can get me back! How do I tell him he has no chance?
Q. This guy and I were together for almost a year from 2010-2011. While we were together I thought everything was fine until 2011 came and he told me he had a baby. After finding that out, I ended it with him because the baby was a newborn meaning that ...
A. 25 April 2012: I agree with the post below. Block his phone number, block him from social networking, never enter a conversation with him, ignore him as much as you can.
Just stop communicating with him entirely. ... (read in full...)
Crush on the guy at the grocery store, what do I do now?
Q. Ok so a few weeks ago I went to a grocery store that I don't go to often, but I am really glad that I did. Because there I saw the most greatest looking guy working there. I went to the bathroom and on my way there, he smiled and said hi to me. ...
A. 24 April 2012: I also think you should just go for it. You have nothing to lose, and as other have said it would be a shame for you to not do it and only regret it. I think you should maybe write a note with your phone number on it, and give it to him. Then all ... (read in full...)
Am I allowed to tell him I don't trust him on his holiday?
Q. I don't trust my boyfriend to go on a lads holiday with his 2 mates (one who is single and the other who is taken but has the mind of a single boy) because my boyfriend lied to me and cheated on me 2 years ago (hasn't done anything since). Am I ...
A. 24 April 2012: I think that you can talk to him about how you feel. His response in many ways will tell you what he's thinking. Either he'll listen and try to reassure you, or he won't give a damn. For honesty's sake, it's best at least to tell him you're worried ... (read in full...)
Where are all the good guys? Am I the only one feeling this way?
Q. Where are all the good guys? Sick of getting hurt:(? Omg I dont understand why nice guys keep going after moody and bitchy girls when good girls are just here dying for a guy to treat them right cause they keep getting hurt by @ssholes. Is lik...
A. 17 April 2012: There are some good posts here, and I think that ultimately your problem is a mixture of the different answers.
1 - Either you're not taking enough chances, so you're not in a position where you can meet a nice guy. If that's so, you might also... (read in full...)
She called of our wedding but claims to still love me, what should I do?
Q. My fiancé called off our wedding a couple of weeks ago (at the time it was about 1.5 months till the wedding). She said that she just had a gnawing feeling that would not go away, she was nervous to get married and not sure if she was ready. ...
A. 17 April 2012: This is where you walk away. Whether she wan't ready, or whether he mind has changed or whatever, the relationship has probably been damaged badly enough that you won't get it on track.
What I don't like here is that she called off the wedd... (read in full...)
My jealousy of other women is going to ruin our relationship!
Q. Ok the first thing Im going to point out and admit is that Im very insecure. I dont need to be told this because I know, and need to work on it. My problem is my insecurities. I dont like my boyfriend looking at ANY other females. I found some pic...
A. 17 April 2012: Do you know why it is that you're so insecure? I think you need to look back over your life and work out what it is that's caused you to feel so insecure about yourself and your boyfriend. There'll be a reason somewhere, maybe very obvious, maybe ... (read in full...)
Right girl at the wrong time?
Q. What does is mean when a guy tells you that you were the right girl at the wrong time? When's the right time? ...
A. 17 April 2012: It means you're a damn good girl, and you should move on because he's either a player, of he's just not into you enough.
Either way, don't bother with this guy... (read in full...)
Why would a guy who admits to being taken still ask me for naughty pictures and videos?
Q. Why, oh why would anyone who admits to being taken still ask for naughty pictures and videos? I have a male friend who I've known for a year. We met through a mutual friend; and so every time we see each other, we're in a group. Over time this g...
A. 17 April 2012: Just because a man is taken doesn't mean he has a shred of decency or integrity.
All this shows is that he's a cheat and can't be trusted, and that he's happy to try and use you an thinks you're silly enough to fall for it.
To be honest, I don't ... (read in full...)
Should I press charges because she uploaded a photo of us on facebook?
Q. Hi. I'm new, here. Last week, I have had a photograph of me with a female friend. I thought she would NOT post the photograph on the internet. However, just yesterday, I check her Facebook, just to see her photo album, as she mentionned a nea...
