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Is a massage with an 'unintentional' happy ending cheating?

Tagged as: Cheating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 March 2012) 15 Answers - (Newest, 10 November 2013)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Is a massage with an 'unintentional' happy ending cheating?

I'm a married woman. Before I met my husband I did take some classes at a massage school. I never persued that as a career (my husband would never approve). However, I am very good at giving full body massages. I've given them to boyfriends (before my husband), and since we're married to some of our friends, both male and female. I look at it as just helping out. Some of our friends are very active in sports, and sometimes they just have sore/tense muscles.

Last weekend, our neighbor, who is male was complaining to me in our yard about being really sore after bowling Friday night, and playing softball all day Saturday. I offered to give him a 'sports' massage to help relax his muscles. My husband was at home working in the yard, and he told me fine, go ahead and help him out.

Well, I had our neighbor take a shower (at his house), then told him to come back over to our house in loose clothes. And that I would set up our bedroom and give him a massage. He came back and knocked on our door about 20 minutes later wearing just a pair of gym shorts. I took him up to our room. He said he had a lot of lower back pain, which I know can happen, my husband gets lumbar pain after doing a lot of physical stuff, and I've helped him out many times. Our neighbor asked if he should take off his shorts to make the massage easier. I said yes that would be easier, let me go get a towel. I went and got one of the biggest towels we have and left the room for him to get the towel on and lay on the bed.

I started to massage him, and I had to work on lot on his gluts and lumbar region (butt). I had him turn over and was working on his upper thighs, then his pelvic region. I know I accidentily 'bumped' his 'thing' a few times, but it wasn't on purpose. But after massageing his pelvic region (with the towel still on and covering his 'thing', he made a lot of noise, and I realized that he just had an orgasm. I was really upset and embarressed, and just left the room telling him to get his shorts back on and leave.

I don't think this was cheating since I NEVER intended for this to happen, but I haven't told my husband what happened. I think he will be very mad even though I didn't really do anything wrong.

I know I will NEVER EVER give some other man besides my husband a massage. But, do I tell my husband what happened? I don't feel like I did anything wrong, but I'm also afraid that if my husband finds out from someone else he will think I did this on purpose and kept it from him. Help...

View related questions: married woman, muscle, orgasm

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A male reader, massage United States +, writes (10 November 2013):

massage agony auntHI,

It is totally normal to ejaculate accidentally when somebody press on men's buttocks repeatidily. I had that happen once and it was so embarassing...I don't think the massage therapist knew what happened, when tried to massage between my legs, I kinda kept them close out of respect due to semen...I was so embarresed and once the massage therapist left the room I tried to clean the spot by removing the paper sheet...but it went through to the table...I had to leave a fat tip...and the therapist was appreciative but didn't know what was waiting ...I think moaning and making noises is controlable...breathing is acceptabe but moaning is not.I guess there is moaning as sexual moaning and moaning as NAmaste moaning! You should tell your husband that you gave the neighbor massage for the first and last time and that he accidentally got excited and ejacultated...keep communication open or it will seem as you are guilty...and how the hell you bumped into his thing how big his junk is?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2012):

I am a massage school student, the last thing we learned about this week is detachment to the client. If you have some feelings for the client other than acquaintance or friendship, they can pick up through the massage whether or not an intention was made. So you would have to ask yourself, if there is some deep down feeling for the man on the "table", or if it was completely by accident. Just remember you have a right to end a massage before it ends if you feel the boundary between you and the client has been violated. Technically you did not cheat, but if you feel guilty about what happened then your mind will make you feel that you did.

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A male reader, Beerbuzz Canada +, writes (23 March 2012):

The guy certainly was quick on the release....

Not cheating at all and he doesn't need to know details since he approved in the first place!

Can you imagine this guy going to a rub and tug? He wouldn't make it through the door without shooting the gun off!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2012):

It wasnt cheating.....but u should never take another man into your Bedroom.....Thats a sacred place for You and Your Husband.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2012):

At least it wasn't being filmed

You don't have anything to tell your husband, he knew you were taking your neighbour, up to your bedroom, to give him a massage,so hes VERY understanding.

