| Latest articles: Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 June 2011: Lately, there have been a lot of posts relating to relationships that are going wrong because of Emotional Abuse (EA). There are often obvious signs of abuse such as shouting, use of cruel words, lack of love/affection, use of guilt etc. However, ...
Understanding Teenagers.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 December 2010: We often see a lot of questions on Dear Cupid from parents trying to communicate or to make sense of their teenage children. I answered a question for a mother the other day, and was told that I should adapt it into an article (original thread ...
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He is upset I am going out on dates but he already has a girlfriend!!!!
Q. Can anyone tell me why a male friend who already has a girlfriend is getting upset by the fact that I am going out on dates? When I saw him on the weekend he hardly said a word to me after finding out I was going out to dinner with someone. Ther...
A. 12 June 2012: I don't even think you should bother talking to him. I know full well what he's thinking and why he's upset - he sees you as the spare just in case things go wrong elsewhere.
You're right, if he wanted you his girlfriend would have been dumped a lo... (read in full...)
I want to do these things but she's not keen... Is she holding me back and will this work?
Q. We live in a large town up North. My partner is a lecturer but is thinking about moving career over summer. We've been dating for 5 years and living together for almost 3. I'm in my early 30s and she's in her late 20s. I work from home and I'...
A. 12 June 2012: I've got a sneaking suspicion that deep down, your girlfriend is now looking for serious commitment - i.e. the ring on the finger and the possibility of starting a family. I'm not sure whether she and you have talked about this before, but if she ... (read in full...)
Do I meet up with my old flame? My husband has cheated on me repeatedly but I've never cheated on him
Q. I have been married for 18 yrs now. My husband has cheated on me more than 10 times (3 times with a family member, but I only count her as 1).He has not cheated the past 6 years. As you can imagine I have very little self asteem left. A couple of ...
A. 12 June 2012: I can't think of a worse position to be in that yours, where you're basically surrounded by people who hurt you. You've got a husband who's cheated, a family member who has cheated with your husband, and an old flame who is, himself, a cheat.
I... (read in full...)
I sometimes wish I could act out my sexual fantasies!
Q. I'm basically a "good girl"...always have been, but sometimes I wish I was a slut. I see so many of my friends randomly hook up with guys, have threesomes, have one night stands and all this other stuff and they seem like they're really living life ...
A. 10 June 2012: Of course it's not wrong. And don't think it's 'slutty' either. It's not. It's perfectly normal. Everyone in the world has fantasies. Some people act out on them, and often find themselves regretting it later in life (threesomes often come back to ... (read in full...)
I think he is being selfish and childish by not considering me!
Q. So, the other night my boyfriend and I broke up after a serious fight. I've had troubles with depression my whole life and sometimes they would affect our relationship, due to my self insecurities, I would sometimes doubt him and our entire ...
A. 10 June 2012: Hi OP.
First of all, well done for seeking help for the depression. That was the most important and the best thing you could have done for yourself. I've been in the depression club myself along with a friend, my mother, my brother and nume... (read in full...)
Should I tell my father that I lost my virginity?
Q. im 16 and i recently lost my v card to my bf (17) of 3 months. the thing is that i live with my dad and step mom and me and my dad have always been so close n i tell him everything! i feel so guilty for not telln him! and i know its stupid its just ...
A. 10 June 2012: Your Dad doesn't need to know this. He'll probably be aware of it anyway, since you do have a boyfriend and no doubt there will be a slight change in behaviour etc. But I don't think you need to tell him. It might make everything a little tense.
Y... (read in full...)
He keeps trying to change who I am, and kissed another girl ---
Q. My boyfriend is really nice and has been really good to me so far but the other week i found out he kissed another girl they've been friends for years so i pretended i didnt care but since then our relationship has been a little tense also he keeps ...
A. 10 June 2012: He's cheated. And he's trying to change you.
These are pretty much the two of the worst things that a man can do.
Don't accept cheating. Ever. If someone cheats on you, in all truth they're probably not worth your time.
More importantly,... (read in full...)
Do men sleep with women just for the sex?
