Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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Could my comforting her have started something?
Q. So there's this girl on my Cross Country team I really like. She's pretty quiet and never really initiates conversation, but she's really nice when you get her started. A couple weeks ago, she fell apart after a race (took a wrong turn, and she's ...
A. 29 September 2012: I think all that's happened is that you've developed a bit of a crush. There's not enough to suggest that she's suddenly changed. Still, you'll never really know the truth unless you talk to her, so why you don't go over to her when you see her ... (read in full...)
What can I do to remember important things?
Q. I am nineteen. I always forget important things from my family, friends, college and I hurt some people by forgetting about something I said I would do for them or similar. I am not trying to forget things or ignore people; it just happens but then ...
A. 28 September 2012: Either a phone alarm, computer alarm calendar or a diary. I'm so sad that I have all four of these. But I don't ever forget anything. ... (read in full...)
After I posed nude for her, how can I be comfortable around my friend?
Q. Ok this is really embarrassing, but a female friend of mine is this really awesome sketch artist. It's a little hobby of hers, but she's studying to be an interior designer. After sketching my face a couple of times, she asked me if she could draw ...
A. 28 September 2012: I think that this woman adores you. And I don't think you need to worry at all, because she's not out to hurt you at all - even if she does burst out laughing when she thinks about what happened! But, at the end of the day, she'll have seen naked ... (read in full...)
Sick of being seen as one of the guys
Q. Once again I have fallen into the 'you're like one of the guys' category with another guy. I love having guy friends, most of my friends are guys because I don't get along with girls my age. I get along with older women really well, but most girls ...
A. 28 September 2012: Stop worrying - trust me, at some point you will be snapped up, and it will probably happen when you least expect it.
Also, don't change who you are just so you can get a guy. No man will respect that at all.
Finally, I'd strongly suggest that you... (read in full...)
I'm not sure what this relationship is, and I don't know how to handle his insecurity.
Q. Ok, I met this guy back in July and the attraction was so strong we had sex the first night and I don't usually do this. Anyway didn't hear from him for a least a month. Now we been seeing each other a weekly basis.The sex is outstanding!! He says ...
A. 28 September 2012: I think that you're entirely being used by this guy. He's all happy to turn up, have his way, then leave you and not want a relationship. And then suddenly, when he thinks wrongly that the possibility of having sex with you will finish because you ... (read in full...)
A girl I had sex with is pregnant.
Q. Girl i know is pregnant? well there is this girl that i slept with on aug 27, i(A) did not ejactulate in her at all, she told me that she slept with another guy (B) in the same week which was on august 29 and 30, comes to find out on that she is p...
A. 28 September 2012: Get a DNA test before you do anything else. That's the only way to be sure whether the baby is yours or not. If not, learn from this. If it is, then get the cheque book ready, and also learn from this.
DNA test. ... (read in full...)
Things have gone downhill with my boyfriend since I had a termination...
Q. Hey everyone I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 years now, our relationship is the best thing in my life. About 3 months ago I got pregnant but I wasn't ready to have a child cuz I'm working and so is my boyfriend and I just wasn't ready to ...
A. 28 September 2012: You had every right to have the abortion, and I support that. But that doesn't mean your boyfriend has to support it. He wanted the baby, and you didn't, so you made the choice to terminate and he didn't have a say in it. That's your decision. But ... (read in full...)
Do these kind of men ever change???
Q. for about 6 months now, this married man and i have been fooled around. i have developed a lot of feeling for him. he lives away from me, so i only get to see him once or twice a month. recently ive learned that there are several other women hes ...
A. 27 September 2012: The clue was that he was married. So many women have fallen for the crap married men spout. You've become one of them. He was never interested in you other than for the sex, and clearly he's not interested in the others either.
So, no, they neve... (read in full...)
What's the best way to tell him you like him?
Q. okayy, peeps--this question is gonna be short, sweet, and to the point. i'm mainly looking for male opinions here, but females...feel free to put your two cents in as well. ") what is the best way for a girl to tell a guy that she likes him? shoul...
