| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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I had an abortion two weeks ago and feel lonely and depressed ever since
Q. I had an abortion two weeks ago, and Im feeling so alone. I got pregnant by this boy I know, and when I told him all he said was get rid of it and I didn't hear off him after (still haven't to this day as he blocked me on Facebook and blo...
A. 28 August 2012: Hi.
First of all, you're not alone. At all. There are other people who have been through this, and have felt the way you do. I think you're right, in that you've been through something that has suddenly made you look at your life, and decide that... (read in full...)
How can I be less lonely?
Q. I have a serious problem of loneliness for two years,maybe more.I am 24 years old,all my friends (and old boyfriend)went to study abroad and gradually forgot about me.With my best friend haven't talked for a year since our vacation together,1 year ...
A. 27 August 2012: I think that it's the old cliched answer - that you need to go out, joint a club and make new friends. It's as if you're kind of stuck in the past with all these old friends, whereas you should be out there now making new ones.
Loneliness can be d... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is a serial cheater but I love him. Is it time to place my dignity above love?
Q. The first two time I caught my boyfriend cheating on me, he apologised and begged me not to leave. After two years, I feel that he's getting bored with me. I just caught him cheating on me again. I love him very much. Should I place my dignity obove ...
A. 27 August 2012: When he brings home a disease that he's caught from some other woman and gives it to you, or when he admits that he's got another woman pregnant, you'll regret every second that you didn't dump him.
That is why you need to dump him. For your own ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is a cheapskate with me but can spend the money on himself. I'm sick of it.
Q. My boyfriend is so, so cheap with me. Scenario: We don't usually ever go out to eat anymore. If we do, I'm the one who pays (he insists that I do) because he buys food for his apartment and shares it with me when I come over (even though he's rea...
A. 27 August 2012: Dump him. He's just not ready for a committed relationship with anything but himself. You deserve better than this.... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my boss who is also a friend of mine. What should I do?
Q. I'm seriously at breaking point and I just don't know what to do. A female friend of mine, who is 12 years my senior, got me a job working for her. It's a great job and it pays really well. The problem is I'm completely and totally in love with her, ...
A. 27 August 2012: The first thing you need to do is to find out how she feels, and see whether she wants to be with you. So just do as the co-workers say and go for it.
The second thing to do, just in case, is to make sure your CV and all that is up to date. Beca... (read in full...)
I want to ask a girl out that I've never even spoken to before, how do I approach this?
Q. So, at the moment I am researching in a chemical engineering lab at my university over the summer with one of the professors. Going great. Last week or so a girl was working in the lab space close to me on a different project. I reckon she is st...
A. 27 August 2012: You have your starting point - you 'reckon' that she's studying her PHD. So, next time you meet her, just say hi, and explain that you saw her doing something, and wondered what she was studying, and why. And listen to her. Hopefully she'll take ... (read in full...)
He wants me to change my title from Mrs to Ms. Should I, and how do I do it?
Q. My husband is very keen and really wants me to change my title from Mrs. to Ms. He says it is much more sexy. What do others think about this, as I am fairly OK with it, but not totally sure. How would I go about effecting this change? ...
A. 27 August 2012: I think that you can just start using it. But, to be honest, you should do what you want. If you want to be Mrs, then be Mrs. If you want to be Ms, be Ms.
It's your title, and your name. ... (read in full...)
My husband has been sneaky lately and I found a flavored condom in his pocket that he blamed on our son!
Q. Lately, my husband of 9 yrs. has been a little sneaky. he talks to all kinds of women, first of all he's a photographer OK. Now it's one particular friend that he tells her he loves her. Just recently, while I was doing laundry,a flavored condom ...
A. 23 August 2012: To blame your son for a condom?
I doubt your son is that stupid - clearly not as stupid as your husband. Dig deeper, he's hiding something.... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is always asking me to striptease on webcam, then gets mad when I give her what she wants.
Q. Hello. I'm very concerned about my girlfriend. She frequently asks for me to do a striptease for her on webcam on MSN. Yet, when I do, or I'm in the middle of the process, there's a change of heart, she panics, and gets angry. She then yells at me...
A. 19 August 2012: To be honest, it sounds like she's got problems. Not someone I'd waste my time on. ... (read in full...)
How do I answer this question? He's asked me to be his FWB.
Q. I've known this guy for 2 years, we're not best friends but we're good friends. I'll stop by and see him at work, or he'll do the same for me. But last night our mutual friend stranded us both, and we got to talk. In the meantime he said that he...
A. 19 August 2012: If you don't see a problem with it, that's fine. Except, you do have a problem - you want to keep it hidden.
Now, you must surely be aware that there' a good chance that it'll come out? Why exactly do you not want this to come out?
Also, it might... (read in full...)
He can't stay hard now. Is he losing his attraction to me?
