| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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My much older ex says that our past is left best at memories and not to try again. I disagree!
Q. I am 22. Broken up with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. Our relationship was 4 and a half years long. Anyway, long story short, some communication between us recently led to him sending an email that basically states problems with ou...
A. 3 November 2012: I'm going to level with you here - this man doesn't want to be with you at all, and has gone for the strongest terms possible to cover himself.
What he's done is the 'it's not you it's me' thing. He's entirely attacked himself and taken the blam... (read in full...)
I'm married, he's married. I guess I'm stupid and need help in trying to end things
Q. I am a married woman having an affair with a married man that I have reconnected with from college. I am in love with him and he says he is in love with me, but seems to not want to commit to a timeframe for leaving his wife. His elderly father has ...
A. 3 November 2012: You are so obviously being used by this man. Yes, you should stop seeing him.
Moreover, perhaps the time has come for you to entirely look at your life. You are a married woman, and you should either be with your husband, or you should be maki... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend getting on line and chatting because she is at home and bored?
Q. While I am out at work my girlfriend does nothing all day except chat to guys and flirt on the internet. I have found out about this now for the fourth time in a year. We almost broke up for good, and now I find she is doing it yet again. It is hard ...
A. 1 November 2012: End this one. She has no respect for you at all.... (read in full...)
My father is pretending I don't exist
Q. My dad’s mad at me and pretends I don’t exist. It all started on my 14th birthday. I told my parents I was going to see a movie with my friends that night. But, in reality we were attending a house party filled with 17 year olds. We knew someone ...
A. 1 November 2012: I think that sometimes parents believe that children come in these neat little packages, who won't make mistakes, and will be perfect all the time. This of course never works out, and when children become teenagers and start to push boundaries, ... (read in full...)
She created a fake profile to talk with him after telling me she'd deleted him...
Q. true issues. please help she made a fake profile on Facebook to talk to a guy behind my back, what should i do? Long story short, we had some trust issues because of this guy, she said she would block and delete him, she did that, then recently...
A. 28 October 2012: This has the word 'dump' written all over it. ... (read in full...)
Is she hinting to me that she wants a baby?
Q. Dear Cupid! I'm really needing some help here?! I met a lady back in February. She's a really, really nice lady. She's older than me. She's 39. I'm 34 in a few days. Anyway, it was one of those 'The minute we laid eyes upon one another we fe...
A. 28 October 2012: I think she is. Or at least, she wants to see your reaction. You have to remember that she is 39, and her body clock is ticking away very quickly. I'm sure that she has fallen for you, and she is most likely trying to see what your reaction is to ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to get on so well with a mother in law?
Q. I am getting married in six months to my boyfriend of 4 years. I have known my fiancé since we were toddlers, and know his parents for almost as long. His parents like me a lot, and mine like him. I get on really we with my (soon to be) mother i...
A. 28 October 2012: Sure it's normal. Why not? This is normal, or what we would like to think of as normal. It would be a nicer world if in law relationships were more like this. So I say carry on meeting her, carry on getting on with her, and enjoy your life!
T... (read in full...)
Do you think he wants me just for sex? He admits he had a STD test recently. Could he be a player?
Q. So I've been seeing this guy and we've been on three dates. He initiated everything from asking me for my number, to arranging for our dates, to paying for each one of them. Yesterday he invited me for drinks with his friends. They were mostly ...
A. 27 October 2012: To be fair to the man, whatever he may be, he was at least sensible enough to get an STD test done. In this world, it's a wise person who has that done before meeting a new partner. So at least he had the nerve to do that. I suspect that the ... (read in full...)
My wife has been keeping secrets from me. What did she do in Vegas?
Q. My wife and I were in Venice sitting on a hotel balcony overlooking the Grand Canal. We were joined by 2 girls in their mid 20s and a boy about the same age. Conversation let to what our favorite city was. When my wife's turn came she stated h...