A. 26 September 2012: Tell him in person. Don't just blurt it out, but do make it obvious - best to effectively just say you'd like to do on a date with him and see what he says.
I think if you try anything else, you risk confusing him. ... (read in full...)
What kind of sexy lingerie should I buy? I feel fat!
Q. i really need help, me and my partner are going away for the weekend to see his family and staying in a hotel. hes paying and the thing is he wants me to wear sumthing sexy well where in the hotel, i dont have a clue what to wear as have never do...
A. 25 September 2012: If you are that worried (and I doubt that you really need to be, as it seems that most women worry about things that don't even exist!!!!), then why don't you try a provocative night dress - silk, or partially see through?
There's something extr... (read in full...)
Why does he get an iPad? It's not fair!
Q. Today I came home from school and found my little brother with a brand-new iPad. I am so freakin jealous of him! My parents said its only "because he needs a certain app for social skills." (he has aspergers so he needs help) I still don't ...
A. 25 September 2012: Life isn't fair. If it was fair, perhaps your brother wouldn't have aspergers. Because, let's face it, if you could choose between having a new ipad but having aspergers, or not having aspergers - which would you choose? Would you want an illness ... (read in full...)
Anal sex makes me feel like I'm being ripped in half!
Q. Hey everyone i have a question, my husband and i decided that we want to try anal, we use a lott of lub and go nice and slow but i cant stand the pain it just makes me want to scream. It feels like im being ripped in half, hes being patient with me ...
A. 25 September 2012: I think your body is telling you to stop. ... (read in full...)
Should I run or is he just insecure from being divorced twice?
Q. I'm frustrated and have told my boyfriend this on many an occasion. He is smart but I sometimes feel he is trying to outsmart me and tries to make me feel it's just in my head that I think he has too many issues and is clingy. He insists I answer...
A. 25 September 2012: To be honest, he sounds quite controlling to me. Perhaps this is the reason he's been divorced twice. Taking presents back, 'joking' whilst treating people cruelly, clinginess - these are all signs of controlling behaviour.
I think you'd be bett... (read in full...)
The love has faded in my current relationship, and there is a new guy who I am falling for....what should I do?
Q. Hi, I am currently in a relationship of seven years. We live together and have dogs. A few months ago my boyfriend told me he didn't think he wanted to marry me (maybe anyone) and it really upset me at the time. However now I feel like maybe he...
A. 25 September 2012: It does sound like your current relationship is pretty much over. It must have been a blow for your boyfriend to say that he didn't want to marry you. If he wasn't interested in marriage as a rule, then he could have made it clearer some time ago. ... (read in full...)
Is it ok for a friend to sleep with your FWB?
Q. My very close friend slept with a fwb of mine and has not come out and told me herself. I am so hurt by this, but other people who I have spoken to don’t understand why I should be as bothered as he is only a FWB and therefore he doesn’t mean ...
A. 24 September 2012: I'm afraid the others are right. He is just a friend, essentially. Both of you are by all accounts allowed to see other people - hence the point of friends with benefits.
I think that maybe the FWB thing isn't really what you're looking for, and ... (read in full...)
How do couples handle arguments, fights and disagreements?
Q. I am curious to know how couples handle it when they have an argument, fight, disagreement etc. Do you just go off seperately into another room to calm down afterwards? I ask because my bf and i had a argument. It was about something small ...
A. 23 September 2012: This is definitely a red flag. I've had a few arguments with my girlfriend, and I've often found that it's best to leave the room and let it calm down for a while, then talk sensibly about it afterwards.
I have never run away, and neither has my g... (read in full...)
How can I tell my crush that I'm still angry with him? Or is it best to leave it?
Q. After two years of not talking to my crush, I have been seated next to him. He used me to get rid of another girl, and pretended to have feelings for me. He is now pretending nothing ever happened. How can I tell him that I am still angry with hi...
