A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was wondering, do you believe in the phrase "everything happens for a reason". I am finding it hard to believe at the moment. I applied for my dream job (a promotion), got an interview... Everything was going well. The panel knew me, gave me good feedback. But I didn't get the job. I spent a whole week preparing for this interview from every angle, and thought I'd be successful. But obviously my performance wasn't good enough. They gave the position to somebody who I consider is not a good worker (like I am), but someone who was "friendly" with the interviewer by personal association. I am the kind of person who goes to work to do their job, I socialize where appropriate, but I don't make it the most important thing. I never stab people in the back, or bad mouth people behind their back. The person they appointed on the other hand, loud, vulgar and will willingly talk about you / leave you out to look important. I just don't get it. I am a very hard worker.So if things happen for a reason, has this ever happened to you? That you were disappointed to begin with (not getting promoted), but maybe something happened for a reason? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, iloveblue  +, writes (23 November 2011):
 In my opinion, it depends.Okay, if someone meets an accident in the highway or a person's loved one died unexpectedly or a natural disaster swept a whole town...this is something none of us can control no matter how advanced we are as humans. I believe that these things happen for a reason. It will change a life or it will ruin it, it's a test.But interviews or job promotions, it also happens for a reason but that reason is something that people can control. However, cheer up it doesn't mean you were less of a person/employee than the one they chose. It's just that they have a reason why they chose him instead of you. Reasons such as experience, educational attainment, skills, personality has made them favor him. Or it is because he has been working in the company longer than you or that the position calls for someone who is loud or bossy. Take the case of my friend. She joined the company earlier than me and i was just hired coz they needed someone to replace her coworker urgently. I used to work in a neighboring office. We are bestfriends. A year later, one of our coworkers left a position higher than my post to join another company..guess who they put there as replacement? Me. I was speechless for a moment and thought of my friend. We were equally dedicated to our company and she was such a good coworker, I didn't want to hurt her. Our bosses didn't say why, they just said they think I could handle the position. Later I got a chance to ask and my boss told me, it could easily be her, but she is not qualified as the position asks for a degree holder. I am, she is not. Secondly, she was doing very well in her position, they want her to keep it. My position requires someone who could solve a case just through emailing other officials, her position needs to see people and talk to them in person. Not to mention she is prettier than me of which is a preference for her job. I have background related to my new job, she has a solid background in her current position.Until now, it remains a mystery to her why but I just change the topic whenever we talk about it...if she should know the reason why, it should come from our boss as I don't want to offend her. But it did not change our friendship, we are closer than ever.There could be a valid reason why they chose this person instead of you and it doesn't mean you are less than him. Don't ever think of that. Anyway, if he will not do well, then it will prove they made the wrong choice. And who knows they might choose you next. However, just think of it this way, if this has affected you so as it has demotivated you, you always have a choice to leave.Wish you all the best.
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female
reader, kirra07 +, writes (23 November 2011):
No, I believe that things happen for some reason or other, but usually not because there is some greater plan out there. I think it can be a good way of looking at things so that we appreciate what we have, but I believe things happen because they do. It's up to us to accept that they did happen and look for alternatives and make the best of things.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2011): This Life is about FREE AGENCY. So if we all have the power to chose for ourselves, how we will react and how we make decisions- we are also at the mercy of others Free Agency and the consequences of their actions and decisions as well.With this, we have to realize that we are all imperfect beings and we will all make mistakes. But also, we have within us such great capacity to do good, great, marvelous things. Even if it is just smiling at someone and being a friend to them in that moment- can have such a profound effect as giving another hope and support in their hour of need.We should come to realize that a part of this Earthly life, comes trials, hard times, dark patches, obstacles. We have opposition to help us learn and grown and become stronger, wiser. I think this would be one of those moments where it is just a disappointment but you can take this experience and learn and grow from it.We cant' always have everything fall into our laps. As I have discovered those who have a very 'easy' and 'blessed' life of not ever wanting for anything- tend to grow to be selfish, mindless, bored, unhappy as they aren't really growing emotionally as well as spiritually, mentally.And really, some people are better at being a kiss ass and corporations want such people because they are easier to be made into a puppet.You Stand For Something- You are a Threat. I see it as a compliment and who wants to work for such an employer at such a level where you have to kiss ass and sacrifice your standards and with it, a bit of your soul and happiness.Maybe you been spared when seen from that point of view?;)
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reader, mammaboo  +, writes (23 November 2011):
 This happened to me not so long ago and then i got something better.I never would of considered the option until it fell in my lap. Things do have away of happening when you least expect them. With every down side there is always an up side.You can analize the situation and people all you like the end result is about you. When you try to hard for something its because you are not altogether sure about it. By this a mean the smallest of insecurity. One that you may have to really think about. Usually this is the bigger issue.When you don,t try so hard and everything feels really comfortable with you this is when its rite,and thats the reason why things happen for a reason!
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reader, Abella +, writes (23 November 2011):
 I do not believe in, nor do I agree that “everything happens for a reason.”
The most important decisions people can make are those that ensure they act honorably and do not deliberately hurt another party nor act dishonestly.
Yet many will act dishonorably or deliberately hurt others or act dishonestly.