Q. Hi Me and my boyf have been together for about 4 months and have been having sex for about 3 months. At first we were doing it a lot! Around 3 times every time we saw eachother! But recently we start having sex and his penis goes limp, its happened ...
A. 19 August 2012: If he's not feeling well, or if he's stressed, that might be the cause of them problem. You're not the problem at all. ... (read in full...)
Can I trust my lover not to tell my Bf? Or will my Bf find out the man I slept with recently is a player?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend since I was 14 (I am now 30) I have only slept with him and I have never cheated or thought about cheating before. I work with a lot of men and we get on while but lately I found my self flirting and then came the text...
A. 19 August 2012: You are going to get found out. It's inevitable. Either he'll say something, you'll slip up, or you'll get pregnant.
I think to be honest that you don't love your boyfriend. I think you're in denial about that. I think that he's just a safe opti... (read in full...)
Five dates and no chemistry? Are my dating expectations unrealistic? Any thoughts on what to do?
Q. I need help.I am a 50year old divorced women. I went through a horrible time with my divorce that took years of my life away from me. I have tried to put one foot in front of the other in the dating world. I did not have success with online dati...
A. 19 August 2012: Well you're clearly not invisible, otherwise guys wouldn't be hitting on you. I don't think at all that it's true that women become invisible after a certain age.
I think what does change is the way the people meet each other. Let's face fact... (read in full...)
If your boyfriend was going away for college and he was living with two girls, would you be paranoid?
Q. Hey Everyone, Okay, I'm going to get right to the point...if your boyfriend was going away for college and he was living with two girls, would you be mad/paranoid? Now if you're willing to read some of our background..here it is, otherwis...
A. 19 August 2012: Point 1 - Only he will know whether he will go with a girl whilst he is at college. No one can stop him, no one can change his mind, and if he sets out to do it, then that's it. So, in fact, him living with 2 girls is irrelevant, because he could be ... (read in full...)
How do I know if he sees marriage in our future?
Q. I just want tips about how to find out if my boyfriend has marriage in his future. I don't want to beat around the bush, I genuinely want to ask him. He's going to be 30 this year, and I'm much younger. I'm certainly not ready to tie the knot and I ...
A. 19 August 2012: It's good that you don't want to beat around the bush, because that's exactly what people need to do over issues like this.
Time you sat down with him, and just said that you'd like to talk about where he sees this relationship going.
Does ... (read in full...)
I want him to get a divorce so we can marry. Why does his wife keep trying to get his attention? I want her gone.
Q. im living with a man twice my age. yes he could be my daddy. but i love him. he works hard, cooks for me, cleans. and i dont have to work. the problem is is that his wife is still in the picture. she just wont get the hint, that he loves me and n...
A. 14 August 2012: I don't understand why he hasn't filed for divorce??... (read in full...)
I'm fed up with men!!
Q. I am seriously getting fed up now with men. I am 30, slim attractive and I do get a lot if male attention. Every guy I seem to meet it only seems to last a few months and then I think it's going well and they disappear. I don't chase after them but ...
A. 14 August 2012: I think you need to carefully look at the type of you like. Most people have a habit of picking the same type of person over and over again.
So if you're picking guys who treat you this way, then you need to ask yourself what you see in them.
Al... (read in full...)
I think he's the ONE. He's cheating on his Gf to be with me. But why the delay in breaking up with his GF?
Q. There's this guy. And he's cheating on his girlfriend.. with me. I'm the 'other girl.' I honestly love him and think he's the one. However, he told me he's thinking of breaking up with his girlfriend to be with me, but he hasn't. It kill...
A. 14 August 2012: A man who breaks up with his girlfriend before dating you is more likely to be the One than a man who cheats on his girlfriend and says he'll break up with her.
Your friends are right. This guy is just having a great time using you, and her, and ... (read in full...)
Preferably guys' opinions- Friendship between guys and girls, What do you think?
Q. I know a lot of experts on dearcupid.org think men normally don't befriend girls unless they want something more from the girls - either sex or romance. So what do you guys think about this?Do you agree that a lot of the time, guys and girls b...
A. 13 August 2012: As I've often said, I'm friends with girls that I don't fancy, and if they all fancy me I'll eat my own words!
I think that men can have platonic relationships with women, and vice versa. I don't always think that there needs to be 'something' betw... (read in full...)
He left me because I think he is scared of ruining our friendship, He would rather keep me as a friend, What can I do?
Q. I feel like my life is ending. I've loved one of my friends for a very long time. We finally got together but he ended it as he found someone else he liked and also he said he thought it'd gone too far and anymore we could reck our friendship. To be ...
A. 13 August 2012: I don't think there is anything you can do, because I think this is his way of letting you down as gently as he can.
I think it's most likely that he sees you only as a friend, and nothing more. You're right, if he was truly interested, he'g go f... (read in full...)