A. 12 April 2012: I doubt there's anything you can do. If it's not pornographic, and if you did not outright say to her that it wasn't for the internet, then you can't say anything. Moreover, I'm pretty sure that in the smallprint of facebook, it says that whatever ... (read in full...)
Is it weird that I'm turned on by my girlfriend's sex toys?
Q. Hi everyone, I’m just wanting to get a bit of perspective on something, it's not an issue per say, I just wanna make sure I’m not weird in my behaviour. Ok so basically my girlfriend and me have just started living together and she has brought ...
A. 12 April 2012: Nope, not at all. And you're not the only one. ... (read in full...)
Do I confront my wife about her cheating or just file for a divorce?
Q. i have discovered that my wife of six years is having an online affair,as if thats not bad enough the third party involved mentions in his emails about my children being as his own children and says they will all be together as a new family soon,i ...
A. 12 April 2012: If I were you, I'd go to a solicitor first and start making preparations. In this situation, you need to know where you stand before you do anything else. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend makes comments when I speak to my family just because he has no contact with his!
Q. Dear Cupid, My boyfriend doesn't have any contact with any of his family. I'm not sure why, I have tried to talk about it but he avoids the subject. The trouble is he makes comments and remarks when I speak to mine and I'm getting sick of it. I have ...
A. 11 April 2012: Yes, I agree with the others. He clearly uses your family to cent his own feelings about his, and in a bizarre way he probably gets comfort when you're upset about what he's said.
This guy isn't relationship material. His own experiences have warp... (read in full...)
I can't believe he's flirting with other girls again!
Q. I'm pretty upet at the moment because my boyfriend used to flirt with girls on facebook telling them that they looked sexy, and that they were gorgeous e.t.c, I was was not happy with this behaviour as it made me feel awful, and like he didn't ...
A. 11 April 2012: I think you know the answer. He outright lied to you, and this is a bit more than just flirting. He seems to want to be out there with a lot of women rather than just connecting with one.
There are better guys out there who will commit to you. ... (read in full...)
Is it best just to stay away from my abusive mother?
Q. I am just writing this for some advice regarding my 68 yr old mother. I am a 46 mother of two and grandmother of one. -ever since i can remember my mother has always put me down - and is constantly nasty. If i ever question her ways she just replies ...
A. 10 April 2012: Yes, please do stay away. My mum cut out her toxic parents from her life. It was the best thing she ever could have done. ... (read in full...)
I feel trapped in a faux relationship! She broke up with me but still expects me to fund her!
Q. Hello people I wonder if you can help me I am in a big big dilemna in my life at the moment, 8 months ago while I was travelling around in north america, I hooked up with my 'girlfriend' who i stayed with for 3 1/2 months to cut a long story ...
A. 30 March 2012: Come back to Blighty! Don't do another thing for her. ... (read in full...)
What are the chances of my ex falling in love with me again and us getting back together?
Q. I'm still in love with my exboyfriend. He sayes he loves me and cares for me, but not in love with me any more. We still talk from time to time and have an occasional drink every now and then. What are the chances of him falling in love with me ...
A. 30 March 2012: If he said this, then walked away himself and still hasn't come back after meeting with you now and again, then the chances are he will never fall in love with you once more.
Sorry to say that, but you're ultimately wasting your time on this man.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend thinks of me as a breeding factory, if I can't have kids, he'd leave me!
Q. I've been in a relationship for about 2.5 years with someone who is wonderful, caring, supportive, etc. We have been through a lot, and I sincerely saw him as the one. He already considered us married but it doesn't work that way for me. ...
A. 30 March 2012: I think you need to read your post and open your eyes. There's no way that this guy is right for you. He sounds pretty callous to me. ... (read in full...)
I want a romantic boyfriend who plans surprises!
Q. Last Night I saw my boyfriends roommate leave with his girlfriend and I could not figure out where they went it's none of my business of course, but they just vanished and when I woke up this morning I saw a bag and a few blankets and a bottle of ...