A. 26 October 2012: I agreed with the post below. I very much doubt, that if she had been seeing other men in Vegas, that she would had admitted that to a total stranger. I think it's most likely that she has a few wild nights on the town. ... (read in full...)
His Porn addiction is getting worse. It's bothering me. How do I raise my concerns so he'll listen?
Q. I've been dating the same fellow for a couple of years now and the last number of months has giving me grown concern and I'm not sure how to approach or even handle this situation. I've always known that he has had tendencies to watch porn and boot...
A. 26 October 2012: Approach him!?? You should be running in the opposite direction! The first red flag was worrying enough - taking photos under the tables on his phone? That's pretty weird and pervy to be honest.
The second red flag was even worse - chat appl... (read in full...)
Should I choose a different Doctor? When I met the new Doctor I realised that I've slept with him and his wife. He was professional when I saw him recently.
Q. Okay this is an odd thing that happened to me, I went to the doctors because I have been having some bad neck pains so I just randomly picked a doctor and when I finally meet the doctor I actually know him and have slept with him and his wife when I ...
A. 26 October 2012: I think changing doctors is the best thing you can do. It avoids any awkward situations. ... (read in full...)
After 5 years he's still putting off us moving in together. Is this relationship going anywhere?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and we are both 24 years old. We get on well most of the time and love each other a lot. I have my own house but he still lives at home with his mum. I'm getting to a point in my life where i am ...
A. 25 October 2012: I think you know the truth, deep down. This man is basically owned by his mother, and he's going to avoid anything to leave her. After 5 years, I'd expect more than this. He's just not committed enough to make what is an important step in your ... (read in full...)
Will he EVER leave her for me...?
Q. I'm starting to fall for someone I met though work but I'm not sure if I am being silly thinking he will leave his girlfriend for me. When we first started chatting as friends he told me he lives with his girlfriend and their young son but he...
A. 25 October 2012: Of course he's not going to leave! They rarely do, and even when they do, it usually goes wrong. This man has a girlfriend and a child, and he should be sorting all that out before he even considers seeing another woman.
Right now, do you know what... (read in full...)
I've joined a marriage website but I'm terrified to know what to say to potential partners... Help!
Q. Hello Aunties and Uncles, Well after the end of a 2-year relationship I'm ready to start dating and I've joined a marriage website! Being new to this, I would be very grateful if anyone could offer me tips on what to say, how much info should...
A. 25 October 2012: I know it's typically old advice, but the best advice I have is that you're honest about who you are, and you're honest about what you're looking for. Tell people who you are, what hobbies you have, how you live your life, and explain gently what ... (read in full...)
When a girl sits on your lap, are you being dominated by her?
Q. Hi. I have a general question involving this type of behavior. Imagine this: A girl (In your age group) choosing to sit on you instead of any of the empty seats around her. Also, she does this very frequently. I think any woman doing that is be...
A. 21 October 2012: If there are empty seats around, and she chooses to sit on a man's lap, then I think she's saying that she likes him a lot. ... (read in full...)
He's a good guy but soooo boring!
Q. I ve met this really nice guy, who I date now for 6 months. He is everything any woman can wish for: handsome, has a good job, good natured, we managed not to have a single fight, gentleman. But, I can't believe I m actually saying it, he i...
A. 18 October 2012: He's clearly not the guy for you. He will be for someone else, so it's best to let hi go, and find someone who is more suitable for yourself. ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend a sex pest?
Q. Is my boyfriend a sex pest or am I just uninterested? I am a 42 year old divorced mother of two kids. I've been told I look young for my age and I think I do too. I waited two years before I "let down my walls" and just jumped head first into a r...
A. 16 October 2012: This guy is clearly not the one for you, and I would say has some serious personal issues if he is blaming you for stopping, causing you to cry, throwing tantrums and such.
I'd say that he probably thought he could just abuse you, perhaps beca... (read in full...)