I want validation that he is not cheating on me! If I asked to see his phone would that be wrong?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been seeing each other since May, but lately I've had this gut feeling he is hiding stuff from me. He's been acting a little shady in my eyes. Yesterday I asked him if he was talking to any other females. I excepted a no, ...
A. 13 August 2012: If you can't trust him, seeing his phone won't make a difference. After all, he can so easily delete all the texts, or 'drop' it so it breaks or whatever. And what id he's not using his phone, and he's using his email. Will you want to see that too, ... (read in full...)
He has depression but is that any way to treat me? He's horrible and calls me nasty names.
Q. My partner is and has suffered from depression for years (way before i met him but i didnt know about it for a while after we met.) his temper lately has been awful and he swears at me and calls me horrible names. he has even told me he doesnt want ...
A. 13 August 2012: Walk away.
Depression is not an excuse to treat people this badly. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend forgot about his plans with me and hung out with his friend instead
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly three years and he is my first love. The other day he said I could see him after my work so on my break that day I phoned him to see if he was still okay with it. Turns out he didn't remember about it and w...
A. 13 August 2012: Has he done this before?
If not, and it's a one off, then you can afford to let it go, but explain that you were hurt and you don't expect him to cast you aside in the name of 'ignorance' again.
If he has done this before, then he's not mature e... (read in full...)
Should I be angry about this or just let it go?
Q. So, I really need some advice with this... My boyfriend left last week for... well, I don't wanna say "where" he went, but I'll just say that it's basically like he's a concert crewman. That's the only way I can describe it. He goes twice every ye...
A. 13 August 2012: I think you should sit down whilst he's away, and think about whether he's really the guy for you.
I am often suspicious when someone blames one person in a relationship for everything. There are times when you can pin blame - such as chea... (read in full...)
Why do people who claim to be happy still fantasize about others?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have sex 4 times a week, and I found out he had been using porn and pretended he was having with the women in the video sometimes, he claims he thought this was ok and that I would of been fine with it. I watched some porn mys...
A. 13 August 2012: In a nutshell, the human mind isn't designed to like only one person. Can you imagine if that was so? The world would run out of children just like that because we'd all be thinking of one person, most likely the so called 'one that got away'.
I... (read in full...)
I just found out my girflriend cheated on me three years ago
Q. Hey guys, I have a situation that im in dire need of some other people opinions. I have been with my girlfriend for about 3 years now. Today I found out that at the beginning of our relationship when we were "exclusive" she was having sex with oth...
A. 13 August 2012: My question to you is this: If she was doing it then so much, are you sure she's not doing it now?
See, to me, this girl just can't be trusted. When you two were together at the beginning, she was there dating other guys including her ex. To me, ... (read in full...)
Does he have an interest in me and should I just wait?
Q. sorry to bather you with my question. I will be happy if you will find time to answer me. i think about everything too much and now i try to do everything right but im bit lost. I met a guy, great in the beginning (4 weeks ago), we had ...
A. 13 August 2012: I think that he just wanted the sex. You've only known each other 4 weeks, and it seemed to move very quickly. After 1 week of him being distant, I'd probably say that all he really wanted was sex, and now he's moved on.
I think that it's wort... (read in full...)
My fiance cheated on me because he jumped to conclusions, please help!
Q. My fiance were supposed to get married april 2013. I was planning a surprise trip for his bday in october. I have a male friend who is a travel agent and since it was a surprise, went through him to buy the tickets book the hotel. I paid him cash ...
A. 12 August 2012: Dump him, dump him, DUMP HIM.
He was exceptionally cruel, and there's no way that I'd take someone like this back. Nothing will make up for this. ... (read in full...)
Do you think I'm being controlled?
Q. Hi My fiance is 22, I'm 19 and our relationship is great, been together for a just over a year but see....on one anniversary I broke up with him, we got back together but his friends told him to choose between me and them, he chose me, but see thin...
A. 12 August 2012: This is clearly an unhealthy relationship. You are being controlled, quite a lot, and I think you need to seriously think about moving on.
He clearly has some issues, and rather than dealing with them himself, is just blaming you. He made his deci... (read in full...)
Was I right to confront him about his lying?
Q. hi everyone, for a few months now i have been sure my partner has lied to me about a few things. i tried to let it go at first but the feeling and the way he has acted persisted. so after finding some evidence i confronted him. i only asked a ...
A. 12 August 2012: Yes. Always confront a liar when you have the evidence. You did the right thing. Someone who lies this much may not be worth the effort.
In your boyfriend's case, I think he's shown himself up to be a rotten apple. You've caught him lying, and you'... (read in full...)
He says that I am all he wants in a partner and he wants to settle down with me. So why no planning to make it happen? Am I over anxious?
