| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Is it possible to go to a clinic to terminate this pregnancy?
Q. Scared to go to the doctors to ask for a abortion. I have just discovered I am a few wks pregnant. This is a massive mistake, I already have 3 kids and split with my partner 7 mths ago. We have 2 kids already and split up because he couldn't commit ...
A. 19 July 2012: If you are sure that's what you want to do, the best option is to go to the doctor. You can't take chances on your health in my opinion. ... (read in full...)
Is it over for us? Is there anything I can do to help the situation?
Q. I have been in a relationship for almost 5 1/2 years. I love my bf very much and I know he loves me. Our only big issue is marriage. About a year ago we broke up for about 4months because he wasn't sure if he was ready for marriage and I've been ...
A. 19 July 2012: Agreed. He isn't 100% committed to you, and it doesn't seem like he ever was.
Time to move on, because you'll only be resentful later on as this continues. ... (read in full...)
Is there anything I can change to get a boyfriend?
Q. Hi everyone I'm 17 and have never really had a real boyfriend, boys tell me I'm pretty, sexy, gorgeous, beautiful, cute... They've called me everything you can imagine, but I'm still single. I've never been inlove, I just wanna know how it's fe...
A. 19 July 2012: I also think don't change. You need a guy to like you as you are, not as someone else. You sound like a great girl, so hang in there and the right guy will come along. He'll be on time, just not your time. And he'll most likely come when you least ... (read in full...)
How have I changed so much since I went to college?
Q. How is it even possible that I went to university, hating children, relationships and animals (especially dogs). Now after being there one year I am completely opposite to that! I'm looking to buy myself a little puppy, volunteer with children and ...
A. 18 July 2012: It's called life, and you're living it. Things change, feelings change, attitudes change.
It's perfectly normal to feel the way you do, and mature the way you've done. ... (read in full...)
Is this behavior OK?
Q. Is is ok for my boyfriend to sit on his porch and have beers with his female neighbor without me, possibly go inside if the weather is too hot and have drinks with her in there?...
A. 18 July 2012: Is there anything else that makes you suspicious? I don't see anything wrong with just a drink, but wonder if there is something else that you've not mentioned here?... (read in full...)
Dating 2 years and he's bored with me. Should I end things?
Q. Dated this man for 2 years. He's bored with me already. He prefers gym over dinner with me. He prefers to chat online with random girls over chatting with me. p/s: we don't live together Should I put up with this?...
A. 15 July 2012: You should be bored with him, given his behaviour. And no, you shouldn't put up with it. Get rid of him, and find a guy who will treat you far better and actually shows interest in you. ... (read in full...)
I feel like no one really cares about me. What can I do?
Q. Dear Cupid Please will you help me? I feel upset, ashamed and embarrassed. It seems as though no one wants to form any genuine friendships with me. I'm making the effort to get in touch with all the people I know because I'm fedup with fee...
A. 15 July 2012: I wonder if your apparent lack of confidence/loneliness is making you so worried that you're picking anyone to be a friend, rather than people who are actually suitable or worth your time.
Or perhaps your father's lack of interest is having the ... (read in full...)
Is he at risk of getting HPV from me?
Q. I have been treated for genital warts, they came back after the next month, I had sex recently, but it was protected, I almost gave him oral but I pulled out right away, is he still in risk of getting hpv? ...
A. 11 July 2012: Yes, there is a chance that he could catch it. Condoms are very good for most illnesses, but HPV can be caught with skin to skin around your genitals.
If he doesn't know, then you should do the responsible thing and tell him, or he might get ill ... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to honey trap my now ex, especially as he went for it hook line and sinker?
Q. Was I wrong to honey trap my now ex, especially as he went for it hook line and sinker?? We had been dating for a few months when he went suddenly distant, and reactivated his dating profile (he's on my favourites list so I get notifications of...