Is it ok to send him one last text asking what happenend?
Q. I started dating a guy about a month ago. It seemed like he was very into me. He told me he was excited to have me in his life. He would text me good morning every day and send me texts throughout the day and at night he would text me good night. ...
A. 9 October 2012: Let him go. You sent a text, got nothing back. Don't send another one, or you'll be tempted to send another, and another. And you'll probably never get the truth anyway.
People spend aged agonizing over closure, or trying to find out what they did.... (read in full...)
Is he being mean because he's hurt and wants attention? How do I get him back?
Q. Hey everyone, Really in need of some advice on this one. I've been seeing this guy, for a while now, and how we started seeing eachother wasn't very good, i cheated on my boyfriend of the time with him, i know thats terrible, and trust me i felt s...
A. 9 October 2012: What happened was, he got swept up as you did in this relationship, but whereas you overlooked the cheating, he didn't. And it's hit him that you may well do it again. Also, because you were in a relationship, he probably saw you in a different ... (read in full...)
Am I too ugly for my crush????????
Q. am i ugly? i really like my crush and i was just wondering if im too ugly for him. i have brown long, silky striaght hair. cute glasses. no spots, clear skin, normal nose, normal lips. kinda rosy cheeks. straight white teeth. Many people say i'm ...
A. 8 October 2012: Of course you're not ugly. You'll virtually always find that people who say you're ugly are jealous. That's why they have to say it - no confidence in themselves, so they have to hurt someone who's nice and minding her own business.
I think you'... (read in full...)
Situation with my sister have left confused
Q. My 12 year old sister and I have always had a good relationship, occasionally we fall out but it always blows over in a couple of moments. Recently though she seems to becoming more and more sullen, more prone to back chat to the rest of the family ...
A. 8 October 2012: I'm afraid the key is in the fact that she's 12 - she's about to turn into a teenager, and I'll bet everything that this is all hormones. There's also a good chance that maybe something's bothering her - how's she getting on at school or with other ... (read in full...)
How does one get past being cheated on? I'm having anxiety attacks over it.
Q. How do you move past being cheated on? I've tried I get anxiety attacks and I don't feel good enough for anyone. I've even sat around and cried is it something I did what can I do to ensure this wont happen again....
A. 3 October 2012: Hi,
I think if you are at the stage where you are having panic attacks, then you need to see your GP to be honest. I understand that your esteem will have been knocked, but having a reaction like you are suggests that your nerves are entirely shot... (read in full...)
What would you do if you got home from work with a woman wanting to take control and knowing you will have a good night?
Q. okay Gentlemen this is for you? and I want an honest answer. I recently ordered handcuffs and a spanker for my lover and I to enjoy, I didn't realise it would come so soon. And I like the whole 50 shades of grey idea and my love does too! I sent...
A. 3 October 2012: I think that's a very good idea. I think your boyfriend will too. ... (read in full...)
When he walked by me and smiled I was in shock and didn't do anything. Do I ruin my chances?
Q. A guy I like who i didnt think even knew i existed, walked past me and smiled really nicely i was so shocked i didnt really do anything except gawk...now he won't even look at me and when i try to smile at him now he looks away as if on purpose :( ...
A. 3 October 2012: I agree that you should just go over and talk to him. You might have made him a little nervous, so don't bother wasting time smiling, when you can just talk to him and make it nice and simple. ... (read in full...)
I can't believe anything my husband says anymore. I just want the truth!
Q. My husband has problems telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. We've been married 21 years and the amount of lies he's told is astounding. Sometimes it's about stupid things like if his dog used the bathroom in the house, ...
A. 30 September 2012: I've got to be honest - I can't see why you're still with him. You're never going to get the truth out of him, because he's behaved so badly that the truth will destroy your relationship anyway. He's never going to be honest, he'll never tell you ... (read in full...)
In a FWB relationship should I be angry that he stood me up?