Q. Will men really sleep with a girl if they don't fancy them? Not talking about beer goggles time when drunk. Stone cold sober, pre meditated chatting someone up in the expectation of having sex?...
A. 10 June 2012: I'm afraid there are men that do this, yes. Quite a lot. Sometimes you can see through them, other times it's harder. That's why you have to take your time getting to know a man. Over a longer period of time, you can judge someone more carefully. ... (read in full...)
BF doesn't want to come to my place on the weekends. What are some solutions?
Q. My BF and I's situation is that he lives at home and i live by myself. He does not like travelling down to my place every weekend. If i go to his, his mum and dad are there. (we are late 20's). For the two years of our relationship before i moved ...
A. 9 June 2012: I've been going out with my girlfriend for three years, and I always travelled to hers because it was just her at the house. I find it very odd that your boyfriend doesn't travel to see you. I appreciate that it is a lot of legwork, but after all ... (read in full...)
He just got out of a 7 year relationship and asked me to wait. I don't know what to do!
Q. I met this guy at work nice lookin seen before in the past where i work but really never spoke to one another, till we where ask to work at a different location for reconstruction of our kitchen at first he would just say good morning and gave him ...
A. 9 June 2012: I personally think that he's done the right thing in not starting a relationship with you straight away. What you don't want is to become a rebound to him. By asking you to wait rather than taking it further at this stage, he has perhaps saved you ... (read in full...)
Did I blow my chances by having sex on the fourth date?
Q. I need help, I have been dating this guy for a couple of weeks and I am interested in him, however on our fourth date we had sex and now I am worried that I have gone from the potential girlfriend to just the good time girl without a future. Afterw...
A. 9 June 2012: At the very least, he asked you to come with him for the ice cream! That#s better than him just walking out.
I think you'll be fine. There's nothing to suggest he won't continue to see you, there's nothing to suggest that you've become just a 'goo... (read in full...)
We met on facebook and he wants to have sex with me
Q. MODERATOR NOTE: TWO QUESTIONS COMBINED FROM SAME ASKER so im 16 and i know this guy from fb that i have been iming 4 bout a month now he is 23 and realy cute n he asked me out and wants to sleep with me but he said if i dont sleep with him then he ...
A. 9 June 2012: If the best this guy can do is tell you that unless you sleep with him, he doesn't want you, then he's a pretty dreadful guy.
I don't think you should go near him. He sounds cheap and classless. Don't ever let a guy treat you this way. ... (read in full...)
He lost interest, so I ended things. Will he miss me?
Q. So that guy I met on the internet over 6 months ago, ( we meet once ) has really really liked me but then he kinda seemed uninterested, (but we were still talking) in last few weeks so I said that I'm ending things with him as I'm tired of feeling ...
A. 7 June 2012: To be honest, if he's not answered, and if he'a already lost interest, then he's already at a stage where he's not missing you.
It's therefore unlikely that he will miss you now, I'm sorry to say.
For what it's worth though, you've done the righ... (read in full...)
Guy with girlfriend keeps trying to string me along!!! I am nobody's puppet!!
Q. HELP!!!! This guy friend has a girlfriend. BUT he keeps trying to string me along!!! I told him I have feelings for him. He told me he has a girlfriend. So that should be the end of it, right? NO!!!! He just keeps giving me hope and then he...
A. 7 June 2012: What happened to the strong woman who is attractive and has a lot going for her???
Because, at the moment, you aren't that woman. You're a woman who is allowing herself to be fooled by a guy with a girlfriend.
You know he has a girlfrie... (read in full...)
B/f has domestic charges and child endagerment against him. Should I be concerned?
Q. I have a new boyfriend that I have been dating for a few months now. He's really nice to me and treats me well. He recently told me that he has a domestic violence conviction. He tells me it was a male roommate who he got into a fight with. After he ...
A. 7 June 2012: I have a feeling you're being seriously lied to here. I'm not convinced that the Domestic charge relates to a male roommate, and clearly there was something wrong that there was another charge for child endangerment. Add that to the apparent ... (read in full...)
