A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, My boyfriend doesn't have any contact with any of his family. I'm not sure why, I have tried to talk about it but he avoids the subject. The trouble is he makes comments and remarks when I speak to mine and I'm getting sick of it. I have asked him why he does this and if he expects me to cut my family off. I don't speak to my family excessively its every few days! Please help. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (11 April 2012):
Yes, I agree with the others. He clearly uses your family to cent his own feelings about his, and in a bizarre way he probably gets comfort when you're upset about what he's said.
This guy isn't relationship material. His own experiences have warped him, and rather than do something positive, he's continued the cycle with you.
Best bet is to move on from him.
A
female
reader, ToHereKnowsWhen +, writes (11 April 2012):
 For some reason, his relationship with his family has gone sour and I think that he is trying to convince himself that family is a disposable commodity. How does he do that? By degrading your relationship with your family. He needs to resolve his family issues in his own mind, but that isn't happening.
Since his relationship with his family isn't working, fine. Not all families are perfectly functional. The real problem as far as you're concerned is that he can't communicate that with you.
If he can't even talk to you about his family and at the very least own up to the fact that something has gone wrong with it, your relationship isn't very open. Where will this lead? Nowhere - fast.
Say goodbye.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2012): His resentment and jealousy of possessing you is evident. What he is doing is abusive. He is using a form of abuse that will,he hopes, wear you thin, or get an explosive reaction from you so eventually, he can isolate you from your family.
I'll tell him to get some individual counselling ASAP or dump him.
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (11 April 2012):
 Your family is not his family. But maybe he thinks all families are the same. Or he may be jealous of your family who are close to you.
Making comments is very unkind and his own insecurity means that he might be seeing your family as competition for your available affection.
Time he learned that you will always have unlimited love for the man you choose to spend your lifetime with – that may or may not be him. That is partner love.
And yet your will also have unlimited love for your family if you feel a deep and huge connection with your family (not everyone does, but thankfully you do) That is family love.
And when you have children (assuming that is what you want) then you will have unlimited love for your children. That is the love for your children.
Then there may be a pet who you love to bits. That is the love of a pet.
There are so many different passions and loves we have in our lives. It is not a finite pie where you give to one, so you have to take away from another love to provide the love for whoever you wish to love. It does not work like that.
Please explain that to him.
You will not be required to cut off your family. Remind him that that is not going to happen.
And guess what, one day you may even become a grandparent and you will have unbounded love for those beloved grandchildren too, no matter how many there are.
Maybe his own family are tough to love and tough to deal with. But he cannot tar all families with the same brush.
If he pushes too hard to try to cut off your family then I would suggest a re-think about him. It sounds abusive to want to cut you off from your family. It isolates you from additional support and that is never good. .
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (11 April 2012):
 "I have asked him why he does this and if he expects me to cut my family off." So what was his answer?
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