A. 30 March 2012: The reason that your boyfriend hasn't/doesn't do it, is because he's a different guy.
Frequently, I think some women seem to think that men are in some way made to order, or that we can mind read. We can't. You don't that this other guy actu... (read in full...)
How do you tell your boyfriend you can't see him as being the father of your children?
Q. How do you tell your boyfriend that you don't see him ever being the father you'd want your child or children to have and that's the real reason you don't want children? And where do you go from there? Stay but remain childless or have children bu...
A. 29 March 2012: You won't love him in ten years time when you're missing children. You really won't. ... (read in full...)
Should I go on holiday without him?
Q. hi i have a bit of a problem. i have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we are both 26 the thing is we planned to go abroad this summer for a week. But i would also like to go abroad with my girlfriend later on this year for 1 week. He thinks...
A. 29 March 2012: Your boyfriend strikes me as extremely jealous and controlling. go on holiday with your friend. He can't stop you, and he shouldn't stop you. And you shouldn't let him treat you this way. ... (read in full...)
I'm uncomfortable with a group of his friends -- is it OK for me to speak up?
Q. My bf has 2 groups of friend. One group is really nice and they;re nice to me and about me. The other are massive lads and are disrespectful about me asking personal questions about our sex life etc etc. My bf doesn't answer them but I hate the ...
A. 29 March 2012: Of course you're allowed to tell him you feel that way. If they don't treat you well, then you have every right to say something, and you have every right not to be around them.
What you don't have is the right to choose his friends for him. So, ... (read in full...)
How do you tell your boyfriend you can't see him as being the father of your children?
Q. How do you tell your boyfriend that you don't see him ever being the father you'd want your child or children to have and that's the real reason you don't want children? And where do you go from there? Stay but remain childless or have children bu...
A. 29 March 2012: I think if you feel this way, then this man is not the right man for you at all. Perhaps you would be better off ending it. The last thing you want to do is waste time on a man you know isn't going to be the father of your children. ... (read in full...)
Guys: would you date a girl if you knew she had done nude modelling?
Q. I have been modeling for an online lingerie site. I was approached by a porn site for nude modeling... The money they offered was amazing! I told them I would NEVER do photos with a man or another woman... Guys: Would you date a girl if you knew...
A. 24 March 2012: For some people, it will clearly be an issue. There are a lot of men that just won't like the fact that you'll be seen by, well, any man or woman who happens to come across that pictures.
For others, it won't be an issue. For me, personally, I don'... (read in full...)
How does a woman stay happy regardless of whether she's in a relationship or not?
Q. People always say as a woman, you should not need a man to make you happy. I agree with that, and I think its important to learn to stand on your own two feet and be happy with your own company. But sooner or later, you will meet a guy. And if th...
A. 24 March 2012: Relationship.
Friends
Hobbies
Work.
These are the four things that you continually need to have in your life. Never at one time should you be entirely dependent on one, never at one time should you dedicate yourself entirely to one. The... (read in full...)
How do I know if her emotional affair got physical?
Q. I think I am ready for a divorce. It has been 15 months since I found about my wife's affair. She was having an affair with my little cousin brother/best friend. He is married also with one child. We have three children, and have been married ...
A. 24 March 2012: You're not naive. You've been cheated on, and lied to, and treated like shit by people who are supposed to love you. There is no such thing as naivety in a situation like that.
But, the fact is, she cheated and yes it will have been physical. They... (read in full...)
Would you marry your cheating partner?
Q. Would you marry your partner that you have been cheating with. Do these relationships work? What are the pros and cons. My partner left me after 18,years together for another guy who she has now married...
A. 24 March 2012: To be honest, most relationships that start as an affair come to and end in the end. I think the figure is something like just 12% make it. The reason for that is that when having an affair, you never really what the other person is truly like. You ... (read in full...)
I don't understand why she suddenly takes an interest in me
Q. I have a friend who broke up with her boyfriend about 2 months ago. Recently she messaged me "I was thinking about you and wanted to see how you were. I miss you" We are not close friends but we have known each other for several years. She...