So many variables, that predicting accurately is near impossible, unless one knows all the parties involved very accurately.
It is always safer to expect change and work out ways to use the best bits of the changes and work around the things you cannot change.
Sometimes you will hear a reason that is also stretching the truth. And that "He/she came into your life for a reason. No it was sheer good luck, serendipity she he/she missed the bus that morning, and was late for school and then dropped all her homework. And then this lovely new boy reached down to pick up all her papers and looked into her eyes. But she never noticed him and now he is devastated.
Think of the pain and suffering to a child born in pain, and living with that pain for the first twelve months of their life, and then passing away before their first birthday. Show me anyone who would want to believe that anyone could HAVE a reason to subject a defenceless innocent little child to such pain and suffering? Because society would shun that decision maker as wicked and cruel.
"Everything happens for a reason?" Bunkum!
Tell me the reasoning behind killing a whole community with a landslide, and earthquake, a fire, a tsunami or a flood? The resulting destruction does not need a fatalistic "reason".
Instead it is a set of circumstances too big for any one person to control. A series of events and happenings occur in the weather, or due to human error, or because plates moved deep within the earth? Or a river broke it's banks. And Chaos was the result.
If you accept that the world is complex, multi faceted and has many levels of things happening at the same time. Seven billion people all with their own hopes, dreams, motivations and values and attitudes. And some act in contrary ways. Some are predictable. Some are prevented from doing what they think is the right decision. Some make the right decision by accident or in spite of their previous irrational decisions
it is a great pity that you lost out on this job. If your experience was better and your presentation and qualifications were better, then yes, you should have won.
This happened to me once so I set out to find out her background, experience, goals and motivations and her Qualifications.
And I purchased myself a copy of the legislation pertaining to the state and the area of work. Obtained the annual reports for the company form the previous five years (yes I wanted the job!)
Then I wrote out fifty possible questions they could ask. Researched each question and provided the answer. Then asked loved ones to ask me few questions at random.
Because I knew the guy who got the job was restless and would move on later. So I had faith that the job would come up again. And It did !!!!
So a year later I was ready. And I was pitted against people who had Acted in the job. But I still got the job
Any company or organization promoting people using Nepotism (favoring their own family over other better suited and better qualified candidates) or Patronage (favoring a friend or a member of a clique, club, group, school over better suited and better qualified candidates) is an organiszation or company not worth working for.
I believe in Chaos theory and I believe that Change will be inevitable throughout your life. But not “everything happens for a reason”. It is too fatalistic. It presupposes that people have no free will to address a problem. We do not just sit back on the deck chair watching the train speeding towards us. We can take action to actively deal with any situation the right way or the wrong way
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reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 November 2011):
 I heard this once: "God answers all our prayers...sometimes the answer is no"
and yes things seem to not be fair or right but I do believe that everything happens for a reason.....
as for the hiring of someone you think inappropriate, since you were a candidate I don't know that your interpretation is not biased.
There may be things you don't see or don't know that caused the promotion of one person over another...
and since you have no control over it.... and no recourse, for peace of mind you need to let it go as soon as you can.
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 November 2011):
 That's a good question and one that most religions and philosophies have been and still are struggling to answer ,without reaching a final consensus.
I think that I don't know if everything happens for a reason, but I know that every crisis is an opportunity. Life is a great , albeit often somewhat cryptic teacher, and we can learn new stuff from anything that happens to us , good or bad.
Failures and disappointments for instance suggest us a POSSIBLE new way to look at things." It did not work this way, I'll have to try another one." This often requires a shift of in our perceptions and thoughts.
Take your case for instance. You are a hard worker , but you have trouble accepting that it may not be enough to get you the job. Why ?. According to the context / environment , personality might be very important. In some places and works it's paramount that you are friendly, a good team player, even a good " schmoozer" , that you know how to " sell " yourself. What you see as being loud and aggressive, other people may see as being assertive and a go-getter , which is generally an asset in the working world.
Times have changed, society has changed, business has changed - in most cases it's not enough just being able to keep your nose on the grindstone.
Of course you can't change who you basically are, and you should not anyway. But, let's say you may be able to take a couple of hints from this episode, to try on something new for size ? Like, of course you don't make socializing on the job the MOST important thing, but what about making it a MORE important thing than it is now ? What's wrong with being social and able to establish quickly good relationships with people... ?
That's only an example of course, I am not trying to tell you how to live your life because I don't know you at all.
Just to say, toss and turn what happened, and you'll very probably find in it a message about making changes, hopefully for the better.
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reader, CaringGuy +, writes (23 November 2011):
I don't necessarily believe that things happen for a reason. What I do believe is that when something happens, whether good or bad, you usually find another opportunity elsewhere.
I myself lost my job a few years ago, set up my own business which didn't work out, got another job which I've now lost. None of that is exactly good news, as you can imagine.
But, that time has given me two opportunities to do other things that I really enjoy and would like to make a career of.
So, some might believe that the bad news happened for a reason, so that I could find the things I do really like. I prefer to believe that I've just made the most of a few opportunities that have come my way.
If you didn't get this promotion, use this time to look at your own life for other things that you might be able to do, look to learn from this. And, when another opportunity arises, you'll be ready to grab it and take control of it.
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