A. 11 July 2012: I don't like honey traps. It usually shows that there are major problems already that can't be solved. Problem is, honey traps often work.
In your case, it worked. Big time. And you have indeed found him out as a guy who was willing to cheat. If i... (read in full...)
Is it possible to tame a guy who acts like player?
Q. Is it possible to tame a guy who acts like player? I like this guy but he pretty much treats girls like s***, just using them to hook up after he's drinking.(Before I get the lecture, he's actually a very nice person otherwise and I know a lot of ...
A. 9 July 2012: No. For the reason that he has problems he has to deal with. You can't deal with them for him, and if you try to, you'll just make it worse.
He has to make any and all changes himself. You can't do a thing, and you shouldn't do a thing. Othe... (read in full...)
Should I take them to court over this and see my daughter if she's mine
Q. Well I'm a young father 17 years old (please don't judge) recently my baby's mom and I had a very bad break up. Things were said on both sides that shouldn't have been, but now she is keeping my child away from me. I was not allowed on the Birth ...
A. 9 July 2012: Go to court. That will settle this one way or another.... (read in full...)
I think that the financial issue is straining our relationship.
Q. My boyfriend is having a financial problem. He's avoiding meeting me, giving me excuses like traffic congestion. He admitted that spending time with me (lunch, tea) makes him spend money. What made me very angry is when he added, "When I stay at ...
A. 9 July 2012: Don't get me wrong, I've been unemployed and nearly broke, and it's not easy. But at least with my girlfriend I just said "I'm unemployed, broke, so forgive me if at this time I can't spend a lot". I never lied to her, never avoided her, never ... (read in full...)
Do I move with my boyfriend? My parents are against it
Q. Hey, My boyfriend recently got offered a job in another part of the country, I really want to go with him as he said that he can financially support me till I get a job, and we don't want to lose our relationship! Although we started off long...
A. 6 July 2012: Why do they not agree with it? ... (read in full...)
Is is it ok to ask a guy out while he's still dating someone else?
Q. Hi there. Okay, I've been texting this guy my friend is setting me up with, but the guy already has a girlfriend. I do really like him, and my question is is it ok to ask a guy out while he's still dating someone else. Their relationship is rocky ac...
A. 4 July 2012: Yes, why is your 'mate' setting you up this way? Perhaps a question you should ask her. Because I wouldn't trust someone like that. ... (read in full...)
Scared, Worried and Confused!!
Q. My situation is rather complicated. My boyfriend yelled at my son. He told my son that he needed be spanked him if he doesn't listen. Its a shock because he and my son usually get along well and his boundaries with my son are usually very app...
A. 4 July 2012: I hope his son does make it. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend said I can sleep with prostitutes if I wear a condom
Q. I have the most loveliest girlfriend in the world. She is so sweet and adores me. I love her so much and I can't imagine not being without her. Then 2 days ago she said to me she allows me to have sex with prostitutes if I wear a condom. She sai...
A. 4 July 2012: I don't think this is every man's dream.
Perhaps she's testing you, in which case it's a poor test. Or perhaps she's been with some crap men.
Ultimately though, the point is that you don't need to do it. Maybe you should tell her that you don'... (read in full...)
What day should I go to London for the convention? And what clothes should I take?
Q. I'm staying at my friend's house in London this weekend for one night,as we are going to a convention on Saturday, but i'm not sure which night would be best to arrive there?. I'll write down the pros and cons of both and you can let me know what ...
A. 4 July 2012: Unless you can stay both nights (which would surely be more fun!), probably best to get up Saturday morning.
A late Friday night in London getting around might be a bit of a pain. I know, because I live here! You won't get here until late, then... (read in full...)
I don't know what to do about my wife anymore, we don't have sex yet I cant mention it to her, and she blames me for everything that has gone wrong in her life!
Q. I'm a 43 yr old male. I came home from work last Friday night and was suprise by my wife of 15 yrs.she was in the bathroom, with only a robe, exposing herself to me. this has very seldom happened in our marriage. as any husband still in love with ...