Q. Hi I would just like some advice on how to figure out if my boyfriend is really meaning it when he says I am all he wants as a partner and he wants to spend the rest of our lives together. He says this a lot but even more if he's had a few drinks (...
A. 9 August 2012: I agree with Sageoldguy.
Your boyfriend could well just be saying all these things to keep you around and keep you thinking that it'll all happen soon. But at 3 years, there should be more concrete planning.
I think that you need to sit down... (read in full...)
A misunderstanding at the weekend. Should I get in touch with him??
Q. Is it ok for women to text guys these days or should we still play by these silly rules? I have been dating someone for about 2 months. We all went to a group music festival at the weekend and we hardly saw each other until the end when we trie...
A. 9 August 2012: Yes, I think you should get in touch with him. You won't know what happened if you don't talk. ... (read in full...)
He is generous but still has not said he loves me. Does he love me or not?
Q. Hi, I was always under the impression if a guy spends his money on you then his investing in a future. My boyfriend of 8.5 months is very generous. He books lovely holidays, hotels, takes me out to dinner etc but still hasn't said he loves m...
A. 9 August 2012: It's possible that it's guilt spending, or spending to keep you interested even though he's not.
I'd say though, that at 8.5 months, he should be feeling something. I'd also say that for him to outwardly say that he wasn't feeling love is also a ba... (read in full...)
I feel he doesn't care about me, anymore, and now he's just using me for his own pleasure.
Q. I have been married for 13 years... we have had or share of ups and downs. He has had PE and only got medication a few months ago. He helps me orgasm by other means. a month ago he woke me up at 2.00 am and aroused me and as i started responding ...
A. 26 July 2012: I wonder if the medication is having some sort of effect on him, and not totally in a good way.
... (read in full...)
How can I heal his heart?
Q. My bf's first gf i.e A broke his heart so he has been playing with the feelings of girls since then, A and i have become good friends and she told me she was the one who broke my guy's heart because she isn't in love with him but with someone and ...
A. 26 July 2012: You can't heal him. He has to do it himself.
To be honest though, are you sure she broke his heart as much as he'd like you to think? Because it doesn't sound like he has all that much respect for women if he's sleeping around and such. If he's... (read in full...)
What do you see into your soulmate's eyes?
Q. They say that if you look into someone's eyes and they are your soulmate. Then you can see all the next generations you'll create. I know its a figure of speach, so what do you see, how do you feel when you look into your loved one's eyes? ...
A. 24 July 2012: A very sweet, kind, caring woman. And, if I'm lucky, I see lust. ... (read in full...)
I want to go out and live a little, meet other guys, spend more time with my friends. Do I just tell him that? Or will that completely break his heart?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for 17 months now, but lately I don't feel the same around him. Most days, I don't even want to talk to him or see him. He just makes me mad all the time, tells me i'm doing everything wrong, and I just don't feel like ...
A. 24 July 2012: You need to end it entirely. Don't say that you want to meet other guys. Instead, just say that you're not ready for this level of commitment.
You know that this is over, and you're being mature in the way you're looking at it and dealing with it. ... (read in full...)
Is 11 inch height difference too much? People keep telling me she is too short for me.
Q. Hello, My height is 6'1½" inches, she is around 5'3" we have nearly 11 inch height difference. We have been together for half a year I have never thought of height difference as a problem. I'm OK with it. I love her and we are planning our futu...
A. 22 July 2012: I'm 6'2, and my girlfriend is 5'4. We've been together for 3 years, and it's never been a problem for us. ... (read in full...)
Have you ever lost interest with someone that you have a serious relationship with?
Q. I am very confused! Please help me understand my feelings! I think that I am horrible person, I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. Recently, he was very distant, for like 2 weeks. I would IM/text him and he would answer hours later,or I...
A. 22 July 2012: You're not a horrible person. At all.
But, I think what this shows is that your relationship has gone as far as it can. You'll always find that a relationship will have problems that need to be fixed, problems that need time, issues that need to b... (read in full...)
Why would a man not talk about his girlfriend and keep her a secret?
Q. I would like to know why a guy would not talk about his girlfriend around you. Ever. If you ask him a question about her, he will answer with one word, go silent and change the subject. He goes out of his way to tell you that he is alone on a Friday ...
A. 22 July 2012: Poor girl. She doesn't mean a thing to him, and it sounds like he's using her. He doesn't sound like a nice guy to be honest.... (read in full...)
Is it possible to go to a clinic to terminate this pregnancy?
Q. Scared to go to the doctors to ask for a abortion. I have just discovered I am a few wks pregnant. This is a massive mistake, I already have 3 kids and split with my partner 7 mths ago. We have 2 kids already and split up because he couldn't commit ...
A. 19 July 2012: If you are sure that's what you want to do, the best option is to go to the doctor. You can't take chances on your health in my opinion. ... (read in full...)
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