I've had 3 kids and b/f says I'm tight. Is he just saying that? I don't quite believe him
Q. I have 3 kids and I'm engaged to be married. I've been with my fiance for almost a year now and one thing he says really bother me when we have sex. He always says my vagina is really tight and how he loves having sex with me. His average size down ...
A. 7 June 2012: Not at all. He's clearly very happy with you, and I'm sure he means what he says.
Let this go, focus on having fun. ... (read in full...)
I walked out of the room, came back and my friend was having sex with the guy that I like!
Q. so there was this boy who liked me and i felt the same way but we never really acted on it.so recently i invited him over to my place and we ended up sleeping together.so later my bestfriend came over and we were just chilling when i went to get ...
A. 7 June 2012: Ditch the guy, ditch the friend. ... (read in full...)
In the six months since we have been dating he has never held my hand, let alone kissed me!
Q. Hi I really need advice. I have been dating a guy for 6 months and we haven't held hands or kissed or anything romantic yet. I am beginning to have doubts. He is 42 and I am a little bit younger. When I try to ask him about his previous jobs, ...
A. 7 June 2012: This may sound stupid, but are you sure he's not married?
Because he's either hiding a family, or he has some major emotional and personal issues that he's hiding.
Either way, you might well be better off letting this one go. After 6 months, ... (read in full...)
I am feeling really neglected by my boyfriend and I'm not sure whether I should cut my losses now, or whether there is anything I can do to change this situation because I do love him.
Q. Basically I am feeling really neglected by my boyfriend and I'm not sure whether I should cut my losses now, or whether there is anything I can do to change this situation because I do love him. I am 26 (he is 24 so maybe it's because he's younger?) ...
A. 7 June 2012: I'm 24, and my girlfriend is older than me. There's no way that I'd behave with her this way, and there's no way she'd accept it.
I'm sorry to say that you're going out with a guy who really, really isn't ready for commitment. He's really just a yo... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm ready for sex, but I'm insecure about my body. Should I wait?
Q. Okay, I'm sixteen years old and I know a lot of people are probably going to think I'm just a stupid little girl but here's the thing: I feel like I'm ready to have sex, but I'm not in a relationship of any sort and I'm really unhappy with my ...
A. 5 June 2012: My feeling is that you're not as ready as you think you are. I think that a lot of people think they're ready, but maybe sometimes are moving too fast.
The fact is, sex will involve you getting naked. If you aren't comfortable with that, or your... (read in full...)
My best friend got me pregnant, and my husband is threatening to leave. Should I keep the baby?
Q. I'm 30 years old and I have been married for nearly 7 years. I love my husband very much but I do believe you can love two people at once. I am also in love with my best friend- occasionally, when we hang out, we have sex. We know it is wrong and I ...
A. 5 June 2012: Your heart says you want the baby - so keep it. The price will be that you will lose your husband, but I think that's a smaller issue to be honest. You'll feel a whole lot worse if you have an abortion and you don't really want it.
Keep the baby... (read in full...)
Why didn't he do it before, but waited that I'm completely exhausted?
Q. My husband was for the last year really becoming more and more harsh with me. Few days ago we again had a small situation which caused great disturbance and we both were upset at the end. Then he went for a shower and came back and said that he...
A. 5 June 2012: I would say from what you've written that your boyfriend is manipulating situations and your emotions to suit himself. He waited until you were exhausted, because he now has your attention and you'll do what he says. The moment you start to get ... (read in full...)
I've told him I don't love him any more, but he breaks down and cries, I don't know what to do!
Q. I've met this man right after I ended my marriage of 22 years. He is 20 years older than me. He made me feel attractive again and helps me to put my life on track. We live in separate house. He has no children and live on his own. I live with ...
A. 5 June 2012: Yes you do know what to do. You wrote it yourself. You have to go. That pretty much sums it up really. Yes, he might feel alone, but this is a situation that he'll just have to deal with. You're not his mother, you're not his carer. He's a grown ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend cheated - What should I do?
Q. Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for 14 months and I've just found out that when he went to south africa in november for a month he kissed some girl who was friends with the family he was living with. I found out because he asked me to print so...
