A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hii have a bit of a problem. i have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we are both 26 the thing is we planned to go abroad this summer for a week. But i would also like to go abroad with my girlfriend later on this year for 1 week.He thinks its out of order and i shouldn't want to go with my friend because i'm in a relationship. He says i'm treating him as second best and that im using him and now he will no longer go on holiday with me. He also doesnt trust me as i do flirt a bit much, i would never cheat on him though. i do also think he's a bit jealous of my relationship with my friend. He hasn't really got any friends that he could go on holiday with either.What do i do?im i wrong for wanting to spend time eith my friend?thanks
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male
reader, doublejack  +, writes (30 March 2012):
Thanks for the follow-up, OP!
I can still see this both ways. One the one hand, when people get into a serious relationship it has an impact on their lives. Things that you used to do, whether it is clubbing with the girls on Saturday night, or going on an annual trip with your best friend, necessarily take a back seat to the needs of the relationship. Of course you traveled with your BFF before your 5 year relationship, because at that time your BFF was the best travel companion. Now you have a serious boyfriend, though. So I can understand him feeling put off by the notion.
However, the other perspective is that you do need to maintain friendships and a life outside of the relationship. It's perfectly healthy and normal to do so. So the idea of a holiday with your BFF is perfectly OK in that context, particularly if it has been several years since the two of you have done something like that.
Maybe you don't need to spend a week with her, but the two of you could take a weekend trip somewhere as a compromise? It's just a suggestion.
Wishing you all the best!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 March 2012):
 I love girls weekends without my partner…. There is nothing wrong with it. I have encouraged him to go to gaming vacations without me… just because you are partnered does not mean you have to be joined at the hip…. A couple of years ago my BFF and I drove for 10 days down south and then back… drunk dialing of (then) husbands occurred.
I am a huge flirt but my fiancé trusts me and knows I would never do anything to compromise our relationship.
I think that everyone in relationships needs away time from the other… I am not sure ever how my grandparents survived… they were never apart once they were married…
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A
female
reader, Elydiese +, writes (30 March 2012):
"I dont think i will now because its causing too many problems with us." Maybe you should really be thinking that if he loved you he wouldnt be so controlling and jealous and stop you from going away with your friend. Go on holiday have a great time and maybe even take some time to think about this relationship and if he's really the right person for you
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi im the one who wrote this post. thank you all for your helpful answers! :)
i just wanted to add that my friend is single but shes not the type that sleeps around with anyone. Also, i wouldn't want go on a clubbing holiday no where like ibiza or anything! we used to go away together every year before i met my bf maybe thats why i want to go with her.
I dont think i will now because its causing too many problems with us.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2012): Go on holiday with your friend - you have every right to do so and your boyfriend should not try to make you choose.
Word of caution - what do you mean "I do flirt a bit much"? That tells me you know perfectly well that you give him reason to be jealous and/or insecure.
You can't have it both ways. You play fair with him and he'll play fair with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2012): he has trust issues but dont let him stop you going away with a mate if you do your letting him rule you. have you never gone without him before in the last 5 years? if not he may feel insecure but its his problem. go and have a good time.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 March 2012):
Your boyfriend strikes me as extremely jealous and controlling. go on holiday with your friend. He can't stop you, and he shouldn't stop you. And you shouldn't let him treat you this way.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (29 March 2012):
There's a lot to consider here. Is your friend in a relationship or is she single? For that matter, what kind of character does she have? Is she trustworthy and a good girl, or is she the wild party girl type who sends nudes to random guys? Where are the two of you planning to go? To a place that is wild and crazy, where you'd be doing a lot of drinking and clubbing and the temptation to hook-up will be great? Or to a low-key destination where the two of you will spend time shopping, at the spa, at the pool or whatever?I can honestly see this going either way. It's impossible to give my opinion based on the little information presented. If your friend is a good girl like you are and you're planning a quiet week away, then I have to say your boyfriend is overreacting. If your friend is single and you plan to go to a party destination and do a lot of drinking, then I'd say he's got a point. In that case you should invite him along.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 March 2012):
 You're NOT wrong for wanting to travel with your girl-friend... and your "boyfriend" is acting skittishly immature..... IF that's the best he can do, then maybe you will be better off without him, once he pulls the trigger and sez, "You'll have to choose between your (girl) friend and me..."
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2012): Does your friend have a boyfriend too? If she had then would she want to go on holiday with you? You are stuck between a selfish friend and a jealous boyfriend. Would you allow him to go away without you if he had the chance?
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