A. 24 March 2012: I think, at this stage, it's more likely that she's hurting from that break-up and is looking for some sort of emotional connection with another man. Whether she's looking for another guy, or she's just a bit confused at this stage, is the confusing ... (read in full...)
What's going on with this guy?
Q. So I started a new job a few months ago and one of my co-workers has caught my eye. He's very cute although a bit younger than me. When he sees me his eyes often go really wide and sometimes he'll look away quickly. He acts a bit nervous and ...
A. 24 March 2012: There's a really good chance that he fancies you. But, you simply don#t know enough about him yet to know what he's about. Facebook is all well and good, but either he's too shy, or he has a girlfriend and he's purposely blocking you.
I think you'... (read in full...)
Dad is being pathetic because I don't have a boyfriend!
Q. Every time I see my dad, the first thing he asks is if any guys are chasing me. He thinks I need a boyfriend. I'm a Sophomore in college and haven't had one since my Junior year of high school. I'm fine with not having a boyfriend, though it would ...
A. 24 March 2012: Pity, sometimes, that we children can't pick their parents. Imagine how simple life would be. I think it was the director Spike Lee that said he thinks parents are more responsible for the shattered dreams and hopes of children than anyone else. You ... (read in full...)
Is a massage with an 'unintentional' happy ending cheating?
Q. Is a massage with an 'unintentional' happy ending cheating? I'm a married woman. Before I met my husband I did take some classes at a massage school. I never persued that as a career (my husband would never approve). However, I am very good at giv...
A. 22 March 2012: You didn't cheat. Don't worry. And I don't think your husband needs to know. ... (read in full...)
I am jealous that other men got her while she was partying, carefree and slim, and I only get the "in debt and less attractive" version of her
Q. Hi all, hoping you can help me out here. I've been dating a girl who I really love for almost 4 years now. I know she loves me too. Something causes me to be really upset and question my whole relationship. I should give a bit of background, she ...
A. 22 March 2012: Let her go. This is not the woman for you at all. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend says she is in love with me but is not physically attracted to me!
Q. Hello everyone I'm not sure how common is this question but can you be in love with someone and yet have no physical attraction to your partner? I ask this because that's what my girlfriend says about me. I know I'm not the greatest looking guy...
A. 22 March 2012: Hate to tell you this, but she doesn't love you. You're just the man she's with until the next one comes along.
Move on from this one, she's not worth the bother.... (read in full...)
Major crush on my neighbor, but we are both in relationships! What should I do?
Q. Hi everyone, I have a question. I have this neighbor who lives right next door to me who I have a major crush on for a while. I know he likes me too we flirt all the time and he acts all shy and nervous when we talk. This is the thing, he is with ...
A. 22 March 2012: I think that you're looking for an escape from your current relationship, rather than actually dealing with it.
You have a crush on a man that lives next door, because he's probably a good guy. You've probably seen more than is actually there beca... (read in full...)
How many dates before I can ask her to be my girlfriend?
Q. hi everyone. i recently met a very lovely girl on an internet dating site, and at the weekend we are going on our 3rd date. i really like this girl and things seem to be going really well, which is odd as i normally dont ever get a 3rd date as im qu...
A. 22 March 2012: I wouldn't worry about asking her to be your girlfriend yet. Just say you're really interested in her and would like to seem more of her. It's a bit too soon to say you want her as a girlfriend, and might be too soon to ask her to leave the dating ... (read in full...)
Dead beat boyfriend wont get a job!
Q. What should I do about my live-in boyfriend not getting a job? We have been together for nearly 3 years now. He got fired from his job in October for leaving the property, while on the clock of all things. He hasn't had a job for going on 5 ...
A. 19 March 2012: This is the sort of person I recommend moving on from. He doesn't sound like he's really depressed (which is different), but more like he is lazy to the bone.
Perhaps the time has come for you to look at whether you want to spend the rest of your... (read in full...)
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