A. 4 July 2012: I agree with Chigirl. It seems to me that you're just being kept around at the moment, and that you're a convenient person to blame for her own situation.
I too think that you just need to say, straight, do you want this to work, in which case... (read in full...)
Scared, Worried and Confused!!
Q. My situation is rather complicated. My boyfriend yelled at my son. He told my son that he needed be spanked him if he doesn't listen. Its a shock because he and my son usually get along well and his boundaries with my son are usually very app...
A. 4 July 2012: I would say, having read your post, that at this time you both have far too much to deal with to realistically make this work out. His son has a rare form on leukaemia, and that will no doubt be having a massive effect on your boyfriend. I think ... (read in full...)
Is is it ok to ask a guy out while he's still dating someone else?
Q. Hi there. Okay, I've been texting this guy my friend is setting me up with, but the guy already has a girlfriend. I do really like him, and my question is is it ok to ask a guy out while he's still dating someone else. Their relationship is rocky ac...
A. 4 July 2012: No, it's not. It makes you look like you don't respect the idea of relationships, it makes you look like you don't respect your fellow women.
Most of all, if he did leave her for you on a whim, chances are he'd do the same thing to you.
Bad i... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is pregnant, I never wanted kids but she wont have an abortion or give the child up for adoption. Where do I go from here?
Q. We got back from a holiday to Florida yesterday and the past few days she had been feeling sick - we put it down to something she ate or the heat but i got her a test to put my mind at rest. She did 2 in the airport in the morning and they came back ...
A. 3 July 2012: You've got 18 years at least of paying about 15% of your wage to her for the child.
My advice? Get working, get your career on the go, get everything you can together, get money together, and do the best you can for the child.
Also, decide w... (read in full...)
We had sex then he deleted me from Facebook
Q. This guy I met last weekend, he's 25, 26 next month and I'm 18. We were getting on well. The next night I went to his but the thing is I was really shy and just blamed it on being tired. Anyways, we had sex. I know I shouldn't of but it just ...
A. 3 July 2012: I am sorry, but saying something to him would be like trying to make a career thief feel sorry for stealing.
I'm afraid that from the moment you met, he wanted just one thing and once he'd got it, that was it.
I wouldn't say anything, because ... (read in full...)
I cheated on my husband with his brother. How do I fix things?
Q. my husband and i separated while we were split up i had an affair with his brother. I understand wat i did was wrong. I wanna fix things with my husband, but he keeps telling me he doesnt know, and he has another girlfriend. How do i get him back ...
A. 26 June 2012: I will defend you in that when you did what you did, you were separated.
But, in all fairness to your husband, it must have been a massive blow to know that you'd done it with his brother. If that happened to me, I know that neither my girl... (read in full...)
How can I make him jealous on Facebook?
Q. Im dating a guy and everything is going on well. The only problem is sometimes i don't feel like he loves me. So i have come up with a plan that is to make him jealous. I know it might sound silly but thats the only plan i can think of. He really ...
A. 26 June 2012: If you do this, you'll get dumped. A girlfriend tried to make me jealous before, and I just dumped her.
The idea of making him jealous won't do anything other than make him think less of you. No confident, good guy can respect or care for a woma... (read in full...)
I want to end this with him walking away calmly
Q. how do i end a relationship with my boyfriend who last time got angry and said im stupid to give him up. he does control me and get jealous and i want out of this relationship without him getting angry or sending angry texts etc. how do i keep him ...
A. 26 June 2012: My advice is always the same. Do it in a public place, say a coffee shop, where he can't do anything. Also, have a friend of two on standby outside so they can get you away from him.
I would not try to go down the route of worrying about whet... (read in full...)
How do I get him back, I know he likes me!
