A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Why, oh why would anyone who admits to being taken still ask for naughty pictures and videos?I have a male friend who I've known for a year. We met through a mutual friend; and so every time we see each other, we're in a group. Over time this guy has become more and more persistent about asking me to send him sexy pictures and now dirty videos of myself through email and texts. I sent him one picture a few months ago, but since then I've resisted.I've resisted because he admitted AFTER I sent the picture that he has a girlfriend. He never ever mentions her, and I can't imagine who she is. When I asked about her the other day, he told me he's still taken and that that is probably never going to change.It doesn't make sense to me how he could say he has a crush on me and that I turn him on, but at the same time be with this mysterious girl, who he has only ever described as "just alright", for the long run. Is another case of someone who wants his cake and to eat it, too? Why would he keep asking for "material" when he knows that I know he's taken?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2012): I have to echo what Chigirl just said OP. It seems of the many friends I have that are your age, friendships seem to be a numbers game and they're far too forgiving and frankly let a lot of bad behaviour slide because they fear losing people.
OP friendships are like gardens. The idea isn't to have the longest grass and the most amount of plants. You have to maintain that grass and pull out the weeds so that your flowers and berries bushes can flourish. You can't have long grass stealing the sunlight or weeds stealing the nutrients in the soil. OP don't waste your time on people that show the kind of lack of respect this guy has shown you when you can better dedicate your time and effort to the good people who treat you and others well.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 April 2012):
 Once you get rid of people who aren't good to you you're opening up to include those who care for you. If you fill your life with people who bring you down then you'll not treasure, value, or see, the ones who actually do care. So if you want real, honest and true friends, first you need to get rid of the ones who aren't.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm a little bummed, but you all are so right. Not sure how I could have been so naive to the fact that this guy probably doesn't really care about me.
Story of my life.
Thanks, everyone, for the advice.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (18 April 2012):
There is no friendship. He sure isn't respecting you as a friend anyway. So if anything, the friendship is one sided. You try to be his friend and not his source of free porn, whereas he sees you only as.. a source of free porn.
Look, if he actually gave a crap about you and wanted you as a friend he wouldn't be so disrespectful as to ask for pictures of you or tell you that you turn him on. Especially seeing as he has a girlfriend.
Lose the loser. He isn't a friend. He's just another loser. There is no friendship to save, and if there was HE is the one who should be sweating his butt trying to save it, because he is the one who's throwing whatever friendship you have down the trash.
If this sort of behaviour is what you accept in friends then I think you need to evaluate what a "friend" actually is to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2012): "Maybe if I grow some cajones and ask him to stop we can still salvage our friendship?"
You should probably stop being so timid OP. Don't ask, tell. It's very possible he doesn't even view you as friend OP. What kind of friend asks the other send sexy pictures so he can whack off looking at them and show them to his friends? Because he's hardly just took a look and deleted it has he? I mean he has a girlfriend, his morals are questionable at best. What makes you think he views you as anything other than meat?
The only way is to not engage him in "dirty stuff" anymore, don't let him think he can mess around with you behind his girls back. Is that really what friends do?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, guys.
The reason I've been talking to him still is because we're good friends. Everything he says to me doesn't have to do with the dirty stuff. A lot of it is just really great conversation.
Should have made that clearer in the question, but maybe you're all right anyway.
Maybe if I grow some cajones and ask him to stop we can still salvage our friendship?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 April 2012):
Just because a man is taken doesn't mean he has a shred of decency or integrity.
All this shows is that he's a cheat and can't be trusted, and that he's happy to try and use you an thinks you're silly enough to fall for it.
To be honest, I don't know why you're still in contact with someone like this. He's no good, and he never will be.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (17 April 2012):
 Because he wants to cheat on his girlfriend. Pretty much every person who has cheated on their partner tells the other woman that his girlfriend or wife is mean, boring, ugly, bad in bed etc... The truth is they don't really have a bad partner, they are just trying to appeal to your empathetic side. If he really didn't like her, he would leave her and be with you. Next time he asks for pictures tell him to ask his girlfriend and then stop responding.
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A
female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous +, writes (17 April 2012):
Because he lacks morale values and well hes an ass to put it simply. No one should do that if they are in a relationship. Also if you do those kinds of things with a man whom you are not committed to he will likely see you as easy and milk you for anything he can get. It also works the other way around. For example if you have a boyfriend and he is single. He will likely still continue to ask which shows he has no respect for your relationship. And therefore has no respect for you either. I would advise you to keep you distance, if not cut ties with him. Sorry if that was not what you wanted to hear, but i hope it helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2012): "Is another case of someone who wants his cake and to eat it, too?" Yes and you're still feeding him cake by staying in contact with him.
Why, oh why are you still playing this guy's games even after you found out what he did? Sure you were innocent the first time when you didn't know, but now you're just as guilty as he is because you're still playing games with him even though you know.
What made you think it was a good idea to send anyone sexy pictures of you OP? You do know what happens with those don't you? I've probably already seen it on one of those ex-revenge sites.
"Why would he keep asking for "material" when he knows that I know he's taken?"
Why not? There's every chance you will send more to him. You see you'll probably say you won't but here you are letting him emotionally cheat on his girlfriend with you and you don't care.
He's doing it because he's a scumbag who wants to cheat on his girlfriend, why are you doing it OP? Why are you the girl still fooling around with him?
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