A. 23 September 2012: I'm afraid it's best to leave it. If he was willing to use you and hurt you, then telling him that you're still angry won't suddenly make it all better. He was willing to hurt you then, and he'll be willing to hurt you again.
Just don't have anyt... (read in full...)
Guys, would you have reacted in the same way as my boyfriend to the fact that I am a virgin at 20?
Q. So this guy i'm seeing we were getting really close and things were intense, I wanted to go the whole way but I stopped him and said I can't i'm still a virgin, but told him I want to, just not yet. I'm ready, i'm just not sure yet if I want to...
A. 23 September 2012: Now you know the truth about him - he's not really interested in you at all, and is more interested in getting into your pants, regardless of how you feel. He doesn't seem to have any real respect for you at all.... (read in full...)
Do you think he is playing me? My friend says he is. But if he's playing me, would he go to so much trouble for me?
Q. I guy I have been seeing for the past month and I have been dating. We havent gone very far and I heard that he kissed another girl on a night he got drunk. A few days ago I asked him what we were, and he said he hadn't thought about it. Two days...
A. 22 September 2012: Yes, he's completely playing you. The reason that he's keeping you around is because you're clearly a nice girl, and he's hoping that maybe it'll suddenly change. Either that, or he likes the familiarity.
But, please wake up. He did kiss that othe... (read in full...)
If I tell all I think he'll break up with me. Should I keep the whole truth from him forever or be honest about my earlier cheating?
Q. I've cheated on my boyfriend of 1 year 3 times, but that was when we first started seeing each other. I didn't like him that much at that time and was still quite hurt/ messed up from my last relationship, which ended 2 years ago but that was my f...
A. 22 September 2012: I have just been reading another post on another site about a woman who kept her cheating from her husband for 6 years. And then he found out.
Needless to say, her question on the issue was 'how do I make him forgive me', because he'd made a run ... (read in full...)
7 year itch. Why would she leave without even talking to me and telling me what was wrong?
Q. I am still a little confused about why my wife left me. She says she left because I was having an affair with a friend of mine, which I wasn't and she knew this, we have been together for 7 years, always have been able to talk, but in the last few...
A. 18 September 2012: My gut says that she was the one having the affair. ... (read in full...)
I am having a serious clash with my boyfriend and I'm looking for some advice please.
Q. I am having a serious clash with my boyfriend and I'm looking for some advice please. I was raped about 7 years ago. It was very brutal (the guy was on a lot of drugs and had a knife) and it took me a long time to get myself back on track and ...
A. 11 September 2012: I don't think he's going to change, and I think because of that your best bet is to leave. He has made his decision, and clearly his decision is that he wants to be a drug user, whether you care or not, or whether he cares about you.
I don't see ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend was touching himself during foreplay. Does this mean he wasn't turned on by me?
Q. Hi, Hope you can help. I am in a new relationship with a guy. I am not very sexually experienced, so was nervous when we slept together for the first time. During our second time together in bed, we had lots of foreplay as I told him I did not...
A. 11 September 2012: To be honest, I think you'll find he was having a great time with you. The other thing is that men can't really keep an erection for 2 hours. Blood can't run there all the time!... (read in full...)
He left his mistress to reconcile with me but he keeps comparing me to her
Q. I'll try to keep this short. My husband and I had been married only 3 years when I caught him having an affair. Long story, but the short version is that he told me he had to visit a sick relative over Xmas. What really happened is that he was 1...
A. 10 September 2012: I just don't know why you're with this vile man. I really don't. ... (read in full...)
I laugh whenever my boyfriend gets mad at me, why?
Q. For some odd reason, I tend to laugh whenever my boyfriend gets mad at me. I don't do it intentionally, it just happens and it's uncontrollable. While I'm laughing he gets even more mad, and I really have to try hard to stop laughing by smirking but ...
A. 9 September 2012: I think you might find that it's nerves. I have a friend who always used to laugh when people got mad at her - from teachers to her own parents - and we all came to the conclusion that it was because she was so nervous about what was going to ... (read in full...)