Q. I want to get back together with this guy. We've been seeing each other for four months - last Wednesday I asked him what our relationship was. He was all okay with it and as soon as we left the restaurant he talked about splitting up with me. We ...
A. 24 June 2012: But he doesn't like you. Hate to break it to you, but this man effectively ditched you at a restaurant, dropped your things off so you didn't have to go to his, never responded to you again, and he also mentioned his ex.
Sorry to say this, but it s... (read in full...)
It seems like he handles disagreements by breaking up?
Q. Hi I have been seeing a guy for nearly four months now. A month ago - we had a minor and I mean minor disagreement and he dumped me on the steps outside the restaurant where we had just made plans to meet seem of my friends the following weekend ...
A. 22 June 2012: If someone reacts to every problem by ending the relationship, then they're just not worth the bother. They're either not into you enough, or (as I suspect with this man), they're simply not emotionally able to be in a relationship without being in ... (read in full...)
Should women also carry condoms?
Q. Usually guys will have one or two hidden in their wallets just in case they get lucky. However, should women do the same? What are your thoughts?...
A. 20 June 2012: It's always worth playing safe. So, yes, women should also carry condoms. ... (read in full...)
I never know how to proceed with men and always seem to make the wrong move
Q. I need some help here. I always seem to get it wrong. Either go into something too soon or hide and disguise my feelings until it is too late. I have been hurt too many times in the past and I tried to find a pattern. Give it up too soon and he ...
A. 16 June 2012: Yes, send him the message saying it was nice to see him and that you hope he can make the party. That'll reinforce that you're interested, and if he turns up you'll be able to talk to him some more.
Also, stop trying to live by rules and patt... (read in full...)
I've been engaged for 13 years, don't see it going anywhere and have feelings for my friend!
Q. Hello, A while ago I put a couple of posts on here one about my relationship and one about loving my friend. I'm still struggling and just needed to tell someone. I've been in a relationship for 15 years, engaged for 13!? For a long time I've be...
A. 16 June 2012: Engaged for 13 years!
I'm afraid you're right, this relationship isn't going anywhere. Definitely time to move him on.
As for the friend, he's making it clear that he's not interested in you whilst your with your fiance, and to be honest you can'... (read in full...)
G/f cheated and now I don't feel the same. Is this normal?
Q. After my fiance cheated on me we broke up for 2 weeks and in the end i got back with her. Anyway i feel i have moved on after this event but i dont think i feel as strongly for her as i once did. I feel the urge to go out with friends and chase ...
A. 16 June 2012: You'll find this is perfectly normal. Your fiance, the woman you loved, cheated and destroyed your trust. Also, because of she cheated, she's also kind of destroyed the naivety and sparkle of the relationship.
This is actually now the sign that... (read in full...)
Ex wants post-break-up sex, is it right or wrong?
Q. My ex and I broke up 8 months ago, I am 18, whilst she is 16. The UK allows legality of this relationship. So she's decided that she wants 'post break up' sex. She never understood my reasons for leaving, although they were as long as your arm. So I ...
A. 16 June 2012: I think you need to step up here and be the gentleman and say no, for the reason that you wrote. I think that she is trying to get you back, and it will mean more to her than it will to you.
I think that you're mature enough to know that whil... (read in full...)
I used my mom's phone and discovered she's getting way too friendly with a man. Do I confront her? Tell my dad?
Q. I need help! I'm 28 years old, and recently I went to my parent's house over the weekend and i discovered something that has my blood boiling right now. My parents are fairly older with my mom being in her mid 50's and my dad in his late 60's. ...
A. 16 June 2012: Do not confront the guy. You might do something stupid and make this work.
Do not tell your father. As of yet, he doesn't need to know.
Instead, sit with your mother and tell her what you've seen and how you feel. You'll most likely find that you... (read in full...)