A. 31 May 2012: To be honest, when I saw that you were moving away, I thought your best option was to end it. He lied to you, he lied to her, she's been in contact and might be lying or telling the truth.
It just sounds like a mess to me, and if I were you I'd ... (read in full...)
We've been dating for 3 days and b/f already wants sex
Q. So my boyfriend and I have been dating since the 26th of May and he is already ready to have sex. He told me he didn't want to have sex and then leave me. He never lied to me before and we we're the best of friends before this. What should I do? I ...
A. 29 May 2012: 3 Days! Err, might he just be trying his luck, I wonder? As for telling you he didn't want to have sex and leave you, I think at this stage that might be what he has in mind.
I'd date him longer and make sure you know his motives. Don't give it a... (read in full...)
Guys, do you like it when your significant other makes noises in bed?
Q. I guess this is a question mostly for men, but female input would be appreciated too, especially what your partners think. Basically - guys, do you like it when your significant other makes noises in bed? I'm not talking porn star scale, but when...
A. 29 May 2012: Yes! Big turn on.... (read in full...)
I'm uneasy dating a man who has kids. I wouldn't be his 1st priority
Q. I have been dating a divorced 40 year old man for 6 weeks. He wants me to commit to him and he is desperately trying to sell the house that he shared with his ex so that he can move on. He has two children. I have never dated anyone with chil...
A. 28 May 2012: My advice is to leave. He's not the one for you, and never will be. ... (read in full...)
Can friends with benefits work ?
Q. Can Friends with benefits with an ex work ? Me and my ex started seeing each other last november. We did alot for the 2 months we was together. Met his family his friends he met mine. We all got along. He suffered with migraines and had ...
A. 28 May 2012: Not for you. And the fact you're here asking proves it. He just wants to have his way, and eventually you'll end up hurt. because you'll be waiting for something to 'hopefully come out of it' whilst he'll be out there finding the next one.
H... (read in full...)
What should I do? I apologized for making him angry
Q. I've been seeing a guy for a month or two. He was texting me some weird poetry. All I said was I hope you aren't faking it/ getting it from a book. As he's never said these things face to face to me. Then he cracked it and said its over. I ...
A. 28 May 2012: He dumped you because of that?
Red Flag.
Perhaps you should just move on. Either he's really that sensitive, or he's really that pathetic. Whatever the reason, he's way too edgy. ... (read in full...)
Problems with my next door neighbour, what should I do?
Q. Dear Cupids, I am having many issues with my next door neighbour. i seriously dont know what to do!! I am an army family and reported my neighbour for parking in front of my house on the grass. It is forbidden to park here, my grass is destro...
A. 28 May 2012: 1 - You don't make clear whether she/her husband is in the army too. If yes, then DO take it to the army as they will take this very seriously.
2 - If not, then call the police and report the son for assaulting your child. Also look into repo... (read in full...)
Still being judged for an affair 12 years later
Q. 12 yrs ago I had an affair with a married man which resulted in his divorcing his wife and leaving their 3 teenage children. A yr later he and I married and have been happily married ever since. His ex wife continues to call me an adulterer and has ...
A. 28 May 2012: I personally am not so keen on the fact that the mother told her children that their father had had an affair. I think more than anything that shows that she was more interested in just hurting her ex than caring for her kids, or Grandkids. As a ... (read in full...)
Would you date someone with scars from self-injury?
Q. Would you date someone with scars from self-injury? I recently went through a pretty rough period while I was far away from home at college, and I became so mentally worn that I resorted to cutting as a coping method. I know it's bad, and I kn...
A. 27 May 2012: One of the nicest girls I ever met had an accident with a glass window one that scared her on her cheek. And let me tell you, there was never a time where she didn't have an admirer.
I would say this:
Psychical scars matter a lot less to someone ... (read in full...)
I'm confused! what do men want in dating?
Q. Can someone help me out here, please! I'm divorced had been with my husband for 10 years and have been single for 18 months, not looking to get into anything that will suffocate me as my marriage did. I've dated two guys in the last 6 months, well ...
