A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello people I wonder if you can help me I am in a big big dilemna in my life at the moment,8 months ago while I was travelling around in north america, I hooked up with my 'girlfriend' who i stayed with for 3 1/2 monthsto cut a long story short I had to leave Canada as I was only in the country on a visitor stamp and it was my mothers bday and I had promised my mother I would return to england for her bday,my gf has said that she thinks that I am going to be going to england for a maximum of 10 days, I have told her that in reality I could be there a long time as travelling to another continent is not something that happens at the snap of a fingers, not only that I need to apply for my work visa paperwork so i can work in canada...again this is something that my gf didnt seem to understand about......long story short I finally got my 2 year work visa but anybody who has ever done something likes this knows that the application process is a long continous and time consuming manner, well it had been 3 1/2 months since I left canada so i was all set to return,the day I get back my 'gf' informs me that we are not really 'together' anymore but she still wants me to live with her to pay the bills and to suypport her finacially (my gf is iin a lot of debt with rent and things and she is looking for room mates to help cut the costs of rents and ect)I now feel that I am trapped in this terrible position of being in this faux relationship and not only that her ex as moved back into her flat who she claims are 'just friends'also she wants to rely on me to fund her but what she does not understand is that because I am not a francophone (french is the official language of quebec,canada) my employment prospects in quebec are going to be very limited and i will only be able to work in positions where my income will be on a irregular basis (on commision for example)I feel overwelmed and in this vulnerable position, I want to run and leave, but I know nobody in quebec, I could go back to england but I feel like if I do that she has won and I dont want to give her the satisfaction.the relationship is quite abusive and she is constantly critisiscing me and blaming me for everything that go's wrong she even times all my trips outside the house and doestnt let me talk to anyone outside, even if i'm at the bar she constantly phones me wanting to know what I'm doingif there there is anyone out there that could advice me to as to what to do as I am becoming very upset about this....
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broke up, debt, her ex, roommate, trapped Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Wisdom  +, writes (3 April 2012):
 Run away!!! find normal nice people to associate yourself with... I wouldnt even look back!
Run......... hills.......... Now .......Go.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2012): Goodbye user, and live on with your ex because England here I come so I can forget this no good woman and start a new life
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2012): I don't understand why will she have won if you go back to England? seems to me like she will have won if you stay since that's what she wants you to do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): No No No you need to stop having anything at all to do with this woman. You have no obligation to her for anything, there is absolutely no reason that she shouldn't be paying for her expenses on her own, let alone for you to be the one paying for her. You're not related to each other, you're not married, heck you're not even in a relationship. so what basis is there for claiming it's your duty to financially support her? there is none. she's just being lazy and manipulative and trying to take advantage of you to get a free ride, and it seems that she is semi-succeeding by the very fact that you're still wavering and haven't already cut off all ties with her.
You should return to england since the only reason you got your canadian work visa was because of her and she's not someone you should be associating with let alone making plans for. there's no reason for you to be in Quebec. NO she hasn't "won" just because you go back to england, in fact she has won if you stay in Quebec since that decision came out of your association with her.
Tell her that no you're not going to pay anything, it's her life, her expenses, her responsibility. If she wants to make it some man's responsibility to pay for her, then it should be her "ex" who I guess is now back with her. she is his problem now, not yours.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (30 March 2012):
 Run for the hills, she hasn't won anything if you go home. If anything, you're winning back freedom.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): CaringGuy is so right - DON'T do anything else for this awful girl. She is a user. You are not in a relationship with this person, you have no emotional, legal or moral obligation to support her.
Pack your bags and leave AS SOON AS YOU CAN! You don't have to come back to the UK if you don't want - you've got your work visa. Have an adventure - see more of Canada (it's an AMAZING country) and don't be in a rush to get a girlfriend. There's bound to be plenty of seasonal work just around the corner at this time of year with Spring and Summer on the horizon.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): Leave and do not look back, this girl is a leech do not get anymore entangled in her web. She has 'won' if you do NOT get on a flight back to UK.Look after number one.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 March 2012):
Come back to Blighty! Don't do another thing for her.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (30 March 2012):
 Yeah, why go to quebec if you don't know French. Quebec's living expenses can be cheap but language is the biggest reason I didn't move there. My understanding is that you are looking for a place to live and you happen to know this girl who has an extra room. She conned you into a relationship and made you responsible for finances.
I had a lot of travel experiences. Renting a room can be cheaper than living at the Y. If you really had to save on money, make sure you don't form relationships with people, no matter how lonely you are. Renting a room with an opposite sex is possible, there are decent people out there but you increase the risk of unpleasant experiences such as misunderstandings and abuse of boundaries. Overall I find that people who rent out rooms are kind of shady, the ones who don't maintain it well equipped and professional.
People don't just become walk overs overnight. The constant criticisms and being controlled makes a person weak and develop Stockholm syndrome. The only way to get out of this is to get out literally, pack up and move.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  + ♥, writes (30 March 2012):
 I am really sorry for what you are going through, it is a terrible situation to be in. Please listen to the other aunt's advice and leave. Sometimes you have to swallow your pride and endure a little bit of embarrassment for what is best in the long run. You came to Canada in good faith and she's using you. Don't let her win! Get on a plane and go back home where there will be thousands of miles between you, you will eventually be happy again and you'll be close to people that love you. Leave sweetie...time will help you forget her.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (30 March 2012):
Why are you still with her then, seems like you get nothing out of this deal?
Canada is big, you can go and live/work anywhere you please, correct? Doesn't HAVE to be near her?
Cut your loses, dump her unless you want to be her bitch.
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A
male
reader, Tom Obler +, writes (30 March 2012):
 Hello,
You are being "taken" here.
My advice to you is simply walk away. You will then free yourself from further abuse and also financial problems.
Open your eyes and step back. Have a look at what is going on. Her ex has moved back in and you are funding all this. Do not waste a moment longer and do the right thing which is to move on. No body "wins" here. However, you will "win" if you just walk away. That will be the best thing you coould do.
I hope you do leave her for your own good peace of mind.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (30 March 2012):
 To me she would 'win' if you stay and keep paying for her! At the moment she has you right where she wants you - she has both you and her ex, I bet her ex is there romantically for her and you are there financially. She doesnt want you, but doesnt want any other girl to have you either. She knows you are a complete walk over and will give her whatever she wants, so right now having you in Canada is winning!
If you leave and go back to England you win and she loses, because you go back to a country where you can be happy and succesful, and she will lose because she no longer has you to pay for her every need.
The answer is very simple - get on the next flight home and never look back. This girl is quite simply one of the lowest human beings I have ever heard of, to break up with you the day you come back to her (after all that effort to get yourself out there), move her ex into her house and yet still expect you to pay for her - that is just awful. I've been on this site a long time and this has really shocked me, I cant believe a person can use someone like this so shamelessly.
I also cant believe you are letting her do this to be honest, sorry if this is harsh but you really need to grow a pair and put your foot down with her! She basically got you to give up your life in England to move out to Canada to bankroll her, that is all she wanted you for - yet you are allowing it to happen! She is walking all over you, treating you like a complete mug and you are letting her do this.
What you need to do is cut her out of your life, never give her another penny and get the hell out of there. Dont just stay in a city you are unhappy in just because you dont want to go home with your tail between your legs - if ou stay there you will struggle for work, it will take a while to make friends and you will end up with your ex girlfriend bankrupting you!
Get out of there, as soon as you can. The only way you will be happy is to have the entire atlantic ocean between you and this awful girl.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (30 March 2012):
 Yes, I can advise, leave. You are under no obligation to support this person in any way, if you need legal advise contact the nearest British consul.
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