Your husband obviously doesn't get aroused or orgasm when you massage him so why would he think your neighbour would.

Or maybe he does and they planned it between them.......

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A female reader, shazz1991xoxo United Kingdom +, writes (23 March 2012):

shazz1991xoxo agony auntNo it certainly wasn't cheating, maybe you should tell him before the other guy tells him? Is your husband an understanding person? just tell him in confidence but that he's not to say anything to the other guy as it could make things awkward between the neighbor and your husband xoxo good luck

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2012):

This is the Massage Therapist again....I don't know how I missed that part....you gave it to him in your bedroom and without a massage table also?!?! You set your own self up for what happened. You aren't even suppose to give massages on a bed. Your story sounds like BS you are just as guilty as your neighbor is.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2012):

I find it very hard to understand why you would be giving a massage to a naked man in your bedroom, ive got to be honest i think its very unprofessional. If i were you i wud stop that and give them only in a safe enviroment with people present to avoid misunderstandings like this in the future,

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2012):

Hi, I'm a professional massage therapist.

First I must say it's quite irritating when people assume that being a massage therapist is such an unacceptable and sexual occupation ("my husband would never approve", "I know I will NEVER EVER give some other man besides my husband a massage"). A massage can be sexual if and when you WANT it to be, but all in all it is therapeutic and if you WERE to give a man a massage, it would be for that reason and that reason ONLY anyway whether it is your neighbor or not. Right?

Anyways, if you took classes at massage therapy school they should have taught you that it is perfectly normal for both MEN AND WOMEN to feel aroused when receiving a massage. And it could be given by anyone from a spouse to a random therapist at your local massage clinic. When you're getting a massage, your body and mind is completely relaxed and in another zone (it should be, or else your therapist is not a good one). And men naturally release a bit of semen when laying down on the table. Neither of you should be embarrassed, it's just how the human body operates.

On the other hand though, your story seems off. Did he actually masturbate in front of you? (which you clearly should have been able to tell) Or did he just let out a yell?? That is normal too however the undertone of his reaction is only yours to decipher. I don't see how he could have an orgasm without some sort of stimulation to his genitals. Either way, you did the right thing by asking him to leave when you felt uncomfortable. Sports massage usually doesn't involve complete removal of clothing either. Next time if you're uncomfortable, tell them to keep their bottoms on and adjust them as you go or use a sheet with a lot of draping instead of just a towel. You can still do bodywork through the sheet without having to expose body parts. If it really wasn't intentional on your part, then no there is no need to tell your husband.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2012):

Are you quite sure your husband was not already privvy to this possible situation? I have a feeling it was okayed NOT BY YOU....SORRY just a gut sneaky feeling.

spunky monkey

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (22 March 2012):

Danielepew agony auntYou did nothing wrong, but some people would have trouble believing that. So it's best if you say nothing: first, because you did nothing wrong. Second, because your telling about it will not help anyone.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2012):

Did you actually see the semen?

If not he could have just been groaning from the pain of the massage. You could maybe tell your husband about the sounds he made but dont say he ejaculated unless you saw it.

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A male reader, Kyle007 United States +, writes (22 March 2012):

Its not sex. I am sure this happens to professionals all the time. Maybe you should talk to a professional and ask them if this ever happens. No, no need to tell your husband, and if he finds out otherwise, just tell him that its privileged information, just like with a doctor or lawyer.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2012):

Jeeze. Next time have hubby present. More and more Doctors have Nurses present to prevent such 'misunderstandings'.

I would say its careless of you and Hubby to invite a neighbour over and offer him a massage. He really that close of a neighbour? That trusting of a good friend?

Because if this were true; I would NEVER put my character and integrity into jeopardy and invite over anyone into my bedroom. WISDOM.

I say tell Husband. There should be no secrets between a Husband and Wife.

The thing about secrets- the Neighbour could be sharing this erotic incident to others and that could change the whole story and events into something uncontrolable and put you, your marriage into jeopardy.

Gossip is like that.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (22 March 2012):

You didn't cheat. Don't worry. And I don't think your husband needs to know.

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