Q. I have been seeing a guy for quite a short time. It started out as a one night stand but we have been seeing each others again after that. It is clear it is nothing else than for sex, which is fine with me since I am recently single and not really ...
A. 30 September 2012: This is why I repeatedly have said that FWB doesn't truly work. One always ends up feeling more than the other.
The whole point of a FWB is that you are not tied to each other, you're not bothered about what the other is doing, you're not in each... (read in full...)
I'm not attracted to my boyfriend's lack of motivation
Q. I just graduated college with my bachelor's degree. I've been dating my boyfriend for 2.5 years. My boyfriend will be done with his bachelor's degree in December. We've had many conversations about the future, from where we wish to live to if we ...
A. 30 September 2012: I knew aged 11 what I wanted to do - and I'm not doing it just yet (though I'm partially on the way at least!). This is very, very rare. I know only of 2 other people who knew what they wanted to do when they were 18. One wanted to be a soldier, the ... (read in full...)
Squirting issues
Q. Ok, so my wife and I have a really healthy sexual relationship. We love trying new things. She has came to like squirting as much as me. We was watching some porn and a girl started cumming and white stuff was oozing out of her. We are trying to ...
A. 30 September 2012: For the most part, a lot of this is fake, or cleverly edited. I wouldn't waste your time trying to make that happen. You're much better off just trying to give her an orgasm instead. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has exchanged disgustingly sexual emails with girls online and when I confronted him, he said he was "bored" and then accused me of cheating!!
Q. okay so i've been dating this guy now for almost two years. I thought he was perfect in almost every way. We're nearly the same person, which may be the reason for some of our heated arguments, but besides those few fights I thought we had a great ...
A. 30 September 2012: Okay, look, if you don't dump this guy, then you'd be mad. Just ditch this man. He's a little boy caught up in a big man's world and he hasn't a clue what he's doing. What an idiot. ... (read in full...)
My ex and I reconnected over Facebook and then he suddenly blocked me! Why would he do that?
Q. I sent a Facebook message to my ex boyfriend to smooth over the awkwardness after we broke up (almost a year ago) and kind of extend a hand of friendship, which he gladly accepted. A few months after we broke up he wanted to get back together or ...
A. 30 September 2012: Do nothing. I would suggest that he has a girlfriend somewhere who is not best pleased that he's in contact with you, or that he's just started seeing someone and doesn't want an ex hanging around.
Being friends with ex's isn't something I'd real... (read in full...)
I get very anxious when my boyfriend is out with his friends
Q. So me n my bf have been together 4 yrs and sometimes we both go out seperately with friends. We r pretty laid back about it but it seems that I get really jelous over him going out and then I text him and feel like I'm ruining his night out ...
A. 30 September 2012: You need to have a sit down and think about what may be causing this. As AuntyEm has said, there's clearly something in your past that has caused you to feel anxious/jealous when you're not with him, and that clearly needs to be addressed because ... (read in full...)
I asked him where the relationship was headed and now he seems distant
Q. I have been dating this guy for 3 months. Everything was going really well until I commited the ultimate girl mistake in a new relationship: I asked where this was all headed.... surprisingly he was very calm (i could tell he was annoyed but was ...
A. 30 September 2012: Actually, you did nothing wrong. This isn't an entirely new relationship - it's one that's 3 months old, and I always think that at about 3 months, people should have a clearer idea of where a relationship is heading. He might not say 'I love you', ... (read in full...)
He said if I dislike his pot smoking I can leave
Q. Ok! So me and my fiance have been together almost 9 years. When I met him he did not smoke, we've broke up and got back together in between that time, but here we are together again, and now he smokes weed. I have a serious problem with it. I mean...
A. 30 September 2012: You've now been told by him exactly where you stand. Either you put up with what he does, or you leave. There will be no compromising.
Now you have to decide what's best. Do you want to stay in the house, in which case your kids will grow up thin... (read in full...)
What do you think she's up to?
