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I'm uncomfortable with a group of his friends -- is it OK for me to speak up?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 March 2012) 3 Answers - (Newest, 29 March 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My bf has 2 groups of friend. One group is really nice and they;re nice to me and about me. The other are massive lads and are disrespectful about me asking personal questions about our sex life etc etc. My bf doesn't answer them but I hate the thought. My bf prefers his nicer group but occasionally goes out with the lads out of them peer pressuring him. He always ends up incredibly drunk when he's with them and the whole thing makes me incredibly uncomfortable. Am I allowed to tell my bf I am uncomfortable with him hanging with these boys?

View related questions: drunk, sex life

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2012):

Your boyfriend needs to grow up and make his own decisions. Peer pressure is an excuse when you are a wee teenager. It's unacceptable that he allows you to be mis-treated by these morons.

However, it's up to him who he chooses as friends so, although you have every right to speak up for yourself when in their company and tell them you object to their behaviour and comments, you cannot tell your boyfriend who he can or cannot see.

The best thing would be not to go out with your boyfriend when he's seeing these other guys.

Hopefully your boyfriend will develop the maturity and b*lls to make the right decision.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (29 March 2012):

Of course you're allowed to tell him you feel that way. If they don't treat you well, then you have every right to say something, and you have every right not to be around them.

What you don't have is the right to choose his friends for him. So, whilst I do think you should speak to him about this, you can't realistically go further and tell him to stop seeing them.

Also, peer pressure is no excuse.Your boyfriend makes his own decisions, they don't make them for him. So if your boyfriend allows you to be treated badly and behaves badly with them, then he chooses to do so.

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A female reader, lonleylover United States +, writes (29 March 2012):

i would tell him that your uncomfortable. my husband has friends that i dont like and i told him and he actually spoke to them about the problems i had with them and now they arent so bad and disrespectful. sometimes confronting the problem makes things better

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