How do you all feel about "the other woman" when it comes to a relationship or marriage?
Q. How do you all (ladies AND gentlemen) feel about "the other woman" when it comes to a relationship or marriage. SERIOUS REPLIES ONLY. I'm not talking about "the other woman" who has no idea that the guy has a wife/girlfriend. I'm talking about...
A. 9 September 2012: She has remorse. I'll guarantee it. Why else would she throw it all in the wife's face, and go on about the child support, and ruin the baby's life for her own sake. You bet she has remorse. She obviously had a plan, thought she was going to get her ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend was recently diagnosed with leukemia. Does anyone have any advice on how to be there for a cancer patient?
Q. My girlfriend was recently diagnosed with leukemia. We have been together for a year. I love her a lot and want to stay with her despite tough times ahead. Does anyone have any advice on how to be there for a cancer patient? I want her to feel...
A. 9 September 2012: Hi there,
I'm sorry your girlfriend got this. But I'm glad for her that you're there, because she'll need a decent person beside her. I'm sure you'll find some experience on here with things like this, but in all honestly none of us will be as us... (read in full...)
How far should we go without being in a proper relationship?
Q. I have been seeing a guy for about three weeks, however we have known each other this whole year. We have seen each other about 6 times in the past three weeks, including three times this past week. We have made out and the other day we went a bit ...
A. 9 September 2012: Go as far as you feel comfortable with. Since you don't really want to go further until you're in a relationship, don't. There are signs that he does like you a lot - the non sexual intimate touching is a good sign. Yes, some men can behave this way ... (read in full...)
Would you consider this as stalker-like behaviour?
Q. Hello all, I am just wanting an opinion on a situation that has arisen on Facebook. I have a "friend" who I met through a mutual interest site. We spoke for a long time, and eventually added each other. I figured this would be fine, sin...
A. 9 September 2012: I think with the internet you can't afford to be too careful anyway. There are a lot of people out there who have 'dark' sides, and they do come out over the internet because it's an easy way to get attention or whatever.
I don't know whether he's... (read in full...)
My parents allow my younger sister more freedom than I ever had. Makes things very difficult. What changes should I instigate to help me cope with this?
Q. This doesn't really have anything to do with relationships, but I need some advice. I hate hate hate being the oldest sibling. I have one younger sister, 15 years old, and I love her to bits but she is driving me insane right now. Ever since she...
A. 9 September 2012: Why don't you try just not going home for a few weekends, and have a break from it? By all accounts you're an adult (18+), so you actually don't have to take all this anymore. Try staying on campus, maybe see if there are some clubs you can go to ... (read in full...)
What can I do? Does she start these arguments to hide that it's SHE who is cheating, not me?
Q. OK, so I have never tried anything like this before. I just don't know what to do. I have been with my gf for 12 years. Living together for 11. I would have asked her to get married. but she was married previous to our relationship, and reminded...
A. 9 September 2012: To be honest, I think this relationship has been dead or some time. She's spend 8 years thinking that you've cheated, and rather than either end it or get help for her own issues, all she's done is behave pretty badly.
Whether she's cheated, or w... (read in full...)
Can I make this work? He lives half an hour away.
Q. Okay, so I met this guy at a camp this summer...he is so amazing, seems like everything I'm looking for. He lives about half an hour from me, so seeing him wouldn't be impossible, but I haven't seen him yet since we got home after camp was over. W...
A. 9 September 2012: I think it's worth trying, simply because if you never know, you might well spend time regretting it later on. Just go for it.... (read in full...)
I think my dad is cheating on my mum - what do I do?
Q. I apologise for the length, but I am in a rather desperate situation and need help. So a couple of days ago, my 12 year old sister (and I am 16) came bursting into my room saying that she found things on one of the laptops we have. She was cr...
A. 8 September 2012: This is the sort of post that every grown up should read before having an affair. That way, then know what the children go through when they find out.