Q. So I dated my ex for 5 months, and everything was great except for a few really bad arguments. I wasnt committing to her, because i thought it was too early and wanted us to take our time, and she wound up breaking up with me. I realized i really w...
A. 30 September 2012: I agree with Aunty Em's post. Remember that women can use men just as much as men can use women - and you were being played and used a bit.
Best to move on. ... (read in full...)
It feels like he's rushing things -- is he a player?
Q. Hi everyone,i am a bit nervous these days and i thought of asking for any advice,there is a guy wich i like and i have known him for three years now,we have been in high school together,we started dating and only after three weeks he wanted to have ...
A. 29 September 2012: Oh yes, he's a player all right. Sex after three weeks isn't actually the part of this post the bothers me - it's the fact that when you said you weren't ready and wanted him to wait, he asked for an open relationship.
I think that you should just... (read in full...)
I have an athletic body, but no boobs. Are my friends right about the comments, I'm now self conscious guys will be put off!!?
Q. I feel really self conscious about my body after the comments from people I live with at uni, now I think they're right that a guy wont like my body or maybe I should get surgery, or gain weight, anything to change myself. I'm not that tall, only ...
A. 29 September 2012: And there you have it, right in your own post - your ex boyfriend loved your body, meanwhile some girls (who understand absolutely nothing about men) have said a few comments and you feel bad because of them.
Just one word sums that up - jeal... (read in full...)
Can I regain his trust? He doesn't trust me anymore, he says he loves me but he doesn't know if he wants to be with me anymore
Q. last week i said to my boyfriend that maybe we should break up but i was stupid for saying it i just thought it would make him happier. ever since i said it things haven't been the same, he doesn't trust me anymore, he says he loves me but he doesn...
A. 29 September 2012: The point is though, why did you say you wanted to break up with him? There must have been a reason that you said that, and it means that there is a problem with the relationship. I suggest that you sit down and really think about whether this is ... (read in full...)
Do you believe a mans view on a woman can change?
Q. If a man has been nothing but disrepsectful for most or all of his years, (since puberty to say) do you truly believe they could see women than more than boobs and ass? Do you believe a man could change and accept a woman properly if theyve had this ...
A. 29 September 2012: No, I don't believe it. Teenagers have an excuse to treat people badly at times, and teenage boys and girls have an excuse to make mistakes and see the opposite sex in bizarre ways!! A teenage boy is developing in his mind, and therefore won't ... (read in full...)
My longterm boyfriend wants to sleep with someone else but doesn't want to cheat. Is a threesome the answer?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 7 years, and we have both only been with each other during our relationship. He has suggested him sleeping with another woman, but not wanting to cheat on me, suggesting a three-some. His ex-wife ...
A. 29 September 2012: I don't think this is going to work out for you. Unless you are 100% sure that you want to do this, it's inevitable that you will get hurt. And, from your post, it's pretty clear that you don't really want to do it. I would also seriously question ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my husband that I'm pregnant with another man's baby?
Q. My husband and I have had alot of issues that we just cant seem to get over. 3 months ago I told him I was unhappy and didnt love him anymore and didnt want to be with him. we have 2 children together and he said to me if I left he would take the ...
A. 29 September 2012: I think that rather than prolong this, you should just tell him that you want a divorce instead. You clearly don't love him, and it would be entirely mad to stay in this marriage now.
For what it's worth, I would be very, very surprised if he coul... (read in full...)
Could my comforting her have started something?
Q. So there's this girl on my Cross Country team I really like. She's pretty quiet and never really initiates conversation, but she's really nice when you get her started. A couple weeks ago, she fell apart after a race (took a wrong turn, and she's ...
A. 29 September 2012: I think all that's happened is that you've developed a bit of a crush. There's not enough to suggest that she's suddenly changed. Still, you'll never really know the truth unless you talk to her, so why you don't go over to her when you see her ... (read in full...)
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