Why is this younger guy hitting on me? I just want to be friends
Q. I m in my 40 s with really young men hitting on me ALL THE TIME, Yes, I m pretty, in good shape, look younger, but aren't they afraid that if I say yes, they will have to see my naked not very young body and do things to it? I had children, breas...
A. 16 June 2012: Because he fancies you!
I'm dating an older woman, and have been for three years. And to be honest, I've had the time of my life. She's smart, sexy, interesting, confident and I'm completely taken by her. So what if she's older than me? I'm havi... (read in full...)
My boyfriend likes bigger women and I'm afraid he'll leave me if I lose weight
Q. I've always been a bigger person, I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never be skinny, but I really want to at least be in a healthy weight... I absolutely hate my body and the one saving grace is that my boyfriend really likes bigger wom...
A. 15 June 2012: He won't if he actually loves you.
If he does, then he's not the one.
Somehow though, I doubt he will. When he sees that you're more confident, more outgoing, healthier and that you feel better, he'll hopefully fall for you even more.
Do what's... (read in full...)
Why would my boyfriend try to visit his ex FWB (a stripper) when he knows how uncomfortable I am with it?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 10 months and love him very much. We've had some problems that we've worked through, mainly to do with his past. One issue was he used to frequent strip clubs, which I am 100% not okay with, but I have since come to ...
A. 15 June 2012: More to the point, why would you stay with him if this is what he wants to do?
And in answer to your question, I agree with the post below. He does it because he can.
Ditch him. ... (read in full...)
My daughter doesn't get along with my fiance and when she sees her father is so down and then sees me so happy, she takes it out on us. What can I do?
Q. My daughter is moving back home from uni very soon. The problem is she doesnt like my fiance and barely speaks to him unless she wants him to do something for her. Its not been too difficult when its just for a few days at a time but full time, i ...
A. 15 June 2012: I'm not sure that you've entirely looked at this from your daughter's point of view. She must be a total mess with what has happened in the last few years.
1 - Her father is an alcoholic who has brought distress to you and to her. My mother's fath... (read in full...)
Fallen in love with a fwb, now what?
Q. Hi everyone I know this is a common question but I really need help I have fallen completely in love with my fwb who said he didn't want a relationship which I thought I would be fine with he has just moved and I am absolutaly gutted have any of you ...
A. 15 June 2012: I would say that given that he said he didn't want a relationship, and that he's moved away, he's probably not interested you in the way you are interested in him.
Having said that, unless you do tell him, you'll never really know the truth and ... (read in full...)
How can I make him see that there is a difference between an accident and an intentional reaction?
Q. I accidently kicked my husband in the groin (he was standing behind me) as I was explaining to my older son that it was unacceptable to constantly thump my younger son. My husband suddenly ran and lunged at me with his thick MBT shoes on and kick...
A. 15 June 2012: Err, got to be honest - why are you with him?
Seriously, when a guy says to you after hitting you intentionally 'move on', and apart from all else has intentionally hit you, then you're in danger.
And apart from anything else, your son has now ... (read in full...)
Will this guy tell everyone that I don't shave down there?
Q. Hi, I'm 18 years old. The guy is also 18, he is my friend's friends and we got introduced to each other a few weeks ago. He fingered me today in the morning, I enjoyed it but I wasn't expecting to do anything so I wasn't shaved down there. Th...
A. 12 June 2012: I am 99.999999% sure that his mind will have been well and truly on other things. I don't think you need to worry at all. ... (read in full...)
He is upset I am going out on dates but he already has a girlfriend!!!!
Q. Can anyone tell me why a male friend who already has a girlfriend is getting upset by the fact that I am going out on dates? When I saw him on the weekend he hardly said a word to me after finding out I was going out to dinner with someone. Ther...
A. 12 June 2012: I don't even think you should bother talking to him. I know full well what he's thinking and why he's upset - he sees you as the spare just in case things go wrong elsewhere.
You're right, if he wanted you his girlfriend would have been dumped a lo... (read in full...)
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