Personally, I'd confront him first. This is not a situation where you can just turn a blind eye.... (read in full...)
Why do women get post natal depression, while others haven't found love/ struggle with infertility?
Q. Why would you get post natal depression? What is there to get depressed about? As I haven't had children I can't understand. As opposed to be single and getting depressed because you haven't met The right person yet and don't know if you will...
A. 8 September 2012: I must admit I was a bit surprised when I saw that a woman had asked 'why get depressed after having a baby'. The only other time I've ever heard that question was from a man who didn't really get women.
The bottom line is that having a baby for ... (read in full...)
I'm married but attracted to a guy at work. My husband is okay with it, but how do I approach him?
Q. Hi! I'm 35 yrs old, married and i'm attracted to this guy at work. I feel he likes me too. I told my husband about this and he' ok with it. I only slept with one guy which is my husband. He said it's ok to have sex with him if it comes to that. My ...
A. 3 September 2012: Hi Shy Girl.
This is not a good idea, as it will almost certainly mess your marriage up. Apart from that, are you not worried about why your husband seems to easy with it? I don't know that many men who would be so easy with this, unless they want... (read in full...)
My ex now flirts with me and claims he married his new wife for the wrong reasons
Q. im 23 years old and a single mom. my sons father and i didnt work out because we had a lot of resentment towards each other during the pregnancy. now that we have gone through court and its been a few years for us to mature some we realize the mist...
A. 31 August 2012: "If things don't work out".
So in other words, it first bet doesn't give him what he wants, he'll just come to second best?
Give him the boot from your life. You're better than being second best to a married man who hasn't the courage to sort tha... (read in full...)
Girlfriend's cheating ex is coming over to stay with her and I'm not cool with it!
Q. Please help?! I met this girl a few months ago on a dating website. Anyway I totally fell for her. I'm in love with her. She totally blew me away. However there has been a few situations. Please let me explain. I have on 3 separate occasions c...
A. 31 August 2012: Dating sites? Cheating ex staying over? Her telling you you're angry and are controlling?
One word - Dump.
You're her boyfriend, not her pet. ... (read in full...)
My BF came back to me after he left me, and is now nervous around me. Why is this?
Q. Hi all, My BF left me for a while - about 6 weeks. we were having problems. Anyway he called me recentley and I had missed him terribly. Anyway, I stayed over with him last night ,and he was all over me, and actually looks and is acting really ...
A. 31 August 2012: The question I would ask is what did he get up to when you were apart? Is there something that is going to come back and bite him? I wouldn't necessarily expect someone to act this way unless there was something in the back of their minds that they ... (read in full...)
How do I chose one friend over another?
Q. I've seen a similar question about this but the answers didnt really help me. Basically, 2 of my friends asked me to go on holiday with them next summer, i know i want to go with one of them but how do i tell my other friend? Please help...
A. 31 August 2012: The best thing to do is to say that the holiday you are going on was already planned and talked about some time ago. Then, perhaps offer to go on holiday with the other friend the year after?... (read in full...)
I want to call off the engagement! I'm freaking out!
Q. I am freaking out! I am getting married next month and... I don't want to!! I want to call this engagement off! It's not that I don't love my bf, it's just that this whole marriage thing is scaring the hell out of me. So many things can go wrong in...
A. 30 August 2012: If you don't want to get married, then don't. You don't have to.
But, there is no doubt that this will come as a major blow to your fiance, who will question whether you do love him.
Is there any way you can postpone it at this stage?
Failing t... (read in full...)
I had an abortion two weeks ago and feel lonely and depressed ever since
Q. I had an abortion two weeks ago, and Im feeling so alone. I got pregnant by this boy I know, and when I told him all he said was get rid of it and I didn't hear off him after (still haven't to this day as he blocked me on Facebook and blo...
A. 28 August 2012: Hi.
First of all, you're not alone. At all. There are other people who have been through this, and have felt the way you do. I think you're right, in that you've been through something that has suddenly made you look at your life, and decide that... (read in full...)
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