A. 27 May 2012: For what it's worth, I think you're fab. My girlfriend is divorced and independent, career minded and doesn't really want to do the whole 'marriage, moving in' etc etc. I respect that, and I love her, so I do know that there are men out there who ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't care about his education, what should I do?
Q. My bf and I have been together for almost 2 years now. He initially told me he'd gotten his high school diploma but then told me the truth that he dropped out at 15. He's asked me for help which I try to do by asking every once and a while when he ...
A. 23 May 2012: Time to walk away. You know it. I know it. It's not so much the lack of education, it's more the lack of motivation. Someone with no qualifications, but who is at least wiling to try is better than the guy you have.
Why settle for second best? I wo... (read in full...)
Whenever I have problems he calls them stupid. Is it wrong to want to talk?
Q. My boyfriend and I don't argue a lot, but when we do, it's BAD. And there is a routine to it that I've been having trouble dealing with. It goes a little something like this: 1) I tell him what I'm having a problem with/what I'm upset about 2...
A. 23 May 2012: You know those guys before him, who talked about the problem. They weren't too nice. They were the ones who are normal.
What you have is a guy who's emotionally inept, and who doesn't really care about any problem you have at all. He expects you ... (read in full...)
Can we survive this? Boyfriend refuses to live on a budget!
Q. My boyfriend and i seem to be on different planets. We have plans. But he refuses to live to a budget. And worse he has walked off several jobs. When this happens he ends up borr9owing from Mr. If we have very different ideas on budgeting is there...
A. 23 May 2012: I don't see this working. In today's world, you really do need to be with someone who understands money. It's not that money is the most important thing, but it's no good you being with a big spender who can't commit to work and lands himself in ... (read in full...)
Recovering alcoholic ex wants me back
Q. hi. i was with my ex for just over four years, we have a daughter together. we have been split up for nearly 7 months. he is a recovering alcoholic, and he is desperate to get back with me, thing is im scared wot if we get back together and he s...
A. 23 May 2012: In a nutshell, I don't think he's had nearly enough time to sort out his own problems. You are worried about him reverting to the drink, and rightfully so, because there's a good chance that at this stage he will.
At this stage, I would sugg... (read in full...)
When will my sister stop punishing me ?
Q. Please help! My sister who is my half sister treats me like dirt. She is close to our other sister is my full sister her half sister so well.I have always been there for her even through her divorce plus helped with her kids when asked. When I got ...
A. 23 May 2012: She won't ever stop. Why would she? It's like the relationship that my mother has with her mother (my grandmother). My grandmother just got a kick of out treating my mother badly - so my mother cut contact. Hence, problem went away.
The point is, ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend lied about his online female friend, so I blocked her on his account!
Q. Hey guys im kinda in a tough postion sorry for it being long. Iv been with my bf for a year and i found out by our mutual friend a couple months ago that my bf was sexting another girl. I gave him another chance but told him he better delete and ...
A. 12 May 2012: I think that when you have given him as many chances as you have (3!), and he's still lied, and you've actually had to block his account, then your relationship isn't working.
Do you really believe, after having lied to you so much, that he'll leav... (read in full...)
My boyfriend still sends his ex-wife a Mother's Day card and gift card!
Q. Good day all I need objective opinions please! BF still sends his ex wife a mothers day card and gift card despite divorcing him for a new man, who she resides with. She dumps their daughter on day care and her parents do its not like she is mom of ...
A. 10 May 2012: I think that you'll find he does it for his child. That's all. It's not like he's giving her a Valentine's card or anything like that. This is just a gift that reflects the fact she is the mother of his child.
Yes, she left him for another man,... (read in full...)
Why am I always in the wrong? And is my marriage over?
Q. Me and my wife are fighting again when it should all be rosy and happy and its getting to the point where ive had enough of trying my best to make her happy, she is never happy no matter what i do, she always something to complain about or be ...
A. 10 May 2012: Hmm. Tough one. I'd say that you need to issue an ultimatum at this stage. You seem to have put up with a lot, and it does come across that she is demanding. I'm sure there's a lot more you're telling us.
What actually makes this clearer is that... (read in full...)
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